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empty inside

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About empty inside

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    Anhedonia's Bitch
  • Birthday 12/18/1995

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    New Zealand

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  1. Suicidal urges are coming back strong and i know im gonna shut down when my tdoc asks me about it. kinda just dont wanna go at all.

    1. M@ri

      [email protected]

      I hope you opened up to your tdoc

  2. i kinda do a similar thing i guess. i visualize urges a lot, whenever i experience any kind of negative emotion i automatically visualize cutting myself and i fantasize about suicide & death a lot too, sometimes i picture it so vividly it feels almost real. for whatever reason it's comforting. it's also kinda comforting knowing that if things ever do get really really bad i can just end it. idk.
  3. Self-harming in different ways and i don't even know how to feel about it anymore.

    1. Level_With_Me


      You really probably and most likely have heard a lot of advice on this. I just hope you would get through this. After 10 years I'm still battling with depression.

    2. empty inside

      empty inside

      its been 8 years for me now and i still go through patches where i just cant see things as getting better


  4. Self Injury thoughts linger on

    i feel almost exactly the same way, it's fucking exhausting, i wish i could help, i just don't know how.
  5. what should i weigh?!?

    how much a healthy weight for you would be would depend on your height etc, to me what you are now doesn't seem too low, but then again i do have a pretty warped view on what is considered too low and i'm only 5'2 so it would be too bad for me, but that weight at say 6'5 would be really low. idk, im rambling. also no offense but RIP your teeth. honestly i'd still be purging all the time if i wasnt constantly terrified of my teeth falling out.
  6. I feel so lost. i feel like i'm perpetually out of the loop in every way. I don't know what to do.

    1. rainyday107


      Sorry you feel poorly. What do you mean by feeling "out of the loop"?  For example, if I go long stretches without reading or watching the news, I feel "out of the loop" as to what's happening around the world and locally. 

      I have felt "lost" before....disconnected from the world and society overall. Feeling alone.  Not a good feeling. 

      Keep posting. Thinking of you. 

  7. Just Started

    if you have a therapist you should definitely talk to them about this, and even about how to help with your gf invalidating your depression (i know how much of a struggle it can be when you love someone but they're invalidating) as far as the self harm goes, i know how you feel. i've been there, a few times. try and distract yourself from the urges if you can, or do less damaging things. for example, distractions could be going for a walk, taking a shower, binge watching a tv show, movies etc and less damaging things could be flicking rubber bands on your arms, holding ice cubes etc. self harm can be a very dangerous path to go down, it can take over your life, and ruin it. i know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. it's 100% ruined my life. it's like a drug. and yes, i do know that you can't "just stop" when you've started, it can be a complicated mess. anyway, i'm rambling. i hope you're feeling better, do update us as to how you're doing as well. (oh and make sure to take care of your wounds, keep them clean and dry. you don't want an infection)
  8. why

    i think i caught a little bit of you talking about that in chat the other night. i'm so sorry that things aren't going well for you, you deserve the best and i hope that you know everyone here, and CA, is here for you. i wish there was more i could do to help. try to stay safe. xx
  9. Past scars

    bio oil is supposed to be good, but it does take a long time before you see results.
  10. Trying not to relapse

    hey, i know this is a little bit of a late reply, but do you feel any better now? have the urges subsided at all? i know how hard fighting those urges can be, especially if you feel like it could help. try calling your tdoc first if you have one or maybe try something less damaging, like holding ice cubes or flicking rubber bands on your arm, you could try distracting yourself as well, with things like walks movies etc. also try to remember that relapses are a part of recovery. they happen from time to time you just have to try and take care of your self afterwards, be kind to yourself.
  11. why

    i don't either, and even when i did i never asked her for help with that kinda stuff or ever called outside of appointments. anyway, are you feeling any better now?
  12. why

    i wish i could help, ive been almost the exact same position before and ive never gotten through it successfully without self harming. have you tried calling your tdoc?
  13. SI urges are getting stronger and suicidal thoughts are coming back. I think another relapse is coming.

  14. I relapsed

    i dont really have any answers or advice, but i've felt exactly the same way before, it does get better, i don't know how, but it does.
  15. taking my sleep meds with alcohol is the only way to actually make me sleepy right now. hopefully i can get new sleep meds through my gp on monday, i don't need another bad habit to get me through.

    1. dragonfly23


      be careful. I have done the same though so I get it. but still be careful