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About Wooster

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    "I need a drink and a peer group." -Ford Prefect

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    a planet that's evolving And revolving at 900 miles an hour
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    enjoy your life

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  1. Enteric coated propranolol flavored like Nerds would be preferable. That crap's bitter!

  2. @JustNuts You're making a pretty big assumption that the content of private messages is inaccessible to copyright holders. You've stated that you are willing to PM a file to another member that clearly is in violation of fair use of a copyrighted work. Anyone looking for just cause to go poking through the server just found it. Those files continue to exist on the server. Should a someone come knocking on Velvet Elvis's door with a warrant, the user agreement specifies that he will comply. Because you've stated that you are willing to PM that file to another user, we now have to either monitor your PMs or block your PM capacity in order to continue to qualify for "safe harbor" protection. That's a dick move to pull on a site that has all volunteer moderators. @Yuna Do you have a public library? If your library doesn't have the book, they often can get it through interlibrary loan.
  3. And get CrazyBoards shut down. Please don't be the reason we can't have nice things. Seriously. Copyright is copyright. We don't encourage or support or allow violating it, just like we don't encourage or support or allow questions about how to obtain drugs illegally.
  4. Night shift kills my soul faster than anything except rotating/inconsistent shift work. It sucks. Keeping your husband off your case is a decent reason to not self harm as a coping strategy. And rubber band snapping definitely counts as a harm reduction strategy compared to other ways of hurting yourself as a way to manage intense or difficult feelings. It seems like you've hit the weird catch-22 of work and stability and MI... needing the promotion to earn more and get off nights so you can get more stable, afford meds and tdoc. It's possible your work partner got promoted because they didn't call in as much. I'm not sure what your situation is with regard to health insurance. Most primary care providers are comfortable starting medication for depression and likely even managing it as well. And if you go to a low-income clinic, they often can help you access a psych nurse practitioner and behavioral health counselor/therapist as well. Thoughts about talking to your supervisor to find out what it would take for you to get the next available promotion?
  5. Hi @TearfulSolace. I'm going to close this thread because it is a duplicate from your depression post. We want people to use one thread in one place instead of duplicates because it consolidates all the answers in one place. It's ok to let people know you're still struggling and would like some more support. Sometimes it also helps if there's a specific question you'd like to get feedback on or ask how other people would handle, etc.
  6. FWIW, there's a difference between benzo abuse and benzos taken as prescribed. I don't think anyone is saying they're candy. What I hear people saying is that it may not be as bad as one reads about. There's a decided sample bias about whatever gets put on the internet when it's not vetted in anyway. If someone has a horrifically bad experience they're more likely to write about it than if they have an unremarkable one. Also FWIW, benadryl isn't harmless either.
  7. Keep us posted on how it goes! And if you have any questions about how stuff works on the boards, don't be shy about asking any of the mods.
  8. I think I had the sweet spot with regard to decreasing my life stress, increasing my "occupational therapy" activities, onboarding (really just reminding myself about) a bunch of skills through DBT, and getting a service dog, so that by the time I changed from lorazepam to klonopin I had a ton of other tools to help. I didn't notice that I developed a tolerance to the anti-anxiety effects. But I also started having a lot less anxiety combined with more tools to manage the anxiety so it was generally less distressing. It's likely that you'll have a physical tolerance after a time, which is why an abrupt discontinuation would be a bad idea. Sometimes people have seizures if the cold-turkey. And if not a seizure, it's likely you'll feel like absolute crap, so do your absolute best to never ever ever run out. Stable dosing for a period of a few months is a good idea, in general. Any time we change the chemical soup our brains swim around in, the brain has to reconfigure and that takes time. So I'd advocate for getting used to the med, have a period of stability on it, grab onto anything that helps you feel more skillful in managing anxiety that doesn't make it worse, and you'll know when you're ready to start lowering it. ETA: I'd definitely go for steady state dosing if that's what your doc recommends. I can get away with irregular use now because I have a bunch of other stuff to help that's not meds. Most of the time I can cope just fine now. However, without that period of stability, who knows where I'd be now.
  9. Hi @Kain Welcome to the crazy zoo. Hope you enjoy your stay. I took several years to transition from lorazepam (ativan) to klonopin. I didn't want to make the switch because I had seen people abuse it pretty badly. But when I did, I ended up getting a lot better coverage for my anxiety and less breakthrough anxiety. I started at 2mg a day and slowly worked my way down on my schedule over the course of a few years with support from my doc. I still take half of a 0.5 mg tab zero to three times a week to help me with sleep. I'm glad I had it when I needed it. And I'm also glad I don't need it as much as I did. It was a good chemical splint at the time my brain needed some healing.
  10. I just wanted to brush my teeth. Fuck you, trauma.
  11. @understanding If you would like to talk about religion or spirituality, we have a section of the boards for that where you can talk all you want about your personal religious beliefs. However, proselytizing as you have done in this post, even though you have clearly intended to be supportive, is not ever ok on this particular mental health support site. Thanks for playing nicely with others.
  12. Sorry for taking this thread off-topic. I felt the need to do so because of the fucked up stuff being said reinforcing the invisibility of bisexuality. Back to the OP... sexual orientation/attraction during mania. Ready? Set? Go!
  13. No need to apologize at all. We're all fuckin' nuts here.
  14. One of the things I notice about skimming all that you've written out is how you change time between past and present. You talk about thing in the past with words that sound like they're happening now. To me, that can often be an indicator of "unprocessed" trauma: the past doesn't stay in the past and it's hard to tell coherent stories with beginning, middle, end about it. Does that sound like what you experience?
  15. Gracias. It's not really that it was a poll itself. It was the specific question asking people to posit whether you have BPD or C-PTSD. For all intents and purposes there's really very little difference in the two with regard to symptoms and etiology (though not always with etiology). The crappy differences are that a) BPD carries a ton more stigma, b) C-PTSD isn't yet a "legit" diagnosis, specifically meaning "not in the DSM 5" and c) C-PTSD considered a highly "political" diagnosis because it's squarely naming the effects of prolonged exposure to trauma, especially childhood abuse and neglect as the cause which leads to "b" (not yet a 'legit' diagnosis). If you're into books, you might also really like The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel VanDerKolk.