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About OliverB

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    Nut nut.

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  1. I know the thread is a bit old, but what malachite said is the only thing that "helped me". *I won't be a normal human being with a safe attachment to people or with reasons to live. It is supposed I had RAD (inhibited) which was the cause of my ASD misdiagnosis (neglect and abuse was severe enough to mess everything). There is no reason at trying to be a normal human being. I do whatever I want to. I stopped trying to improve my humanity and depression (I am more an agitated type rather than anhedonic/tired/hypersomniac, which lead me to strong anxiety/dissociation/psychosis and unability to rest/sleep more than 2h straight). I ended up in places that caused me less agitation (library and labs) and somehow soon I will be working in a hospital (yeah, working...). I don't get it, I can explain it. I just accepted it and let it be, I could have died (or better said, killed myself), but It didn't happened... Now I have "something" I don't understand. I don't care, my life is less nigthmare. I "punish" myself insulting if I "waste" resources, so in order to feel less shitty, I try to be helpful even if I never feel helpful (I won't eat unless I move my ass and go to the library). My pDoc support the "non human" thing: after seeing my chronic obsession towards (seriouslly) killing myself and my distorted humanity, there is no more to say. I am not a human, I am still an angry agitated depressed dissociated/psychotic weirdo, but well... I don't care anymore. I act more like an animal. It is feels more "Ok" tan trying to change it. I know it is different since we don't share the same symptomatology (I can't stop moving, doing, ... which makes it really easy to end everything; a pDoc I had thought I am Bipolar because of it...IDK) I don't have a possitive messagge but I guess you don't want one. Things like these don't actually improve, you just learn to live with them or die.
  2. I have the same issue, many times I think on dying because I don't like living and don't want to, even if I am not suffering.
  3. He is not my therapist anymore, I don't have a therapist anymore, he openly said he didn't know what to do with me and if he was causing a negative impact the best I could do is leaving. I was getting therapy through the public health system.Therapist from the public health system are not available for more than once a month for 20 minutes unless it is a therapist from a special facility, in my case this therapist, the only one here, is is from the day hospital I was referred after being discharged from IP.The day hospital is for severe mental illness only, that's why there is this therapist I could see weekly for 45 minutes. There are not other special facility I can be referred to.So what now? What do I do without a therapist?
  4. What do I do now I know the diagnosis? My therapist agree with it, what can he do? What are the deals with this? Maybe I don't see the problem because I am an apparently normal part, now I am the most active outside and I don't sense anyone inside, I am just me. Maybe I forgot what the problem was. DD
  5. I tried lamictal but couldnt tolerate it. I stopped depakote after posting that, I prefer my highs and lows.
  6. The main and most aggressive emotional alter I have is a child, he cries he wants parents, i cant calm him down and he is distressing me a lot. Any advice?
  7. I started this med like 4 weeks ago more or less, stopped it for a week, my pdoc got angry, took it again. I feel drained, tired of everything, everything makes me mentally tired and bored. I was given a wonderful new two days ago: I won't go homeless, I will have a little but comfortable study for myself, I will have new glasses and clothes, ... and what did I feel? Nothing. NOTHING. I feel drained, I want to lie in my bed and that's all.
  8. I feel more depressed, and I don't know if it is depakote or me.
  9. I am annoyed, I study, I avoid sleeping, I don't stop....and if I take those meds I am Mr.Nobody. Without a past or reason to fight in the present. What about those beautiful voces? THEY ARE ALL MINE, for a reason they are here. I cannot live with them, I cannot live without them.
  10. The ICD-10 has codes for everything, I guess when they began to use it they realized F62.00 and F43.12 meant the same but the second with less stigma since it is not 'almost' a PD. It made me stable in few days, and well behaved. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad. I was just worried about socioeconomical issue but not that much, not as worried and 'rage' as I would be in the past. So I had to stop it. I don't like when psychpharmms thouch my personality, this made me a tamed humann. Maybe what everyone would call 'normal', if I get mixed again I will take it 1-2 days until the agitation goes away and then keep the hypomania..
  11. Uhmmm I didn't know it was invalid, actually I just found and looked for F62 : http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525770484&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=id-10532-class-F60-F69&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 But there is only is F60, F63, F64, F65, F66, F68 and F69... Maybe on an older version 62.00 existed? I found it here, it is still invalid since I looked on all ICD 10 codes and not only those diagnosticable: http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_2008.html#search=F60&index=&searchId=1494526896526&historyIndex=1 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think It can be diagnosed under F43.12 (I know it is in Spanish but you can see the codes anyway) http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525981443&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=F43&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 In English, In ICD-10, F43 are PTSD and adaptative problems, and F43.12 as chronic PTSD. F62.00 was also called chronic PTSD and not only ''Enduring personality change after a catastrophic experience'', maybe that's why it was removed: http://icd10coded.com/cm/ch5/F40-F48/F43/F43.12/
  12. Resting from college studying....GOD!!!

  13. Hi, It seems it kills most of agitation but it is not doing anything for the hypomanic like symptoms: more energy, less sleep, more social, expend more money, etc. I don't feel any side effect.