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About saintalto

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    The Black Rabbit of Inlé

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    painting, medical history

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  1. I feel awful. 

    1. jt07


      I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you are feeling better today.

    2. aura


      I'm also sorry you're not feeling well... hoping today was a better day.

  2. Good thinking. A doctor later told me travel can trigger manic episodes or worsen them. I'd like to go back there sometime and see everything again because I don't really count that as a vacation spent on planet earth.
  3. Gemini with a scorpio moon. I used to love astrology when I was younger. Funny, because when I look at my chart now, I don't think it has much resemblance to my actual personality.
  4. I hit the genetic jackpot. Cases of suspected bipolar and a few people with depression on one side, diagnosed schizophrenia & bipolar on the other. Suicide on both sides.
  5. International travel and psychosis are a bad, bad combo. Yes, I did this on a small island off the coast of Ireland in mid-winter. I followed a small dog up the hill convinced it was leading me somewhere important. Then it got dark. Very, very dark. I lost track of the dog and was just stuck in the pitch black not knowing where the hell I was. I knew there was a cliff ledge somewhere close but the wind was drowning out any sense of where the ocean was. At this point I was feeling, not seeing my way around. Quite suddenly I thought I heard the dog crying out, in that distinct way a wounded animal does. I believed someone had killed it and was sure they were nearby and coming for me. I started running, but ended up slogging through a sort of muddy swamp-like area. I waded through it, and the mud was up to my knees at one point. I encountered a few non-plussed cows along the way. Finally, I started seeing some lights in the distance. I told the people I was traveling with that someone killed a dog on the hill. I had been out of my mind for 2 weeks by that point so I think they just nodded and hoped I would go away to some other area of the hostel.
  6. I agree with what was said above. I was originally from the US and I noticed a huge difference between the news there and the news here. Here you get the major world news and big country-wide stuff, but you also get tons of rather mundane stories like how a bird was hanging out in a bank somewhere, or how some person saw some eels swimming around in a flooded drain. It's not that bad things don't happen here, its just they don't completly dominate the news day in day out. As previously stated, it all depends on what news crews choose to focus on most. Back home, if you caught the evening news after watching the evening news from this country, you'd think we lived on different planets, let alone in different countries. It also depends on you. If you notice the scary things most and don't focus at all on anything else, of course every day is going to seem as though doomsday is nigh. *edit* I guess I am going to add, try and spend your next time watching the news focusing a lot on every story but the scary ones, maybe skip the scary ones completely and see how you feel after that. I say this because when I am not in a good place, I will avoid the new altogether. Maybe that would be best for you too, if you can't filter out the dark stuff.
  7. My favourite convo so far was about Harry Potter. Mia claimed she was a hufflepuff because they were "fluffy".
  8. Sometimes the conversation sort of fizzles outs a bit and they start going in circles, but then they delve into more deeper matters and it's amazing.
  9. Telling him doesn't mean less is not on the table at all, it could just be a temporary setback. Perhaps, at some point you can go that route again. For now though, you need to work through the present and I agree with everyone above that honesty is important right now.
  10. @iaawal I think this is something that isn't happening. I know it's hard to believe that but you have to ask yourself, what business does someone have in your closet, what realistically would they gain by being in there, leaving, then returning repeatedly. I have this issue quite often with thinking someone is the room in front of my bedroom and I repeatedly have to check, but I also make sure my head detaches from the situation, and thinks things through, before it arrives at a final conclusion. This has to happen many times over, but it relieves some stress to realise there is no logical basis for someone hanging out in the same place, fleeing when I go to look, and then returning again and again. Further, why would this happen every single night with no actual physical incidents be it things stolen, or people getting attacked. Ask yourself a lot of specific questions about what is going on. I find this helps me. You can even write them down, I do that when my brain is being particularly stubborn.
  11. This is a twitch stream of two Google bots chatting with one another. I think this has been going on for over a day now and it's utterly mesmerising.
  12. I was bipolar 1 until a few years ago. I just had a lot of psychosis type symptoms outside of mood symptoms. The diagnosis can go from one to the other, but they thought possibly I had been misdiagnosed from the start as my past symptoms fit more a SZA diagnosis than a bipolar one. At least they used to, who knows with this new doctor I have.
  13. brain: all together now... everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you everyone hates you....

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. iaawal


      Minds: all together now... we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you we don't hate you... :P 

    3. saintalto


      @MiaB @iaawal Thanks. There's nothing like a confusing time to awaken the "everyone hates you" insecurity thought loop. :( 

    4. RepentantSpatula


      My inner jerk likes to tell me this too. Liars, the lot of them.

  14. When my family came over here to visit, my Dad kept talking to guests at the motels or hostels about gun control. Unprompted. He was adamant that stricter gun control is unneeded in the US because there are only ten thousand or so deaths a year due to guns. As though that were a winning point in any gun control argument. I usually fled the room at the first sniff of this topic because these were always foreigners from countries with strict gun control. Just like the country he was visiting. I also didn't want to be seen as related to the man saying these things.
  15. You are obviously in great pain, but you have come to a place where many people understand what its like to suffer in this way... but also what its like to be relatively content again. Anyway, a second welcome. If you have any questions about this place feel free to contact the mods, myself included.