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About Sync

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    Fall down seven times. Get up eight.

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  1. Nah, Zoloft went directly from not doing anything at all to making my anxiety much better. I had terrible anxiety before medication though, for sure.
  2. Hi, yes. I had Wellbutrin added to my Zoloft a few months ago and am doing very well. You say you've been on it for 3 days? At three days in I definitely felt like I was on speed, lol. My pdoc said there was an immediate and a long-term effect, and the immediate effect for me was somewhere around days 3-6 on the meds. I was energetic as hell, couldn't calm down, insane insomnia, sweating like crazy, the works. That passed in a few days, I got depressed again, and then the long-term effect kicked in a few weeks later. We messed around with my dose a bit and I did have some pretty bad anxiety spikes and "speed" feelings while all that was getting sorted out, but once we settled on 150XL and stuck with it, it did calm down eventually. As of now I'm doing much better with both depression and anxiety with the addition. I have multiple major anxiety diagnoses in addition to the depression with my PTSD, so that's all hopefully pretty relevant to your question. My pdoc said it shouldn't help anxiety, but it's actually been very good for mine overall. Side effects have dropped to almost nothing. A bit of extra sweating and a muscle twitch or two. Hope that's all helpful.
  3. My pdoc added Wellbutrin to my Zoloft a few months ago. So far it's been an absolute miracle drug. I'm definitely crankier on it than I was on just the Zoloft, but it's not unmanageable and it's well worth it to be able to feel joy again. I haven't been on Wellbutrin by itself, so I unfortunately can't offer any experiences about crankiness on just Wellbutrin vs crankiness on Wellbutrin + AD. It does sound like it might be worth a try, though. Anhedonia, lack of motivation, and that sort of "flat" feeling are all things it's helped me enormously with.
  4. @tryp thanks, I've been trying a combination of mindfulness and radical acceptance with them, and it does seem to be helping a bit. Getting furious at them only seems to make them intensify. It is so completely maddening and I've been thinking about ERP mostly because it's an OCD symptom, so I've been furiously searching for a fear and/or trying to stop the thoughts with direct willpower and it's been completely counterproductive. DBT seems to be more the way.
  5. So, here's a funny one. I have repeating thoughts, pretty much all the time. Like I'll think a sentence, and then the sentence will repeat in my head some number of times. And then I'll think another one, and that one will repeat. It just happens, it's like I have no control over it at all. The funny thing is that it's not an obsession. There's no fear component at all. It's not even uncomfortable, just profoundly annoying. So there's nothing to attach my ERP methods to. I can't tolerate a fear I don't have. My pdoc said this was an OCD symptom, but I can't find any information on it. Is anyone familiar with this at all? I've mentioned it to my tdoc, but I'm not seeing an OCD specialist right now so he doesn't know much about this symptom. I'm hoping there's a meditative or therapeutic treatment for this particular symptom because so far my DBT and ERP skills are doing nothing. It really is annoying as all hell.
  6. Got prescribed an antibiotic with a warning for SJS and now I have a weird rash. Great.

    1. yarnandcats


      ooooh, did you get that checked out? SJS is a nasty thing!

    2. Sync


      Yeah, I basically went straight to my Drs office. She took me off the antibiotic and said it was nothing to really worry about, just to call her if it doesn't go away or gets worse. It seems to have gone away almost completely now, so it looks like I'm in the clear!

  7. tired of mental illness in media

    Jessica Jones is probably the most realistic and well-done depiction of PTSD I've ever seen. The entire series revolves around it, basically. It was frankly very hard for me to watch because it was so realistic. It kept setting off my own PTSD, lol. There was also an episode of Castle that really resonated with me at the time I saw it. The only real problem with it was that the character got like a "buck up!" speech at the end and got better, but I that's probably one of the limitations of the 45 minute episode format on network TV. There was a much longer character arc about the trauma she suffered to get PTSD and the plot of the episode was about her being subjected to a severe situational trigger, but it probably does qualify as a Very Special Episode because of how quickly she "got over it." But, the way they depicted it through the episode seemed very well-researched and realistic to me. The character's avoidance and hypervigilance were pretty pitch perfect, and there was a flashback that was one of the more realistic PTSD flashback depictions I've seen in media.
  8. My doc is really nice, but I still feel really embarrassed asking a question like that. I feel like my brain will blow anything she says out of proportion, too. She did tell me last time I saw her for an arm numbness thing that a real problem would be very dramatic instead of barely noticeable and I should watch for that. Probably something to incorporate with my other health anxieties tbh. I actually cancelled my physical this morning. I am due for one, but I wanna try and ERP this one out before I go. I think my increased OCD is a result of my new bupropion Rx but it's been miraculous for my depression so I really don't want to go off of it. Gonna try and see if I can handle it with therapeutic techniques. Pdoc did say she expected the increased OCD to go away with time, but just in case. Rocking some meditation and breathing exercises right now. Fingers crossed!
  9. I don't intentionally avoid non-MI friends but, come to think of it, most of my closest friends have one dx or another. I spose the mentally interesting are just more the types of people I can relate to. I'm probably lucky in that I can "pass" for a non-MI person who is just very odd. Nobody I work with knows I have MI (I'm very careful to keep that under wraps) although they know I have some mystery medical issue that I don't talk about due to all my dr. appointments and such. Friendships with people who don't know are necessarily shallow, though. MI and MI treatment are such a huge part of my life. I've definitely had non-MI friends who said really stupid, irresponsible, or cruel things about my MI symptoms and treatment. They're not my friends anymore. I think I've developed much less patience for such things as I've gotten a bit older. All my current non-MI friends are understanding and kind, even if they can't necessarily relate. They understand that they don't understand, if that makes sense. I don't have any trouble maintaining friendships with those sorts of non-MI people.
  10. @Twizzy thank you. That's actually really helpful. I think a rule of "subtle = ERP it out" is probably a really good one. I actually am due for a general physical anyway and my doc had a appt free tomorrow morning so I'll just get that taken care of then. My experience does mirror your own with not being able to convince myself to stop worrying by thinking about odds. It helps, but I can't use it to stop, you know? "It probably won't happen" doesn't curb the what if? The only therapeutic technique that's ever worked for me properly is ERP. Just sit and refuse to do the compulsion and be anxious as hell and feel like you're dying until it goes away. Ugh.
  11. 28. So really, very rare. I also don't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, a smoking history, or a family history of stroke. I've also never taken birth control pills. Thinking about that does help, but I still can't calm down entirely. I keep thinking about how Aubrey Plaza had a stroke at 20. And maybe MI meds increase risk of stroke or something? But like, I'd know, right? It wouldn't be an almost indiscernible difference in how one cheek feels vs the other, it'd be like I couldn't smile on both sides or I couldn't raise both arms to the same level or something.
  12. I'm dealing with an uptick in my OCD symptoms lately - particularly health obsessions. Right now I'm repeatedly checking that I have the same level of feeling in both sides of my face. I noticed something off about that yesterday and now I'm freaking out that I have a stroke or something. I always have trouble with this one, because if I am having a stroke or a TIA or something, I definitely need a doctor ASAP. But on the other hand, health anxieties are always like this. It's always big, life-altering diseases that I'm afraid of. And if I go to the Dr. every time, I'm just wasting Dr. time and not practicing my exposure and response prevention and letting my OCD get worse. And if I wait long enough, the obsession goes away. So my first instinct is to practice my ERP by just sitting in my fear until I feel better. But then it's hard to distinguish between a health anxiety and an actual symptom of stroke or whatever the fear-of-the-week is. I worry one of these times I'm going to ERP my way through an actual medical emergency and die because I can't tell the difference. OTOH, the symptoms I obsess over are always very subtle. Maybe I can just say that if I were having an actual stroke it wouldn't be subtle? Is that true? I'm also incredibly embarrassed every time I go to the Dr. and they tell me not to worry. My Dr. is very nice and knows I have OCD, but I still feel absolutely humiliated every time my MI is visibly symptomatic. Having the Dr. tell me not to worry always takes care of the obsession, but again it's not ERP. What to do?
  13. I recently had a tdoc accuse me of being lazy instead of depressed when I told her I didn't cook every meal I ate.
  14. Obvious disclaimer that we can't diagnose, we aren't doctors, etc etc. That said, what you're describing sounds pretty similar to some of my harm OCD symptoms. I have a lot of obsessions with my OCD about hurting someone and not realizing it. Pre-meds I used to keep being afraid I'd hit someone with my car and I'd drive round and round in circles looking. I'd finish a check, see nobody, and then go "oh no what if I missed them" and drive around in a loop again. I've also had obsessions about accidentally hurting people in a variety of other ways. It could. I've been known to repeatedly ask for reassurance from people as a compulsion. Compulsions could also be something like repeatedly going over an event in your mind trying to "check" for signs that <X> happened. Doesn't always have to be physical actions. There's also an OCD subtype that has obsessions but no compulsions.
  15. casual jokes about your MI

    The only jokes I've ever received about it were mean-spirited. So I didn't like those. I do generally enjoy banter/jokes at my own expense, though, so I think I would probably enjoy friendly ribbing about it. It's definitely a sensitive topic for me, though.