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About saintalto

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    The Black Rabbit of Inlé

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    painting, medical history

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  1. I feel awful. 

    1. jt07


      I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope you are feeling better today.

    2. aura


      I'm also sorry you're not feeling well... hoping today was a better day.

  2. Nancy, or Pants as we call her, has sort of stabilised. We were very certain at Christmas that she wouldn't make the new year. She seemed lethargic, confused, and wasn't eating. She hasn't recovered per say. She is very thin and growing thinner, she also can't meow or purr any longer. Instead, she snorts and wheezes the day away. At least she can sleep again, though. We have given her the nickname "Snortle" because you can hear her coming from two rooms away. I guess I can say she seems content in a sort of grumpy old lady way. Even so, I don't think she has particularly long. We'll see the vet in a week and they might do another X-Ray to see if the weeping and runny nose are being caused by a tumour. The infection element has seemingly cleared up, because the discharge is clear again. Anyway, we'll keep her going as long as she seems happy and she seems relatively happy right now. She hates her pills, but the vet taught us how to do it a bit more peaceably. Sort of. Anyway, here she is looking bright eyed again...
  3. When I read this, "Everything's coming up Milhouse!" popped into my head.
  4. Good thinking. A doctor later told me travel can trigger manic episodes or worsen them. I'd like to go back there sometime and see everything again because I don't really count that as a vacation spent on planet earth.
  5. Gemini with a scorpio moon. I used to love astrology when I was younger. Funny, because when I look at my chart now, I don't think it has much resemblance to my actual personality.
  6. I hit the genetic jackpot. Cases of suspected bipolar and a few people with depression on one side, diagnosed schizophrenia & bipolar on the other. Suicide on both sides.
  7. International travel and psychosis are a bad, bad combo. Yes, I did this on a small island off the coast of Ireland in mid-winter. I followed a small dog up the hill convinced it was leading me somewhere important. Then it got dark. Very, very dark. I lost track of the dog and was just stuck in the pitch black not knowing where the hell I was. I knew there was a cliff ledge somewhere close but the wind was drowning out any sense of where the ocean was. At this point I was feeling, not seeing my way around. Quite suddenly I thought I heard the dog crying out, in that distinct way a wounded animal does. I believed someone had killed it and was sure they were nearby and coming for me. I started running, but ended up slogging through a sort of muddy swamp-like area. I waded through it, and the mud was up to my knees at one point. I encountered a few non-plussed cows along the way. Finally, I started seeing some lights in the distance. I told the people I was traveling with that someone killed a dog on the hill. I had been out of my mind for 2 weeks by that point so I think they just nodded and hoped I would go away to some other area of the hostel.
  8. I know the traffic thing, I always know things are bad when I'm focussed on the traffic. I'm sorry it is like that for you right now. We all value you here very much and if getting away from family is what you needed to function, even if its just a little bit, then you can't feel that is selfish. You have as much right to living out your life as best you can as they do. When I was a kid we had a kitty who only peed on the floor and in the bathtub. My mom and I adored her, though, so we just did what we could to clean the messes up and try and encourage the bathtub when we could. Poor thing wouldn't use a litter box, she came to us already declawed and it really messed her up behaviourally. Still, we loved her anyway. I do understand people not wanting to put up with it on some level, but its also not the cat's fault. You just need patient animal people to be able to look beyond it. You are one of those people, and if you think about it, there will probably be other misunderstood kitties in the future who will need a good mom like you. Oh, also. I went to grad school and it took 3 times the usual length of the degree to finish, but it happened. Don't feel discouraged, perhaps the time isn't right at the moment, but that won't always be the case.
  9. I can really identify with this. I have to be in nice clothes before I go out. Sometimes that can mean they only smell okay and look okay, but mostly I can keep at least some clean clothes on hand when I need them. It helps I have scrappy at-home-clothes I can reuse constantly so the nice, clean clothes aren't touched. Funny thing, because I always dress presentably, my pdoc and tdoc assume it means I'm doing well.
  10. @aura I will have a plane ticket that allows me to change the return date. It's going to be massively expensive, but also very necessary. I guess my big worry is if I start getting psychosis issues abroad, that is hard enough, but what about being on a plane for 14 hours? That and having to move through international airports and customs... yikes.
  11. Do you have anything PRN for anxiety? I was prescribed small doses of quetiapine as needed for anxiety. It really helped me with Uni. It also helped dull the paranoia that I get when I'm around people and in a public place.
  12. Something Unhappy.. My mind doesn't know how to deal with what's going on. Most times I am normal. Then, out of nowhere, I feel like smashing everything in the room until I am suddenly normal again. This worries me when I think about my trip home. How am I supposed to go overseas and cope in a place where I have no support and no insurance to obtain any? I also told my husband that if my dad is weak and helpless in a hospital setting, then do not leave me in that room alone. The voice inside that usually calls for me to stop being such a spoiled brat, it's out of order for the foreseeable future. I really don't care at the moment, so I can't promise that my actions won't be strange or disturbing. I do not make these judgements lightly. My dad had nothing in him to offer my mother kindness and patience as she was dying. He canceled her insurance while she was sick with ovarian cancer, and then left her with medicare alone (while keeping his own healthcare plan of course). He wouldn't buy the foods that oncologist suggested because it was always too expensive (this happening shortly after his inheritance of 500k). Here is a man who yelled at her when she was confused and difficult (after the cancer spread to her brain), and now I am supposed to comfort him. I am supposed to sit by him when he dies... Why do I owe this man anything? Why should he not be dumped in the cheapest possible nursing home, somewhere where he can stew in his own piss day after day. I do only this for my Uncle, for the kindness he has always shown me, and because I love him. But dear god is it going to require some restraint. -- Something not unhappy... this is a loose rendering of my cat Lauren:
  13. Tonight's offerings.

    When will you stop growing? I think it's best if you stay inside.
  14. I agree with what was said above. I was originally from the US and I noticed a huge difference between the news there and the news here. Here you get the major world news and big country-wide stuff, but you also get tons of rather mundane stories like how a bird was hanging out in a bank somewhere, or how some person saw some eels swimming around in a flooded drain. It's not that bad things don't happen here, its just they don't completly dominate the news day in day out. As previously stated, it all depends on what news crews choose to focus on most. Back home, if you caught the evening news after watching the evening news from this country, you'd think we lived on different planets, let alone in different countries. It also depends on you. If you notice the scary things most and don't focus at all on anything else, of course every day is going to seem as though doomsday is nigh. *edit* I guess I am going to add, try and spend your next time watching the news focusing a lot on every story but the scary ones, maybe skip the scary ones completely and see how you feel after that. I say this because when I am not in a good place, I will avoid the new altogether. Maybe that would be best for you too, if you can't filter out the dark stuff.
  15. I am sorry to hear your OCD is so bad. I don't really know anything about it so I have no advice, just sending good thoughts that you find a way to tackle it soon.