jacques

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About jacques

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  • Birthday 11/01/95

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  1. I definitely know how that goes. It's certainly been something I've struggled with in the past and am currently struggling with it. I can manage to get myself up and showering and in clean clothes, but my room? Getting a job? Waking up at a decent time? Pfft. Especially these past few weeks. I wish I had something more helpful to say other than that you're not alone though.
  2. I do know someone on rexulti and she has MDD, so I'd guess that's its intended use.
  3. I don't even want to think about where I'd be if I was unmedicated, and I've only been medicated at all for about six months. If that doesn't speak volumes about the good medication can do, I don't know what would work better.
  4. Ever since the addition of risperdal to my regimen, I've had a lot of improvement in my symptoms. My sleep pattern getting a little strange could shift it on or off one way or another for a bit, but I've been mostly stable for awhile now. One big question, though, is some symptoms that seem to appear to me even though my mood is pretty stable. Notably anhedonia, but also psychomotor agitation. These aren't anything that are causing major harm to me, but I've got concern that the anhedonia specifically is going to really screw me up. I've mostly been experiencing this noticeably for about a week or two, though it was starting to come out of the woodwork before my semester ended. I suppose it was just less noticeable because I had several papers to write and tests to study for. Regardless, since my job hunting hasn't gone much of anywhere I've been having a really difficult time keeping a decent schedule. I like staying up late because it feels like I'm alone in the house and I'm extremely difficult to wake up. I've slept about 12-14 hours these past two or three days, up from 7-9 hours since my finals ended, and the thing is that I mostly don't feel depressed. I have a perfectly fine amount of energy when I am awake, I'm not overly hopeless, and in fact I'm relatively happy (especially since I received back some very good scores in my finals recently). But the anhedonia is killing me. When I run out of things to mindlessly do, I get so bored that I just go to sleep and I stay sleeping until I just stop falling asleep when I roll back over. I know a big key to stability will be getting a job and I'm working on that, but I've got a few questions here. Should I mention this to my pdoc next time I see her? Should I be worried about this oversleeping triggering a depressive episode? Has something like this ever done it for you? Does anyone have tips for combating the anhedonia or at least getting on a better schedule until I can get myself a job that'll help stabilize me until school? Is it considered normal to have anhedonia in an otherwise stable mood state?
  5. I definitely feel like that sometimes too, honestly. Like, I self-recovered by not allowing myself to be weighed at all (even by a doctor) and I constantly feel like I wasn't sick enough even though I refused to eat homecooked meals at all because I couldn't get an accurate calorie count for them, I purged frequently, and I went months without eating a substantial amount of calories for the day. Your eating disorder is not 'not bad enough' because you self recovered.
  6. It sounds completely plausible to me. Elevated-seeming mood + irritation and bad focus and executive dysfunction is similar to my usual mixed episode recipe. It's definitely worth talking to your doctors about.
  7. I'm in a constant state of questioning my diagnoses, even when I'm very unstable and symptomatic. Like I'm fairly certain I've downplayed my symptoms a bit when talking to my pdoc because I had convinced myself that I may have been overdramatizing whatever it was that I was experiencing. But when I'm able to logic myself out of the hole, I remind myself that I've never felt more awake and stable than when I was on a mood stabilizer and AAP, and the fact that staying up for 2+ days and covering my body in lipstick isn't normal.
  8. My pdoc, on our first meeting, asked me if I drank and when I said no, she said something like how that was a good thing because alcohol would fuck with the meds I was on. I've never personally drank while on meds, but I'd imagine her words would be of value for this.
  9. I'm mostly medicated for my mania right now since that was my problem when I was diagnosed, but my current combo seems to have also helped the depressive symptoms from the mixed episodes I had when I added the AAP to the mix. But I've only been diagnosed since late November-early December, and I've only tried a couple things. First one is depakote. I'm on a really low dose of this, but it's helped me pull myself down toward my baseline. I'm looking for increasing my dosage for this, and if I had started with a higher dose it likely would have helped more. I've also tried trazodone, mostly for sleeping but also to help stabilize me. I took it for one night and the next day, one of the side effects (lowering blood pressure; mine is already low) I almost passed out in a store. Needless to say, I didn't take it again. The third med and the second one I still currently take is risperdal, and frankly it's been the best med I've tried. I'm only on 0.5 mg, but since starting it I've felt more awake and alive, slept easier, felt more stable, been able to concentrate better, and I actually want to have a job. I'm actually currently looking. Honestly, I've got nothing but good things to say about this drug.
  10. It gets pretty bad. Later on (I can't recall the specific tapes; also, warning for spoilers), there's a couple rape scenes and they show Hannah's suicide on screen. It could have been more graphic, but it's pretty bad as-is. I couldn't watch it.
  11. Funny enough, my most manic moods start to come along in November, around American Thanksgiving and that's always my most severe high episode of the year. Then I go down and get another "bump" maybe around June. I don't know whether it's because I haven't been giving myself permission to do certain things because I have to get things done for finals or if it's just my moods, but I've just... lost a lot of excitement for the book I'm outlining right now. I love the characters and I want to do things with them and I was so excited for the project even just a month ago. I don't know what happened... And now that I'm almost done with my semester too.
  12. Today, I found myself laughing at something that I used to get a kick out of and it was just. Really nice to be able to enjoy this with someone again. I was laughing at a collection of fun facts about Aaron Burr including but not limited to the following: -He tried to steal land from Texas to start his own country -He once got brain freeze and thought he was dying -He set himself on fire while trying to light a fireplace. Twice. Mind, this man was the third vice president of the United States (and the first not to follow his president into the main seat, but nobody was surprised).
  13. Out of all the jobs I've had (all have been customer service), I liked working at Bath & Body Works the most. I worked there over Christmas holiday when I was 18 and there was at least some sorts of challenge in helping boyfriends/sons/brothers/etc shop for their girlfriends/mothers/sisters/etc. I wish they had kept me on and I hadn't worked at Dunkin Donuts.
  14. Welcome. I hope you'll find being here helps you, and I hope things improve!
  15. So, I have a very strange relationship with empathy. I feel like it'd be going to far to say that my empathy is like an on-off switch, but it's not awfully far off from one. I seem to feel either so much empathy that I'll cry or little to none at all in situations where it's 'normal' to be empathetic. There doesn't seem to be a huge pattern aside from the fact that I'm always on high empathy with animals. With people, though, it can vary widely even with the same person or people on the same "level" in my life. Like someone I barely think about could grab tons of my empathy because I just feel empathetic at that point and someone I actually like could get nothing out of me, etc. This is consistent both throughout and outside of mood episodes. However, they seem to be more intense inside of episodes (more so mania). Does anyone else experience this intense fluctuation in empathy with no visible causes? Is it possible that it's linked to the bipolar or my other issues, or is it more likely I have some undiscovered shit lurking?