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About Inanlae

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    Student Against Pain

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  1. Ativan is my chemical straightjacket. I've been a chemically self-restrained "nymphomaniac" for 13.5 years. It's okay. I know my truth. I love myself. I protect myself and others. And it's okay.
  2. I am hypersexual regardless of whether or not I'm stable. When I'm not stable, I think there's potential for harm to others and myself. When I am stable, I need to manage it in a healthy way.... I'm trying nonmonogamy, but it's still hard vent the "crazy," as @jekyl in hyding called it. Do you guys still experience hypersexuality when your other symptoms are relatively well managed?
  3. Thank you for talking about the hypersexuality symptom of bipolar disorder, the symptom, which perhaps more than any other, has been treated as a moral failing by those nearest and dearest to me. My whole life I've felt stimagtized: "save sex for marriage," "don't mess with the groomsmen," "you should wait for the boy to ask you out," "you gave up your faith so you could live a life of sin!," "with more than one person?!," "where?!" On one hand, I feel like a nymph, in the Jamison sense--always hungry, always hunting. (Thank you, @Poem. Love Jamison's writing!) I'm sorry that your PDocs haven't been more supportive, @sugarsugar. I finally had a GP who only asked one question: "are you using protection?" That's a good start, but PDocs, TDocs, and GPs need to recognize the potential for additional harms with hypersexuality: sexual assault, unwanted pregnancy, and the psychological harm that can accompany unwanted sex. People with bipolar disorder are more likely to be in high-risk situations. This is a healthcare issue. And healthcare providers have an obligation to address this symptom which is prevalent among those with bipolar disorder. Our safety matters.
  4. It is deep and dark, and you must never come there with me!" Does anyone else hide their symptoms from their partner? I excuse myself for being "busy," "tired," or "not feeling well" if I'm depressed, or just straight-up hide if I'm feeling hypomanic. I have never had a relationship survive my partner seeing me symptomatic. Thoughts? Fellow-feeling? Advice?
  5. Really appreciate everyone sharing. Wanted a big family before I was diagnosed. Really don't want to pass these symptoms on to anyone else / don't want to go off my medications during pregnancy / not sure that I can be stable enough for children. I think I'm going to get a tubal ligation, just having a really hard time taking the final step. It physically hurts.
  6. Thanks for sharing your story. Trying to decide whether or not to close the door on procreative potential. Going off medication during the pregnancy is definitely something I've worried about.
  7. Thank you for the feedback, all. I will definitely use all of your advice to research a new doctor. I wish I could take my current one with me; he's great to work with. Perhaps he can shed some light on the medical community in that area as well.
  8. I'll be moving to Nashville in the next six months. Does anyone have any pdocs they would recommend there? How about therapists? I'm pretty stable right now, so I initially just need someone to do maintenance, but if I were to have a crisis, I would want a doctor who would respect my wishes. I like to work with someone who lets me have input in my own care. I want someone who stays informed about new treatment options. And I want someone who, if something doesn't work, doesn't give up, but aggressively pursues something that does work. I don't feel that I need therapy at this time, but if I did, I would want someone who doesn't feel judgmental.
  9. Trying lithium with the kidneys this week. Fingers crossed.

  10. Do you guys have any tips for getting through long, dry reading assignments? Sometimes it's difficult to sit still and focus. I find that music without lyrics, but with a steady beat, helps somewhat (i.e., baroque, Philip Glass, recommendations welcome). My last pdoc thought ADHD was unlikely, but that the lack of focus went along with the BPII diagnosis, and with taking medication for GAD. Caffeine helps a little, but there's a fine line between enough and too much. I'll mention it to my new pdoc at my next appointment. There is a family history of ADHD, but I had trouble taking stimulants with the GAD.
  11. crtclms, don't give up! I've done a little stage-acting myself. I think after all of the acting I have to do on a daily basis, wearing a second mask is often is too exhausting. In general, I prefer escapist roles, like witches and fairies. I think I'm just going to wait for roles to come up that I really, really, really want. I've always wanted to do Portia in Julius Caesar, for example. When she comes up, I'm yanking all of the masks off and giving that goodwife everything I have!!!
  12. Thank you for the encouraging post, and congratulations on successfully defending your dissertation, Dr. Grarky! Your ideas for breaking massive projects down into more manageable pieces and for stopping to take stock when stuck both sound very helpful! I need to be on the lookout for the right tdoc! Thanks for the suggestions! Also, I love yellow, and are those ranunculus in your avatar?
  13. AnnaBanana, yeah, me too. Except for this one dude who went silent before we met in person, definitely glad I told him first. iaawal, if your symptoms were that well-managed, I want what you're having. : ) Glad it worked out!
  14. I realize there are probably a thousand threads on this topic, but how do you break the special news, if it's not obvious. I like to be up front. It hurts too much to be rejected for my symptoms further down the line. I've gotten everything from stereotypes about mentally ill people being better in bed, to well-meaning friends, saying that though I'd have a lot to offer the right person, they thought someone would also have "a lot to put up with," to some people who are simply attracted to instability and drama (I'm trying to become more stable). I know there are people on this site in successful relationships. How do you do it?