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About Blahblah

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  1. Hello

    Wecome! Interesting. Mania can inspire all sort of creative endeavors. I write a lot also. Often when emotional (ex: if I'm angry or hurt by someone) I write it all out - sometimes in letter format, but I do not send it to the person. I feel like it does help get some of it "out" of my mind...It can be like a purging or catharsis for sure. What sorts of things do you write? Do you blog or is the writing just for you only? what topics?
  2. Well, over the last 20 years I've tried about 30 different meds and combos. I really want a "rescue med" not another med I need to take everyday. I manage well most days. I just need something immediate for these "attacks".. I hate APs but would be maybe willing to try if they work well in this fashion (like low dose Zyprexa just a few nights? I guess I could try this?) Benzos make me tired and just sort of groggy feeling, they don't really remove the depression/despair symptoms. Antidepressants haven't prevented these episodes either... @echolocation I think you are right. It is my brains way of reacting to triggers/stress...I've always been hypersensitive, and a bit "tightly wound." I have a much lower tolerance for negative emotions in general, but sometimes, I become totally helpless and overwhelmed, like this complex PTSD-type feeling comes over me. Like you said, something very minute can trigger the sort of reaction a "normal" non-MI person would have when their pet or friend dies or something. I know that my emotional reaction is completely irrational and exaggerated, but I literally cannot regulate or control my emotional response pattern during these episodes.
  3. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Tired...but chill.
  4. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Worried, with feelings of dread.
  5. I recall a situation where I accidentally ran out of Cymbalta and had a gap before my pdoc appointment. The pharmacy was kind enough to give me 4 days worth (they couldn't do more). But it's surely different with benzos or ritalin.
  6. Any suggestions on the dosage + timeframe using Zyprexa as an emergency "rescue drug" for mixed depressed/anxious/agitated states? I also deal with intense mixed mood states like the OP. They are unbearable approximately 3 days per month...I wonder if Zyprexa would be a good choice in this case? (only 3 consecutive days per month). Benzos make me depressed and groggy. The action is immediate, correct? And good for taking in the evening, since it can induce sleep, but probably too sedating for daytime...Also, I'd think you could avoid the weight gain/diabetes issue, if you only take it very intermittently.
  7. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Ok. Made it to the gym today and chiro appointment. Got out of the house, which is good.
  8. This is very helpful. I feel a lot of internalized stigma around disclosing mental health issues/disability. Most of the time I manage/hide it very well, and I "tough it out" but I worry about if I get into a very stressful episode, have problems with meds, need to be hospitalized, etc I might need to use the student counseling or disability services..or even withdraw without finishing. Regarding Tuition: In your university (particularly if you did a Master's program at a private uni) What was the tuition refund policy around withdrawal? Would you be subject to paying 100% of the tuition fees, even if 6 months in, you suddenly had emergency health situation and had to completely withdraw from the program? If you had a doctors note, would you be able to withdraw and still get partial refund?
  9. Thanks for all of the helpful answers here! Did any of you disclose that you had a "mental health condition" or disability when you enrolled? Or did you just start using the services there when needed, with an appointment? Regarding Tuition, are you granted a partial refund if you must withdraw half-way through the program? Like for example, you have a breakdown or bad episode and the pdoc advises that you need to withdraw for medical reasons...are you required to still pay the remainder of the tuition? I'm enrolling in a 1-year program and the university has not told me whether I am still required to pay the entire tuition in case of a health emergency.
  10. I'm wondering if anyone here has used Disability / Counseling services while in university (either undergrad or post-grad)? Was it worth it? Do they disclose to your professors or course advisor there, or is it completely confidential? Did you have to notify them immediately when enrolling about your mental health "disability" or did you tell them afterwards? Do they have licensed Therapists and Psychiatrists? What other types of support did they provide (ex: extended deadlines for exams or thesis, more tutorial help outside class)?
  11. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Thanks @jt07 Feeling OK, much better than Friday night. Went to gym both Sat & Sun. Planning holidays to see family and keeping busy which helps stave off the ruminations (most days at least). Hopefully can sleep better tonight...
  12. Do you ever have ultra-rapid/mixed-type episodes (imagine the flavor of uncontrollable crying, deep despair, hopelessness, with added dash of hysteria and near-psychosis). These episodes repeat each month (3-4x), but only last 1-2 hours...they have become more & more erratic as I've become older. It can be a small trigger, stress builds and it's like a mini-nervous breakdown, feelings overwhelm, before I can pull myself out. It can be quite traumatic, honestly. No one can tell me what this major brain blip is. Most doctors have diagnosed me with major depression, but then I have these rapid "broken circuit" episodes i call them. I have never been manic or hypomanic.... I just usually feel depressed and then each month I have several of these "fits" where I completely lose it. WTH could this be?? My meds work the rest of the time, but I've never found a med that helps with these fits !?#[email protected]%
  13. I say go slowly with a class or two, get your feet wet before diving in and then getting overwhelmed. Slow & steady...
  14. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Hopeless. Seems things will never really change or go the way I want, no matter what I do. I am so sick of trying to achieve anything....yet I can't go on simply existing.
  15. Yeah, @Ion I'm thinking the same thing....maybe we just get used to having start-up effects over time? Maybe they seem overwhelming when we've never taken a psych med before? I've even heard of people that get very different effects when they trial a med after several years, or take it by itself....Anyhow, I'll give it a shot.