Steve223

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About Steve223

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  1. This is edited because I realized I was just back to my old baseless fears
  2. While I was in college, I will admit that I didn't really even bother to do simple things like brushing my hair (and I have hair that's medium length/on the longer end of medium rather than short hair). I also would rarely shave and sometimes didn't even bother to wash my hair or anything. Pretty much the only "grooming" I did back then was wiping my rear end..... and brushing my teeth assuming I didn't forget for some reason which happened at times. I did generally shower but only because I've enjoyed showering and have found the falling water to be quite meditative. If I was going to work, I had slightly better grooming (e.g. would make a halfhearted effort at combing my hair)..... otherwise I probably generally appeared quite disheveled and possibly even "crazy" much of the time. However, now I pay a lot of attention to my grooming and appearance. Not only do I comb my hair and all now, but I even bother to do things like using conditioner and making sure it is combed properly. In the past, it wasn't so much that grooming was something I was averse to.... just that my mind was otherwise occupied and I didn't feel the need to bother/would just forget about things like brushing my hair.
  3. Check out this cat video: Apparently, cats can swim?!?!?! I had no idea. I know that my cat HATES water and shakes his head and runs away if even a drop of water accidentally gets on him, and all the cats I've known over the years hated it too. However, apparently there are some that actually like to swim.
  4. I just wanted to say that I'm doing much better, and I'm not feeling so paranoid anymore. My mind seems to have stopped weaving these illogical, paranoid scenarios, and I have been feeling much more myself yesterday and today. I also haven't had any more hallucination incidents other than that one time the other day that I mentioned in my previous post. I haven't seen my tdoc yet, but I will in the near future. I haven't made the appointment yet as I've been very busy with work, but I'll definitely call him as soon as I get a chance.
  5. I'm starting to feel paranoid and feel I'm going crazy, unfortunately. Not in a terrible way I don't think, but I feel like I'm losing it at the moment. When I was out earlier, I started randomly feeling like everyone was staring at me and talking about me even though that wasn't the case. Then, I got mad at my Mom but my reasons were quite all over the place and it's difficult for me to really explain what was going on. She started asking me if I felt like I was losing it and I just said I didn't know honestly. She asked me if I was okay and needed to talk about anything, and I didn't want to now but she was encouraging me.... and said for me to talk to her at some point, but I don't know what to say. Just now, I was randomly on the computer just browsing a random website that was a different site but similar to this one and I began to have paranoid thoughts that maybe it was somehow set up as a secret conspiracy to spy on people. This was a couple minutes ago, I realize it was absurd..... but it was just freaky the way I just started thinking this perfectly normal website.... suddenly was part of some shadowy conspiracy with no logical reason at all. Earlier, I was having paranoid thoughts regarding the Illuminati messing with me and hacking my facebook account to make it look like I unfriended this girl I liked (in reality she actually just ditched me unfortunately, no Illuminati hacking). It's rather difficult to shake these paranoid, nonsensical thought patterns that keep arising in my mind even though I'm realizing it's all in my mind. I really don't want to tell anyone about this though, as it really makes very little sense when I think about it with a logical mind..... yet at points somehow I convince myself I'm not paranoid and there's some absurd scenario going on. Last week, my fear/delusion was the men in black (e.g. alien hybrids working for a shadowy Illuminati type organization) having gone after the girl that I liked and then doing some sort of surveillance on me (but I didn't want to talk about it) at the time due to concerns they could be watching the stuff I post here remotely. I thought of talking about it with another self help forum that I'm part of and easily able to use easily with a Tor browser. Sometimes, I'm nervous to post about such personal stuff for fear that my posts are being logged/monitored in my ISPs servers and making the wrong impression online could result in surveillance on my computer to watch me through my webcam and/or the microphones on my computer. However, I was even concerned about that for a moment for fear that the men in black could be psychic and know what I was doing even if I posted on the other forum through this advanced "proxy", though it's different than an ordinary proxy but explaining the differences would take up way too much of this post and is irrelevant to my mental health concerns. For a moment, I considered making a tent out of velostat in my room (a material that is purported to block alien telepathy, I read about it online) to post underneath, though when I started thinking about that, I figured the velostat tent plus Tor would prevent the men in black from being able to get me.... then I realized it was all paranoia. However, I did have some reason to be concerned, as the girl I liked had moved her blog and suddenly ceased to be active on facebook, after having made a final fb post about UFOs prior to deleting her account. Frankly, I just took all this as a stretch of logical thinking that had gone a bit awry. Now, I got paranoid again.... without as much of a good reason. I work online, but it's been rather difficult to focus today due to all the things going on. I feel like I should get off the computer since much of my paranoia seems to be centered around hackers... and at points I find myself nervous that the cursor is about to start moving by itself as a result of my computer being hacked by someone whose spying on me. I think I'm fine but my paranoia is really getting the better of me these days, and I really hate this feeling. I feel like I've gone crazy. Even right now, I have fears that someone is somehow going to show up at my door, and I keep weaving these paranoid scenarios in my head. Literally earlier today, I got myself paranoid that some serial killer might show up at my door and kill me. Not sure why I thought that, but I just worried about this for some reason. I also was in the shower and heard people talking, when no one was there. This sort of thing used to happen to me all the time, but it has been ages since this was the case. It really annoyed me and confused me, and I hate to admit it but I just said, "shut up" to absolutely no one but knew no one was there.... which was why I said shut up. I hate to admit this, and I feel like a lunatic for even admitting to such a thing. However, this forum is called "crazy" boards after all, so I know people aren't going to judge me for it here I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about this, I've always been a very rational person and never have had psychosis or anything like that, I just sometimes get myself in these strange states of mind. I've never needed any medications or anything, I've always been able to get out of it on my own but it had been a long while since I've had these issues and I certainly haven't missed it. I felt so rational and felt I was beyond all this crap.... but I guess I'm still a lunatic, as always. I probably should see my tdoc again. Not sure what I should tell him, as I do not want to be involuntarily hospitalized. I'd just like to talk to someone about what is going on in my head, without being put in some hospital. If they did hospitalize me involuntarily over this, I would be beyond angry to be honest. I am having issues for sure, but I certainly don't need to lose my freedom over it which is why I am rather reluctant to seek any help for the particular issues and the nature of the issues I'm dealing with at the moment. If the mods feel this post doesn't belong in the anxiety section, they're free to move it to another section, whatever section they feel is appropriate. I can understand that the nature of my issues may go beyond simply being "anxiety" and are more of these strange, frightening stories that my mind keeps weaving that have loose connections to what is going on.
  6. I have to be honest, I really don't care for daylight savings time. I usually don't care, but this time it really threw my sleep patterns off badly.
  7. It's a natural SSRI, so if you're prone to mania or other conditions that are affected negatively by SSRIs, St. John's Wort could have the same type of side effects. I'd talk to your doctor about it as St. John's Wort actually does affect neurotransmitters in substantial manner. As someone else said, mixing it with pharmaceutical SSRIs could lead to serotonin syndrome.
  8. You'll also likely get other forms of assistance, such as food stamps and medicaid. When you factor that in, people do live off it. However, it is not much, and it can be difficult to have money for extra things or unforseen expenses. It also depends on where you live. In some parts of the country, it's unlikely that you'd be able to live off it. For instance, if you live in a major metropolitan area (NYC for instance), SSI won't be enough to cover rent and other necessary expenses. In other areas, you would be likely to find a place, but money would still likely be quite tight. I've never lived off disability, but I've known quite a few people who have and all of them said that money was very tight living off it but it was possible where I grew up anyways.
  9. The one on the left looks a lot like my cat.
  10. One could theoretically get "high" from it, but it actually isn't a drug that is very sought after. From what I hear, the affects are simply a "drugged" sensation that relatively few people find desirable.
  11. Sadly, people seem to elect some of the stupidest and greediest people within the possibly doomed human race. We elect either two groups of people, spineless bureaucrats that just do nothing and keep things exactly the same as they have been for decades...... or morons who go after people who exhibit behaviors that are "un-American" in a way that's no different than the way a group of zoo monkeys would throw poop at someone for wandering into their cage. Why exactly doesn't the country come together and elect someone that actually knows what they are doing?..... that's what the purpose of democracy is?!?!? The founding fathers wanted us to vote for someone who knew what they are doing. Also, I don't really believe that Democracy was intended to be a two party system, it was intended to be a system where the people of the United States of America that I'm proud to be a part of vote for the most qualified candidate. I also feel that EVERY citizen should vote in every election, and there are few if any excuses not to vote. So, this isn't a political speech so much as it is a statement that in 2020 and 2018...... I think everyone should get out and pick whoever they feel is qualified. Really, really think about the individual candidate and vote for who you genuinely support in your heart not just thinking about who your family and/or friends support. Voting by nature is anonymous, so vote for the candidate that you genuinely believe in.
  12. Paranoia is an irrational fear, something like someone stealing your phone is an entirely plausible scenario. In order for something to be paranoia, it has to not be something that could actually happen.
  13. This telemarketer called me for the umpteenth time and I rejected the call with a message that just said, "go f yourself, you f'ing piece of shit'...... well at least, they did FINALLY stop calling me Although, I have to say I felt bad about being such a jerk to the guy. The guy was just like anybody else doing their job, even though telemarketers do annoy the hell out of me. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I lost it when a telemarketer called me. It really does piss me off, especially when it's in the morning and the call wakes me up.
  14. Without a doubt, and they're visiting us. I've had some UFO experiences myself, and numerous people I know have seen them as well.
  15. I have something very similar. Unlike you, I wasn't raised in a religious household, though we did attend church. Many of my obsessions tend to center around fearing saying something against God or the divine and fears of being cursed. The compulsion that go with it are often odd things like avoiding cracks in the sidewalk and other equally nonsensical and pointless obsessions.