nervousbat

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About nervousbat

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    female
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    Canada
  1. I finally have a hairstyle that I'm happy with (it's not always perfect, but I've had more good hair days than bad) and I have some new shirts and don't have to wear my old pilly tee shirt anymore. I'm so glad. I don't look/feel like a sad hippie finally, yay! This I think is... probably the best that I've ever looked in my life.
  2. This video of a bunny and a puppy playing together. Interspecies intermingling makes me so happy. 😊
  3. In the past I've been diagnosed with ASD, but I disagreed with her. I don't know what it is. My own theory is that I simply enjoy escapism/daydreaming, but take it to the next level because the real world stresses me out. Whatever the reason is, I do become passionately obsessed with anything that interests and has an appeal to me. Shoutout to Bellatrix, I'm also a big fan of Alice and Narnia! Love those stories. I'm pretty much all about fantasy and have ended up loving several books and movies of that genre, like J.R.R. Tolkien and the HP books. And recently I saw the BFG and loved it! I sought out the book by Roald Dahl immediately after and read it in a day. That author wrote such great stories. I'm also passionately into 2D traditional animation. I pretty much live off of everything by Don Bluth, Disney and Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli. Other random favourite things are BBC's Sherlock, and Night Vale. For the past several months I've been drawing dragons, dragons, and more dragons. It's my favourite mythical creature to draw right now.
  4. Yeah, I'm so glad I didn't have to either. It was such a relief not having to draw in front of them. 😩 She wants to see some rough sketches by this weekend, so I'll be working on them this week. I don't feel as bad now about this project, especially now that this interaction is done and over with. The subjects she's asked for are all pretty reasonable, not too hard to draw. There hasn't been a deadline set for the project, so I could be working on this for the next few months, and I'm glad about this. I think this will be good for me.
  5. Hi Poem, yup, definitely! I was already kind of anxious about answering the phone but something happened back in the winter that really has put me off. I answered the phone not knowing who it was and it was a telemarketer and right after I said "hello?" i heard him say "faggot"☚ī¸....so that was awful. I hate answering now more than ever and hang up quickly if there isn't a familiar response, or I let it ring.
  6. Ah thanks Melissa. Yeah, I put on my happy face and was as polite as I could be. I thought I cane across too passive because I didn't know where to sit and didn't introduce myself to the child directly, only to the Mom. But now when I think about what you said I did the best I could, and if they don't like it well too bad. I am allowed to use photos so I was relieved to not have to bring in my sketch pad and perform in front of them. So I have lots of pictures on my phone now. I have no idea why the older one said "you stink", it could have been to his toy and it needed to be washed or even his little brother. But of course first thought that came to mind was "damn, this kid already doesn't like me, what am I doing wrong?" I don't know why my mind zeroed in on that. But otherwise they were very nice kids so it shouldn't even matter. My brain is just always scanning for criticisms. 😑 Stop it brain! I still have to draw a dog, so I will use photos for that as well because neither my client or the family have the type of dog I've been asked to draw. I'm okay with that.
  7. Hi Melissa, I really appreciate hearing from you, thank you. It turns out they don't have a dog, but my client does and it was barking pretty crazily when we stopped at her house. She wanted me to take pics of something there for the book but we didn't have to go inside, which I was thankful for. The dog is actually nice though, I'd already been introduced so it didn't scare me as much as it would have otherwise. the family was nice. I wish my mind could only see the positive but of course in this brief interaction that came at me do suddenly, my mind is zeroing in on any negative thing it can latch onto. Realistically the family was nice, and the Mom was especially. They had two kids and both were adorable and younger than I expected. The oldest was excited that the story was going to be about them. But I also couldn't help noticing they seemed nervous or uncomfortable about me, so I didn't make much eye contact because I didn't want to seem intimidating. I'm afraid I overdid it though and came across too passive. I have no idea how to present myself. And my mind even had time to zero in on hearing the older child say under his breath "you stink" but I don't know if he actually said this to me (I knew for a fact that I didn't smell, I'm a clean person) or to one of his stuffed toys. It was a very short time period though and I'm grateful that they were as nice as they were.
  8. Thanks Melissa. Sleep definitely helped, I'm feeling better today.
  9. Hi Lucy, I'm glad to hear back from you. Dealing with this crap in your teen years is not fun, and it sucks that you're going through this. I had a hard time too, can definitely understand the struggle. Lucy, I think it's really important that you talk to someone that you feel comfortable with. I agree with what Melissa has said also, because this is having a physical impact on you and your life is at risk and can't be ignored. I don't mean to sound alarmist but it's true. I don't want you to wait another two years to get this treated. I think you should go to a school counsellor and tell them what you're dealing with, and the situation with your mom as well. But if you've already done this then I would go with Melissa's plan also. Stay strong.
  10. AH so cool!!! Yay, I'm so happy to find a fellow ghost encountee (heheh sorry, I'm a goofball). I've encountered ghosts before, and holy crap I totally feel for you, they are scary!! I went to a friend's haunted house for a sleep over once. Lots of weird things happened there, but the weirdest thing was that I actually saw one go past me in my reflection. It was a white, wispy featureless shape about half my height. Soon after I saw this, my friend said there was a little girl spirit there. I'm pretty sure this is what the strange shape had been. Is the building you're in quite old? I think if it's very upsetting for you, you should say some prayers and do a cleansing of the place, maybe not during work though, but when there is an opportunity. My cousin and his wife moved into an old house that they soon discovered was haunted, and they were able to cleanse the house by going room to room saying a prayer and using a burning stick of some herbs. There's a proper name for it, I don't remember what it's called now though but that was how they fixed it. Also, I don't think you need to worry about psychic attacks, I don't think ghosts or other entities can actually attack a living soul. They can make their presence known by knocking stuff around and pulling pranks, but that's about it.
  11. Having another "everybody hates me" and "forever alone" day. Yay. ⚰ī¸
  12. Oh man, Confused I can relate to this definitely. A woman at my peer support group does that 1up bs too and it makes my blood boil. She does the "Well I have mi AND I have kids". Like okay jerk, gold star for you. Man. 🙄
  13. Hi Lisa, have you been facing any further challenges like this with your family? I know how you feel about this being guilt-tripped by your parents. My parents do this to me too, and my grandma. They think they're doing good by telling me everyone will be disappointed or feel bad if I don't go, they think they're helping me get out and see people, but it really doesn't help at all when they do that. They just don't get what it's like to have SA. In recent years, I've finally started putting my foot down. My parents make me want to scream when they start being like "There's nothing wrong with you, you're not mentally ill, everyone else just sucks it up and participates even if they don't want to", but I've started going my own way. I love my family, they've been good to me aside from these minor annoyances, but I seriously want to get away from these obligations and move to another province so that they can't force me to go to any more family events. I don't want to estrange myself necessarily, but would just prefer to see people at my own time and not in extremely busy claustrophobic situations.
  14. Oh wow! What a bitch! 😠 Well, I think it's good that you go to support group in spite of people like that. I sometimes have problems dealing with people at support group like that as well. There's this woman at my support group and she isn't as bad as that yet, but she is passive aggressive and dismisses everyone else's reasons for being there by going "Yeah, well I these problems AND I have kids."...like okay you win, bitch. People can be ridiculous sometimes. If someone said that to me I (although I probably would have responded similarly as you did at the time but would have thought up later) would have wanted to say "I sustain myself by being awesome. Muahahah." Are you still going to support group? Also, I hope I don't sound completely nuts here, I just can empathize here.
  15. I can totally empathize here, you're not alone with feeling this way. My doctor says there's no reason that I would put people off, I'm perfectly average and she says all these other good things about me, but I have to write them down because it doesn't stick. Like how you describe, I feel on a deep emotional level that there is something innately wrong and effed up about me even though I'm probably just being negative about myself and not seeing the good. I wish my brain could just automatically be like "Damn girl, you're awesome", instead of "Damn girl, you're terrible." MI sucks.