OliverB

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Everything posted by OliverB

  1. Hi, I am new or not so new on this. I had a manic episode while a teen, many depressive ones, and also mixed ones, but during the mixed ones I thought it was just stress or CPTSD trigger that happened to often. On Friday my doctor confirmed they were dysphoric mania. He said he thought valporate or carbamazepine, but he didn't thought about lithium that much. I don't have depressions since taking pregabalin, so it is not a problem. I see him on Tuesday. What have been your experiences with these medication and what information you can provide me? Thank you, I am still confused, I never thought I was really bipolar/schizoaffective.
  2. I am annoyed, I study, I avoid sleeping, I don't stop....and if I take those meds I am Mr.Nobody. Without a past or reason to fight in the present. What about those beautiful voces? THEY ARE ALL MINE, for a reason they are here. I cannot live with them, I cannot live without them.
  3. I am having so bad adrenaline rushes from PTSD and then downs my pdoc said something about being manic. HHe said something about lithium. He doesn-t want to try clonidine.... that reduces adreanline. I want to kill everyone, then the next minute kill myself, then I am just crying and can-t sleep even if I have taken today a total of 6mg klonopin and 4mg xanax, I waas thinking on clonidin, carbamazepine, .... what do you thiink lithhium or carbammazepine
  4. Pregabalin and trazodone are controlling diarly anxiety Trazodone as PRN would make me sleep during the day and then disturb my sleeping patterns. With my diarly pregabalin used as PRN would happen something similar, even a small increase causes me severe memory issues to the point I leave a book on my bed, I turn arround and I don't remember anymore where I left it. I am not functional while this and cannot they care of myself. So an extra PRN is a no no. I need a benzo dosis higer than the maximum per dosis to get any relief, I have a high natural tolerance to them, and have tried almost all at the maximum dosage and with some like clorazepate dipotassium I didn't feel anything. The one that better works is klonopin, but I need 4-6mg during a crisis. My pdoc wants to find another alternative. For crisis I was thinking on hydroxycine, but I don't know anything else I can use.
  5. Nevermind i keep taking it for a while.
  6. The ICD-10 has codes for everything, I guess when they began to use it they realized F62.00 and F43.12 meant the same but the second with less stigma since it is not 'almost' a PD. It made me stable in few days, and well behaved. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad. I was just worried about socioeconomical issue but not that much, not as worried and 'rage' as I would be in the past. So I had to stop it. I don't like when psychpharmms thouch my personality, this made me a tamed humann. Maybe what everyone would call 'normal', if I get mixed again I will take it 1-2 days until the agitation goes away and then keep the hypomania..
  7. How much time does it need to take you out of this crazyness? also weight gain is inevitable?
  8. Uhmmm I didn't know it was invalid, actually I just found and looked for F62 : http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525770484&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=id-10532-class-F60-F69&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 But there is only is F60, F63, F64, F65, F66, F68 and F69... Maybe on an older version 62.00 existed? I found it here, it is still invalid since I looked on all ICD 10 codes and not only those diagnosticable: http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_2008.html#search=F60&index=&searchId=1494526896526&historyIndex=1 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think It can be diagnosed under F43.12 (I know it is in Spanish but you can see the codes anyway) http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525981443&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=F43&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 In English, In ICD-10, F43 are PTSD and adaptative problems, and F43.12 as chronic PTSD. F62.00 was also called chronic PTSD and not only ''Enduring personality change after a catastrophic experience'', maybe that's why it was removed: http://icd10coded.com/cm/ch5/F40-F48/F43/F43.12/
  9. Resting from college studying....GOD!!!

  10. Hi, It seems it kills most of agitation but it is not doing anything for the hypomanic like symptoms: more energy, less sleep, more social, expend more money, etc. I don't feel any side effect.
  11. Thank you for answering I was put on depakote 300mg twice a day.
  12. I make a list of what want, how much costs and how much I need it. It takes a lot of time so this in part, the only fact of making the list helps with compulsive shopping. I always bring a notebook with me to add the things I want, and never have more than few euros on my pocket. Then I consider how much money I can spend this month, and chose what to buy leaving some money for buying urges that weren't in the list. I don't carry this money and have it at home, so if I have to go home to take the money and return to the shop, I have time to check my list and rethink if I need or I prefer to save it for other things in the list. Online buying is the worst, but I have my wish list in a notebook and add what I see online there, so I can compare again, see the money I have left to spend,see other things I want to buy.... Collecting is also helpful when it is not about expensive stuff.
  13. also, I think what I did on Friday night that was more or less likely to kill me... didn't like him. Maybe he felt burnt out because I saw him that same day and told him everythin about agitation and so...
  14. Until my agitation is reduced to 0, until I am not agitated anymore.
  15. You know, I think he focused so much on the CPTSD he forgot I have other issues related indirectly with CPTSD that cannot be treated with meds that reduce anxiety like pregabalin and Trazodone. He named mania and valporate last week, but during this session he seemed not convinced by that, and insisted it was anxiety until I told him people from anxiety don't happly think and find fun on severely SH, and are not irritable, agitated, self isolated because you know you are so irritable and agitated you will scream at people... so he acepted to give me the valporated but saying he is not sure that would work. I think he doesn't want the possibility of me having a major disorder like bipolar, schizophrenia or both. He quit the SZ diagnosis once I was more coherent....and he wannts to explain anything through CPTSD. If he truly believed It was only anxiety he wouldn't have given me the valporate... Which has reduced the agitation but I want to wait until it is 0 to directly relate to people.
  16. I don't know, I feel it reduced the agitation 90% but the enourmos energy and the bad feelings even if happy didn't change. Maybe is it placebo?
  17. But when it works it put you out of the episode inmediatly? Because if you are havily psychotic sometimes it takes day to become mildy psychotic when an antipsychotic is added.
  18. He gave me depakine long release 300mg twice a day, I told him if it wasn't better to take the ER, inmediat release, since I am acute and the ER version makes you have more valporate in yor blood while the long release make you have the same amount but during 12h. He got angry. I admit I told him that in an angry agitated maybe rude way, but I think he overreacted since he said "It seems everything I say is wrong for you, you are not happy with anything I do, I don't know if this continue like this I will keep you as a patient..." with was wtf since I am normally kind. I answer him back telling him It wasn't about him but about me being generally agitated and irritable, that I am avoiding any social contact because I will ruin my friendships being like this. In the end he seemed to understand but it makes me feel really bad to the point of crying. ... in the biginning he insisted it was anxiety, I don't know what kind of anxiety makes you feel so happy you want to kill others because it seem fun, and then so irritable and agitated inside you want to scream until you have no voice anymore. Ironically when I describe a 'high' a week ago he said the description was a manic state.
  19. I see my pdoc in 10 minutes. I am agitated as hell, HI, SI, Self harm ideation (badly and not to reduce pain, it just feel fun) I feel horrible
  20. I am sorry I didn't see the topic until now, thank you for the answers. My doctor has told me to don't go IP because I went twice while being agitated to the point of SI and HI, and was taking over doses of benzos to calm it. I took up to 10mg of clonazepam at once. I went like 6 times to ER until they IP me, and it was for 24h only. They thought it was a personality issue and told me to go to the day hospital I attend. Morover, they don't know how to treat PTSD, and always trigger me badly.
  21. My intentions: I didn't want to get high, I wanted to reset my brain and be sleeping while the effects last. Once I took this drug when I had planned to killmyself only because I wanted to do something extreme days before dying. It ends up making me feel so good for weeks I didn't kill myself. Do no try it if you have depression, this drug can potentially cause you brain damage and rarely the normal mood lasts more than few days. There are better legal drugs to try before doing this. You can read on drugs forums how there are people who tried to fight depression and failed, or others that used it everyday only to lose part of their memory. My case is special because I am stupid, I have a dissociative disorder that sometimes makes me forget my alternatives and I metabolize the med in a different way. The information: dextromethorphan (dxm) release serotonin which cause mild euphoria. It is not used in psychiatry because it is quickly metabolize into dxo which is a dissociative drug like ketamine that potentially cause brain damage. I lack of the enzyme that mainly metabolize it, so in my sistem there is dxm much longer and dxo that's dangerous appears really slowly. The problem is since too much serotonin might be release if you have that enzyme slow, you might get serotonin syndrome Why I did it: I was having symptoms of agitation, irritability, lack of sleep, adrenaline rush that were followed by some weird kind of tiredness but still was agitated and etc., homicidal ideation and urges, suicidal ideation and urges, I felt confused, I had some moments I felt like god and not agitated but were short, I told my psychiatrist to shut up, ... normally my personality is calm, non impulsive, thinking a lot, ... I saw my psychiatrist on last Tuesday but I was extremelly sedated by Nozinan, I could described what I was feeling before being that sedated and he said it was a description of Mania. He told me to stop Nozinan since the sedation was so heavy at the lowest dosage I couldn't live like that alone (I had to take 54mg of Concerta when I normally take 18mg to be able to get out to bed, and still I wasn't ''Hyper'' from the Concerta as I am when I take 36mg, I still was heavily sedated but able to walk). I saw him again on Friday as an emergency appointment, named mood stabilizer, valporate even if I prefer carbamazapina, but gave me trazodone, 200mg at night and 50mg twice during the day. I wanted clonidine or prazosine (anti adrenergic drugs) because I think all this was triggered from adrenaline ups and down from the CPTSD and my cyclothimia (I can live with it without medication) What exactly I did: I mixed 200mg of dxm with a total of 10mg of benzos (prescribed up to 6mg in total, 2mg klonopin, 2mg xanax and 2mg lormetazepam), 75 pregabalin (prescribed), 200mg trazodone (prescribed), multivitaminic, magnesium, glycine and another pill to avoid acting crazy if serotonin syndrome happened. I wanted to be asleep while the dxm and dxo acted and wake up hoping my brain was reset from the serotonin shoot. Trazodone is an serotoninergic antidepressant. I took it because there wasn't a way I could sleep without trazodone. Serotonin release (dxm) + serotonin receptors agonism and reputake inhibition (trazodone)= Possible serotoninergic syndrome, I was so tired of everything even if I didn't want to die I decided to take the risk Why I leave the letter to my pdoc (he won't see it until Tuesday): I was afraid that the dxm with the trazodone caused me a serotonin syndrome which even if it is not letal because I live alone and other reasons I won't explain to avoid people trying to kill themselves with it, It would be likely letal for me. So I wanted my pdoc who is also my therapist to know how much appreciate him, how much I am sorry I died when I didn't intend to do it, how much I was suffering and I know he couldn't do more back then and a philosophical reflexion about life and dead. I also left a fountain pen in the envelope, and added to the letter he has to give it back to me if I don't die (for others reasons that fountain pen was important to me and he knew it, it is long to explain) What worries me and what I would like you give me your opinion: I didn't die obviously, but I feel like an attention seeker. I am afraid my pdoc will see it like that. I somewhat think this is not possible because once I took 100mg of valium because I had severe anxiety (without the intention of dyying) and when I told him he freaked out and gave me something else. Moreover, when I took 300mg of dxm before my plan to kill myself to try something different before dying (I have never do drugs) he was glad it avoids me to kill myself but at the same time was worried by the effects it caused me and tryied to work alternatives that are not dxm during a heay long lasting crisis. But... maybe the pen thing is crossing boundaries? I did it in a moment of confusion and just want to give him something in case I die to make him know I appreciate him and he did all he could to help me. NOTE: For those who are suicidal you are not likely to die by this and if you get a serotonin syndrome you probably will end up with brain damages and not dead. If you take it even alone, you would probably go outside and act crazy to the point someone will call the police, and no, you can sedate yourself while being like this because you won't know you are ''like this'' and taking benzos at the same time of dxm doesn't work because they don't last enough and aren't strong enough to calm the serotonin syndome agitation, they are only used, clonazepam, for seizures or benzos for mild agitation from mild serotonin syndrome that wouldn't have killed you anyway if you stayied at home. Don't try this, it is stupid.
  22. I was IP twice for 24h while being agitated, since I don't overtly share my beautiful great thoughts , they released me after saying I was misusing the hospital resources I see my pdoc tomorrow and I tell him, but lately I wonder if they have microphones and every thig is a fake like in The Truman Show, this is the day hospital show, nothing is real, I ogo to bed.
  23. I am agitated again. I feel happy and want to badly hurt myself because I am happy and it looks fun. At lest I see my pdoctomorrow.
  24. Has anyone used it for something that is not a sleeping pill? Has anyone used it for agitation? This is what I was given.
  25. It didn't help me with agitation either...