wookie

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About wookie

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    Unicorn

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  1. I have been an insomniac on and off for my whole life. I can remember staying awake into the wee hours of the morning when my family would be asleep as a child. I used to sleep walk. I had terrible insomnia in college, and this summer I suffered through bouts of insomnia so severe that if I didn't take anything to knock me out I'd be awake for a couple of days. This is how bad it can get for me. And I want to sleep so badly when I feel like that, but I can't- unless I take an anxiolytic or sleep med.
  2. I regard anticonvulsants as a class of meds you don't mess with because if you stop taking them suddenly you could have a seizure and die. Could ingesting large quantities for kicks cause the same problem?
  3. I have applied to 200 jobs or more over the last 4 months. I feel like I have been treated like absolute shit on two jobs where I had temporary employment. I've had interviews where it looks like the manager would rather be elsewhere than interviewing me. I have handed out resumes. What am I doing wrong? I fear I'll never find a job. I've applied to so many jobs and yet nothing. I feel it is putting stress on my relationship.
  4. Being of northern european descent and from Canada I can so understand your itchiness. I've gotten much better over the years but for the longest time I would develop sun hives/heat rash on my arms, stomach, legs, hands, feet and neck. I would be an itching irritable mess on summer vacation. I took benadryl (anti-allergy med in Canada/US) and experienced some relief. I also got hydrocortizone cream for skin that didn't heal well after I had a flair up that worked.
  5. This is why diagnosing a serious disease like bipolar requires time, and a good investigation into the person's behavior. And if you get on a good medication regardless of what it is supposed to treat and it works, stick with it.
  6. This is pretty much my dilemma. Really my behavior when things were good just appears like normal behavior for what was typical amongst other people my age. I did have a lot of sleepless nights mostly due to anxiety, not partying. And yeah I can be a cleaning devil when the house is in disarray. I don't seem too bipolar these days because I am doing pretty good with two antidepressants. What I take might send someone with a more severe case of bipolar through the roof. My meds help me sleep at night.
  7. I only had this one episode, and then something that was drug induced (Topiramate). Most of the time I suffer from atypical depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with dysthymia as well.
  8. when I started my AD's I always go on a cleaning spree. It feels like I am organized. It usually wears off. AD's bring my sleep back. pre-meds I'd get horrible insomnia and I would fixate on something and wouldn't be unable to get my mind off it. It's like my wheels were in a deep rut.
  9. I debate whether or not I have ever been hypomanic ever. And if I have ever truly hypomanic it's pretty damn close to normal. There was that time when I started university when I would crack jokes a mile a minute. I slept poorly and made the odd bad life choice. I sound like a typical college student right? Then there was that time I started school again and was very successful. I slept well, ate well, exercised and was stable but always a bit hyper. Hypomania sounds like it could be hard symptom to identify since it seems like it's what healthy happy successful do in life. When does it become hypomania?
  10. To answer your questions as highlighted above- My family doc is monitoring my meds and thinks I am at the top end dose of what is reasonable for someone who is not OCD, and doesn't want me to go higher. I saw him yesterday and discussed trying latuda, or replacing my escitalopram with latuda. He kindly told me to follow up with my psychiatrist which I will do so next week. Today I see my psychologist. I am going to discuss some of my fears and reservations about life in general, and why I am an anxious person. It is dead obvious why I am anxious but realizing and then relaxing about it doesn't always work that way. I have fears about new situations, performance anxiety that is a bit out of control. Basically I am happy to not have to talk to most people, see them, interact etc. It is obvious why I hate people to me, I haven't found a way to feel better about it. I was labelled bipolar, then the same people thought it was a mistake. I suffered silently for years, and then the new doctors said, definitely not bipolar. Did a full workup which was a confused mess, that questioned whether I had a mixed episode before I started meds (emphasis on maybe- aka still not clear) and a recognition of some traumatic experience. This was summed up in about 27 pages. No definite bipolar. Did an independent work up of my diagnosis. The psychiatrist just said, "it's not clear." He sent a document to my previous family doc saying possible bipolar with a list of meds she wasn't comfortable prescribing to me. This doctor said nothing to me, did not remark that I have a choice of meds. I had no idea I had a choice of meds, or possible bipolar. A year later, and after becoming homeless due to an apartment fire, my family doctor remarked it must difficult being bipolar and all. I asked for the diagnosis sheet and replied that I'd like meds to cope with stress. She said she could refer me to a psych- which could take 6 months to a year. Found a psych 10 months later. Said bipolar II. Then changed her mind. I gave up. Found a new psych who got me med compliant to an antidepressant that partially remitted some depression symptoms (40mg citalopram). Got on a low dose of seroquel. New docs said definitely not bipolar. Did alright for a while (3 years) Went off meds. Crashed. Rinse repeat. So as you can see my dx is as clear as mud. I had a shitty reaction to lithium (450mg- accidentally missed a dose went into a crazy episode of an intensity I had never experienced before), and to a low dose of effexor 9mg. As clear as mud. Just sticking with whatever works for now.
  11. Ahem.. *whispers*... She. I am a female unicorn. Clearing up my diagnosis is another detail i am working with my psych next week. I see a psychologist almost every week now.
  12. I am going to see my family doctor now and can run it by him. I see my pdoc next week.
  13. here is what I was thinking... Something for mood stabilization? I am maybe a bit tweaked out on these AD's. Not classically bipolar, but I have trouble relaxing. If I was truly bipolar I would be up shits creek without a paddle on two antidepressants. Or maybe that is actually possible. I don't know anymore. For anxiety: Gabapentin? Lyrica? Tremors: Primidone? Do I switch out one antidep for Lamictil? I was suggested taking Seroquel. I don't want to. I had it before and felt it did little and I gained a bunch of weight on a low dose. I was suggested abilify and it cranked up my anxiety an extra notch. Sticking with talk therapy. Any ideas? Thoughts? I was going to make a list and show my doctor. Do augment? Rexulti? Latuda was another suggestion made to me.
  14. I am on two antidepressants, and lorazepam prn (1 to 3mg) I still am nervous in a few social settings, especially if I am put on the spot, or if I feel put on the spot- not hard to do to me really. I get social anxiety which is quelled by lorazepam. I have a panic disorder that is now somewhat controlled, but I take lorazepam for certain situations (haircuts- I've had a panic attack during a haircut). I have essential tremor, of the upper body. I sleep better, and cry an awful lot less now that I take antidepressant medication. I find taking the lorazepam calms me when needed but can create mood swings when I take it sporadically. It's like my depression and anxiety rebounds after it clears my system. I feel okay, but not totally okay. Can I fix that, or is this as good as it gets?