Steve223

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About Steve223

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  1. For me an anxiety/panic attack either involves the false belief that I may be having a heart attack (yet I've always had enough sense not to do something really stupid like showing up at the ER for the 'heart attack'), or it's connected to OCD type phobias that involve fearing that I've consumed a deadly poisonous chemical or have said or done something extremely inappropriate. They never really occur as a solitary phenomena. It's just a racing heart type feeling, nausea, and extreme anxiety. During the times that it's happened, I've generally appeared outwardly normal....... yet I avoid interacting with others as much as possible. The other key part of it is that rationalizing it doesn't work. Just as I rationally say that I'm actually not having a heart attack, I just end up going right back to thinking that I am. Until maybe a ten minutes, a half hour, or maybe an hour or so goes by and I stop "feeling like" I'm having one and just go back to my ordinary self and forget about it as best I can. It's probably only happened 5-10 times or so in total, but they really are a pain for sure.
  2. I'd say there's a greater than 50% chance that she won't come around or change her views at all, ever...... and I think there's at least a 50/50 chance that she'd ultimately just cut off contact with me completely if I ever found myself in a gay relationship, even if she says otherwise, she's been known to lie. However, there is something that I thought could possibly be affecting her views, assuming it isn't just lies. This may be off base as it all may have been made up stories to to try to scare me and manipulate me. She said that the close friend she had that who was gay died of aids, and she claims that she had been extremely close with him. Assuming this is a true story and not just all made up (she lies without much thought about it if manipulation is the goal, so there's no way to know what's fact vs fiction). If it were true though, I can imagine that must have been a very sad and traumatic experience for her that would have likely shaped her views considerably and possibly caused her to react out of fear when I'm telling her this. Not sure though and I'm sure if she brought it up, she possibly and maybe even likely would just say that has nothing to do with her views and that I'm just "trying to force her to accept it" and say nothing more about it..... but maybe I'm not 100% off base on this.
  3. Over the past couple of years, this issue has come up multiple times..... over and over with the same crap every time. Her judgment of me has resulted in me going back into the closet several times. Then back out again, like cycles. This time, she first had a judgmental outburst over the phone that ultimately included her saying she was unsure if she wanted to remain in contact with me if I were ever in a relationship with a guy because she was seeming judgmental towards me and I just said, "look you don't have to be part of my life, you don't even have to talk to me. that's fine.". After that, she backtracks. Starts saying that she always wants to be in my life, but that she's "not sure how she feels about it" and doesn't wish to discuss it. I don't discuss it. Some weeks pass, it comes up again. Her reasoning for her behavior doesn't make much sense to me. She has had multiple gay friends. Hasn't had many friends in general but several of them have been gay, and she's been very close with them. Also was basically best friends for years with a woman who is a lesbian. She even says that she "believes in equality" and has always been of this mindset. However, she admits to me that she has no problem with gay people, but that because its her kid she won't really be able to accept me but has had numerous gay best friends over the years..... and that we're incompatible with one another because of this but she wants to stay part of my life and claims to not be rejecting me.... but that she's "entitled to her reaction" to this. She also says that she will never not be uncomfortable with this and will never be okay with it or fully accept it. Her position on it is 100% set in stone, according to her. How on Earth is this behavior not her rejecting me? Or at least thinking about it? She's not embarrassed of me I don't think, because currently she has zero friends. No one, so I don't know who she'd be embarrassed to? However, she is also saying that she isn't convinced of me not being straight..... despite the fact that she drove me up the wall recently to the point where I said something that I did in the past. This time it started because she's saying stuff to me about the way that I dress. I wear what's basically a women's hairstyle and paint my nails, and you don't really see other guys that dress in a similar way to myself, at least other than on rare occasion. But I like the way I look and have always felt kind of feminine, never anything serious in terms of issues with my body or anything like that....... but still I see no reason at all why I should go back to dressing like a "normal" guy like I did when I was younger. Why should I have to? In fact, she even started to say something relating me being gay to the way I dress, indicating things along the lines of gender differences. She also started acting very concerned for me and my future, saying that I'm going to be treated differently because of the way I am. Which definitely is true, but she just seemed extremely concerned about the whole thing to the point that it was difficult for me to get through to say anything to her. Essentially, she just seems kind of confused about this.
  4. I've never had any threesomes, so I can't really comment for sure that this is bad advice. However, building a relationship with the guy that you'll be having a threesome with sounds like it may make the whole situation more likely to create jealousy. Perhaps, OP's boyfriend or OP may begin to become attached to the guy in a romantic sort of way. If the guy were someone who you OP and OP's boyfriend didn't know that well or have much emotional connection with, it seems relatively unlikely that this would happen.
  5. I'm bi myself. I've never had a threesome nor is that something I would need with the way my life is, but I get where he's probably coming from. He's probably wanting this because he's never been with a guy before. Since I've already been with both on separate occasions, I wouldn't have to experience the gender other than whoever I'm with (single nowadays and have been getting rejected by both sexes for quite a while now, which is just great... pretty damn depressing actually). At this point in his life sex with a guy isn't something he's experienced and he feels he has to. However, it could bring up jealousy and difficulties you're not yet aware of. Never been in the position of needing a threesome or having one but I could imagine it would be difficult to avoid jealousy and changes in the relationship.
  6. It happened again! What the hell! With a totally different person! What the fuck is going on?!?!?!?!?! Are these people talking about me behind my back?
  7. Okay, this has happened twice now with two different people. I don't get what's going on, but it's beginning to make me wonder if large numbers of people are talking about me behind my back. Something just isn't right with this picture. A few months ago, a guy flipped me off as I was passing him in the parking lot for utterly no reason. This was a few/couple months ago. Today, I was on my way home, and this woman was driving in the other lane in did the same thing! I don't get it, and it's seriously making me wonder if this has to do with the fact that a bunch of people are talking about me. I just don't get it. I seriously cannot imagine why this has happened twice over the past 3 months or so. The one thing I can think of is that I'm not really the best driver. Not in a dangerous way, but I tend to get over-cautious about the lights. Sometimes, where it's right on red or a stop sign, I'll sit at the intersection too long and it annoys people. Still, I cannot recall this happening with this woman, and it perplexes me that she'd still be pissed at me over that days or weeks later. It just makes me think it must be something else. I just don't get it! The only possibilities I can think of is that rumors are being spread about me by complete strangers or some kind of traffic thing. What do you think is going on here? And do you think these two complete strangers must've talked to one another about me, or were they separate reasons..... or perhaps even just luck that I was mixed up with someone else in both cases. I live in a fairly large city so I cannot imagine what kind of rumor it would take to spread throughout the city like that. It's just really starting to seriously scare me and start to wonder if there's some major rumor about me that's spreading like wildfire and these unrelated people have somehow had contact with each other about me! Unfortunately, I'm beginning to think that's what is going on here. I have no idea what the hell these people are saying about me, but it's really freaking me out as apparently it's causing them to just flip me off in traffic like that. It's honestly making me fear for my safety, that perhaps these people could be planning to truly harm me somehow. What the hell is going on here?
  8. Wait until the blood work comes back, and try not to worry in the mean time. I struggle with the same thing, and I'm always nervous about doctor's appointments and lab tests. Whenever I get my blood work done or any medical procedure, it also nags me while I'm waiting and I frequently find myself fearing the worst. Even if the blood work comes back normal, make sure you tell your doctor about the pain.
  9. There is no Trumpcare. The bill is simply a complex dance of doing nothing but at the same time giving the appearance that they're doing something. This bill isn't going anywhere in the senate, and once they change it, the freedom caucus says they want out. So, probably no repeal yet. It will likely keep going back and forth a few times before they "settle" on something. The thing is there are a few Republicans that want there to be some protections in place for healthcare, the moderates. They are a minority, but the margins are slim and the Republicans need their votes. Then, there are the Freedom Caucus members and supporters of the Freedom Caucus. These guys don't want to have anything in place in terms of healthcare, nor are they in favor of any form of government assistance for any issue. So, Republicans have to create legislation that appeases both of these groups. The fact that they don't agree on this and have to take steps to basically appease both sides simultaneously, which is nearly impossible to do, has resulted in them being slowed down drastically. This time, the bill won't make it through the Senate I don't think, and then when it gets altered and sent back to the house (if it even does), they would likely reject the changes, starting the cycle over again. At some point though, I think they will "come up with something". That will basically take away quality health coverage from anybody that isn't one of the super-rich, because while you might be able to get health insurance, there is a good chance that it won't really cover much of anything. Say for instance, health policies that don't cover medications and hospitalization and only cover office visits, or something equally ludicrous.
  10. In traffic today, this guy randomly started honking his horn and yelling at me. I have no idea what I did. I was merely driving through a parking lot and minding my own business, when suddenly this guy in the other lane just started going nuts on me. I just kept driving, and I frankly have no idea what was going on. Had I cut him off in traffic earlier? Did he think I was someone else? I'm perplexed? It's making me kind of nervous though to be honest. It seemed like I was just going about my ordinary business, and then this guy just was suddenly going gonzo on me. Hopefully, I won't run into him again.
  11. I think I've contacted them too via telepathy. I've had some lucid dream experiences of contact and some other telepathic experiences with them, but I've even seen them in person like I was saying. I find them quite fascinating, yet am also quite afraid of them even though somehow I know there's nothing to fear.
  12. Your describing theistic Satanism (a.k.a. reverse christianity). This isn't what most Satanists are though. Most Satanists are really just atheists that have ego driven attributes as the core of their philosophy... but they simply have adopted the term for shock value. Also, it's highly unlikely that the bible says anything about homosexuality. There is a quote that people interpret that way when there is no evidence of it.
  13. Is it possible to take stimulants for ADHD if you have symptoms of other mental health problems? I have experienced some issues with depression and even a few manic like behaviors at times in the past. In general, I'm relatively stable, except for these sporadic issues. I've never had a full blown manic episode, lost touch with reality or anything, but my behavior has become rather unusual as a result of these issues at times. I do have fairly significant ADHD that greatly impairs most facets of my life. I haven't sought any professional attention due to the fact that I'm concerned stimulants for the ADHD would exacerbate the other problems that I have, although they are quite minor. I also don't want to take a mix of medications in order to counteract any side effects of stimulants. Typically speaking, is it still possible to get conventional treatments for ADHD in a situation like this...... or would the doctor most likely put me on a cocktail of medications (aimed at minimizing side effects of the stimulants). The thing is, due to concerns for my long term physical health, I am rather leery of taking more than one medication. I may be interested in a single medication for ADHD (or one that would effectively manage other problems along with it), but I'm not comfortable with the idea of taking more than one thing, especially if the medications have the possibility of causing side effects on one's physical health, which it seems that most forms of medication for anything do, not just with mental health. I'm simply debating whether or not I should seek evaluation and treatment for my ADHD as an adult. I do work, and I'm actually quite good at what I do, as I work online. However, my ADHD definitely does get in the way of some (many) areas of my life.
  14. While NASA spends billions of dollars looking for aliens as life elsewhere, I feel mainstream science is shunning the fact that they're already here. I have seen UFOs three times and have been visited in my room by aliens in my room. I have seen them but it isn't just me. Thirty million people in the U.S. have seen UFOs and there are numerous photographs. So, why is it that people continue to deny that they're here? Am I missing something? I think they're 100% benevolent though so nothing to fear. I see them as humanity's guardians..... and I feel I benefited very strongly from one encounter in particular. I'd go as far as to say I think what people are as aliens may really be guardian angels. Just my beliefs on it. I can totally understand that maybe most people don't agree with me, and that's fine. Just sharing my thoughts.
  15. Sound of the universe.. In a way I think I have heard that sound, yet I've attributed it to my tinnitus. The sound of the universe idea sounds cooler though for sure, maybe there's something to it who knows. We don't know everything that's for sure. I've never thought of the universe as having a sound but this idea really fascinates me now Also what are sine waves?