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About Blahblah

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  1. I would reply if I had an answer....unfortunately this board is dead these days for some reason. I noticed there's often only like 3 members signed on and a ton of anonymous lurkers that do not contribute.
  2. @jt07 sounds like it is crazy hot where you live. are you in the southwest/desert? hopefully you can take advantage of the aircon instead of spending much time outside.
  3. @Savannah congratulations! i'm curious, what do you do for work? are you anxious to be starting after 4 year break? Do you worry employers will ask you why you had a large gap? These are the sort of things I really worry about if i take medical leave.
  4. @heilmania Scrunchy faced aliens. Hahahaha. Are you guys starting to try now or will you wait? Can you stay on all of your medications?
  5. @heilmania I'm also terrified of pregnancy and childbirth! I am also a worrier and think about the worst case scenarios....what bad things can happen. I stupidly read those scary articles about women's needs being neglected in hospitals and they end up dying in childbirth. I cringe about the thought of being home alone all day changing diapers, cleaning, breastfeeding, having a crying baby wake me up every 2 hours, not having adult conversations for weeks at a time. Do other new moms not get upset about these things?? Or does everything change when it's YOUR baby? I like kids but I feel very squeamish around newborns....I actually don't really think babies are cute. I do know that my husband would be a really great father. He refuses to adopt also. I don't know what to do. I think you still have some time still (especially if you do couple's fertility tests) the age of the mother is more important that the father I think. I really wish that I had another year to think about it. Then again, there is no guarantee that I will be ready or in a better headspace.
  6. Thanks @CrazyRedhead for replying. This board is so empty these days I didn't think I'd get any answers. Were you struggling with MDD and GAD before & after you became pregnant? I'm assuming if you have older/grown children, you had them when you were young? (like 20's?) I'm having a hell of a time deciding if it's the right decision. Hub really wants a child. I'm at the end of my childbearing years (42), married only 3 years ago. Was told by doc that even with ivf i cannot put it off many months longer. I'm anxious, afraid and worried about being a stable mom...being totally overwhelmed with little support (I have no friends or family around me now). I am financially (and emotionally) dependent on my spouse. As someone with 20 years of MI, I worry that if i get hospitalized or get divorced, the child would be taken away from me and that would be the most devastating heartbreak. On the other hand, I worry I will regret not trying to have a child for the rest of my life. As a lonely only child, I always wanted a family, I am a nurturing person. All woman claim that while it's the toughest job, it is also the most joyful and meaningful experience to bring a child into the world. How the hell do you decide? I have no answer in my gut and time is not on my side.....
  7. Feeling overwhelmed and trapped. tdoc is out for a month and my pdoc does not do any counseling, just quick 20 minute med management. Asked my tdoc for a brief call but no idea if she will do this. i need help.
  8. I have thoughts about it but have never attempted or really self-harmed in any way. The thing that holds me back is fear. I guess my fear of not being successful with the attempt: ending up completely disabled, or worse, a vegetable. This fear is stronger than my desire to actually die. It's a catch-22, I don't want to die a painful death, but I want to end the ongoing pain of feeling this bad. If you have constant thoughts or visions like these (sometimes very intense and disturbing) How do you guys stop yourself from acting on them?
  9. 1.) How many people here have decided to forgo having children because you have Mental Health issues? Are you glad that you stayed childless? 2.) If you DID have kids - do you regret your decision? Was it more (or less) challenging/upsetting/depressing than you expected? 3.) Does anyone here feel that having kids was the most fulfilling, meaningful choice in their life? Why?
  10. Sorry to hear you had such a terrible withdrawal. Cymbalta (and Effexor) both have really short half-lives, meaning they are more difficult to taper off of because the med is out of your system more quickly than other medications. I also had pretty bad withdrawals from Cymbalta if I took it later than usual. Although it did help my depression somewhat, the intense withdrawals were not worth it so I wouldn't go on it again. Celexa is very calming with a longer half-life, that might be a good alternative for you.
  11. I tried Abilify - did not help and just made me insanely hungry. I don't know about Rexulti...seems its just a newer, very expensive form of Abilify. Latuda...I dunno, I really have doubts that these antipsychotics will help my depression. Also, I don't think you can take these PRN? I'm really not sure I just want to continue adding/throwing meds at this. I would think if my current meds were actually working, I would not feel this bad? Most of the time I handle it, but several times per month, I get suicidal. I feel so alone in this. I do sometimes wonder if I'm on the brink of some kind of psychotic depression. It gets so intense at times I can't stand it. I just lay in bed and cry, there is nothing that relieves the pain, hopelessness and meaninglessness of my life. I feel trapped in my mind and I just want it to end.
  12. I've considered upping my dose of Lamictal or Brintillex today in order to get me through this Hell hole. Would this be a bad thing? I took Valium last night to sleep and the next day it always makes me a bit more depressed. It did stop the writhing & crying though last night. I have things to do and must interact with people this morning. It is unbearable to have to hide the pain and act when you feel you are dead inside and your mind is having intrusive suicidal thoughts. I don't want it to show then I will really lose control.
  13. I'm hitting my limit today. This downward spiral is inevitable, it never changes....Everything just goes to shit no matter how hard I try. There is only one way out for good..... I cannot stop obsessing about wishing I was dead. My parents are sick & old and they are the only ones that really care about me. I have no friends that even acknowledge I exist. I'm a waste of space. I wonder what PRN will stop this? People here mention Seroquel...I don't want something that will knock me out cold or make me zombie sedated all day. I've taken many A/Ps and i hate the effects, I will not take them daily because they make me worse over time and many cause increased physical problems. The fact is, I cannot go on mentally feeling this tormented and I am not able to make any decisions right now. As always, I simply must wait and tolerate the situation. This is killing me because I can't go on paralyzed/going through the motions forever, but I am not in a healthy place to make a solid decision or change. I am unable to make any real progress!!! Therapy is not meds are not really helping enough. I feel desperate today and must muster up energy to smile and interact with people. I am losing it.
  14. @friendofGod777 - why did you end up stopping it? Did it not work?
  15. Keep us posted how the withdrawal is....I've been on Brintillex for several months now and it has been very difficult to tell whether it is doing much of anything! Perhaps I'd notice if i went off of's really hard to say because I have no side effects. I don't feel tired nor stimulated. Being that it is similar to an SSRI, I'm curious if it would have similar withdrawal effects & whether it would include brain zaps, severe crying spells etc. I hear it has a fairly long half-life (not as long as Prozac, but close). Let us know how it goes!! And of course, whether you have returning symptoms of depression. Are you on any other medications?