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About electricbamboo

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  1. trying to work

    update: i had to quit this job. went downhill pretty quick and nearly ended up back in the hospital. oh well.
  2. so i got a part time job because we just can't wait the 19 + months for my disabiltiy hearing. we need the money. i had an okay first day, but the second (yesterday) i broke down and cried in front of everyone. i work in a restaurant and there are lots of knives everywhere and i found myself thinking " man. just make it look like an accident" i went to my manager and asked to go to the bathroom ( i was crying) and he told me that i "needed to be more enthusiastic" ugh. i don't know what to do. i've been crying since yesterday. am i just not fit to work or is this just a bad job?> idk. sorry
  3. Mania gray areas...

    geez where do i start...usually i start with the 'typical' mania symptoms ...not sleeping, doing a lot more, racing thoughts, grandiose feelings, wanting to have sex non stop..then it gets to feeling like i'm on the brink of death, like seeing things that are going to kill me. ( idk if that makes sense) i usually get mixed episodes now. feeling on edge, can't sit still, crying, suicidal then thinking i'm on top of the world. i also have a severe anxiety disorder so sometimes it's hard to tell what's what. sorry if that didn't make sense
  4. luckily i have an appointment tomorrow at 4.
  5. so i'm having a hard time to the max. started off with major irritability , wanting to punch people in the grocery store because they were moving to slow and getting in my way. next day major depression, suicidal ideations and non stop crying. next day hyper, big plans, trying to do all the things. next day severe anxiety to the point i was throwing up and more crying. now i'm messaging everyone in my phone. i don't know what is going on.
  6. I don't like feeling scared
  7. My husband told me that it wasn't true, but felt true! I feel a little ok to lay down now since I feel like it won't happen when the sun is out I also went out to smoke a cig last night but had to bring a knife with me because I felt like there was something burrowing I our back yard that was going to get me
  8. So couldn't sleep because if I did go to sleep snakes were going to come up through the toilet and kill my husband and I and our animals. Keeping vigilant
  9. i get it, my meds have caused me to gain weight. fine. i've become ok with that, especially since i'm otherwise pretty healthy (aside from having bipolar)...till yesterday. was at a party and this woman told me to 'make sure to know where the bathroom is, especially in my condition" SHE THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT WTF.
  10. HI! So i've been riding a pretty high wave (wheeeeeeeeeee! NOT!) and saw my pdoc yesterday and we are weaning me off saphris and slowly introducing risperdal. I know that it can cause weight gain, and increased prolactin. but for those of you that have been on it has it helped? Worth it? I'm all about it right now because of my symptoms and a bonus is that whereas saphris was costing me $80/month copay, risperdal is going to be $2/ month! I start it tonight, because pharmacy didn't have it in stock for yesterday so i should be picking it up this afternoon.
  11. i have zyprexa PRN for mania, it works pretty well when i recognize i'm becoming manic and take it. knocks it out pretty quickly
  12. whatever the weather

  13. YES it is sooooooo exciting to start a new project! like THE RUUSH OF IT IS EXHILARATING! and i should probably stop messaging everyone i know seeing if they want me to knit them a thing...i just can't help myself! next up SOCKS!! I have a pdoc appointment on friday, she's always booked up solid so idk if i can get in sooner than that but if i get out of control i will rely on my husband to spot it and take me to the hospital!
  14. is this a thing? before i started feeling high, i had a nasty day long headache - dull pain behind my eye...then baM! wheee! just wondering if anyone gets this before an episode? i also seem to get really itchy before mania? like bug crawly feeling all over my body...i don't know if its related or not...
  15. I like your point of view!!!!!!!