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About saintalto

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    The Black Rabbit of Inlé

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    painting, medical history

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  1. @Juniper29 Mentally I’m improving. I just am hoping it’s not a repeat of my short string of improved days on 150mg of Wellbutrin that ended quite abruptly. Thanks for asking.
  2. What album best describes your MI?

    I usually listen only to baroque or medieval music but there’s this one album I listen to when I’m manic or psychotic (or both) that is just so bizarre it totally speaks to my head when I’m in that place: Showtunes by Stephen Merritt. If you listen to the words underneath the cheer of the music it would probably put even the most tortured, twisted lyrics of any band ever to shame. And it’s eniterely about fairytales and love. So there you go.
  3. Nowadays I spend most my time symptomatic enough I can’t work or do much, but not sick enough so to require hospitalisation. If I keep it low stress I can function day to day. I get a few months here or there where I am near symptom free sometimes, usually after a medication change. When I was younger I had proper remissions where I could go longer periods without serious symptoms. The most recent longish remission I had was 6 months and that was in 2014. I think things have gotten worse for me as I’ve gotten older. Remissions are shorter and fewer, relapses are longer and more serious, and my day to day life is very limited.
  4. It’s happening tonight at 6. Poor Loaf took a turn for the worse today. 

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. aura


      I'm so sorry this is happening. You're doing the right thing.

    3. Wonderful.Cheese


      I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts. 

    4. saintalto


      Thank you for all your lovely words. 

  5. There is a reason we are secretive. I can understand telling a potential partner about it because I need to know if that relationship is ever going to be anything or if the person is going to bolt. But I have had very damaging experiences being very open about my mental health. At first I really was and it bit me in the ass. I found that family wasn’t particularly supportive. I found that friends I valued ran the other way, and I found that coworkers started distancing themselves from me. At University I found that even in graduate school, I faced poor treatment from my professors. I was told no one wanted to know I was ill or how it affected my work when I asked to write about its Influence. This is not on us.
  6. I guess I just didn’t want to grow emotionally attached to someone who could very well reject me. I wanted it all out there at the start so I knew for certain whether the relationship would have a future or not. We’ve been married 12 years now.
  7. I told my husband pretty much immediately. He appreciates that I did because he always says when I get paranoid about him leaving me (common when I’m ill), that he knew what he was getting into from the start so there’s no reason he’d leave now.
  8. Warning though, going off seroquel can make you slightly manic at first. I went off seroquel recently (800mg having been on it for over 15 years) and as I lowered the dosage, the doctor warned me I might feel slightly manic at first. Spring in your step could be more than just you feeling better off seroquel.
  9. I’m crossing my fingers for you. I’m currently waiting for a medication to kick in myself.
  10. I’m okay... I think?

    It had a terrible relationship with my dad and when he finally died the day after Christmas this year, the only form of grief I experienced was relief mixed with waves of anger. Sometimes I still find myself referring to him as though he’s still alive. If this is a relief for you, that’s okay, it’s okay not to cry and express the classic symptoms of loss when the person lost was a great burden.
  11. Depakote expierences

    It worked but it flattened me to an uncomfortable point. I much prefer lithium.
  12. @Wonderful.Cheese Zyprexa and abilify won’t make you lactate. I was put on abilify after my first stint with risperdone made me lactate and the doctor told me abilify wouldn’t. Then they tried me on risperdone again and after that I was again taken off it and since have been put on zyprexa because it has a low risk for raising prolactin. Also I’m not sure about losing periods, it might have something to do with lactation in some cases, but I lactated for about a year on risperdone without menstruation issues (I didn’t want the stress of changing meds as it was working there for awhile). You would also know if you were having a lactation issue because it’s pretty gross to deal with and obvious because of that. :/
  13. I’m okay, I’m just saying it sounds like a scary condition. I know I don’t have it because my blood tests show the prolactin levels going down..
  14. No, this is the first I’ve heard of it. Sounds scary. :/
  15. I was on risperdone and have been off it for 8 months now and my prolactin levels are still slightly high (though going down ever so slowly). I cannot take invega or any other medication that causes lactation now. I hope your levels go down and isn’t something more serious.