crazynotstupid

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About crazynotstupid

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    S'up yo
  • Birthday 04/26/76

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    Helena MT

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  1. 99 Problems

    Been a while. I know, I know. Had to stop by for a med list for my new pdoc, thought I might hang for a bit. Sorry folks for being a stranger. Life's been interesting (may you live in interesting times, my ass...), thought I was getting somewhere in my job til they kicked me in the balls. Now I'm just finishing out my Management Development program (how do they put you through a program like that and then tell you you're never gonna go anywhere?) and then I'm searching for a new job. Aside from work going to crap life is not too bad...been hitting the gym and tomorrow I get my trailer title transferred so I will own all my real property...maybe next year I will even be out of debt. Eye on the ball, on the ball. Next I just gotta get a nice girl. Well, maybe not nice...
  2. Shut up

    So. I have this..isuue, going on. There's a handfull of people I can talk to about it, basically people who knew me "back when". One of them happens to be that friend I work with. I kind of tentatively broached the subject today at lunch--she of course was nose deep in her phone. I remember when people actually talked; now, take a person's phone away, and they are bereft and completely socially inadequate. Anyway. I mentioned I had an issue, piqued her interest. Told her it was more of a guy thing, she probably wouldn't understand. She said, well, you never know. Left it at that for the time being, she had to get back on the clock. So later on, I go to her cube, kind of bring it up again. And what do I get? nothing but her running mouth. Everything...I mean, every fucking thing has to be about her. So is so entranced by her own dazzling self that the possibility of my needing anything is...completely off the radar. So basically any one who could help with my situation is not even in my state. And that's shitty, and it pisses me off, and I want feedback, I want someone to lay eyes on the situation and tell me I'm not seeing things. And the one person I wanted to do that is so fucking full of herself I couldn't trust her to do what I need even if she could shut the fuck up for two minutes anyway.
  3. Your cheatin' heart

    So, I've been going to the gym for a while now. Results have been good. However, to build muscle of course you need protein. This week I had my quarterly diabetes checkup. I got online and took a look at some of the labs today. They were...not so good. After 30 years of not-so-well controlled blood sugars, it seems my kidneys are not so capable of handling large quantities of protein. I am waiting for my doctor to call for me to come in and discuss the results. He will almost certainly put me on an ACE inhibitor (he mentioned this a while ago) and aside from that, who knows. I can't lift and go low protein and I won't quit lifting. I've cut my protein intake, sure, but only time will tell how much that will cut the damage. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Seriously, I either hit the gym or I sit on my ass and play games and drink beer and smoke. Anyway. That really didn't have anything to do with the post title, but it did get me to a melancholy state, which did get me up to things I shouldn't have, which I won't go into. Now, at any rate. Word for today: cuckold.
  4. Click Click Boom

    I stepped outside this morning to a very light rain. That...ain't right. Been too mild this year, only one frigid snap and very little snow so far. Oh well, only five months of winter to go... So today was end of quarter/end of year at work. Nuts as usual, and people gone to boot. Everybody at their wits' ends. Tense. Not fun. Hasn't been good for a while, staffing issues, personal issues, performance issues. Good times. I/ve been...out of sorts, is the term I'll use, for the last couple months. Since oh, about March I guess, I've been backup for my lead worker--as close to a "promotion" as I can get. Naturally this has caused some tension. And, as my lead worker told me, I was not the first choice; but she fought for me--I did, after all, spend about two years proving I could do the job. So back before Columbus Day, my Bureau Vhief asked me if I wanted to apply for the Management Development Program. Not being a fool, I said yes, and did up the app as I was taking the next day off. My supe signed off on it readily and passed it on to the Administrator. When I got back from the holiday, my Chief called me in--the Admin had signed off on someone else. A pretty young thing who's been there less than half my time (with the Department, not the Division itself), had left and been rehired, screws up her work--when she's not on her phone or some stupid website or chatting--and is studying for a degree that will land her in antoher job. Disappointed? Yeah. Upset? Sure. But, between that and the near-snub of the lead worker backup position, I have received the message. Hard work and accuracy don't matter where I work. Dedication is meaningless. There are unwritten rules at play, or hell, maybe it's the fucking Y-chromosone I'm carrying around that's working against me. Whatever. I can't work down to their level, and I won't, and that place obviously isn't a fit for me anymore. Sadly there are very few jobs available in my price range and none of them fit my skill set. But, one will come around. Merely a matter of time. There's someone out there who'll want a guy like me. Truth is, I'm more pissed off about the lack of decent management than anything else. They ran a tighter ship when I worked at McDonald's. At least there you could fire someone in less than three years...
  5. Lift me up

    So I've been away for a while. Thought I'd drop a line or three, since I've kind of been hanging around for a few days. So, I've been doing OK the last several months. Stable, as it were, and working on self-improvement. Had to give up on my Bowflex cuz it got too cold in the garage so I joined a gym, but I have kept up the workout routine. Work has been eventful but I'll leave that for another day. Still selling stuff on eBay but I set a goal: list a minimum of 5 things a week til it all gets sold. I need this stuff gone so I can get my house in order. Orderly house, orderly mind. Or so I hope. Plus, I have decided to get reading my books, and mix it up--one fiction, followed by one non-fiction. Trying to strengthen mind as well as body in 2014. Who knows, might even quit smoking...
  6. Head like a hole

    'Nother day, 'nother dollar. And yet another coworker who doesn't bother to either read or remember the emails I send out. Like wtf, wander around like a moron and waste some (more of) a poor guys time when, if she'd read my damned email, things would've got fixed right up. Ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, but for the rest of us it is utter hell. And this is the same one who thinks she has what it takes to be lead worker material! Her favorite phrase, aside from "you might fall through a bridge", is "I'k going to deny your permit". That...in my book, that is unacceptable phrasing. She gets uppity and pushy with customers and at times downright rude and sees nothing wrong with it. Cut right out for governemnt service I guess, but our office usually tries to be better than that...well, some of us, anyways. She annoys me for more than that though...I mean I've been "friends" with her for...getting closer to 20 years than not, i guess. But. Friends? She likes to say things like, "I'm better looking than you'll ever be" (I may not win any beauty contests but she certainly will never place), she never has a kind word for me, expects to be complimnted on every little thing, and I'm supposed to show up for her wedding (I haven't RSVP'ed yet). So, what value does friendship have, when someone doesn't act as a friend, you consider them to be crappy at their job, and the only thing you have in common is that you used to party together...and well I'm friends with a large portion of her fa,mily, but not her close family. And I haven't seen them in years, but they're all on my facebook, fwiw. Politics of work. Politics of life. I can't dance on the floor but damn I guess I can dance the political dance. Tired of it though.
  7. So today I got to the office early cuz we were upgrading to Windows 7. I know, right? But whatever. As with all upgrades nothing went smoothly. Things went kablooey, shit kept switching around, NO ONE said "oh yeah we're gonna erase EVERYTHING from your C drive, so move all your shit to your U drive". So fuck, I lost a lot of shit. Oh well. Whatever. And of course the rest of the day...I was supposed to be on the question line, nice and relaxing. Like the boss giving me a cookie or something. Did that happen? Nooo.... Well first off, I couldn't GET on the line cuz of the upgrade, and when I did, it was so busy I had to do both. And then it was so busy I never got to answer any questions cuz they would hang up, they were wating so long. Why, you ask? Oh, you know the answer. Cuz half the time I'm the only one picking up the damn phone. Especially in the afternoon. I swear for an hour and a half I was the only one answering two different lines. Not only that I got all the stoopid customers today, I think. Fucking Mondays. No wonder I have that coworker that always takes Monday after payday off (today, fer instance). I won't cry if she gets axed. I'm tired of getting hung out to dry. I would really like to see another high performer in the office. But like I always say, if wishes were horses, we'd be drowning in manure.
  8. I doubt it's the lithium itself, I was the same way recently when I increased my abilfy. Then I decreased it--after the decrease I got angry at one of my coworkers. I got over it but then I realized--wow! I felt something! An emotion! That was really cool! I decreased the abilify, btw, because I was depressed; I had increased it cuz I had been hypomanic. I was not "sad" depressed, just "flat" depressed, no interest in anything, etc.
  9. Ready to go

    So today was a coffee day. See, if I start mt day with a coffee, that's like a red flag: I'm in a mood. Mountain Dew or water, OK. Coffee, not OK. Well anyway, nobody pulled attitude with me today. Things started OK, I got stuck on the question line as the gal who was supposed to do that was out..again. So I got some work done I didn't expect to. But then after a couple of hours all hell broke loose. Yeah, usual Friday. It is-really-tough to deal with people who are, like, "oh thank God, finally! I need a permit please!" after you pick up the phone while they've been on the phone for about an hour. Especially at the end of the day. And then I had to kick five or so people out of the queue cuz the day was over and there was nothing I could do. Fucking flex time and people leaving early.... But I got to thinking on the way home. About some things today. I've thought about it before...it's like, I have such control over people's...not destiny, to be sure, but certainly their businesses and that sort of thing. I mean I tell them where to go, if they have to have pilot cars, if they can even get a permit. They can lose loads or entire jobs based on what I say. I don't revel in this, well, power; I spent a good portion of my life learning business (and a fat lot of good THAT has done me) and I do everything I can to help them make sound business decisions while staying within the bounds of the law. But. Sometimes I really ruin peoples' days. It doesn't make it easier when they get pissy with me, I do understand where they're coming from, but I'm not gonna try to make their life easier. I fucking HATE pushy people. Yelling at me doesn't get your permit faster or at all if I can't give it to you. It's not that I can't handle the abuse, it's just frustrating, I guess, that people can't handle why I have to tell them these things. It's not in mypower to change things. Well, anyway, that's the job, and I'm kind of OK with that, I just wish my coworkers would pick up some slack. I feel like I'm carrying half the weight of the office. It'd also be nice if I got a little recognition for it. A little pat on the back goes a long fucking ways.
  10. Just lose it

    God knows I'm about to. I know I've been saying I've been pretty cool with work and all, and I have been. But this week... This week has been seriously fuck-all. Like wtf, spring brings out the "fuck-you" in people? People skkipping work, snapping at me, yacking when they should be working...I was on the phone by myself for a fucking hour today and then my coworker gets back and jabbers for 10 minutes about her problem child AFTER I've been on the phone for an hour by myself. And one of our regular customers calls in and says to me "wow you must be busy"...I'm like fuck it, didn't sugar coat it like usual, just said "nope, been on the phone by myself for the last hour". Couldn't even tell my boss cuz he was out for a family member's funeral (car crash that made the front page of out paper) but who knows what'll happen tomorrow... My lead worker was pretty pissed too. To top THAT shit off we got like 2 days notice of a nasty width restriction even after YET another notice that districts are supposed to give a minimum of one week. Shit's gonna hit the fan tomorrow over that too. So now I've got to thinking...my lead worker is respected...to a point. I'm not really respected. Hmmm, what happens when she's gone for a week and I am "lead worker"? Ah well I'll be even nastier than she is I expect, except nasty-snarky (I'm way good with the snark, she isn't). I've tried being nice this week but fuck-all I'm on my last straw. Kick your dog enough and he will bite your ass. So tomorrow ought to be fun, Fridays are always our busy days,and I took on three projects in addition to the usual crap. So I'm'a gonna be hoppin' and if anybody wants to pull attitude with me they're gonna get a face full of CNS-brand shit.
  11. After getting medicated, I got my first full-time permanent job. Not what you'd call a "career change" so much but. I'm not complaining (much). My job's stressful and fast-paced, I find it's kinda what I need to keep me going. I hanle it well depressed or going up, but I do my best to keep myself stable--too far in either direction and I simply would not be able to function. No function, no job. No job=very bad things. So do what you can. It takes time to get used to meds. Meds take time to get used to. Hopefully you'll adapt OK. Don't beat yourself up if you're not at waht you feel should be your 100%. You don't want to crash and burn again just to be back at your "reak" level at your job.
  12. Halfway Gone

    So what does a person do when they get to the office first thing in the morning and turn on their computer, only to get a message (we get intra-departmental announcements) that someone they hates has died of cancer? Huh. Not a good sign for the day, I guess. So next I open up my email...only to find out nearly half the office is going to be out. Then one more email, one more person out. Like, fuck? So yeah. My day started so well too, up early, drinking coffee, which like NEVER happens, only to come out to icy roads and a shitstorm at the office. And then a major fuckup with a permit...well that one's a technical thing but long story short, my bureau chief probably thinks a bit lesser of me now which is...not so good. Good news though, Thursday s my last physical therapy appointment so YAY no more bleeding money for that. My shoulder's doing well, didn't hurt too bad during my workout tonight, ran things a little hard but if I keep doing the exercises he gave me I should be able to keep out of trouble. Aaaand I really, really need to quit smoking. If, for no other reason, there's a girl. Probably nothing to that, but if I smoke, there's definately nothing to that. So yeah. Smoking=bad. I can smoke regardless of health or monetary deficiencies but put a pretty girl in the picture, and THAT is what I call motivation. So we'll just see...
  13. Try checking post dates next time. It's not always helpful to be dragging up weeks-old posts. And fwiw I wasn't fucking with or insulting you, if you want to take that tone from me that's fine by me, your perception is what counts to you.
  14. If you need to bite your tongue, why'd you drag up a month-old post? ...just wondering.