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electricbamboo

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About electricbamboo

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  1. ughhhhhhh

    soooooooo my doc said take the zyprexa. ok. now i'm feeling very depressed though. bad thoughts. maybe i should go to the hospital.
  2. ughhhhhhh

    That's exactly what it was! Like a bolt of lightning hit me right in the brain! Still waiting to hear back from pdoc ughhhhh
  3. ughhhhhhh

    or maybe i'm not really manic
  4. ughhhhhhh

    sooooooooooo... i was feeling a bit better for a bit with the zyprexa so my doc said i could come off it and just do my increased risperdone and lithium. WELL yesterday i started to get reelaly irritable. like total bitch mode and i couldn't control it. no biggy right. well on the way to do laundry my mind flipped and started racing so fast and as soon as i knew it i was going 1000000 miles a minute. geez. got laundry started at my mother in laws house and ran to the store. ran through the store. spent about $200 on groceries and it was all a blur. don't even remember what i bought until i got home to put it away. talk talk talk laughing too loud. felt that buzz of electricity in my brain and body. came home, took a zyprexa and napped for about an hour then i was up and ready to go more. went out for pizza and sitting on the porch all i could think of was everything was so bright (it was 7pm and dark) neon and christmas lights still in th e trees. just beautiufl. the pizza was the best i have ever had like it lit up my taste buds it was amazing. got home took klonopin to try and fall asleep but not before i called abunch of people. slept about 3 hours. omg yes i a m going to call my doc this morning when she opens and see what she says. i don't know how i coudl go from mania to ok to mania so quick again . i'm having trouble typing this as my fingers arent keeping up with my brain. i'm un comfortable right now. just guess i was wanting to vent
  5. i feel like i'm losing my mind!

    just took a klonopin after cleaning out the fridge and scrubbing it down - bwahahahha have fun with all the expired soy milk garbage man!
  6. i feel like i'm losing my mind!

    i am really not sure - delusions haven't started so at least thats a thing. i did call my pdoc and she recommended me take my emergency zyprexa for a few weeeks. started that yesterday and at least now i'm sleeping (though not as much as i need to be. fell asleep at 9 last night and up at midnight thirty) mind is still racing, impulses are still there but i've got people to check on me at least. which is good but annoying as shit. not really eating.
  7. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh my mind is craaaaaaaaaaaaaaving more things to do but i can't keep up with it! i keep looking at the internet and face book and i'm getting really angry that i keep seeing the same things! i really want to go out and shop or talk to someone but i don't have any way to go anywhere ( no car, husband at work) i've started 3 new knitting projects in the last hour don't even get me started on tv it's so boring!
  8. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh my mind is craaaaaaaaaaaaaaving more things to do but i can't keep up with it! i keep looking at the internet and face book and i'm getting really angry that i keep seeing the same things! i really want to go out and shop or talk to someone but i don't have any way to go anywhere ( no car, husband at work) i've started 3 new knitting projects in the last hour don't even get me started on tv it's so boring!
  9. Schizoaffective bipolar ?

    hi, appointment was ok albeit a bit frustrating. i'm in the market for a new pdoc. one that listens and explains rather than sayin hmm and just going over a checklist of whether or not to admit me. i told her about my most recent episode where i thought i was poisoned and didn't recognize my own face. she didn't say much other than 'had you been doing drugs?" no. so i don't know. i hate starting over but i feel like i should
  10. Super powers real and imagined

    i believed that the moon and sun were giving me super powers, non specific ones but fueling my energy and creativity. i'd stare at the moon for hours and i believed that elon musk was going to build me a rocket pod to get me as close to the sun as possible to further fuel my powers
  11. Schizoaffective bipolar ?

    thanks you guys. doc appt on thursday. i'm really confused by all of this. so we will see what she says.
  12. title says it all. i cut for the first time in about 15 years. it felt like i was out of my body. i don't remember doing it at all. i don't know why i'm writing this, maybe someone will relate and talk to me.
  13. I'm going to talk to my doctor more but she mentioned schizoaffective bipolar type. Is this okay to post here? Does anyone else have it? I'm still confused if I have it or not
  14. trying to work

    update: i had to quit this job. went downhill pretty quick and nearly ended up back in the hospital. oh well.
  15. so i got a part time job because we just can't wait the 19 + months for my disabiltiy hearing. we need the money. i had an okay first day, but the second (yesterday) i broke down and cried in front of everyone. i work in a restaurant and there are lots of knives everywhere and i found myself thinking " man. just make it look like an accident" i went to my manager and asked to go to the bathroom ( i was crying) and he told me that i "needed to be more enthusiastic" ugh. i don't know what to do. i've been crying since yesterday. am i just not fit to work or is this just a bad job?> idk. sorry
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