strange eyes

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  1. when i'm walking down the street sometimes i feel as if people can tell by looking at the way i carry myself that i'm mentally ill.. i know it seems weird but i feel like the way i walk makes me look like i might be crazy? i feel like other people seem to walk much more casually, have more movement in their arms and an air of relaxation around them. i usually think i look tense, not much arm movement, anxiety on face... etc. idk
  2. my experience is similar to melissa's. I primarily experience internal auditory hallucinations which I sometimes find myself responding to in my head.. I used to hold lengthy conversations with them. when I was v symptomatic the voices would converse with one another. nowadays when I hear a voice I treat it as if it were any other thought. I recognize that I have experienced it then let it recede into the 'blankness' of my headspace and continue on with whatever I was doing.
  3. I haven't experienced a period of time without symptoms since developing a mental illness.
  4. thx for responses. hoping it dies in the senate as well..
  5. anyone else freaking out about the new republican healthcare bill
  6. my first psychotic symptom happened when i was in college. i had just smoked a bowl and was walking back toward the dorms. i heard like, a primal screaming in my head. strangely i didn't pay much attention to it. things progressively got worse from that point on.
  7. sorry you've had such trouble with your upstairs neighbors @melissaw72 that would make me v angry too. the people above me aren't even particularly 'loud' but noise transmits easily in my apt building so i hear my upstairs neighbors every time they walk across their floor and it's a little annoying, but i haven't ever been woken up because of them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow morning. i'm doing pretty well on clozaril at my current dosage. the sedation has subsided a lot and my voices are very manageable, but my pdoc has been making it v clear that i'm on a super low dosage and that she plans on upping it. however, i have a friend coming in from across the country on tuesday and i am hoping my pdoc doesn't want to up the dosage this week. if she does, i'm hoping that i can convince her to wait until the next week so i am not a zombie the whole time my friend visits.
  8. i think i'm finally starting to even-out on clozaril. the sedation has been easier to manage. at most i am sleeping 12 hrs per night, but i don't really mind that too much because i get to bed at an early time in the evening. my mood has been pretty stable. i don't feel as flat. my voices are at a decreased level as well. i usually go most of the day without hearing them at all. when i do hear them they tend to come in little 'spurts', usually set off by some sort of worry or stress. i feel pretty decent all things considered though.
  9. i was diagnosed with schizophrenia before being diagnozed w sza. i saw just recently on my IP papers that my diagnosis is 'chronic paranoid schizophrenia.' my outpatient doc diagnosed me with sza depressive type for years until i became hypomanic on antidepressants whereas she switched me to sza bipolar type.
  10. yeah that's what I ended up doing upon rescheduling. I couldn't get anything later than 915 for pdoc next week but therapy is scheduled around noon for the next two appts.
  11. yeah, I'm holding out for the best. waking up initially wasn't too terrible but 8am therapy was a drag. I could barely hold conversation w my tdoc because of the sedation. felt better around 930 when I had my appt w pdoc. came home and napped hard lol.
  12. so pdoc basically said give it some more time and the sedation should get better. she said she can't prescribe me anything to help with it.
  13. yeah, possibly? i've been at this dosage for abt ten days now. i'll see what my pdoc has to say. i have to wake up at 7am which i'm a little worried about.
  14. so i went IP to get my clozaril increased. i'm currently on 125mg. man.. i am SO sedated. i'm sleeping 14-16 hours every day. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow. i'm going to see if she can prescribe me something for the sedation.