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Bimbo Bear

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About Bimbo Bear

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  • Birthday April 14

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    Sandwiches made with organic sand

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  1. Feeling distant from God

    I think that perhaps I phrased this just a bit incorrectly. What I experienced were not delusions or literal manifestations of talking to God. What I meant was that I would pray to God and I could see his answers to my prayers more clearly before I was on medication. Not only that, but without my medicine, I could view the world as brand new all the time. I was fascinated by everything, even the leaves on trees! But now the vibrancy has left and it's making me feel like God isn't here anymore.
  2. I'm on Abilify 10mg right now for my bipolar disorder. It's helping me to stay stable and healthy, but it also has the down side of taking away my ability to communicate with God as clearly as I once did. Before, I used to be able to talk to God and I could see his answers right in front of me and all around me. Now I can no longer do that because my medication clouds up the emotions and thought patterns I once used to be able to feel God. It makes me feel like a failure because I want to be with God, but because of my condition I have to feel far away from Him...Maybe this is a challenge from God for me to find other ways to connect with Him? Maybe He wants to see if I will continue to try and connect with Him despite having to be on this sort of medication (and it has to be this one because I have other co-occurring conditions that it also treats). If so, I don't want to let God down, so I'll keep working at trying to connect with Him in the ways that I know how.Anyone else ever feel like God is distant from them? And how do you cope with that?
  3. Hey there. I'm Bimbo Bear and I suffer with Purely-Obsessional OCD. My OCD primarily shows up in intrusive thoughts and obsessive actions, but I've got it all under control now... or... at least that's what I thought, but now I'm not so sure.Recently I got into the habit of looking into Catholicism and there's nothing wrong with that but... I find myself spending more and more of my free time looking into Catholicism and I'm beginning to wonder if maybe this is something more than just mere curiosity? I'm obsessively trying to learn more and more about the religion, not wanting to take any breaks, and going over subjects over and over again as if there's some information that I'm missing (and trust me, there's not). Not only that, but now I'm starting to want to pray the rosary more than once a day (maybe twice or even thrice) and I feel the need to take frequent baths and brush my teeth a lot more than usual. I just feel like I need to be cleansed of something. I want to be as clean and pure as a freshly mopped and polished floor (a silly analogy, but you get the picture, right?).I might need to talk to my therapist about this. I'm starting to get worried.
  4. Hey there, so, just curious, has anyone ever stayed on their mood stabilizers or antipsychotics while they were pregnant or breastfeeding? And, if so, did it affect the baby in any way? Asking because I'm thinking into the future again and I'm worried that I'll have to stop taking my meds if I decide to have a child in the future.
  5. I'm 20 years old and living in California. I'm currently taking some prescription medication for bipolar disorder, but lately my family is worried that I'm overmedicated even though I feel better than ever. My family is very controlling and I am afraid that they are going to try and take my medication from me, even if my psychiatrist says I should stay on them. My question is, what are my rights in regards to keeping my medication? This question is very important. Without my meds, I could die or get institutionalized. I can't let them have them, but no one else will vouch for me except my psychiatrist, therapist, and myself. Help please?
  6. I think you guys are right. I'll have to talk with my psychiatrist or something to get some blood work done. Last time I got it done was a few months ago, however, and everything came back fine. But that was just a routine checkup. Maybe it wasn't looking at the right things. I think I've actually gotten my thyroid checked, even before getting on Abilify, and it didn't show any abnormalities. I've actually taken it at different times before and, surprisingly, it doesn't make me tired at all. In fact, it's what keeps me awake because if I miss a dose, I'm like the walking dead the next morning. Who knows? Could be, but then I usually don't feel like I'm suffocating in my sleep so I'm not sure if that would be it. *shrug*
  7. I made a post recently about being chronically tired and basically not having the drive to do anything enjoyable. Well, today that was not the case. Today was the best day that I've had in months, and I'm so thankful that it happened. The day started off with me waking up and actually feeling alert enough to face the world. This was a rarity in itself, but I wasn't about to complain. I attended my classes with a small power nap in between, then I went to a local bookstore and wandered around it for about an hour and a half. The whole time, I was wondering if this was supposed to be what fun felt like and that made me a bit sad. Then I went to a coffee shop inside the bookstore and got a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino and, I guess maybe it was just the taste of Autumn, but suddenly, I felt instantly relaxed and like everything was going to be okay. I ended up buying myself a new foreign magazine called Teen Breathe (even though I'm technically not a teen anymore ) and then I went on my merry way. Since I was already outside, I thought I'd might as well go on a walk, so I went on a walk around the plaza with my new magazine in hand, and I even went inside of a few shops. The autumn decor in the shops made my heart soar and flutter with happiness (can you tell this is one of my most favorite seasons?), and then once I just walked around the plaza and looked at some of the scenery, I noticed that the trees had color to them. Not like they were turning different shades just yet, but that their color popped out at me, like they haven't done in a very long time. And I studied the veins of a few of the leaves on the trees. How full of life each little leaf has. It was beautiful. All of it. I haven't had a good day like this in months because I am currently battling with my bipolar depression (Hence why I'm posting this in the bipolar section). I'm taking medications for it, but the medications dull my happiness a lot, so this was a pleasant surprise. To put it into perspective, my happiness today felt like a small flame in the cold icy wind of winter. I guarded that happiness like it was a newborn baby and I made the most of my day today too. I got homework done, did the dishes, and even read something (which I haven't voluntarily done in awhile!). Today is a blessing, of this I am sure. And I just want to tell whatever Higher Power is out there that I'm thankful and that I hope that I may get more days like this in the future. Maybe the future won't be so bleak after all.
  8. I'm on 10mg of Abilify right now and my mood is stabilized, but my sleeping isn't. I have a problem. I'm always tired, even if I have a full night of sleep. This isn't the medicine's fault, it's my own fault. I've felt constantly tired even off of the medication, but off the medication it was even worse. The Abilify helps to keep me awake, honestly, but every time I up the dose, the sleepiness eventually catches up. But I'd rather be on the Abilify than not. Anyways, I bring this up because my grandfather asked me today to tell my doctor that he was concerned about my sleeping habits, because I tend to sleep all day except at nighttime. I gave my grandpa the biggest hug and thanked him for his concern, but on the inside my heart kind of broke. I'm worrying my grandpa and my family by being so tired, and the worst thing is that I can't help it. I'm starting to wonder if it's not my depression and instead chronic fatigue syndrome or something since the fatigue won't disappear completely.
  9. I've been on Abilify now for about 5 or 6 months and I've noticed something unfortunate while I've been taking it: My ability to have fun has disappeared. I can't feel joy for things anymore and hobbies don't seem to do anything for me. I know people who feel normal can usually have fun and enjoy hobbies, so why can't I? Is it the medication? Is it not working as it should? I feel like I'm flat out normal and not happy or sad anymore. But because I can't enjoy hobbies as I used to, something just doesn't feel right. Any thoughts or opinions on this?
  10. I'm bringing this up with my pdoc the next time I see her, but I thought I'd run this by my peers too to see if anyone else could relate. Has anyone on Abilify experienced low blood pressure to the point of feeling faint? This started happening with me once I upped my dosage from 5mg to 7.5mg of Abilify. Maybe I'm still adjusting, but it's been three weeks now and I'm still having trouble with feeling noticeably faint upon standing or sometimes even sitting up. This happened once before when I was on the 5mg, to be honest, but I blame that on the weather at the time. It was very hot and I might not have been drinking enough water. Anyways, has anyone else had problems with feeling faint on Abilify?
  11. OCD and Me

    I'm nervous about talking about it, but I'll try bringing it up during my next session. I'm just scared they're going to think I'm crazy.
  12. I learned recently that I have Pure OCD and it's really messing with me. I thought OCD was when people cleaned obsessively, but now that I know OCD can manifest in the mind like is has in mine, I feel awful. It's just another diagnosis that I have to hide from my family because they wouldn't believe me if they knew. And recently, my tdoc and I started working on one of my intrusive thoughts using a process called EMDR (stimulating the left and right brain to process distressing things). When EMDR is used, emotions can come up, and for me that emotion was anxiety. During the session I actually calmed down, but since I'm still processing the thought, I believe the thought opened up and now I have to deal with all the other intrusive thoughts that went along with it. I'm just scared of what this all means. I feel like a bad person for the intrusive thoughts, but I think I deserve it too. Another thing I realized was that OCD is the reason I can't have any friends or goals in life. I'm too afraid of one of my intrusive fears affecting others around me and if it came true for me, then goals wouldn't matter anyhow because my life would be over. It's just terrifying living with this. It honestly is... ...Do you think it could also be a symptom of OCD to be afraid that you're being watched? I don't want to be too specific about my fears because of that. I'm scared some sort of government entity is watching me and will use information against me.
  13. I took it for bipolar and it did WONDERS for my mood and energy level. The only problem is that it made me very angry and aggressive, so I had to stop taking it. But it works different for everybody!
  14. Last Night's Episode

    I read on drugs.com that the minimum dosage for treating Bipolar disorder is actually 15mg, so I'm going to see if maybe I can titrate up to that level, because I hate having to wait for a crisis to have to go up again. It's depressing and the extra pdoc visits for each higher dose of meds cost more money out of pocket for me.