empty inside

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About empty inside

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    Anhedonia's Bitch
  • Birthday 12/18/95

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    New Zealand

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  1. I feel so lost. i feel like i'm perpetually out of the loop in every way. I don't know what to do.

    1. rainyday107


      Sorry you feel poorly. What do you mean by feeling "out of the loop"?  For example, if I go long stretches without reading or watching the news, I feel "out of the loop" as to what's happening around the world and locally. 

      I have felt "lost" before....disconnected from the world and society overall. Feeling alone.  Not a good feeling. 

      Keep posting. Thinking of you. 

  2. if you have a therapist you should definitely talk to them about this, and even about how to help with your gf invalidating your depression (i know how much of a struggle it can be when you love someone but they're invalidating) as far as the self harm goes, i know how you feel. i've been there, a few times. try and distract yourself from the urges if you can, or do less damaging things. for example, distractions could be going for a walk, taking a shower, binge watching a tv show, movies etc and less damaging things could be flicking rubber bands on your arms, holding ice cubes etc. self harm can be a very dangerous path to go down, it can take over your life, and ruin it. i know that sounds dramatic, but it's true. it's 100% ruined my life. it's like a drug. and yes, i do know that you can't "just stop" when you've started, it can be a complicated mess. anyway, i'm rambling. i hope you're feeling better, do update us as to how you're doing as well. (oh and make sure to take care of your wounds, keep them clean and dry. you don't want an infection)
  3. why

    i think i caught a little bit of you talking about that in chat the other night. i'm so sorry that things aren't going well for you, you deserve the best and i hope that you know everyone here, and CA, is here for you. i wish there was more i could do to help. try to stay safe. xx
  4. bio oil is supposed to be good, but it does take a long time before you see results.
  5. hey, i know this is a little bit of a late reply, but do you feel any better now? have the urges subsided at all? i know how hard fighting those urges can be, especially if you feel like it could help. try calling your tdoc first if you have one or maybe try something less damaging, like holding ice cubes or flicking rubber bands on your arm, you could try distracting yourself as well, with things like walks movies etc. also try to remember that relapses are a part of recovery. they happen from time to time you just have to try and take care of your self afterwards, be kind to yourself.
  6. why

    i don't either, and even when i did i never asked her for help with that kinda stuff or ever called outside of appointments. anyway, are you feeling any better now?
  7. why

    i wish i could help, ive been almost the exact same position before and ive never gotten through it successfully without self harming. have you tried calling your tdoc?
  8. SI urges are getting stronger and suicidal thoughts are coming back. I think another relapse is coming.

  9. i dont really have any answers or advice, but i've felt exactly the same way before, it does get better, i don't know how, but it does.
  10. taking my sleep meds with alcohol is the only way to actually make me sleepy right now. hopefully i can get new sleep meds through my gp on monday, i don't need another bad habit to get me through.

    1. dragonfly23


      be careful. I have done the same though so I get it. but still be careful

  11. i don't really have experiences with imaginary friends but i do have quite a bit of experience with maladaptive daydreaming which can sometimes be similar (sometimes). as far as being able to explain that you're in control without losing her, it kinda depends on whether she's truly imaginary ie you 100% made her up or if you're physically seeing and hearing her despite the fact that she's not real. i also don't know how easy it will be to convince someone that you're in charge if she tells you what to do and tells you to hurt yourself (unless you're able to not listen to her her and not do what she tells you to do). (this also might be in the wrong forum, you might get more helpful responses if this was in the schizophrenia forum, people are more likely to have similar experiences over there) hope that made sense. stay safe! (and welcome to crazyboards)
  12. i fantasize quite a lot about self harm and suicide, i think its pretty normal (even non-crazy people do it, not to the same degree though). the important thing to know though is the difference between thoughts and plans. as long as there's no intent to follow through with your thoughts then there's really no harm in them. just be careful. stay safe.
  13. i know it can feel weird and sometimes overwhelming when parents find out but at least they know now and can hopefully help you get better, there's even a bit of relief in knowing that you don't have to try so hard to hide everything all the time (or there was for me). hopefully your journal turns up soon too. stay safe.
  14. From the album Stuff

    the left hand looks a little better.
  15. From the album Stuff

    decided to try something a bit more fancy with my nails and i really like the outcome. it took about 2 hours and i free handed it. this is my right hand.