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Hopelessly Broken

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About Hopelessly Broken

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    Human-like zombie

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    trans male

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  1. Of course it has evolved. I was just referring to me specifically. Cerberus was only giving me a specific example to base off of by using that caveman analogy, or at least I assume that was part of his intention, obviously we don't function in that manner today. I don't post here to belong, so no, I don't consider it to be belonging or a need to belong. I don't have any interest in belonging except to myself. It is social, yes, but that's it. I don't boil belonging down to just being called friends. To me, it resides from not wanting to be or feel alone, and to be part of something larger and collective. I have no issue with being alone, and I don't really agree with the collective mindset for me as an individual. I don't consider insinuating influence on society part of survival. I would consider that thriving or actually living a life because it isn't, to me anyways, a primal part of physiology, it is more like an accessory or add-on that we choose to express in whatever way fits for us. I can't do that at this stage in my life for reasons that are not relevant to disclose, but of course, if I could, I would play my part in impacting society. That is a moral thing, though, every day socialising is not and that is what I display the anhedonia towards.
  2. I see the point, no, not all of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs can be met on an individual basis, but it also doesn't specifically indicate whether or not the control, i.e wherever he got his observations from to result in those conclusions about human needs, was healthy and had a stable childhood, or really go into much depth about how those needs might change if you don't have a stable upbringing and are ill in some way. Obvioulsy I did not have such stable upbringing, and I honestly view Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs as almost laughable as a result of that, both the safety and belongingness components in particular. I am alive, so do I really, genuinely need those things to survive? I beg to differ that I do. I might want them to some degree, but I don't actually need them. This makes me ask if maybe it is more than a simple lack of interest and enjoyment in social activities. In regards to whether it serves an autistic person well to have that trait, is it not our decision to make as to whether it does or not? For me, I would say the only time in which it doesn't is when it attracts such negative attention from the people in my life who disapprove of it, because that adds unnecessary strain to my life.
  3. Hmmm. Well that is odd to me. But good to know. Its just like all the other things that are supposed to be enjoyable that aren't, I guess.
  4. That's what I thought. Just like the other traits, I guess, some have them more or less. I don't really understand how another person's presence can be enjoyable, if I'm honest, but no point in trying to make me until I learn somehow myself. I get the idea of it, but it just doesn't add up in my brain because I don't interact with people for that purpose. Is it meant to be enjoyable? Like, am I missing out on anything because it isn't?
  5. Isn't that still social? Especially if it is face to face. Social= interacting with another person, or multiple people, no? Sorry if that seems like a daft assumption to make, but that's how it works in my brain. If its something that is necessary, then I will usually find a way to communicate it. But to me, that communication is different to social interaction that isn't literally necessary, if that makes any sense. Sometimes there are times that I don't, though, but that's usually because of the relationship I have with the person/people that tells me that they won't listen, so why bother. This is more for spontaneous initiation of social interaction that is just for the hell of it (or at least in my brain) like doing group activities or making friends/meeting random people and maintaining social contact with them without being made to.
  6. Since becoming an adult, this particular pattern of behaviour that I have has drawn more and more unwanted attention towards me, and whenever I have spoken to a health professional about it, they have said, basically, something along the lines that it is very odd, but they are unsure what it comes from. The reason I ask mainly is because I think it is an autistic thing. However, my providers think it is the same as social deficits from my Asperger's, whereas I know it is not and whenever I explain how it is different, I get ignored because I'm not the NT who knows it all about social norms. I am very stubborn like a lot of us are, but if you do think it is a social deficit, then of course I am more than inclined to listen to another actually autistic person about why they consider it to be one. If possible, an example of how would be appreciated. So the pattern of behaviour I have is apparently referred to as social anhedonia from what I have read and heard from health professionals. Long story short, is it "typical" for an autistic person to not have motivation to socialise and to not gain anything from social interaction to such a degree that they barely ever accompany anyone in person, and typically find it a complete dud and about as boring as watching the grass grow? The reason I say it is not a social deficit is because I don't consider it to impair me, or to cause any distress in my life, whereas, say lack of theory of mind causes significant impairment and a wide array of processing and sensory problems. I don't know, I just really could not care less to socialise at all, and besides the internet presence I have, consider socialising to be useless and a waste of my time. I will not initiate any face to face social interaction unless I am literally forced to. Are you like this also, or is it something else? As far as I recall, I have always been this way, its just more obvious now because I have the capacity to say no and refuse to interact if I don't consider it to be worth my effort. Thanks in advance.
  7. Something is wrong with CB.

    Its all fine again now.
  8. Something is wrong with CB.

    There's another topic that lookingforanswers started recently, but because if the issue that is occurring, I can't reply to him. I don't know if the issue is exclusive to mobile devices or not, but I only use my phone so that's how it effects me. What is happening is that when I click on a topic or any post that I am allowed to read, including my own blog entries, I can't read them because there is an error on the page. This has been going on for the past few days, but it only started off as being random, now it happens every time without fail. Presumably this will mean no one can reply to this topic, but regardless I put it here to make sure that the mod team is aware of it. Specifically, this is what the error looks like when it happens:
  9. Something is wrong with CB.

    There's another topic that lookingforanswers started recently, but because if the issue that is occurring, I can't reply to him. I don't know if the issue is exclusive to mobile devices or not, but I only use my phone so that's how it effects me. What is happening is that when I click on a topic or any post that I am allowed to read, including my own blog entries, I can't read them because there is an error on the page. This has been going on for the past few days, but it only started off as being random, now it happens every time without fail. Presumably this will mean no one can reply to this topic, but regardless I put it here to make sure that the mod team is aware of it. Specifically, this is what the error looks like when it happens:
  10. only until October to opt out (Australia)

    Yes, as long as the doctor actually puts them there.
  11. only until October to opt out (Australia)

    I am opting in because I'm already treated like a pile of dirt anyways, and I want the right to actually be able to see and read my own records that is currently illegal because of the law that says all medical records belong to the doctor who wrote them or asked for the testing. I am sick to death of having my own medical information hidden from me. Honestly, at this point the healthcare system here, especially the mental health one and the disability sector couldn't possibly treat me any worse, so that's nothing new to me. Professionals already know about my psych records, disabilities and every last scrap of shit on me long before I meet them.
  12. Coffee vs stimulants

    Well, coffee is not an amphetamine, and it also effects the peripheral nervous system more than the CNS, whereas stims do the opposite to varying degrees.
  13. Book wise, Peter Walker's book Surviving To Thriving is probably the best, and he has a website. He is both a trauma therapist and a complex trauma survivor himself, so you get the level of understanding and personal insight you can't get from a therapist with no lived experience. There is also a website for complex trauma survivors, it is called Out Of The Storm, just Google it. Unfortunately there isn't much info or resources about complex PTSD yet, so a lot you have to find by reflecting on yourself and information from other survivors. I have the same issue, always been treated for double depression but nothing has changed, and it is very difficult to treat me in a way that benefits me at all. But if the option is available to you, yes, go with a trauma therapist because there is more chance they have actual experience with that. Don't want to hijack your thread, so I'll be quiet, mostly because my depression is part of my complex PTSD and my personality has been/is fragmented by my trauma, and I don't have a strong ego either, never have, and yes it does impact those things, so I don't want to scare you. My symptoms are very disturbing to most people.
  14. Yes, that is what an emotional flashback is, it is when you get drowned in emotions from the past trauma. These types of flashbacks are very common in complex PTSD and it doesn't matter if you remember the trauma itself or not, it still happens. That is just another way you remember, there are several besides retaining physical and visual memory. How you deal with them depends on various factors, I won't bother going into them because you have to be in tune with your survival mode etc first, which takes a lot of time and skill. I will say that doing more research on it will likely be able to give you some insight.
  15. Weird that is. It is natural to me because I have always been that way. I am the opposite, accessing and having emotions and emotional reactions is a lot less natural, disturbing and very hard for me. But I have other things that contribute to it that are more primary than my depression. Honestly, as I get older it impairs my functioning more and more, and I grow rather tired of having no option but to just put up with it. It is rather hard to deal with when it comes to activities that are supposed to be stimulating, enjoyable or pleasurable, and being able to take on responsibilities in terms of daily functioning. Oh well. Its only been about 14 years, still here obviously.
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