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strange eyes

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  1. just caught up a bit on this thread, haven't checked in for awhile. my heart goes out to you all experiencing worsening symptoms. my life has improved so much ever since i was prescribed clozaril. it's the only med that has actually worked for me in the seven years since i became sick. my voices are at a level where i feel do not feel bothered by them most of the time. my creative drive has come back and i am experiencing significant joy from painting again. i clean the house, cook for myself, visit with family, read, take walks, make art and have interest in someone romantically. i feel really grateful.
  2. for me, an intrusive thought is something my 'own' inner voice or mental imagery comes up with. when i have internal auditory hallucinations, the voice is definitely not my own, regular, inner monologue tone of voice. there is a definite distinction between the two. a voice inside the head feels like someone else has come into your headspace and is speaking to you.
  3. so had a bit of a scary experience yesterday. not sure if medicine related. i woke up, got an energy drink (i don't drink these often but i couldn't have coffee bc i stayed at brother's the night before). about a half hour after drinking that, i was on the road and it felt like my eyes went crossed to the point where i was seeing double and i couldn't get them "uncrossed". i pulled over and called parents. they drove me to my grandmas. i started getting a massive headache above my right eye. i felt jittery and unstable on my feet. parents fed me some pancakes/bacon/banana. i took a tylenol and lied down for a bit. headache and double vision went away shortly after.. i have to pick up my meds tomorrow so i'm gonna see if i can talk to a nurse at the psych office and let them know abt what happened. btw haven't had any alcohol in over two weeks. also had my clozaril upped 25mg a week ago. anyone ever experience something like this?
  4. when i'm walking down the street sometimes i feel as if people can tell by looking at the way i carry myself that i'm mentally ill.. i know it seems weird but i feel like the way i walk makes me look like i might be crazy? i feel like other people seem to walk much more casually, have more movement in their arms and an air of relaxation around them. i usually think i look tense, not much arm movement, anxiety on face... etc. idk
  5. my experience is similar to melissa's. I primarily experience internal auditory hallucinations which I sometimes find myself responding to in my head.. I used to hold lengthy conversations with them. when I was v symptomatic the voices would converse with one another. nowadays when I hear a voice I treat it as if it were any other thought. I recognize that I have experienced it then let it recede into the 'blankness' of my headspace and continue on with whatever I was doing.
  6. I haven't experienced a period of time without symptoms since developing a mental illness.
  7. anyone else freaking out about the new republican healthcare bill
  8. Daily Mugshot (Reboot)

  9. my first psychotic symptom happened when i was in college. i had just smoked a bowl and was walking back toward the dorms. i heard like, a primal screaming in my head. strangely i didn't pay much attention to it. things progressively got worse from that point on.
  10. sorry you've had such trouble with your upstairs neighbors @melissaw72 that would make me v angry too. the people above me aren't even particularly 'loud' but noise transmits easily in my apt building so i hear my upstairs neighbors every time they walk across their floor and it's a little annoying, but i haven't ever been woken up because of them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow morning. i'm doing pretty well on clozaril at my current dosage. the sedation has subsided a lot and my voices are very manageable, but my pdoc has been making it v clear that i'm on a super low dosage and that she plans on upping it. however, i have a friend coming in from across the country on tuesday and i am hoping my pdoc doesn't want to up the dosage this week. if she does, i'm hoping that i can convince her to wait until the next week so i am not a zombie the whole time my friend visits.
  11. i think i'm finally starting to even-out on clozaril. the sedation has been easier to manage. at most i am sleeping 12 hrs per night, but i don't really mind that too much because i get to bed at an early time in the evening. my mood has been pretty stable. i don't feel as flat. my voices are at a decreased level as well. i usually go most of the day without hearing them at all. when i do hear them they tend to come in little 'spurts', usually set off by some sort of worry or stress. i feel pretty decent all things considered though.
  12. i was diagnosed with schizophrenia before being diagnozed w sza. i saw just recently on my IP papers that my diagnosis is 'chronic paranoid schizophrenia.' my outpatient doc diagnosed me with sza depressive type for years until i became hypomanic on antidepressants whereas she switched me to sza bipolar type.
  13. yeah that's what I ended up doing upon rescheduling. I couldn't get anything later than 915 for pdoc next week but therapy is scheduled around noon for the next two appts.
  14. yeah, I'm holding out for the best. waking up initially wasn't too terrible but 8am therapy was a drag. I could barely hold conversation w my tdoc because of the sedation. felt better around 930 when I had my appt w pdoc. came home and napped hard lol.