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Everything posted by OliverB

  1. No, it's not because of the meds, it's because of the diagnosis. It's discrimination. I am mad
  2. I know the thread is a bit old, but what malachite said is the only thing that "helped me". *I won't be a normal human being with a safe attachment to people or with reasons to live. It is supposed I had RAD (inhibited) which was the cause of my ASD misdiagnosis (neglect and abuse was severe enough to mess everything). There is no reason at trying to be a normal human being. I do whatever I want to. I stopped trying to improve my humanity and depression (I am more an agitated type rather than anhedonic/tired/hypersomniac, which lead me to strong anxiety/dissociation/psychosis and unability to rest/sleep more than 2h straight). I ended up in places that caused me less agitation (library and labs) and somehow soon I will be working in a hospital (yeah, working...). I don't get it, I can explain it. I just accepted it and let it be, I could have died (or better said, killed myself), but It didn't happened... Now I have "something" I don't understand. I don't care, my life is less nigthmare. I "punish" myself insulting if I "waste" resources, so in order to feel less shitty, I try to be helpful even if I never feel helpful (I won't eat unless I move my ass and go to the library). My pDoc support the "non human" thing: after seeing my chronic obsession towards (seriouslly) killing myself and my distorted humanity, there is no more to say. I am not a human, I am still an angry agitated depressed dissociated/psychotic weirdo, but well... I don't care anymore. I act more like an animal. It is feels more "Ok" tan trying to change it. I know it is different since we don't share the same symptomatology (I can't stop moving, doing, ... which makes it really easy to end everything; a pDoc I had thought I am Bipolar because of it...IDK) I don't have a possitive messagge but I guess you don't want one. Things like these don't actually improve, you just learn to live with them or die.
  3. Has any of you found gabapentin helpful for your depression/mood? I have found if I take 600mg of it at night I wake up feeling less tired and with a little better mood.
  4. Pregabalin and trazodone are controlling diarly anxiety Trazodone as PRN would make me sleep during the day and then disturb my sleeping patterns. With my diarly pregabalin used as PRN would happen something similar, even a small increase causes me severe memory issues to the point I leave a book on my bed, I turn arround and I don't remember anymore where I left it. I am not functional while this and cannot they care of myself. So an extra PRN is a no no. I need a benzo dosis higer than the maximum per dosis to get any relief, I have a high natural tolerance to them, and have tried almost all at the maximum dosage and with some like clorazepate dipotassium I didn't feel anything. The one that better works is klonopin, but I need 4-6mg during a crisis. My pdoc wants to find another alternative. For crisis I was thinking on hydroxycine, but I don't know anything else I can use.
  5. What do I do now I know the diagnosis? My therapist agree with it, what can he do? What are the deals with this? Maybe I don't see the problem because I am an apparently normal part, now I am the most active outside and I don't sense anyone inside, I am just me. Maybe I forgot what the problem was. DD
  6. I have the same issue, many times I think on dying because I don't like living and don't want to, even if I am not suffering.
  7. He is not my therapist anymore, I don't have a therapist anymore, he openly said he didn't know what to do with me and if he was causing a negative impact the best I could do is leaving. I was getting therapy through the public health system.Therapist from the public health system are not available for more than once a month for 20 minutes unless it is a therapist from a special facility, in my case this therapist, the only one here, is is from the day hospital I was referred after being discharged from IP.The day hospital is for severe mental illness only, that's why there is this therapist I could see weekly for 45 minutes. There are not other special facility I can be referred to.So what now? What do I do without a therapist?
  8. I started this med like 4 weeks ago more or less, stopped it for a week, my pdoc got angry, took it again. I feel drained, tired of everything, everything makes me mentally tired and bored. I was given a wonderful new two days ago: I won't go homeless, I will have a little but comfortable study for myself, I will have new glasses and clothes, ... and what did I feel? Nothing. NOTHING. I feel drained, I want to lie in my bed and that's all.
  9. I tried lamictal but couldnt tolerate it. I stopped depakote after posting that, I prefer my highs and lows.
  10. The main and most aggressive emotional alter I have is a child, he cries he wants parents, i cant calm him down and he is distressing me a lot. Any advice?
  11. Hi, I am new or not so new on this. I had a manic episode while a teen, many depressive ones, and also mixed ones, but during the mixed ones I thought it was just stress or CPTSD trigger that happened to often. On Friday my doctor confirmed they were dysphoric mania. He said he thought valporate or carbamazepine, but he didn't thought about lithium that much. I don't have depressions since taking pregabalin, so it is not a problem. I see him on Tuesday. What have been your experiences with these medication and what information you can provide me? Thank you, I am still confused, I never thought I was really bipolar/schizoaffective.
  12. I feel more depressed, and I don't know if it is depakote or me.
  13. I am annoyed, I study, I avoid sleeping, I don't stop....and if I take those meds I am Mr.Nobody. Without a past or reason to fight in the present. What about those beautiful voces? THEY ARE ALL MINE, for a reason they are here. I cannot live with them, I cannot live without them.
  14. I am having so bad adrenaline rushes from PTSD and then downs my pdoc said something about being manic. HHe said something about lithium. He doesn-t want to try clonidine.... that reduces adreanline. I want to kill everyone, then the next minute kill myself, then I am just crying and can-t sleep even if I have taken today a total of 6mg klonopin and 4mg xanax, I waas thinking on clonidin, carbamazepine, .... what do you thiink lithhium or carbammazepine
  15. The ICD-10 has codes for everything, I guess when they began to use it they realized F62.00 and F43.12 meant the same but the second with less stigma since it is not 'almost' a PD. It made me stable in few days, and well behaved. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad. I was just worried about socioeconomical issue but not that much, not as worried and 'rage' as I would be in the past. So I had to stop it. I don't like when psychpharmms thouch my personality, this made me a tamed humann. Maybe what everyone would call 'normal', if I get mixed again I will take it 1-2 days until the agitation goes away and then keep the hypomania..
  16. Uhmmm I didn't know it was invalid, actually I just found and looked for F62 : http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525770484&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=id-10532-class-F60-F69&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 But there is only is F60, F63, F64, F65, F66, F68 and F69... Maybe on an older version 62.00 existed? I found it here, it is still invalid since I looked on all ICD 10 codes and not only those diagnosticable: http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_2008.html#search=F60&index=&searchId=1494526896526&historyIndex=1 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think It can be diagnosed under F43.12 (I know it is in Spanish but you can see the codes anyway) http://eciemaps.msssi.gob.es/ecieMaps/browser/index_10_mc.html#search=&flags=111100&flagsLT=11111111&searchId=1494525981443&indiceAlfabetico=&listaTabular=F43&expand=0&clasification=cie10mc&version=2010 In English, In ICD-10, F43 are PTSD and adaptative problems, and F43.12 as chronic PTSD. F62.00 was also called chronic PTSD and not only ''Enduring personality change after a catastrophic experience'', maybe that's why it was removed: http://icd10coded.com/cm/ch5/F40-F48/F43/F43.12/
  17. Resting from college studying....GOD!!!

  18. Hi, It seems it kills most of agitation but it is not doing anything for the hypomanic like symptoms: more energy, less sleep, more social, expend more money, etc. I don't feel any side effect.
  19. Thank you for answering I was put on depakote 300mg twice a day.
  20. I make a list of what want, how much costs and how much I need it. It takes a lot of time so this in part, the only fact of making the list helps with compulsive shopping. I always bring a notebook with me to add the things I want, and never have more than few euros on my pocket. Then I consider how much money I can spend this month, and chose what to buy leaving some money for buying urges that weren't in the list. I don't carry this money and have it at home, so if I have to go home to take the money and return to the shop, I have time to check my list and rethink if I need or I prefer to save it for other things in the list. Online buying is the worst, but I have my wish list in a notebook and add what I see online there, so I can compare again, see the money I have left to spend,see other things I want to buy.... Collecting is also helpful when it is not about expensive stuff.
  21. Need help soon...

    also, I think what I did on Friday night that was more or less likely to kill me... didn't like him. Maybe he felt burnt out because I saw him that same day and told him everythin about agitation and so...
  22. Need help soon...

    Until my agitation is reduced to 0, until I am not agitated anymore.