electricbamboo

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About electricbamboo

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  1. I don't like feeling scared
  2. My husband told me that it wasn't true, but felt true! I feel a little ok to lay down now since I feel like it won't happen when the sun is out I also went out to smoke a cig last night but had to bring a knife with me because I felt like there was something burrowing I our back yard that was going to get me
  3. So couldn't sleep because if I did go to sleep snakes were going to come up through the toilet and kill my husband and I and our animals. Keeping vigilant
  4. i get it, my meds have caused me to gain weight. fine. i've become ok with that, especially since i'm otherwise pretty healthy (aside from having bipolar)...till yesterday. was at a party and this woman told me to 'make sure to know where the bathroom is, especially in my condition" SHE THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT WTF.
  5. HI! So i've been riding a pretty high wave (wheeeeeeeeeee! NOT!) and saw my pdoc yesterday and we are weaning me off saphris and slowly introducing risperdal. I know that it can cause weight gain, and increased prolactin. but for those of you that have been on it has it helped? Worth it? I'm all about it right now because of my symptoms and a bonus is that whereas saphris was costing me $80/month copay, risperdal is going to be $2/ month! I start it tonight, because pharmacy didn't have it in stock for yesterday so i should be picking it up this afternoon.
  6. i have zyprexa PRN for mania, it works pretty well when i recognize i'm becoming manic and take it. knocks it out pretty quickly
  7. SUNNY!
  8. YES it is sooooooo exciting to start a new project! like THE RUUSH OF IT IS EXHILARATING! and i should probably stop messaging everyone i know seeing if they want me to knit them a thing...i just can't help myself! next up SOCKS!! I have a pdoc appointment on friday, she's always booked up solid so idk if i can get in sooner than that but if i get out of control i will rely on my husband to spot it and take me to the hospital!
  9. is this a thing? before i started feeling high, i had a nasty day long headache - dull pain behind my eye...then baM! wheee! just wondering if anyone gets this before an episode? i also seem to get really itchy before mania? like bug crawly feeling all over my body...i don't know if its related or not...
  10. I like your point of view!!!!!!!
  11. yeah, i am not finding any luck, i keep jumping between everything that pops into my mind and that's A LOT right now! SIGH well i'll have a lot of half finished things to look at when i finally come down!
  12. SOOOOOOOOOOO i think i am getting manic (you think i'd know by now!) waking up earlier and earlier and going to bed later and not feeling tired at all! on top of that i can't stop starting projects, especially knitting projects. Right now i am working on a shawl, a dish towel, another dish cloth, a hat and THREE GIANT BAGS. well actually four...i keep promising to make people stuff because i just can't help myself. it all feels soooooooooooo urgent too. and i keep wanting to do MORE THINGS. like paint, make jewelry, COOK ALL THE THINGS, write just more and more ideas keep coming and i can't stop and do just one! my question is; is it even possible to focus on any one thing when manic? i never have been able to. is there some trick? am i fooling myself by thinking i can focus and be productive on a single thing at a time without jumping to a new, seemingly more urgent endeavor?
  13. for me, the beginnings are sometimes 'fun' - i am energetic, outgoing, wanting to do ALL the things...then it gets weird and uncomfortable. i can't stop my mind from racing, i get irritable that people can't 'keep up', i get delusional. i'd rather forego the 'fun' beginning stages to avoid mania alltogether.
  14. i've started and re-started this post like 32423 times...don't really know why i'm posting this but here goes i find myself slipping back into a depressive episode. everyday is a struggle and honestly, though i'm not actively suicidal, i wish every morning that i wouldn't have woken up. it's so hard to find even the strength/purpose of making myself eat. i have no interest in doing anything other than laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling; hard for me to even watch tv. i try forcing myself to do things but that doesn't work out or i get angry and frustrated with the thing i'm trying to do and quit. on top of that my anxiety has been running rampant and the med i have for it isn't really helping. i know i need to talk to my pdoc, and i will, but i just don't feel like she cares. no one cares or understands. my husband, bless him, has to deal with this all day everyday since he works from home. it's hard to talk to him about how i'm feeling because i feel like it hurts him that he can't help. when he asks me what's wrong i have no answer and when he asks what he can do to help i just want to cry because i don't know. anywho. guess i just wanted to put what i'm going through out there and see what you guys say. i don't know. thanks for reading.
  15. Thank you. My cousin dealt with a lot, he was actually looking forward to seeking help for his mental health with the insurance he was goign to be getting at his new job, unfortunately he didn't make it. i miss him a lot, we were pretty close. Yeah it was definitely traumatic to leave my pdoc, she and i had been through a lot together and i felt like she really cared for me. we actually both got a lil teary eyed on our last meeting. Thanks for the advice about pro bono lawyers. I will look into this today On the upside, my husband and i moved into a nice house, actually the nicest place either of us have ever lived before! our dog has a back yard and the cat has free run of the place - hes actually running up and down the hall as we speak now lol