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Kona

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About Kona

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    female
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  1. I'm going to post this here since my primary dx is bpd. ive identified that I seem to have two personalities. The me that's there most of the time and is generally okay with things, trying to make other people smile, demure and extremely anxious but generally a nice person. then there's the Me who is pissed, angry at the past, angry at others, angry at myself. This comes out when I self injure or have attempted suicide in the past. I feel like anything small triggers this change depending on the environment, could be as small as a butterfly beating it's wings. I do drugs, drink in excess, have sex when I don't want to etc. I generally become a self destructive monster. what is this in psychiatric terms? Is this splitting?
  2. I am seeing someone next week, hopefully they can arrange a pdoc appointment for me. I feel like the anti psychotic I take has stopped working as well. Thanks.
  3. I'm sorry you have to stop the Med that has helped you. I hope the doctors and yourself can discuss more options.
  4. Hi, yes I did, they discharged me once I was medically stable.
  5. Trigger warning I OD'd yesterday. Opened up to the person I saw after being medically fit about some of my stranger / weirder symptoms. now panicking because I feel like my MH team don't understand because it's hard for me to talk about the weirder stuff to them. i feel like my anti psychotic has run its course... back to the OD, I didn't want to die explicitly so I am classing it as self harm. It didn't really help but it didn't make things worse either, I feel very numb to it all. crying for different reasons to this.
  6. TW: wanting to

    Thanks Wooster. I feel okay today, even good, I haven't felt like this in a while, but I still feel like I should die sooner rather than later... I don't see my situation getting better, in regards to my health and getting anywhere in life. This is quite scary.
  7. TW: wanting to

    I did something but it was only to stop me from OD'ing. If I didn't do something I would have done something worse. i called someone, they're going to take me to my local injuries unit to see if it needs stitches. never been to a place for self harming before. I'm feeling so anxious.
  8. TW: wanting to

    Thank you for your reply, I have a hotline number I may call but not sure what to say. Don't really know what's led to this apart from all my worries adding up.
  9. I want to overdose. i think I would panic. And call someone to help. its better to not do this. But I want to a lot. If I did it and did panic, people would find out and I'd be humiliated. but I want to not be here. not a single mental health bed in the country and I am scared.
  10. I saw a tweet the other day from a psychiatrist trying to find a mental health bed. She said that she was told there are no mental health beds available on the NHS in the country. one private free bed. this makes me very worried...
  11. Anyone experience something like this? Apologies if this is in the wrong forum. i feel like my medication for psychosis is blocking my spiritual development. I want to know what it would be like without it, as I have been feeling like something is missing in my life... i feel disconnected from the world. This isn't new. But I mean I also feel disconnected from my spiritual self. For so long I've focused on only the physical world. Despite being dissociated for a lot of the time. at the same time I don't want to touch my meds because I'm scared of the bad things happening. But what if the good things never happen again? can anyone relate?
  12. I'm not sure how I can help, but I know that I experience similar. I have what I would called 'paranoid thoughts' and these can escalate to delusions when I become consumed by them... Mostly I have a degree of insight. Sometimes I can convince myself it's just my brain being annoying.
  13. I have recently been diagnosed with Joint Hypermobillity Syndrome (JHS) / Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). I've had my joint pain for the best part of 3 years and I've just put up with it. I've taken co-codamol when very bad, which seems to be daily recently - it doesn't help an awful lot. The pain is worse in my knees but also I've done something to my foot recently which means I've been debating bringing out my crutches. This injury (although IDK if it is that or my joints fault) is nearly 2 months old now and not getting better. Anyway - is there a solution to the daily joint pain I experience? It comes and goes, seems to get worse later in the day. But when I walk, oh god, it gets about a 7/8 out of 10 on the pain scale... 10 being agony. So you can imagine I put off walking, I also do not drive.. I often have to push through this 7/8 level pain just to get to appointments. Too much exercise makes it worse, too long sitting in one position makes it worse... I feel a bit stuck.
  14. Thanks heilmania. MH team are okay. I take anti depressants and anti psychotics for my mental health. I may call them but there's not much they can do I think.
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