nervousbat

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About nervousbat

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  1. 3 good things. I have a cup of water. The water is safe to drink. I can breathe right now.
  2. Omg I feel like death right now. The reason is perhaps humorous but am unable to laugh right now for fear that it will make me vomit...I ate too much chocolate and now my stomach is killing me, ow...
  3. Awe man that is really rough. I'm glad you have fmla too. anxiety is horrible. I'm pretty much a nervous ruin in any workplace, anxiety coming at me from all sides, the fear of doing badly, social anxiety and other stuff. I do art at home now but also am on disability support. Even when I work on art projects I have this performance anxiety. I'm afraid that if it doesn't come out just right, I won't be taken seriously as an artist/people will call it amateur or mediocre and consequently it takes way longer than it should to finish stuff, sometimes forget to have fun with the creative process. Freaking anxiety man.
  4. I do completely. I felt exactly what you're describing. It was my own secret nightmare that I couldn't tell anyone. I felt like there was a sick little man in my head scrolling through google images and clicking on the nastiest sickest stuff and forcing me to look at it. What I hated even more were the unwanted feelings that came with them. I thought I needed to be locked up and was terrified I'd act out on these awful things...I couldn't even handle touching people, light skin contact was horrible. I distanced myself from everyone. When I brought it up I couldn't believe how common it was, and I was so relieved to know I wasn't alone struggling with this. Today it hasn't completely gone away, I still get it when I'm anxious but it's not as bad as it was before I went on meds. You're not alone in this.
  5. I have some mystical beliefs, but I don't identify with any religion. I would say I'm agnostic or a mystic, but when my pure O was raging in my adolescent years, I can definitely say there were a lot of religious obsessive thoughts going on. For me I was having images of satanic things in my head all the time, and it was so bad that I would listen to choir music to try to bring myself comfort. I also had graphic nightmares about satanic stuff. I remember thinking I was being punished by god and needed to repent or else I was going to hell or going to be cursed. It was so crazy. OCD is tough. But we are tougher.
  6. Hi Lorelion, I'm sorry I have nothing to offer, and I'm sorry you're having these awful side effects. Yes definitely make sure you talk about it with the doctor. Just wanted to say though that I love your icon pic!! It's hilarious/wonderful
  7. Thinking about stuff I would miss doing like going on nature hikes, going for a bike ride on a beautiful day, just after the rain and hearing nothing but a few birds chirping. A cardinal in a pine tree. skating and finding that smooth spot on the ice that makes you feel like you're gliding on air...
  8. I had to call the drug store for a prescription refill and they put me on hold. The song that came on was that Kelly Clarkson song, "Once again, here I am" and it made me chuckle and go "Yup. Indeed I am." And...this.
  9. I am so stoked that this thread is here! Yay! Imma post a bunch of things. Animation is by John K, who animated Ren and Stimpy. Duet, by Glen Keane, one of my favourite animators. "We call that classy brass." I love her so much!
  10. Ways that I cope: I immerse myself in the internet/netflix, tv, The Sims, make colleges of things in photoshop, but may do it for too long...I've caused myself muscle strain in my neck and shoulders from spending way too long on the computer. Binge on chocolate or cookies. 😅Yay? Stomach is like NOPE. Drink a bunch of water or sip it slowly. Camomile tea. Gravol because my stomach occasionally bothers me at night, and I'm scared of vomiting so I take it to relieve both the fear and nausea. I'm pretty sure it's from the binging. Curse it all. I also try to go for a walk a couple times a week, because I think that if I've done so I won't have as much pent up energy that will turn itself into stress. I also do it so that I won't get constipated and so I can sleep a little better. I may still have sleep problems or digestive problems, but usually they're not as bad if I've done a bit of walking. If I can't walk because I'm too anxious to leave the house but still want to release pent up energy I will stand, do house work, go up and down the stairs, or dance to some music. Write stuff down either on here, my phone or in a journal. Draw things to distract myself from the stressor (very likely to do this if I'm somewhere public like a lobby/waiting room, on a train or even waiting in line.) I carry a little book and pen with me, but I also draw on my phone with the sketch option in notes. Cry. Marijuana, I love it but only smoke it if someone says they have it. If I had full time access to it, I probably would do it only a couple times a month and not everyday. I don't go out and buy it, but have recently contemplated getting a medical marijuana card.
  11. OMG iaawal I know this! Had this so bad when I was a teenager. One of my fears/obsessions were of 3s and 6, or numbers added by 3 and 6, and on the tv I had to make sure the volume wasn't at that level. I'd panic if I looked at the clock or at anything with those numbers, and I'd be deeply frightened if multiples of those numbers showed up in daily life situations like paying for something. Mine were much more superstitious, I thought I'd be cursed if I looked at those numbers/that demonic forces were going to prey on my soul. Damn irrational phobias.
  12. That sounds really rough, I'm sorry you went through that. But I'm glad you aren't with that person anymore because it sounds like they caused a lot of stress for you. I went through a similar problem where I was having trouble connecting with one of my friends while living with them. As they became more and more aloof I started to obsess over the possibility that I was abusive towards them and thought they'd started to hate me. I constantly wanted to ask them if I'd done anything to upset them and sometimes I'd just cry and apologize to them while they stared absently at me, not knowing what I was apologizing for but feeling the need to anyway. Eventually we moved out of that apartment into our own places, and almost immediately after, this person ghosted me or friend-dumped me, they just ceased all communication with me. Her dad later came and apologized for his daughter friend-dumping me and told me I wasn't the only one of her friends she'd suddenly stopped talking to. So at that point I stopped blaming myself, I realized I had no control over how this was going to play out, no matter how nice I'd been she would have dumped me anyway. I hate having those intrusive thoughts, they're the worst. I've definitely struggled with that. In high school I was plagued by the fear that I had schizophrenia because my uncle had it, and before that I was obsessed with the possibility that I was a lesbian because bullies kept calling me homophobic insults. I later learned this was all part of my pure Obsessive OCD. Pills and counselling have helped me a lot. And (I know it's probably not necessary but I have to say it anyway) I have no problem with homosexuality. I don't identify as straight but have discovered I'm not a lesbian either, but I am proud to be part of the lgbtq spectrum.
  13. Currently listening to I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Songs I've had on repeat: Freaks by Timmy Trumpet & Savage, an insane rave-type song that I seriously find addictive, I Wish by Skee-Lo, and Tightrope by Janelle Monae. "We call that classy brass." I love her so much. Also, if anyone here watches Steven Universe and you love the sweet background music from it, this soundtrack by Aivi and Surasshu is wonderful.
  14. Yay!! You too girl! Your look is on point. ❤️