lookslikerain

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About lookslikerain

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  • Gender
    trans female
  • Location
    Oslo, Norway

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  1. Went to London for New Year. Seem to have spent 1100 dollars over 4 days on things that are not food and accommodation.
  2. Bought an expensive guitar amp, because someone said "Ooh you should buy a valve amp"
  3. The ones I bought are Beyerdynamic DT-770 Pro. And, luckily, I still found them really comfortable.
  4. Bought quite a high end electric guitar. I could justify a cheap to mid-range guitar but this was silly.
  5. I don't have a working set of drugs yet. But I'm hopeful. I don't want to hurt myself again, I don't want to scare the people I have around me and I really do not want to lose my job over this.
  6. Tired but happy(ish)
  7. Christmas this year is going to be terrible. I have no family to spend it with, and I left my partner of 15 years this year. So I won't be with her family, or doing the things I've done traditionally for the last decade or so. My friends are trying to fill in the gaps with invites for some days, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm alone.
  8. I could but I'm more likely to give them away. And I'm probably go nuts on Christmas decorations. The divorce has left me with not a lot.
  9. Bought some headphones. I have like 4 pairs of headphones already. These are nicer though. Maybe. I mean it's been like a year since I tried a pair, maybe they are really uncomfortable. Guess I'll find out when they arrive. Bought my flatmate a gold lame cat suit. Admittedly she was like "well if you're gong to be buying more junk, could you get me something", She's promised to wear whatever crazy shit I buy for new years.... hahahaha. AirBNB in London again... and this time plane tickets as well. Fuck it, let's do this shit.
  10. Worn out.
  11. The only thing that keeps me from suicide is the knowledge that I don't always feel like that. In that moment, I am so desperate that it seems like the only option but I know also that it will pass. It might take weeks though, and it really fucking wears me down. I've resisted emergency care in the past but the next time I probably won't.
  12. Cleaned the hell out of my apartment Can't deny it's not sometimes useful.
  13. I'm feel like I'm in a hole. And people are trying to get me out of it but they might as well be pissing in it for all the good it does. Think my flatmate has had enough, she's not my fucking mother and has enough of her own problems. Can't shake the idea that everyone I know wants me to just go away. Oh well. Therapy in 2 hours.
  14. My dysphoria is one of the few constants that I can say remains the same, no matter what state of mind I'm in. It's actually something of a relief. The mild depression I suffered my whole life was pretty much sorted by transitioning, so it hurts when I read that other people can't have the same experience. Getting the right hormones is just one of the parts that helped lift that depression. I will say that the treatment for trans people in Norway is fucking awful as it stands, I won't go into the details. While there are reforms in process to fix this it seems like most of the people I know take private and semi-legal routes to get treatment. The only reason I squeaked my way through the system was by not mentioning any hint of MI. Not really adding anything of value I guess. Just wanted to add a touch of my experience.
  15. Got out of the AirBNB thing at least.