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  1. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Pretty good (gasp). I was so busy all weekend, no time was spent doing chores, sitting inside, going online or ruminating about how meaningless my existence is. I was outside in the sunshine, walked a lot and was social for 3 days straight. Feeling oddly good. If only i could hold onto this!!!! But how??
  2. What is mania?

    Full-on mania is pretty easy to identify IMO, but I think the tough one is Hypomania. It can be fairly subtle and difficult to distinguish between a normal energetic mood (because something really great happened) or happy phase. I remember a previous pdoc was convinced that I was Bipolar2 simply because of several days during an international trip, I was very excited with anticipation to visit different sites, had more energy, feeling good (vacation!) and was sleeping less. I was also drinking alot of huge iced coffees to cut the jet-lag, which was increasing my energy level. I don't think this is a sign of Hypomania, but he apparently did. I mean, everyone has variable moods right? (we are not robots). I remember in the past on breaks, when I wasn't taking meds, I used to feel excited about things, had a healthy sex drive, interest in different hobbies/projects. My parents and some friends would note that after drinking several cocktails, sometimes I would get a bit feisty/argumentative, interrupting and talking over them in conversation, but that was due to drinking alcohol (not a normal mood for me when sober) since there was a substance involved (either Caffeine or Alcohol), I don't believe that counts as Hypomania - does it??
  3. Welcome @HydroCat It seems we are on similar combos. How long have you been on this combo and have you had much noticeable benefit? I am considering increasing my Effexor (currently at 150mg), as it seems it's helping stabilize me (as far as depression and anxiety) and Ritalin is helpful in the energy/focus area (Are you on Extended or Instant Release doses??). I am frustrated at the sexual dysfunction side effects (I get this from every A/D and SNRI it seems). I was debating on going back to Cymbalta, but I don't know. Trintillex was also like taking a placebo for me! I really was hoping to feel more pleasure and "mood brightening" effects (something that prevents depression, but does not cut the "happy" feelings), but maybe that is just asking for too much!
  4. @JustNuts Thanks for the info. I'm trying to decide what to do. I do have room to go up on Effexor, but part of me wonders if I should switch to Cymbalta (which has more NE and longer half-life). I was on that like 10 years ago, so don't really remember if it was much better. I guess Effexor is helping, I feel pretty stable and haven't had long dips in depression (I used to get triggered and then get stuck for days). Now depressive episodes are incredibly short, however, I'm stuck in the blahs (I wonder if Lamictal could be contributing to this???) Effexor Side effects are tolerable (typical dry mouth/throat clearing, constipation, a bit of "spaciness") My main thing is that meds have helped prevent/stave off the worst depressive episodes, but I guess I always feel blah. Like it's good that my negative emotions aren't intense, but I can't remember the last time I felt pleasure or excitement in anything!! Every single one effects my sex drive (no orgasms either). But if I go off, I know I will be de-stabilized and experience alot of emotional lability (which includes more downswings). So it is a constant trade-off :-( I tried Trintillex also, and I felt no effect whatsoever. I would be eager to try Fetzima, but the cost is a barrier/annoyance. So with less Serotonin (and more NE) does this mean it has less of a calming/blunting effect and more of increased heartrate, energizing, "fight or flight" restless legs, sort of effects? My physical energy level is fine. Since I'm on Ritalin, I don't want to get on something that has significant cardiovascular effects.
  5. Surprised no one here has posted more of the "dark" 80's or Goth stuff Enjoy some of my nostalgic all-time faves: Siouxsie & the Banshees - The Passenger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nAON-MwUPY Bauhaus - Silent Hedges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNss1_EpvcE Peter Murphy - Cuts You Up & All Night Long: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWafD1cPGPM&list=RDmWafD1cPGPM&t=47 (All Night Long): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_Qzd3OnbL4 Sisters Of Mercy - This Corrosion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-RVJyNpfDk Concrete Blonde - Joey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrDsaKdT2S8 The Smiths - Ask Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xBy65SxjL0 Black Sabbath - Crazy Train: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMR5zf1J1Hs Faith No More - Falling to Pieces: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32bdevGClD4 Aerosmith - Dream On: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-2u2lhGO4w Guns & Roses - You're Crazy (Acoustic): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-9stMznR40 Jane's Addiction - Ocean Size: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8ul0-_fXdw The Cult - Fire Woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_y6rFCHGBU Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWz0JC7afNQ The Cure-Just Like Heaven: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xmf5ct3rOSc
  6. @JustNuts Wondering how long have you been on Fetzima, and how do you like it (say compared to other SNRIs?) Not too many folks here are on it. I'm on Effexor and it's not doing much TBH, as far as brightening my depression, increasing motivation or cutting out negative ruminations. I'm not super depressed really, just still apathetic and ruminating. I'm also not digging the short half-life. I got nasty withdrawal syndrome from Cymbalta even..Anyway, curious to hear your feedback as far as comparing these 3 with benefits, side effects, etc. I think it is not generic yet, correct?
  7. Welcome! Great to hear success stories and what specifically worked for you. I also did a year of group DBT (quite awhile ago) and found it helpful but realize that I need to keep pushing myself to use the skills, otherwise it's easy to fall back into old/bad patterns. There was a DBT Skill of the Day thread started under the Therapy section of this site. Feel free to also post there, It might encourage people (including me) to get back into practicing!! Again, congrats.
  8. I can't remember my first session as it was 20 years ago. I'm sure I felt uncomfortable and anxious about going in and talking about myself, not knowing what to say or where to start. For the most part it's very very normal to feel more depressed afterwards. Talk therapy triggers me to focus even more on my issues/problems (and I have a bad habit of ruminating on this stuff constantly anyway). Being in general talk therapy is a bit like being under a microscope (at least my experience, depends on the type of therapy) dredging up difficult times, patterns, history. It's not fun at all for me,but I do it, so I don't go off the deep end. I've had a variety if therapists (mostly so-so, though a couple were good or bad). It's nice to have a break, and distance for distraction (or other things) instead. I'm a bit jaded TBH because after so much self-help, pdocs and therapists, I often already know what they will say and I can go months without any real insight or help in my decision making. They are expensive also. I use it more as a sounding board to be honest because I have no one to talk to about personal psychological stuff.
  9. I know everyone typically loves their children 100% - but I wonder if you could go back and NOT have them, would you? Especially if you are a parent that struggles with mood issues.... If you were childfree, what sort of things would you do differently? What dreams would you pursue or try and how else would you spend your free time & money?
  10. Marriage counseling UHG

    @dragonfly23 Are you still doing the marriage counseling sessions? We did one and it's super hard to tell if it will be helpful or not. I don't know. Lots of issues happening in addition to my husband blaming everything on my depression (which makes me feel even more like a burden & it's all my fault). There are many other factors putting pressure on the relationship, and I am doing my part, but I hope he takes this seriously and can learn some supportive behaviors. We are not able to communicate either.
  11. Everything

    Welcome back @sonicwhite. I hope you are feeling a bit better. Did you go IP for a bit? ***Bit of a Trigger Warning**** I'm keen to hear more (if you don't mind me asking) about the drug-induced psychosis/NDE (I had this occur also with a medication + previous CPTSD). The psychosis did not resolve yet? How long has it lasted? My "experience" happened 20 years ago before I was hospitalized. It was short-lived after the med was stopped and i was put on A/Ps for awhile. (It was Hell and I wouldn't wish psychosis + PTSD on my worst enemy.) I also had flashbacks for awhile, waking up in early morning covered with sweat and "re-living" the trauma. It was like I was watching myself go insane in slow-motion....going back & forth between dissociation, then having some insight and then watching my mind & identity break apart into different fragments...deep, complex hidden meanings coming out from everywhere that I couldn't wrap my brain around. I can't even articulate into words what the experience was like. Sheer terror. I experienced what you could call a "NDE" as well. And the worst part is, with these experiences, its difficult to gain insight out of the episode (you know how some people are able to process it and understand, which leads to some resolution/comfort?) I can only imagine what it might be like to have some sort of bad, uncontrollable LSD drug trip & NDE and the flashbacks, delusions or paranoia don't end. I've heard that this is quite common in sensitive individuals with family history of mental illness or childhood trauma. Psychosis is really destructive to your brain I've been told. Takes time for your brain to heal and to heal emotionally. it is true. Time really does heal. I hope you can get some help & support and go easy on yourself.
  12. I take Effexor too. I guess I've just become lazy, I should probably take my meds right when i wake up, then wait a bit before eating or try not eating fruit/coffees directly with it... Other than that, maybe it's just a sign that I need to take a 5 day break from the Ritalin again, somedays it feels like I haven't taken anything. I am dragging and my brain has been in a fog all day long today.
  13. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    So exhausted!!!! So weird. I've been going to bed later (around 1am instead of 11pm) How can only 2 hours make this much of a difference??? I could sleep until noon. Does anyone have this problem? Like if you get less than 10-11 hours sleep you feel wrecked?
  14. What is your morning routine as far as getting up, breakfast & taking meds? what is best for absorption? I am usually starving when I get up and have oatmeal (or plain granola) with blueberries, water and then take my meds. Often I have a small, plain yogurt. I have 2 coffees afterwards. I take Ritalin and wonder if this breakfast could reduce the efficacy? I don't usually drink any juice but I wonder if fruit and coffee is too acidic? I cannot skip it! Do you wait a certain amount of time before having your coffee, juice or whatever?
  15. Wow @mikl_pls That is sooooo bizarre!!! How long were you taking the brand before you switched? Now I'm worried that if I go back to the other one I was on, it may not work (though I've always taken the generic). Any idea why that happened to you? Should I ask my pdoc about this? I've always taken generic because she said people often react when taking the "brand" and then switching to generic. Even though they are supposed to be pharmaceutically "equivalent" it surprises me that there are differences between every generic.... So I'm not crazy, thinking that the hard tablet thing is super weird! I've never seen it either. When I was taking Cymbalta years ago, it was always the capsule with the individual beads (I remember well, because tapering off at that time, I had to count each individual bead coming off the lowest dose!) And since I started taking the 2 peach 75mgs capsules about 9 days ago, I've been experiencing ever so slight brain zaps and more fatigue...like it's not affecting me the same way. I wish I knew what causes this, I find it unbelievable that a tiny thing like filler can completely change the drugs efficacy! Perhaps it's because meds do not usually get tested on human subjects for more than 6 month trials and generics aren't tested as thoroughly? i don't know.