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About ananke

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  1. people don't take my dx seriously

    My mum used to stick up funny quotes on the bathroom wall to give people something to read as they did their business. One of them was 'if everyone threw their problems in a big pile, you'd snatch yours right back up'. I think people misunderstand PD's because a lot of it is either 'extreme' to the point of no empathy (psychosis anyone?) or seemingly so mundane it doesn't look like a problem (who isn't a perfectionist?) When I told my friends about my PD traits, they said 'oh I do that!' Like sure, maybe you also have mood swings, but probably not to the point of suicidal hysteria. There needs to be more mental health literacy IS2G. I think part of it is just having that social script of 'I understand why this doesn't seem like a big deal to you, but it significantly and negatively affects me. Thanks for understanding!' If you're me, that latter part is usually with a dash of passive aggressiveness thrown in. jt I agree, but unfortunately the OCPD part of my brain still throws rocks at me for being unemployed. Regular me gets it, mentally ill me screams if I have a lie-in. Productivity shouldn't define our worth, but sadly that message has sunk in enough at this point that working yourself to death is called 'good work ethic'. Fluent, being in a lighthouse sounds great right now. Or maybe on an island. With no internet. Just dogs. It is destructive to have a semi-controllable drive towards isolation, but damn it, people are so much, all the time.
  2. Sam, I hope you were able to get a second opinion (though it sounds like others agree that you were misdiagnosed). Have you been able to get more appropriate therapy/etc now? NotLoki, are you talking to me? If so then like I said I'm not BPD symptomatic, though I have other things I'm working on in therapy at the moment. I don't take any medication, I'm not a good candidate for it.
  3. Wondering if anyone has been misdiagnosed, either with BPD when it's something else, or with something else that you suspect is actually BPD? I feel kinda stupid because I've posted about BPD stuff here that I'm now thinking isn't accurate, so hopefully you can all forgive me I'll be an ally to the BPD cause, whatever that is. I suspect that I was mostly diagnosed with BPD traits because 1) I already met the criteria for another PD and 2) I'm part of That demographic. If it's young, female and messed up, gotta be BPD somewhere. Sorry, having just said I don't think I have BPD anymore I'm now being sarcastic. But equally, I've done enough research that it sounds like BPD misdiagnosis is SUPER common, from both sides. This might also be part of the UK/NHS diagnostic system being a random doctor who gets an hour with you to determine ALL of your problems. It would of course be better if it was someone who knew you and your history/patterns. And who didn't just ignore your abusive relationship by asking about your parents instead. FWIW, 99% of the reasoning behind me questioning this diagnosis is that I have almost no BPD traits now, nor have I for some time. The OCPD is as strong as ever, but I somehow managed to trump BPD, which seems very unlikely. Or maybe BPD works differently to other PD's? Let me know
  4. The NHS in all it's wonders and weaknesses

    WTF? I shouldn't be surprised but those are all very different things. You can't just stick em all under the same umbrella? The communication thing is a pain, and it creates a rock-hard place situation. Either you can effectively communicate (with a lot of effort) so it can't be 'that bad', or you can't and aren't able to get the help you need because clearly you don't need it. Small potatoes but I am still surprised that my extremely depressed 16 year old self told my GP and a counsellor how bad I was doing, then when I stopped my medication/therapy there was one follow up letter that informed me if I didn't show up for the next therapy session they'd be cancelled. Like, maybe that was a red flag guys? Mind you I've heard horror stories about CAMHS so I don't know what's worse really (Another fun thing- when I went to my first therapy session, aged 16, I got on a bus and the bus driver flirted with me. For 5-10 minutes. My house is right by the beginning/end of the route so it was stationary. But how did this 30-something guy not see how young I was. Or maybe that was irrelevant. Creep)
  5. The only changes I noticed in my vision were that perfectly ignorable things became extremely noticeable. I used to get startled by leaves moving in the breeze, or a small movement in the corner of my eye. Can't say I ever experienced a reality fuzziness though
  6. tired of mental illness in media

    Mild spoilers if anyone cares? I've tried whipping out my personality disorder at parties and it does NOT go well, lemme tell ya. The weird thing is is that the schizophrenic guy in question (IIRC that's his diagnosis, couldn't bring myself to use the shortened version) is played pretty well by whatshisface. At least, I felt like he was a genuinely sympathetic character, but I'm not even halfway into the season. Having said that, the characters last name is Milgram... honestly surprised there wasn't a shrink called Freud. Honestly I think it's probably best seen muted, the design is beautiful but I can't with the 'lets make everyone relive their traumas' because thats a) not how all mental illnesses work and b) people only have one worst day of their life? Maybe I could just compile a list of boring and insulting tropes about mental illness for it. Somebody doesn't take their meds! Someone else is manipulative! It's literally called Maniac! urgh
  7. tired of mental illness in media

    Not to divert attention from these excellent and clearly well designed stock images of people clutching their heads, but is anyone watching Maniac? I'm trying to keep an open mind about it but it's... difficult. The visuals are great though, love the whole 'if the eighties took a left turn' vibe. The portrayal of mental illness is not great so far.
  8. haven't had a nightmare in a while :( can't get a good nights sleep this week

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. ananke


      any interesting nightmares? mine was a home invasion for some reason

    3. jt07


      Last night I dreamt that I was living in an apartment (in which I used to live in reality)  without paying rent for 3 months. When I realized that oversight, my father and I spent the whole night packing to get out. Yes, it was that long of a stressful dream. It even continued on after I woke up and went back to sleep.

      Your dream sounds scary. I don't have many scary dreams. My dreams are full of anxiety and stress. I used to like scary dreams for the same reason that I like horror movies.

      I do have one eerie recurring dream. It's always about big, Victorian-style houses. I get lost exploring the house and going through the many rooms. No ghosts or ghouls, just a big ol' scary house. And these houses figure into a lot of my dreams.

    4. ananke


      Oh gods, that sounds horrible. At first I thought your dream-self had gamed the system. I hate it when dream moods carry over into reality you know. Yeah some random guys just kept trying to break into our house and one of then cut my Achilles. Maybe too much Tarantino?

      Honestly I have a lot of very surreal-should-be-scary-but-aren't dreams. I once fell off a mountain (made of of those large net jungle gyms that was crawling with monkeys) and into my bed, which I then woke up in. The worst dreams are the realistic ones. I just don't like horror films, too close to PTSD :P 

      Yeah it's strange how sometimes an empty house is worse than a house with something lurking in it. There are a lot of horror/thriller games that are just you exploring an abandoned house. Sounds deeply Freudian somehow

  9. tired of mental illness in media

    The stock photo guy looks like he just hit his head moving into his beautiful flat. In my super depression days it was greasy hair, 100 duvets and a laptop. The ones I've seen for psychosis are weird. Sometimes they try doing a sort of... abstract 'shattered brain' thing. And those are usually better than the 'I have messy hair and a knife guess I must be craaazzyyy'. Maybe this should morph into a 'bad stock images of mental illness' thread Gear, I'm concerned about the sheep to dog ratio, or maybe the sheep to space ratio
  10. The NHS in all it's wonders and weaknesses

    Best: at least they believed I was depressed and anxious, I've never done so well in a test :/ Serotonin withdrawal was a fun experience though, if you like yelling at your boss and blinding headaches. Worst: technically what I saw someone else go through, but personally I also got offloaded to a charity who had never heard of my diagnoses before. Very sweet, not helpful in the long term. Still don't understand how an NHS psych could go 'yeah you have a personality disorder' then just recommend very basic counselling. It really seems like unless your problem is 'I feel slightly sad but honestly a good cup of tea could cheer me up' then you are too difficult and problematic. That's not belittling people who are a bit sad, there's just fucking nothing out there other than the goodwill of charities or the occasional doctor. Or CBT, especially if it's in a group so they can maximise how many people can see two pdocs at one time. Honestly group CBT was nice because I got to talk to other anxious people (like on here) rather than doing any major help, though it did get me out of the house a bit more. I'm glad you have such a good therapist Raspberry, or at least one sympathetic to your financial situation. Early intervention is and should be a priority, at the very least in terms of quality of life and compassion. It also doesn't take a genius to go 'if we invest now people will generally need our services less in the future', but we gotta have austerity I guess. Sorry this stuff always make me angry, you shouldn't have had to go through any of that. Would absolutely walk around with pins in my head Fluent. Maybe it would help my social anxiety?
  11. I've been diagnosed with BPD traits in the past (though it's more likely to be PTSD for various reasons) so I hope you don't mind if I butt in. First I try to get away from a situation when I'm feeling a bit explosive. No point staying if everyone's going to start yelling and getting angry. Usually I don't recommend isolating yourself, but sometimes you need a breather and time to reflect before talking to people. I don't know about you but I generally experienced two kinds of anger- random fits of rage that were emotional instability, and deep seated anger that just bubbled up. If it's random mood swings, I try to let it pass and to wait it out, but if it's a problem that's been on my mind for a while then I talk to my therapist about it. Helped me talk to other people about my issues more calmly and productively. Long term, trying to force myself into more 'grey' thinking has helped, though it's difficult. Part of it is acknowledging that people are rarely heroes or villains, but also that I can have conflicting and messy feelings towards others. Hope some of this has helped.
  12. Emotional Intensity

    I've never heard of Emotional Intensity before? I've heard BPD referred to as Emotionally Unstable PD before which I hated, sounds even worse than BPD in my opinion. Gotta say, I think that mental health professionals should spend more time rebranding how they see PD's rather than renaming them, but if it helps people with personality disorders out...
  13. Fair enough, though I don't think my GP (my tdoc isn't a psychiatrist) would risk it! I might start looking into anti-anxiety medication though. I didn't find anti-depressants helpful at all though, so I'm a bit cautious. Glad stimulants worked for you though. Is that the Ritalin? I have a very poor knowledge of medications
  14. posting in the anxiety forum because its mostly the anxiety holding me back at this point. im looking for jobs (was gonna write a blog post about it but the long and short of it is- im very stressed). at the moment, aside from factors that aren't in my control, my biggest problem is my confidence. which is bad. lack of confidence/low self esteem has royally screwed me over in the past and i've had enough of it. i've definitely improved in the last few years but i'm definitely at my worst at work (ocpd problems). do any other anxious people have any tips for me? things i'm already doing/have tried doing in the past: avoiding self-critical thoughts (as much as possible lol) 'fake it til you make it', which hasn't worked for 10 years so i'm not enamoured to the philosophy remembering that i'm still at the beginning of my career and that everyone has to go through this at some point attempting to be more assertive, which is pretty difficult being honest rather than people pleasing
  15. tired of mental illness in media

    I honestly couldn't get into Jessica Jones, I think because I'm not a big comic book person and I think the show is an adaptation of one? I did find some of the scenes a bit too overwhelming for me, so I feel you there. I'm glad you have found good examples though. Having people with the disorder say that the portrayal is accurate is IMO probably the best barometer for these kinds of things, but everyone experiences their MI's differently. It's interesting how different disorders are written. TBH the only character I've ever felt accurately represented OCPD (without that ever being given as a diagnosis) is Monica from Friends mind you, I shudder to think what some writers would do with that mental illness. I've seen enough terrible examples of PD's to mistrust media representation!