strange eyes

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Everything posted by strange eyes

  1. sorry you've had such trouble with your upstairs neighbors @melissaw72 that would make me v angry too. the people above me aren't even particularly 'loud' but noise transmits easily in my apt building so i hear my upstairs neighbors every time they walk across their floor and it's a little annoying, but i haven't ever been woken up because of them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow morning. i'm doing pretty well on clozaril at my current dosage. the sedation has subsided a lot and my voices are very manageable, but my pdoc has been making it v clear that i'm on a super low dosage and that she plans on upping it. however, i have a friend coming in from across the country on tuesday and i am hoping my pdoc doesn't want to up the dosage this week. if she does, i'm hoping that i can convince her to wait until the next week so i am not a zombie the whole time my friend visits.
  2. i think i'm finally starting to even-out on clozaril. the sedation has been easier to manage. at most i am sleeping 12 hrs per night, but i don't really mind that too much because i get to bed at an early time in the evening. my mood has been pretty stable. i don't feel as flat. my voices are at a decreased level as well. i usually go most of the day without hearing them at all. when i do hear them they tend to come in little 'spurts', usually set off by some sort of worry or stress. i feel pretty decent all things considered though.
  3. i was diagnosed with schizophrenia before being diagnozed w sza. i saw just recently on my IP papers that my diagnosis is 'chronic paranoid schizophrenia.' my outpatient doc diagnosed me with sza depressive type for years until i became hypomanic on antidepressants whereas she switched me to sza bipolar type.
  4. yeah that's what I ended up doing upon rescheduling. I couldn't get anything later than 915 for pdoc next week but therapy is scheduled around noon for the next two appts.
  5. yeah, I'm holding out for the best. waking up initially wasn't too terrible but 8am therapy was a drag. I could barely hold conversation w my tdoc because of the sedation. felt better around 930 when I had my appt w pdoc. came home and napped hard lol.
  6. so pdoc basically said give it some more time and the sedation should get better. she said she can't prescribe me anything to help with it.
  7. yeah, possibly? i've been at this dosage for abt ten days now. i'll see what my pdoc has to say. i have to wake up at 7am which i'm a little worried about.
  8. so i went IP to get my clozaril increased. i'm currently on 125mg. man.. i am SO sedated. i'm sleeping 14-16 hours every day. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow. i'm going to see if she can prescribe me something for the sedation.
  9. so my doc suggested IP a week ago. i got out of the hospital last friday after staying for five days. i wasn't adjusting well to clozaril on the outside. intrusive thoughts, panic, depression etc.. i'm starting to feel a little better finally. i am still sleeping 14 hours a night though. however my mood is improving and i'm beginning to be able to take care of things around the house, maintain conversation, manage self-care, read books, etc. what a ride this has been...
  10. yeah, it knocks me out within the hour i take it. i've been sleeping abt 12 hrs each night since i started it.
  11. 1. i started on 25mg once a day. 2. extreme sedation 3. haven't noticed too much of an improvement in psychosis yet. maybe a slight decrease in voices 4. currently taking 75mg. started that dosage on monday 5. dx is schizoaffective
  12. clozaril kicking my asstook 75 mg increased dosage for first time last night today feel like I'm "tripping"after images of objects in viewcan't concentrate feel panickyvoices r scarier
  13. thanks guys. i think it may have been more than just being mentally/physically drained. i stopped (as per pdoc suggestion) my fanapt on tuesday. i think i began withdrawing from it. yesterday i had severe chills/sweats all day. today i am completely exhausted but am finally starting to feel slightly normal. i see pdoc tomorrow. hopefully i'll be feeling up to par.
  14. had some weird paranoia last night that the people who made my sandwich poisoned it with drugs.. ended up staying the night at my parents'. i think i am just physically and mentally exhausted from helping my dad move out his entire basement of motorcycle parts the past three days. i need a break. my body and mind hurt.
  15. day nine of clozaril (tues. feb 14 2017) pdoc upped dosage to 50mg yesterday. feeling similar to how it was when first starting clozaril, though not as bad. lack of energy is apparent. slight inner restlessness. was able to focus on reading, cleaning, self-care, meditation, and exercise. i sleep for six hours after taking clozaril at night and wake feeling completely rested. however i'm waking around 3am so i go back to bed and wake up with a headache and totally exhausted for the rest of the day. going to try to just sleep six hours tonight and see if that makes a difference. i have been oversleeping ever since starting the med. my usual amnt of sleep is six hrs. now that i take clozaril at night it knocks me out within the hour no matter what time i take it. voices at a decreased level, but are still occurring throughout the day. stress definitely plays a role whenever i begin hearing them.
  16. been taking clozaril at night the past four days. it's worked a lot better. i get to sleep easier and i wake up a little drowsy but it's nothing major. my voices have decreased slightly. i notice at nighttime when i'm alone in my apartment i barely ever hear a single voice which is a pretty huge improvement. i've been able to focus on my artwork for up to two hours of unbroken concentration. during the day i've been doing things like shopping, cleaning and making myself meals. i haven't been pacing either which is very surprising for me because last time i was on clozaril that was the main thing that made me want to stop taking it. so things are on the up and up. i see pdoc monday and it will be increased to 50mg. hi @OliverB! hope things are well
  17. for the past seven years I've accepted that I would have to live with auditory hallucinations the rest of my life. I also accepted that I would have to deal with pacing in circles the rest of my life. however I'm beginning to find I may not have to live with either of these things forever.. so I guess I have hope. i found out akathisia was a side effect of antipsychotics a few months back and my doc made med adjustments which stopped my pacing. this completely revamped my entire life. I couldn't believe I could sit down and relax without having to walk in circles or back and forth anymore. it felt like a miracle. i have hope that my voices may take a place on the back burner as well. it's only the third day of clozaril and I've noticed a decrease in the amount of voices I hear and the content of which they speak. it feels almost eerily silent in my head. i don't know. maybe I am getting a little off topic in relation to the thread content. but accepting these symptoms was a helpful way to cope for the past several years I suppose. hearing voices is not easy but I learned to treat them as any other thought process: accept that they happened then return to my breathing/whatever I'm focusing on.
  18. @melissaw72 yeah, i have to get blood work once a week for six months, then biweekly for another six months. after that year, it is blood work monthly. it is pretty much the same routine you went through as far as i can tell right now. i get a week's worth of meds after my blood is taken. i wonder if they will give me a monthly prescription once i'm at a therapeutic dosage though. currently doc is doubling my dosage each week for four (?) weeks til i'm at a therapeutic level. i've had the voracious appetite problem with almost every antipsychotic i've been on. before meds i was 100lbs lighter, though i was also an avid cyclist with very little body fat and probably a bit underweight. my pdoc has me on topiramate to help suppress my appetite. it's been helpful so far. my head is still quiet. i actually feel really good now. the sedation i struggled with all day has worn off and i feel alert and aware. however, it's about time for bed, hah. did you take your dosage at bedtime or in the morning? i'm currently taking it in the morning but i wonder if i should switch it to night. my pdoc said it doesn't matter if i take it day or night right now since i'm on the lowest dosage. i've heard from the nurses there that the higher dosages are taken at night.
  19. thanks for the response @melissaw72 . yeah, i normally drink a lot of caffeine and smoke a lot of cigs even when i'm not trying to cope with sedation like i was today. but today was definitely a little excessive usage. i'm supposed to take at least .5mg of klonopin every day then .25 as needed, but i didn't want to be extremely sedated so i only took half my daily dosage. i agree that it didn't help my sedation. i think my irritability is mainly coming from the sense of feeling 'zombie-like.' i get like this whenever i start new meds, so it isn't exactly unfamiliar territory for me. hopefully the sedation doesn't last for too long though anyway. what dosage were you on before you stopped?
  20. day one of clozaril (mon. feb 6 2017) - very sedated. hard to stay awake. napped for four hours. hard to focus on much besides brief stints of reading and listening to records. smoking a lot of cigs. drank a ton of caffeine to battle sedation. took .25mg klonopin. hard to take care of household responsibilities. mood is low. irritable. difficult to maintain conversations with family. voices throughout the day at a normal level. paranoia over making noises in my apartment is lower than normal. head is actually oddly quiet at this point. (8pm) i'm keeping a journal of my experience w clozaril. this was copy/pasted from notepad. i won't post every entry but i figured i'd post the first..
  21. so.. I moved into my own apartment but my voices got really bad. like I was hearing hundreds of voices per day. sometimes the voices would have convos with each other for hours at a time. I couldn't really take it anymore and I had an appt w pdoc on Wednesday. I asked her to try clozaril again since that is the only medicine that has touched my voices even though I was only on it for a week. it definitely reduced my voices for that first week but it made me pace which is why I stopped. anyway I've since realized that anytime I start a new med or have a med change I pace for a cpl weeks but it goes away. so that's why I decided to give clozaril another shot. my pdoc gave me an entire lecture when I brought it up abt how disappointed she was in me last time when I decided I didn't want to take it after only one week. she asked me three times throughout the appointment if I was sure I wanted to try it again. she said I had to make sure I stick it out for awhile til the meds are at a therapeutic dosage to give them a chance to work. I told her yes. but now my my voices have diminished back to where they usually are lol. I think maybe because I have hope that I'll be on a med that will get rid of them on Monday? but at the same time i am really afraid of the adjustment period of clozaril. maybe my voices have diminished bc I am adjusting to my environment? idk I feel like I really just have to try the clozaril at this point. like there's no turning back. the meds are already being filled, already started blood work, appts made etc. I just hope the adjustment period isn't too rough.
  22. (bold) is this a lot different from hearing voices? when i hear voices it is usually other peoples' thoughts in my head.. but maybe it is more of a 'thought insertion' thing? the quality of the tone of the voice is different from my own, though.
  23. I'm glad you're not having surgery Melissa. is the pain being addressed though? i signed a lease on an apartment today! moving in next Wednesday