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About Broken_Pieces

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    Dissociative Identity Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Borde

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    West Coast USA

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  1. Lonely?

    Thanks, I kinda feel like I posted too much though. I got this weird urge thing that came over me and it was almost like a panic attack in ways. So, I very impulsively and kinda uncontrolablly started spilling secrets and personal details like I suddenly needed people to know but now I am thinking whats wrong with me for doing that and i dont know what to do. I kinda want to hide.
  2. Have you tried keeping a journal to see if you can find any commonalities in the times you get urges? If you could find a patteren it might help. Sometimes we don't see these patterns until we take the time and focus enough to write about it.
  3. Do your family members know about your self harm?

    My father never knew. My mother found out when I was a teen and she told me it was stupid and I should stop to which I replied that I would and it was never brought up again. No one else in my family has ever found out. All the friends I've ever had knew because I feel like friends are people who should know the whole truth. If they aren't trusted that much they shouldn't be friends. Thats just me. Some reacted with support and others said they couldn''t handle it.
  4. I hate my stupid brain.

    No problem, Im glad you are doing a little better in some respects. I know its really hard to force yourself to eat when you have no appetite but thats really good that you are doing it anyway. I hope things get easier for you soon.
  5. Why wont anyone acknowledge me? No one notices I'm even here. Why won't you talk to me?

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Broken_Pieces


      Thanks everyone, I think I'm losing it because of so much time isolated. I never see people or even get to hear a voice. Like Cerberus said, without that feedback I am questioning my existence and if I matter.

    3. EyeMindBeingGrim


      I see you there, Broken_Pieces, and I think you matter, too.

    4. Broken_Pieces
  6. Lonely?

    We do have a lot of conflict yes. It seems like we are just so different from each other. I do get along with a few people but they are far away, more than normal, right now. I'm glad to hear you have friends now. I wouldn't wish loneliness on anyone. Friends are important. As for hobbies, I have never found one the brings me any pleasure. They are quickly turn to chores. I wish it weren't like that.
  7. Sorrow came floating down like silents snowflakes, covering my world in its icy veil. No piece of me was left untouched by its presence. All that I tasted of life now was salted with with a thousand tears.

  8. Perhaps that day I got lost in your eyes I never found my way out. Maybe that is where I still am....it just feels so dark and lonely because this place became a hell of sorts upon your own decent. Trapped inside you, you have taken me with you into the dark.

  9. I poured myself out into your hand, trusting you to keep me safely contained. But you let me slip through your fingers. Will I never see the end of this fall?

  10. I feel jealous of people who have it together all the time too. I would love to have just one day in their shoes just to know what its like to really be okay. So, I understand, for whatever thats worth. i think you are worth much more than you think though. I agree with MacadamiaNut. All human life is precious and beautiful in its own way. I too wish you the best.
  11. No--wait, fuck me now!

    ^^ Totally agree with above!! I can remember the first time someone did that for me. It blew my mind and made me cry and felt good and meant so much. Still any time someone does that for me it means the world to me. I never had that validation as a child so i never want to take it for granted.
  12. I am not sure if I am onboard because I have never sucked giant donkey balls personally so I have no point of reference ....But using my most vivid imagination...yes that's about what depression's like yep..... I don't get those days where I feel pleasure again anymore, but I still kinda remember. The memory is fading though and it scares me.
  13. Don't listen to anything I say as fact or take it to heart because I'm no doctor!! Having said that I bring this up only as a thought you might inquire about with your doc....the way you described your experience reminds me of what I have read about Cyclothymic disorder. I don't hear that term used much but my understanding of it, which could be wrong, is that it is a mood disorder similar to Bipolar disorder in that there are highs, lows, and a baseline but it is less intense than Bipolar disorder and the swings can be short in duration like you describe. So instead of full blown manic you get hypomanic but are quite functional still and instead of cripling depression you get severe depression but can still, for the most part, hold your life together, ect. I dont know, am I understanding it right? Anyway, whether I'm right about how it works or not, it wouldn't hurt anything to inquire about it with your doc or pdoc. Also, just wanted to let you know, I'm on Abilify which is a moodstabilizer and an antipsychotic and it doesn't dope me up at all. Some do some dont. It is said to be good for treatment resistent depression too, but it doesn't work for everyone. Just saying, they aren't all bad and makein people zombies.
  14. You remind me of someone else I know and what they are going through....she is depressed and has a lot of emotional/mental stuff she is going through, anxiety, paranoia, ect, but the part that caught my attention is that she also is having the physical problems. She has trouble with nausea in response to many types of food, aches and pains in her legs mostly but sometimes everywhere, fatigue, itching skin, joint soreness, flu-like symptoms, all kinds of random alternating things. She has been tested for everything imaginable! Urine tests, blood tests, vitamin/mineral levels, hormone levels, auto-immune deseases, stds, I mean everything! The doctors ran out of ideas and began calling it hypochondria or psychosomatic. She is left still searching for answers so you are not alone. If she finds an answer I will let you know and if you find one will you tell me so that I can help her too?
  15. I think it sounds like you have done a very good job of explaining actually. Sadly, to some degree, it is just not possible to fully get it without having felt it. We, wouldn't wish it on them but without that they can only get a vauge intellectual grasp. You can help him get that intellectual grasp by reminding him that it is physical over and over until his mind accepts it. I think people need this because they are taught growing up that depression is the same as being sad and sad is caused from a bad experience. In order to re-write that incorrect view we have to gently remind them as many times as their old view was re-enforced, repeatedly helping them by explaining that depression is not the same as sad and it differs .....fill in blank.....and is not caused by a bad experience but by.....fill in blank. In time he will re-write and develop a new intellectual view but still will never relate. I have come to realize that people can't truly understand until they feel it even more recently. I have always been mentally ill so I thought I can relate to others pretty well. I may not have experienced every disorder but I have felt enough intense emotion and mental chaos to be able to put myself in their shoes I thought. For the most part I think I am really pretty good at empathizing, but I was in for a shock anyway. I have known many people with Bipolar disorder but I myself don't have it. I have major depressive disorder so i can relate to the depressions but I had never had a manic episode and could only relate it to bits and pieces that I felt in common due to my other disorders. Though I was very understanding and got it as well as anyone could without being bipolar, there was still a piece of understanding missing. Then I went through a med change that wasn't right for me and it caused a manic episode. Holy Shit was feeling it and experiencing it a million times different than just understanding it!! I was really shocked. That made me realize how it is for "normal" people when they try to relate to the mentally ill. There is just no way no matter how bad you want to or how hard you try, the best you'll get is an intellectual grasp.