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About ladyboss

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    Daddy's Lil' Monsta
  • Birthday 07/24/1996

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    You see, madness....is a lot like gravity - all it takes is a little push.

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  1. Is it ok to hate your dad?

    So many Christian households have stuff like this happen. 9/10 because they're not actual Christians either. (No offense. I was a Christian but not anymore.) Your dad sounds abusive. And circling around the issue isn't going to fix it. You need to find a therapist or someone in your life to confide in. We can only help you so much over the internet. Stay safe.
  2. We're going to counseling again. My insecurities are being a b*tch again. I feel not good enough...again. 😞 my counselor says I may need daily affirmations...I think I need more? I had a break down earlier because I feel like I'm not what he wants. As per usual he says I'm the love of his life and that he wants to grow old with me.... This breakdown was triggered because of some of his porn choices. Turns out he's had two girls before and it wasn't just a fantasy. Now I'm jealous. I've offered him a three some. He says no. I've offered to let him sleep with someone else. He says no. I've offered an open relationship and he says no. He says he's happy with me and only me because he loves me. But I've got my doubts.... I've basically told my dad "f**ck off" two times because I love my fiance I really do. But at the same token we've been together almost a year at the end of this month. I've never had a relationship last this long. And I even admitted part of me thinks we should end it because then he can't hurt me. He agreed that we need to go to counseling again this week. We already agreed before that premarital counseling was something we needed since I'm borderline and he's bipolar. We have some issues we need to hash out before we tie the knot. Might I also mention I'm 21. He's 43. He's been married twice and after getting screwed over twice vowed to never marry again but I changed his mind...I've never been married. I've had doubts and fits of "cold feet" lately despite us not having a date. But at the same time I don't see a future without him. I know I love him. I just worry I'm not what he wants. He said if I wasn't he would have left already.
  3. Yeah he just said that even if he and I were to break up, he would have a photo of me on his phone, even. I just find it odd, and I also meant like a photo of you two together, not necessarily the family. IMO, I wouldn't wanna. It would hurt too much. I mean hell, my dad asks about my mom from time to time. She IS my mom, and they WERE married for 11 years. And there are times I kinda...facebook stalk my exes out of boredom, LOL.
  4. I was reading a question from the relationship subreddit on, of course, Reddit to my fiancé. He mentions that sometimes people DO keep photos of an ex on their phone, which I kinda don't get if they have Facebook...isn't that kinda the point? Wouldn't you want to delete them so you don't get all hurt feelings again? Photos of the two of you, MAYBE. But just them? He says maybe to remember the good times you did have. Or if you were married to them and had kids, cause you still love them (that makes a LITTLE more sense, my dad still loves my mother, they were married and had me. He still loves the mother of his son, no matter what bad shit my mom did to my dad, or my fiancé's ex did to him, I get it. and children make a stronger bond in a marriage, IMO at least.) So what do yall think?
  5. Been awhile since I been here, a lot has happened in the last few months. I got engaged, my fiance was in jail for 2.5 mo, and it sucked. Now, he's back. We fought the first three days or so, cause we hadn't been around one another. Fighting's died down, but my jealousy issues are back and fucking kicking. Lovely, I know. Even with his checking out other woman or liking porn at times. I get a fear when we get married he'll find someone prettier and better, and leave me. Do I think he'll ever cheat? No. Leave? Maybe. He says he loves me will never leave, unless I do something insane i.e. stab him, shoot him, cause bodily harm, etc . He also referred to my jealousy as me being crazy. I've not been stable taking my meds, again. For awhile now.....or gone to counseling in awhile. Him being in jail kinda threw us off entirely. We've got our first pre-marital counseling session with my therapist (who's actually an LMC) next week. We used to go to sessions together, too. But I want our marriage to work, and he seems like he does, or says so. We currently aren't living together, either. He lives a couple blocks from me. A friend of his who's never liked me, doesn't like me being over. Won't say why. My dad doesn't like him being here, I moved back home. I just hope my jealousy issues go down, that I believe he cares. My dad doesnt like us being together, claims my fiance has no ambition. He has been out of jail maybe two weeks now, and just got his job back. Starts Sunday, my dad worries he won't be able to take care of me.....
  6. Here comes my wonderful pity party, care to join? It seems like after my grandmother passed, that my life has been in complete shambles. When I think I'm getting it on the right track, it gets turned upside fucking down again...I'm really tired of it. I'l get a job, get a place - a fairly nice one at that, life will be good. Then, I lose my job, and my SSI isn't enough for my place. I get evicted. I move, I found something else. I met my fiance here, I never once regret this move. Well, more issues, move again. Well, my fiance and my income cover the bills. Not living a high life, but getting by. Comfortable. Content. Fiance loses his job, we move again. this place....was full of drama, cops get called , fiance goes to jail My fiance has been in jail for over two weeks. I still can't find a job, I'm currently staying in a motel FOR THE NIGHT, and having to figure out my next move. I can't do this all by myself. I just can't and I have to. If I go home, I lose my fiance. if I go home. I've failed officially. It seems like each time I fuck up though, it's like little voices are telling me to go home. :[
  7. I get into a phase where I'm like "I'm gonna be productive, and take my meds, and be awesome and nice to myself!" and I'm happy for like two weeks maybe and then it's like someone kicked me in the foot and I fall flat on the floor and fell all mopey again. Regardless of the weather.
  8. Boyfriend's in jail

    I'll need it, but he will more than I. That and we're sort of engaged now....so
  9. Boyfriend's in jail

    I live in Texas. I looked up everything already for my state, "no victim, no crime." he doesn't have to show. Other than that and murder, where the victim cannot be a "willing victim," there are very few times when the State's Attorney will proceed with a case if the victim does not want to pursue charges. In most situations, no victim = no crime. Even in situations where a police officer witnesses someone strike another person without provocation, if the victim isn't willing to cooperate, the officer can not arrest the suspect for battery. One of the greatest sources of frustration in my career comes from victims who are not willing to cooperate with a criminal case against their attacker. I understand the issues involved with domestic violence, but I can't understand it when someone who just got punched for no reason says, "No... I don't want to do anything about it." https://www.quora.com/If-someone-is-assaulted-and-the-victim-does-not-press-charges-can-the-assaulter-still-get-into-legal-trouble can be found here. I have, however, been told that the police officer can press charges, and seeing as the police officer was a dickwad.....he might. I can always see about getting him hooked up with my friends lawyer, he doesn't have a court date yet.....I'll wait till he's outta jail, one step at a time.
  10. Boyfriend's in jail

    My friend said he could see if he could use his lawyer. but the person "pressing charges" wants to drop them. my boyfriend basically got himself in trouble cause HE called the cops after getting punched and pulling a knife. the knife, is what caused the problem. The law states, "no victim, no crime" in case such as this. If the guy doesn't show to court, no victim no crime.
  11. Boyfriend's in jail

    If he doesn't get bonded out 6-12 mo. according to the BB. His visitations are only one day out of the week. Tuesdays. It's been told 3000-3700, he had someone who tried to bond him out today, but he refused to sign his papers. I don't know why
  12. I don't know if anyone else has dealt with their s/o being incarcerated before, but I feel alone without him here. He was charged with aggravated assault. He didn't actually hurt anyone, but he had a weapon.....The guy claims he'd call today and drop the charges when I told him how long my boyfriend could be gone; including over Father's Day, and not see his kid. My birthday, and probably his. I ended up losing the place I was staying with him and moved in with a long time friend. I feel lonely. Sad. I barely got any sleep the first night. I'm not used to not sleeping next to him. Or hearing his voice as much, seeing him, cuddling with him. I miss him so much Anyone have any ideas or input what I should do while I wait....?
  13. Snooping Habit...

    I've been seeing my counselor on and off because I've gotta do the entire thing with Medicaid to get a ride, which is annoying, cause if I wanna go/need to go that night, I have to take the city bus, before it stops running. And if my boyfriend goes with me, he's gotta have the money. I ride for free cause I've got my old college ID, we'll see how much longer I can get away with it seeing as its expired this year. More or less we talk about what I want to, yak now.
  14. Snooping Habit...

    I do, on that last part. He's never had a girlfriend take care of him. I cook, clean, do his laundry, etc for him since he works. He considers me keeping the house, "my job". Although right now there's not much housekeeping to do considering we're sleeping in his brother's kitchen and half of our stuff is still packed because this is only temporary since he lost his job. I took care of him when he was sick too, and he's not used to that much. He tells me that too. He was the one who cooked, no one ever cleaned apparently so his home was a wreck constantly, etc. And any time I say I'm scared he'll leave or cheat, he's like "why would I give up something so great? I LOVE YOU. You are gorgeous, sexy, you make me feel loved. You cook for me, clean for me, etc. I've never had that before." Just seems too good to be true sometimes I guess.
  15. Snooping Habit...

    I've been getting therapy, so has he with me. My counselor said that this has been an ongoing problem with all of my relationships, and that it's me, not them