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wookie

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About wookie

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    crazy tunt

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  1. I can relate to the sibling abuse and the parents who deny everything including when they partake in the abuse. My mother wanted everything to be cookie cutter despite how horrible things were. Parts of my being do not exist because it does not fit her perfect narrative on how my life ought to be. You can't heal when your grief is denied.
  2. I don't have a lot of friends. And I think I have grown used to that. Some people I have met who have been friends have honestly been awful, and even traumatizing. Some I just drifted away from. I have a low tolerance for people. When I am in a good headspace I am pretty content with people but a lot of times I am not. People I let in my inner circle are kind of extra special. My DH is my best friend. I get annoyed and even stressed when I have my high maintenance friend around when she just goes off about stuff. I have friends who talk at me, not to me. I have friends who I can actually talk to, but I just find I can't spend a lot of time around people. They just stress me out.
  3. It's an anticonvulsant. It's not a "mood stabilizer" but it helps people with pain conditions, seizures, and seems to be used off label for anxiety. I have been on high doses of anti-depressants before. It was not a great experience but I tolerated Citalopram at 40mg for 3 years. I had some agitation and sleepiness but I was much less angry. My doctors always try to push me into the higher doses. I had a bad couple of moments so far with Zoloft and rage. Once while driving, and once while in a meeting when a coworker really did something to piss me off. My sleep sucks right now. I am getting between 5 to 6 hours a night. I am tired through the day. Zoloft is not great for sleep. After a pretty stressful week I went into the emergency psych to talk to them. The doctor suggested to me that I am on too low a dose of Zoloft when I was on 100 mg, and suggested I try going to 150 mg. I remember they said they use this dose in seniors. I am holding at 125mg but considering reducing my meds to see if that helps. The emergency doc also suggested that people with anxiety disorders tend to be sensitive to SSRI's as well and tend to experience the adjustment phase to the meds pretty harshly. I have been overmedicated/improperly medicated before. I am not sure I have ever been properly medicated.
  4. I wonder if I should go down in dose? I was feeling pretty good at 50 mg but I had only been on the med a week, and thought it might be a placebo effect. I see a new psych in Feb, and a neurologist March. I can go back to Remeron but the weight gain was ridiculous.
  5. The combination of Buspar and Zoloft was not working for me. I became angry when I missed a buspar dose one day and had a bit of a road rage incident (I just yelled at the guy, but came off as pretty aggressive). I was also very snappy and angry on this med combo when I took it consistently. I was clenching badly on this combo as well. My neck muscles hurt. Was switched off buspar to Lyrica. It's pretty experimental but I do feel better and not so angry. It's making me physically relax. Plus I have heard it is good for essential tremor (I've read it is a second line of treatment for that). My sleep still sucks but it's been much much worse pre-meds.
  6. I don't have kidney problems, I should be good. I am taking the 100 mg still. I was antsy when I went out with hubby yesterday, he noticed, and being antsy is my usual issue. I was in a very good mood when I went to bed last night. I am taking 50mg BID and just trying to see when it works best for me.
  7. Going through a med adjustment now. Fingers crossed. Not happy with how angry I have been.
  8. I have gotten into some bad arguments where I feel like I have explosive rage. I have had rage attacks before. Any tips on how to cope with one? It is suspected my attacks are a sometimes related to my menstrual cycle.
  9. I started off on 100mg and just was feeling weird. I still couldn't get a good night's sleep. I stopped it and am not too optimistic it will work. Maybe I will try starting at a lower dose.
  10. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Awake. I haven't been sleeping well. I did get to sleep around 2am. Probably woke up 5-6am. It's almost 8am now. I gave up on Lyrica. I am down to just zoloft. Just kind of afraid of Lyrica. I survived work without ativan. Got into a fight with a coworker who was pretty rude to me in a meeting. I don't think it was the lack of ativan. Guy was being a colossal dick.
  11. My local bus stop usually is a host to some offbeat people and some real weirdos who often are high on something. I can deal with that. I just won't make eye contact and if you don't violate my personal space I won't get too weirded out. I probably have issues with public spaces and being unnerved a bit too easily but sometimes it's warranted. So tall white guy (about as white as me anyway) Is rapping outloud. Rap is fine. He seems to be with some woman but he was actually just pestering her. He then moves onto me and asks if the bus is going to such and such a place. I reply yes. He then walks back and forth in front of me then rapping and looking me in the face. Every word coming out of his mouth is "bitch, hoe, n***er, n***er, n***er. Dude is like 50 shades of white. I kind of felt myself trying to find a corner so I can just avoid the guy. A lovely black couple showed up and I stood next to them so buddy would just back off a bit. It was funny how quickly he stopped rapping and moved away from me as soon as I stood next to them.
  12. I have specific fears related to people. Yelling, and anger sets me off into a flight or fight mode. Watching bullies in action is another downer for me. Just feeling anxious and unhinged makes me afraid.
  13. Does any one take this for anxiety? I am hoping it helps. It was suggested to me by an emergency psych.
  14. Ignoring someone at work is intimidation? So if I ignore someone because I just don't like them I must have a personality disorder? This article is stupid. A bad workplace can provoke negative behavior out of a normal person. Some work environments are toxic and it's just miserable for everyone. It can be a number of factors that have nothing to do with personality disorders. People need to focus on better environments much of the time instead alleged disorders of an individual.
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