strange eyes

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Everything posted by strange eyes

  1. when i'm walking down the street sometimes i feel as if people can tell by looking at the way i carry myself that i'm mentally ill.. i know it seems weird but i feel like the way i walk makes me look like i might be crazy? i feel like other people seem to walk much more casually, have more movement in their arms and an air of relaxation around them. i usually think i look tense, not much arm movement, anxiety on face... etc. idk
  2. my experience is similar to melissa's. I primarily experience internal auditory hallucinations which I sometimes find myself responding to in my head.. I used to hold lengthy conversations with them. when I was v symptomatic the voices would converse with one another. nowadays when I hear a voice I treat it as if it were any other thought. I recognize that I have experienced it then let it recede into the 'blankness' of my headspace and continue on with whatever I was doing.
  3. I haven't experienced a period of time without symptoms since developing a mental illness.
  4. thx for responses. hoping it dies in the senate as well..
  5. anyone else freaking out about the new republican healthcare bill
  6. my first psychotic symptom happened when i was in college. i had just smoked a bowl and was walking back toward the dorms. i heard like, a primal screaming in my head. strangely i didn't pay much attention to it. things progressively got worse from that point on.
  7. sorry you've had such trouble with your upstairs neighbors @melissaw72 that would make me v angry too. the people above me aren't even particularly 'loud' but noise transmits easily in my apt building so i hear my upstairs neighbors every time they walk across their floor and it's a little annoying, but i haven't ever been woken up because of them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow morning. i'm doing pretty well on clozaril at my current dosage. the sedation has subsided a lot and my voices are very manageable, but my pdoc has been making it v clear that i'm on a super low dosage and that she plans on upping it. however, i have a friend coming in from across the country on tuesday and i am hoping my pdoc doesn't want to up the dosage this week. if she does, i'm hoping that i can convince her to wait until the next week so i am not a zombie the whole time my friend visits.
  8. i think i'm finally starting to even-out on clozaril. the sedation has been easier to manage. at most i am sleeping 12 hrs per night, but i don't really mind that too much because i get to bed at an early time in the evening. my mood has been pretty stable. i don't feel as flat. my voices are at a decreased level as well. i usually go most of the day without hearing them at all. when i do hear them they tend to come in little 'spurts', usually set off by some sort of worry or stress. i feel pretty decent all things considered though.
  9. i was diagnosed with schizophrenia before being diagnozed w sza. i saw just recently on my IP papers that my diagnosis is 'chronic paranoid schizophrenia.' my outpatient doc diagnosed me with sza depressive type for years until i became hypomanic on antidepressants whereas she switched me to sza bipolar type.
  10. yeah that's what I ended up doing upon rescheduling. I couldn't get anything later than 915 for pdoc next week but therapy is scheduled around noon for the next two appts.
  11. yeah, I'm holding out for the best. waking up initially wasn't too terrible but 8am therapy was a drag. I could barely hold conversation w my tdoc because of the sedation. felt better around 930 when I had my appt w pdoc. came home and napped hard lol.
  12. so pdoc basically said give it some more time and the sedation should get better. she said she can't prescribe me anything to help with it.
  13. yeah, possibly? i've been at this dosage for abt ten days now. i'll see what my pdoc has to say. i have to wake up at 7am which i'm a little worried about.
  14. so i went IP to get my clozaril increased. i'm currently on 125mg. man.. i am SO sedated. i'm sleeping 14-16 hours every day. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow. i'm going to see if she can prescribe me something for the sedation.
  15. so my doc suggested IP a week ago. i got out of the hospital last friday after staying for five days. i wasn't adjusting well to clozaril on the outside. intrusive thoughts, panic, depression etc.. i'm starting to feel a little better finally. i am still sleeping 14 hours a night though. however my mood is improving and i'm beginning to be able to take care of things around the house, maintain conversation, manage self-care, read books, etc. what a ride this has been...
  16. yeah, it knocks me out within the hour i take it. i've been sleeping abt 12 hrs each night since i started it.
  17. 1. i started on 25mg once a day. 2. extreme sedation 3. haven't noticed too much of an improvement in psychosis yet. maybe a slight decrease in voices 4. currently taking 75mg. started that dosage on monday 5. dx is schizoaffective
  18. clozaril kicking my asstook 75 mg increased dosage for first time last night today feel like I'm "tripping"after images of objects in viewcan't concentrate feel panickyvoices r scarier
  19. thanks guys. i think it may have been more than just being mentally/physically drained. i stopped (as per pdoc suggestion) my fanapt on tuesday. i think i began withdrawing from it. yesterday i had severe chills/sweats all day. today i am completely exhausted but am finally starting to feel slightly normal. i see pdoc tomorrow. hopefully i'll be feeling up to par.
  20. had some weird paranoia last night that the people who made my sandwich poisoned it with drugs.. ended up staying the night at my parents'. i think i am just physically and mentally exhausted from helping my dad move out his entire basement of motorcycle parts the past three days. i need a break. my body and mind hurt.
  21. day nine of clozaril (tues. feb 14 2017) pdoc upped dosage to 50mg yesterday. feeling similar to how it was when first starting clozaril, though not as bad. lack of energy is apparent. slight inner restlessness. was able to focus on reading, cleaning, self-care, meditation, and exercise. i sleep for six hours after taking clozaril at night and wake feeling completely rested. however i'm waking around 3am so i go back to bed and wake up with a headache and totally exhausted for the rest of the day. going to try to just sleep six hours tonight and see if that makes a difference. i have been oversleeping ever since starting the med. my usual amnt of sleep is six hrs. now that i take clozaril at night it knocks me out within the hour no matter what time i take it. voices at a decreased level, but are still occurring throughout the day. stress definitely plays a role whenever i begin hearing them.
  22. been taking clozaril at night the past four days. it's worked a lot better. i get to sleep easier and i wake up a little drowsy but it's nothing major. my voices have decreased slightly. i notice at nighttime when i'm alone in my apartment i barely ever hear a single voice which is a pretty huge improvement. i've been able to focus on my artwork for up to two hours of unbroken concentration. during the day i've been doing things like shopping, cleaning and making myself meals. i haven't been pacing either which is very surprising for me because last time i was on clozaril that was the main thing that made me want to stop taking it. so things are on the up and up. i see pdoc monday and it will be increased to 50mg. hi @OliverB! hope things are well
  23. for the past seven years I've accepted that I would have to live with auditory hallucinations the rest of my life. I also accepted that I would have to deal with pacing in circles the rest of my life. however I'm beginning to find I may not have to live with either of these things forever.. so I guess I have hope. i found out akathisia was a side effect of antipsychotics a few months back and my doc made med adjustments which stopped my pacing. this completely revamped my entire life. I couldn't believe I could sit down and relax without having to walk in circles or back and forth anymore. it felt like a miracle. i have hope that my voices may take a place on the back burner as well. it's only the third day of clozaril and I've noticed a decrease in the amount of voices I hear and the content of which they speak. it feels almost eerily silent in my head. i don't know. maybe I am getting a little off topic in relation to the thread content. but accepting these symptoms was a helpful way to cope for the past several years I suppose. hearing voices is not easy but I learned to treat them as any other thought process: accept that they happened then return to my breathing/whatever I'm focusing on.
  24. @melissaw72 yeah, i have to get blood work once a week for six months, then biweekly for another six months. after that year, it is blood work monthly. it is pretty much the same routine you went through as far as i can tell right now. i get a week's worth of meds after my blood is taken. i wonder if they will give me a monthly prescription once i'm at a therapeutic dosage though. currently doc is doubling my dosage each week for four (?) weeks til i'm at a therapeutic level. i've had the voracious appetite problem with almost every antipsychotic i've been on. before meds i was 100lbs lighter, though i was also an avid cyclist with very little body fat and probably a bit underweight. my pdoc has me on topiramate to help suppress my appetite. it's been helpful so far. my head is still quiet. i actually feel really good now. the sedation i struggled with all day has worn off and i feel alert and aware. however, it's about time for bed, hah. did you take your dosage at bedtime or in the morning? i'm currently taking it in the morning but i wonder if i should switch it to night. my pdoc said it doesn't matter if i take it day or night right now since i'm on the lowest dosage. i've heard from the nurses there that the higher dosages are taken at night.