ananke

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About ananke

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  1. Wow that's a whole other level of messed up. You'd think lawyers would be bending over backwards to give you appropriate accommodations. Is there any way to move into disability law after university? Like taking additional courses or working/volunteering somewhere? I hope all the bullies STFU and let you get on with being an amazing lawyer
  2. I'm so sorry, both for your husband and for you. Are you able to see a therapist to talk through this? CBT stuff is useful but sometimes you need to get it out. Thinking of you forest
  3. It's definitely troubling times, but it's also comforting (to me anyway) that there are still people willing to not be dicks and to actually do good. I'm a closeted optimist (and bisexual hahaha sorry I enjoy making that joke) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNWWrDBRBqk This link contains talk about parasites, but I promise it has an inspirational ending. And thankfully, the number of people who don't think vaccinating their dogs causes autism vastly outweighs those who do.
  4. At this point, venting is completely understandable. For the first half an hour of my dual PD diagnosis I was ecstatic (BPD I guess) and then I crashed horribly and felt like the smallest piece of crap on the Earth. The guy who diagnosed me actually recommended I didn't googled BPD, and as tempting as it is, it'll ultimately make your life a lot happier if you avoid the kinds of sites that equate PD's (especially the 'evil' cluster B's) with abusive monsters. Something that helped me was watching youtube videos and talking to or reading blogs of people with BPD. If nothing else, it's helped me recognise that, even if I have a serious mental condition, we still have a unique personality under all this crap. I kind of feel like the term 'personality disorder' is cruel yet apt- it's far reaching enough to mimic a personality, but it also has serious social and psychiatric implications for the person burdened with the term. Sorry now I'm venting. As for the age old 'is this an actual disorder or is it just a fob off' I'm on the fence. On one hand, lived experience means the diagnosis helped me understand why I was thinking and behaving in certain ways and helped me try to resolve some of them. e.g. a few years ago I could easily be said to be low level SUI with occasional intent, whereas now SI is more intrusive thoughts, so yay life I guess. On the other hand, there is a troubling pattern of diagnosis where if you are female/LGBT+/a POC/mentally ill in other ways, you seem to be more likely to be given a BPD diagnosis. I remember reading about certain feminist theorists who think it's basically a way of pathologising mentally ill women into a convenient red flag for other psychiatrists to be wary of. Sorry this is long and unwieldy, but feel free to ask questions or ask for clarity. People with BPD aren't demons, they're just people with a condition they didn't ask for. I hope you have a good therapist who doesn't make you feel like an arsehole. You aren't badly made but it can feel like that sometimes.
  5. Personality disorder diagnosis is similar to learning disorder diagnosis, in that a lot of people insist the research and diagnostic process isn't biased, but it massively is. BPD is probably underdiagnosed in men but yeah, overdiagnosis in women is definitely an issue. Being told you have it with only two traits is extremely dubious IMO. I'm technically OCPD with BPD traits, because I'm maybe 5/8 traits instead of the 6/8 needed for full BPD, if that makes any sense. It also doesn't help that (again, IMO) diagnosing personality disorders requires a large amount of experience and talking to other professionals in the field. Just reading the DSM description is so vague it borders on non-sensical. It doesn't help that BPD reads like a laundry list of different disorders- dissociative, traumatic, mood, anxiety, etc. It's a very strange disorder. I really hope you get a second opinion aura
  6. ... amazing. How many times must the 'link' between autism and vaccines be debunked before people get it. Dogs can't even be autistic? @Gearhead hoping for technology that will turn me into a dog. Mine is currently dozing away and seems quite happy with life.
  7. I believe splitting is generally a term used to describe how you relate to other people. Similar to black and white thinking. So lets say you have a friend, T. Splitting would be feeling extremely happy with T, but suddenly (and possibly for no reason) becoming very annoyed or angry at T. So switching back and forth between positive and negative feelings for arbitrary reasons. This is in no way professional advice, but I remember hearing a theory that dissociative and personality disorders can be similar in the sense that they have a fragmented sense of self. So rather than having a cohesive personality that is flexible enough to accommodate for changes in mood, instead we can feel like we've turned into a different person. The challenge is to try and recognise that these are all parts of you, but that obviously self destructive or harmful states of mind need to be addressed and helped in order to just make life better. I'm sure this preaching to the choir, but therapy is good way to start this. TBH better to talk to an actual expert about this, but I feel your pain. Another non-professional but lived experience piece of advice is that I've found a strong link between anxiety and anger. I think I try to justify my anxiety as meekness or a kind of positive trait, in that it makes me quieter or less obnoxious or more helpful. But it also means people trample all over me, sometimes by choice, but often because I don't clearly express that someone has hurt me or is putting too much pressure on me. So naturally there comes a breaking point where the anger I feel at myself and others overcomes my anxious desire to please and I flip out. IDK might be worth considering?
  8. Glad you were able to see your doc and that it sounded useful. Yeah apparently hearing voices with BPD is pretty common
  9. Being sick of yourself is sh*t, because it feels like your worst enemy is being forced to make you stay in a state you don't want to be in. If you aren't seeing any progress or connection with your current team, is there anyway to ask to see other pdocs?
  10. I've been diagnosed with BPD and have had chronic suicidal ideation for years, but never in the form of voices telling me? I have heard of people with BPD hearing voices though. Sorry, this is more commiseration than helpful. I hope your appointments went well and you were able to get more clarity.
  11. it is, but i'm trying to do it anyway. its a good idea. luckily my dad hasn't been that tactless in a while. it'll probably be better in the long run, since i'm really not the sort of person to come out then suddenly change (although if that worked for someone else, good!)
  12. Sure, but as I pointed out to my therapist I don't really want to wait for them to read it and debate how to react! Maybe I'm just super fussy haha, after a certain point it's just better to come out full stop. Eh... the limitations thing is almost certain to get broken regardless. I'm sure I could make them sign a document in blood and they'd still ask me if I had a 'preference'.
  13. today in therapy we were meant to talk about safety behaviours around my room (keeping the curtains closed at all times so no one can see me for instance) but we somehow detoured into my sexuality. i am not out to my family or really to the world at large. this was fine but its increasingly becoming not fine and is really hindering my ability to feel open with people, or even safe watching vaguely lgbt+ movies. i cant really explain why im closeted, other than that there is a part of me that would feel embarrassed. like its been a shameful secret (urgh this feels like the oldest closeted cliche but now its starting to become a Problem). i seriously doubt anyone would react badly, or to the extent of kicking me out of the house or not talking to me, but i worry that they will be different around me. they can be pretty tactless about lgbt+ things. my dad once told me my boots made me look like a lesbian :/ which is only half right. does anyone have any good coming out advice for someone who desperately wants to avoid a sit down situation? i mostly just want to inform them somehow and politely explain that i will not be answering questions or allowing people to probe into former relationships of mine (which would be a completely different minefield)
  14. This was not ok, you were clearly too intoxicated to consent, especially since he didn't seem to be as drunk as you. https://www.rainn.org/articles/sexual-assault-men-and-boys i have no idea if this helps but this advice is pretty much what i would tell you. this is from over a month ago so i hope you were able to find help locally, or on forums
  15. nothing to add other than i hope you're able to find multitudes of funny, nice people who are less 'concerned' about these things. i hope you are doing well