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survivingbp

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About survivingbp

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  1. I did the last thing on your list, and stopped because someone came into the room I was in - I considered that an attempt given my intent when I sat down and started swallowing. I think intent is key here. I don't know how to hide content so I've just done a spoiler below.
  2. SSRI activation

    a) Yes. b) Involuntarily inpatient stay, eventually came down with a sedating antipsychotic. c) I was "normal" within three weeks, but then was pretty depressed (was hospitalized). And after that extremely manic/psychotic (also hospitalized). Some true semblance of normality took a couple of years.
  3. Thanks Cheese, you are always so helpful.
  4. Long story short - I was diagnosed with bipolar I and a bunch of other things (including anxiety) a few years ago, but because the bipolar had a direct threat to my life and sanity, all of my treatment focused on that. I dropped seeing a therapist because my psychiatrist also offered therapy in our regular consults and that was more affordable for me. Fast forward to now, and my mood is good (yay!). However, my severe anxiety and paranoia is now more obvious to my psychiatrist, and he has advised me to see an external psychologist as well as adding on medications. I'm really scared about seeing a therapist because it's been so long. I was wondering if anyone had any advice about going back into treatment, and how to prepare for that initial consult with the psychologist. Something that worries me is getting across the information I want to in that first meeting. I've written down bullet points, but I don't know exactly what information is the most useful, especially as my psychiatric history is more complex than the average outpatient anxiety patient (psychosis, multiple hospitalizations, suicide attempts etc). My psychiatrist wants the psychologist to give some diagnostic feedback and I'm not sure how to get across the most importation information here. To make things a little complicated, just from observing me and some of my concerns, my psychiatrist thinks I have GAD but also maybe some other stuff too. The GP writing the referral letter wrote down possible OCD and phobias. So everyone agrees that I have very intrusive and disruptive anxiety, but they don't agree on the finer details. It all just feels overwhelming and I'm worried about the consult not going to plan. I don't know how to get ready for it or even calm my mind about it because every time I've discussed these things with clinicians recently it has resulted in anxiety attacks.
  5. Has anyone ever gotten these comments from other people? Four years ago, a close friend who I only saw once every week or two in a group setting told me that he had seen real depression and anxiety and this wasn't it. This was as I was handing over pills for my overdose on the instruction of my therapist. A few weeks earlier, in my first meeting with my psychiatrist (who my therapist had referred me to for depression medication) said I didn't look depressed despite how I was feeling and the sleep disruption etc. After my first inpatient stay, another friend who I also saw in groups said "I can see the ups, but the downs?" I don't know why I can't get these out of my head even though they were years ago. It's making me doubt everything. I've had other clinicians tell me that I am depressed, as well as other family members and friends observe the same thing. But also, why do people feel a need to comment on how you look? What benefit is it supposed to serve? They see you for a very select window, often when you're giving all you have to see normal, and don't see the nightmares, fatigue, leaden limbs, inability to read or write...
  6. 20mg zyprexa zapped the soul out of me and my friends got worried. I'm on 800mg seroquel these days though and I am back to my usual (although anxious) self.
  7. Contemporary medical opinion is that processed meats (and to a lesser extent, red meat) are carcinogenic. I've probably read far too much into this, because I'm a researcher (currently doing a PhD) with pretty persistent health anxieties, and reading about it is the only thing that calms me down. If you make the switch to a plant-based diet, you do have to be careful about excessive carb and fat intake though, as a lot of vegetarian substitutes don't do well in these fields... so it can be a choice between increased bowel cancer risk or increased blood sugar/saturated fat unless you put a lot of effort into meal planning... and having mood and anxiety issues can mean that the energy just isn't there. Everything else they've said is reprehensible. I wonder how much of this is taught at med schools (i.e. mention whatever you want which might be applicable despite how inappropriate the setting is or what your responsibilities are)... it always surprises me how inappropriate or unempathetic some doctors are. I was depressed, having panic attacks, hallucinating and delusional and a doctor I saw told me that I shouldn't quit my job because it paid well, despite it being the original trigger for the episode. She also told me to just "not eat stuff" with respect to severe cravings, and told me that GPs can't renew lithium scripts. She had to call another GP who said she could. She had also been practicing for almost 40 years...
  8. CATT

    In case other people find this thread... I will honestly say that the CATT team was the worst thing to happen to my mental health, possibly ever. I am not anti-treatment, but their actions led to multiple hospitalizations and numerous treatment teams trying to patch up their mistakes for well over a year afterwards. Proceed with caution and prudence.
  9. Maybe you're bisexual and homoromantic? Labels are frustrating and you don't have to have them if you don't want. I get the desire to want a label, as it makes things cleaner and there's a sense of belonging. I was like that once, but things have changed for me over the past few years. I would probably fall under bisexual/biromantic but the politics of claiming those labels is dicey for me, as I've never been in a same-sex relationship. I came out to one of my parents who told me to never tell anyone. So I just change my label depending on who I'm talking to.
  10. The hunger is easier to manage if you don't eat much sugar and have slow-release carbs (low-GI). That will likely reduce cravings dramatically. This website gives some good information on low-GI foods (http://www.diabetes.org/food-and-fitness/food/what-can-i-eat/understanding-carbohydrates/glycemic-index-and-diabetes.html?referrer=https://www.google.com.au/). Some of the low-GI foods like lentils are extremely cheap (they swell a lot when you cook them).
  11. Having some issues understanding the differences between anxiety and paranoia, because to me they seem entwined. How is paranoia treated when it occurs outside of psychosis?
  12. Does anyone else wonder whether they've failed at something because they're not good enough, or whether it's just the illness? Or how do draw the line? I'm doing a PhD at the moment. I've worked for my supervisors before, and they wanted me to come join them again. I got positive letters of recommendation from my undergrad. However, I can't get the train wreck that was my undergraduate thesis out of my head. It was a really bad year - I was hospitalized three times for a total of six weeks, had terrible cognitive effects and couldn't read, and decided to take time off but work on my thesis from home without any calls to my supervisor... but had anxiety attacks at the thought of sitting in front of my computer to work. How do people figure out if something they did was the illness or just because of themselves? I'm worried about making wrong life choices... it's so daunting.
  13. I've read some studies talking about how people with bipolar and schizophrenia sprectrum disorders tend to have lower life expectancies, even when you take out suicide. I was wondering if people knew people with bipolar who lived normal life expectancies? I'm really worried and stressed. I know a large chunk of that figure is due to lifestyle factors (smoking, obesity, drug abuse), but can you consciously make efforts to improve things? I don't drink, I don't smoke, I exercise most days, I'm trying to cut down on sugar, I don't eat red or processed meat, I drink 3L of water a day. I feel like things are lost though no matter how hard I try.
  14. Lithium doesn't make me flat at all. It also hasn't really helped my anxiety, but antipsychotics have been useful in this regard (I can't take antidepressants).
  15. I get this exact thing too.
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