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Everything posted by OliverB

  1. I will be prescribed an AD for obessions and anxiety but I am worried about the weight gain. The ER doctor said Zoloft and Paxil are the first line AD for this, but as far as I read it can cause weight gain. What I don't know is how common it is or if it tends to cause less or more weight gain than others AD. I gained 80 pounds while taking Seroquel and Paxil when I was 15. What do you take for anxiety and obsessions? Does it cause you weight gain? Can you lose the weight or have it under control?
  2. I have a good therapist but I am not helpable, since I am totally unable to trust them. (I live -and have always lived- isolated since I don't have family or friend... I am horrified by people) Books help me, books are my friends. I have read a ton of books about abuse, trauma, and so. I spent most of the day reading. Can you recommend me a book about trauma and trust, abuse and trust or similar? Or if you just don't know any book about trust, just recommend me any book that could help, even if it's not about trust, trauma, .. Maybe there is a book somewhere that would open my mind and let someone go into and help me.
  3. Do they really work or are a good idea? I am taking 50mg of amisulpride and was voices free until today afternoon I had some psychotic-like experiences and now voices (at nigth here) voices are screaming inside my head and I am scared and confused.
  4. I don't think they damage your brain, I think they make more 'active' the pathways or different brain connection that makes psychosis happens. I think psychosis is so deep in me after so many years with them they will never go away, actually, I say psychosis because I know it's called psychosis, but for me it's still real (partial insight). I think Wonderland and etc... it's not wrong or bad, it's just another place, mystical abstract place, it's like having other eyes and reality looks different when I am in Wonderland even if I am in the same phyisical room. It's seeing others realities. I believe when I am in Wonderland (and even if I am still in my room it's my wonderland room which feels different than my regular everyoneland room) it's real, just a different reality. I guess a psychiatrist would say I am delusional but I just have the ability of 'changing my eyes' and see other realities, the same physical space but through another vision/reality/eyes. I have tried all AAP except clorazil, and amisulpride it's the only one that makes Wonderland dissapear (not all the time, I have Wonder-time some minutes a day) and silent voices. I have tried typical antipsychotic too, and they just sedated me. Anyway, I won't be forever on amisulpride, once I learn to move and live in everyone else world and enjoy what there is here I will stop the antipsychotic (my psychiatrist said I don't have to take it forever), I will do it slowly to find a balance between realities.
  5. I hope everybody is doing OK, I have been a bit messy and crazy about Wonderland not being here, so I haven't read the forum too much, sorry. I have been in Wonderland/Netherland, the Other World and behind reality so much time it was almost all my life. Now I find myself stuck between these realities and "Everyone else reality". I am trying to keep what it was good from other realities and translate into Everyone else reality, I have found this is what is making me more functioning, and what made today a happy day.
  6. I have began to see Wonderland and the entities outside, in the real life World. I have cleaned my guinea pigs cage and played with them, which I haven't done before. Everything is a bit more clear... ironically the low dose of amislupride I am taking blocks first presynaptic autoreceptors so the cell doesn't know how much dopamine is enough, so it's increased.
  7. I am taking 50mg of amisulpride. It is supposed to help negative symptoms, and it does, but it has taken away my voices, entities, Wonderland and everything else. They were my friends I don't mind they are considered hallucinations, I want them back. I have been thinking on stopping the AP or taking an hallucinogen or another drug... I don't know. I have talked with my psych nurse and she said it's like when you lose someone or something important... yeah... it's as if I have lost a leg or eye... they were my 6 sense... and my friends.... I am so sad... an apathetic.......
  8. I was very anxious everyday, obsessing about hypotetical things, obsessing about time, unable to play a videogame because it made me anxious the idea of losing time, unable to pacefully do anything because I couldn't stop thinking about other things I had to do, I missed examns because I had studied 90% of them instead of 100%... I was given a benzo until the antidepressant starts working, and all anxiety is gone... but now it's gone I just feel apathy, nothing, I don't enjoy anything, I don't have interest on anything, I don't mind about my examns anymore, starting any kind of activity is extremely difficult even normal tasks... It wasn't better before I took the benzo, but instead of aphaty and etc I just felt anxious and anxious and only anxious I wonder if I am depressed or suffering from psychosis negative symptoms but anxiety 'covered' or 'hid' them. Does this make sense? I am on 50mg of amisulpride for negative symptoms and started 25mg of Zoloft yesterday. I have heard about people getting anhedonia and flat feelings from SSRI, and I got something similar from Paxil when I was 15, so I am worried Zoloft will make it worse and maybe a SNRI would be a better idea, but I am afraid of Effexor withdrawal. I tried bupropion in the past and it helped with motivation, so I was thinking on adding bupropion if Zoloft and amisulpride wasn't enough, and if that doesn't work then change the Zoloft and try an SNRI. I know it's too early to worry about this, but I am anxious and have rumination so I can't stop worrying. I haven't taken my night benzo yet because if I do anxiety would disappear and I won't be worried enough to write this because apathy will appear. I don't think benzos are causing the anhedonia and apathy since I took them in the past and it didn't happen. When anxiety is gone it's like I don't feel anything and I don't want anything, I don't think I even feel sad, It's like absolute nothingness, it's not void, I don't get suicidal because to be suicidal one must feel something. It's 0 feeling. This makes me think it's more a negative symptom of psychosis rather than depression, but I am not sure. I try to do activities even if I don't feel anything to don't abandon myself. Do you have any advice for my situation? Have you suffered from something similar? Could you fix it?
  9. Thank you both. My psychiatrist is thinking on adding an stimulant (Ritalin), and if he doesn't do it, I will ask him to give me bupropion again, at least that helped a little bit. Caffein also helps a lot.
  10. I think I need to make some kind of tribute or invocation or something for the entities (from Wonderland). I have been drawing them even if they won't appear. At least my pdoc doesn't want me on an AP forever, just for some months...
  11. bad, because he didn't give me the stimulant, but not that bad since he said he would think about it and tell me next tuesday. I will be sedated and sleeping all day until then.
  12. He said he has to think about the ritalin and will tell me his decision next tuesday. I told them what I did yesterday and he gave me Nozinan (levomepromazine) to sedate and sleep. I will sleep until tuesday, I don't want to be awake without my things.
  13. I will... I see him in 30 minutes. .... Hope he gives ritalin a try. It has a 2-4h half life, and I see him at a day hospital, if I get more psychotic he would notice it.
  14. Wah, I have been sleeping almost al day, I took 100mg od diazepam in total, 50mg 1h ago and 1200mg of gapaentin and 2mg of lormeptazema. SOrry for misspeling I am a bit confused. I think this is a crisis, a weird one, I want a mild psychosis back to ehar my boices annd go wonderland.
  15. Low dose of amsulpride blocks first presynaptic autoreceptors which increase dopamine release, while wellbutrin is a DNRI. What do you think about this combo? I am going to talk about this with my pdoc tomorrow.
  16. Fuck life, I took 50mg of diazepam in total. I hope to sleep at leas 8hours.
  17. Better 10mg more of diazepam. and 900mg gabapentin I cannot live without them
  18. If he doesn't add bupropion or a stimulant I will stop the AP. Meanwhile, in the morning, I am going to take 20mg more of diazepam and 2mg of lormatazepam to fall asleep. I cannot stand being awake without them.
  19. I haven't had any problem with the psychosis or the schizophrenia diagnosis, but I had with the borderline PD misdiagnosis...
  20. I am having a hard time since the antipsychotic I am taking, 50mg of amisulpride, has killed my voices. It was supposed it only blocks presynaptic autoreceptors so it actually enhance dopamine neurotransmision (actually, it is not sedating at all). I wanted to stop negative symptoms, not possitive ones. But I am getting horribely depressed because I don't have my voices anymore. I posted about it here: My main concern are negative symptoms, so I was thinking on....: What do you think? I handle possitive symptoms really well by my own.
  21. I was thinking on asking the... I don't know how it's called.... when the medication is liquid and you put it in water... there is that option with amisulpride... So I was thinking on: 1. Amisulpride 25mg Sertraline 25mg Bupropion 150mg Amisulpride at low dose blocks first presynaptic autoreceptors so it enhance dopamine transmision, plus bupropion it's a synergic action. It's also a potent inhibition of the enzime that metabolize sertraline so I wouldn't need to increase sertraline 2. Amisulpride 25mg Sertraline 50mg Methylphenidate 3. Sertraline 50mg Methylphenidate I go to a day hospital everyday so they can monitorize if the stimulant makes me psychotic
  22. I will try to convince him to add some stimulant. I can't take a lower dose of amisulpride, 100mg is the smaller pill and I have to cut it half. I take it because at lower dosage it blocks autoreceptors first so it enchance dopamine neurotrasmisor instead of blocking it.
  23. None, they are my friend and I have killed them with meds ._.