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About MNK99

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    A Kafkaesque State
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    Perfectionism despite not being able to do anything right.
    Stimulants, Straight Razors, Vodka. Fitness, Money, Love. Psychology. Trance, the Wu-Tang Clan.
    Fighting the System.

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  1. Thx for the replies... Re: Mcjimjam " Have you asked about a way of dealing with the edema? Maybe they can add a diuretic or lithium, which has a diuretic effect." Not really, I just drink some coffee... and maybe when I work out more it won't be a problem. The meds I asked to add don't seem safe (edema wise). I think maybe its a bit better now. It seemed worse for sure on the lactose containing meds. I'm more concerned about hair loss at the moment. A lot of doctors that I'd see in passing moments can't really help. My family doctor doesn't want to mess with my psyche meds, my Psychiatrist I don't think knows what to do really, and at least they admit it. It kind of sucks because I'm seeing family shortly for a wedding... and I wanted this med thing sorted so I can get back on track, and not be like the black sheep. The only one of four boys (2 first cousins and my brother) who isn't successful yet. Also my left eye is blurry. And I'm dropping and shaking a lot still at times. Yes I fidget anyways.... and am clumsy but not like this. This is worse than when I was a severe alcoholic and on Effexor and smoking weed (among other things). My fingers move in strange ways when typing at times - maybe when the drug is leaving my system. Shaving is hard at times. I feel that if a med is successful, it won't be an issue. Like you can take it and not feel bad that you're taking something harmful. Like my asthma inhalers... Yeah I'd like not to take them, but I've been trained to take them - it doesn't affect me. The only psyche med I've ever felt not that bad taking has been stimulants - partly because stimulants of some kind, coffee, or ADHD meds saved me at least in terms of school and some previous jobs. Most A/D's I don't believe I stayed on long, and 2 were in the first year I experienced severe Mania (took me 6-7 years to realize wtf had happened). Regarding hair loss or edema... Many docs won't take this seriously because they'll look and see a "full head of hair" and "you're skinny". But I know what is skinny versus fluid retention. Because I've been obese and also athletic (closer to that side now, for 10+ years). And I've seen near zero hair fall per day (maybe 10-15 per day max) versus 100-200 on 75mg lamotrigine. As a male with maybe patterned genetic hairloss that's an issue. I know it falls out more on dexedrine already, but now severely on lamotrigine. My washroom floor is covered with hair (back, sides, top -- not MPB areas, and for those with history in my family - they had some sort of pattern, mine is diffuse, but not Diffuse unpatterned alopecia. I'm hoping rogaine helps, but I should probably find a med that isn't so bad for my hair personally). Regarding vision, I had glasses since 14 years old, and got by only wearing them on the computer or while driving, at movies, in lectures. So all in all my vision barely changed in 16 years - maybe a tiny bit, but my right eye is near 20/20 and my left is not so great and has a lot of astigmatism. This isn't normal astigmatism, it's "blurry" in my left (weaker eye). Sometimes I'm crossing the street now and I'm not confident I can see - peripheral vision wise. Re hair: I just began rogaine and finasteride - but I'm not even sure it is genetic hair loss. I guess on some level, I know I need to do something about ADHD/BPII regardless ... What that is, is not something I can easily conclude so far. I'm not complaining much about the tremors except that they're dangerous... because I know I'll be doing writing, sales, etc jobs not surgery or something. But I do have persistent head nodding tremors from dexedrine, and now its left to right on lamotrigine... Anyone else have this? I think the dexedrine tremors go away nearly if I quit for 3-4 weeks, and surely after a couple months (hopefully). I probably would have tremors on all. Maybe I have that MTHFR mutation explaining bad reactions to meds. I don't know. I wish I could get genetic testing - but by trial and error, I might have the answers somewhat anyways. As per my final dose on lamotrigine: I don't think it will be that high. I don't think I'll touch above 200mg or maybe even above 100mg. I think the relief I feel now is similar to the first relief I had at 25mg a few months ago (before quitting and restarting). I could be wrong though. I see so Wellbutrin was pretty much useless for you I guess? Like t
  2. Does anyone take Wellbutrin (any version) and a stimulant and only those two meds? Is it possible that I could fix treatment resistant depression / bipolar II and ADHD with Dexedrine in the mornings and Wellbutrin at night (seeing as though wellbutrin is a NDRI, and might cap off the peak effects of "dexedrine"). I'm not super happy only treating the ADHD... but I am not sure I can stick to Lamotrigine. I've been back and forth and I know it's annoying asking questions and questions again - but I really just want to get back to work and be functional. I either don't sleep for days or I stay in bed all day, and though I'm not horribly depressed (so you could say lamotrigine "works"), it isn't working well enough. My reactions to SSRI's and SNRI's probably won't repeat on Wellbutrin I think. I hope to see my Doctor on Monday and ask him what to try. I'm going to avoid Lithium, and most anticonvulsants... And most antidepressants (that I've reacted badly too). ADHD is a priority but being more content, less depressed and "hopeful" would be awesome too.
  3. I can definitely relate. I was a pretty high achieving student for half my time... and then I royally screwed up in University. I am also in Canada. I went to two different universities (on opposite sides of the country). I changed majors... and ran into a hell of a lot of trouble due to incorrect meds. Towards my 99th credit (counted, I did more... way more) or so I was diagnosed with ADHD. I graduated a 90 cred degree, and just applied to graduate my 120 credit degree, after dual diagnosis BPII / ADHD. It'd be a lot easier knowing beforehand, but somehow I got through and I think you can too. The first thing that helped me was getting accomodations. I was reluctant at first - as I was wary of Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Counsellors and the like (after severe mania etc)... but it allowed me to write many exams solo (without others in the room). Getting registered with Counselling and Disability Services at University - enabled me to write exams in Alternate Exams (by myself) and gave leniency regarding handing assignments in. Maybe your ADHD mentor (or a friend) can be an accountability partner, even when you can't come in to see them (through email or text). Like maybe you can have the 5 most important tasks per week, and they can call or you can text/email to see where you are. Two things helped me a bit: A program called Tick Tick on Android and Iphone (and web) And also this: Also exercise... Sorry its easy to recommend things, but honestly I can't pinpoint exactly what helped me except the knowledge and acceptance that life would get better after school. The rest of it was a grind for me... I handed in 7 essays for one course at 4am, on the last day, and had an extension for the final assignment for my last two courses. Without such leniency... it'd be impossible. Although you said your profs are understanding which is really good. Always ask about expectations if they are unclear. I didn't ask because I was shy/nervous until my later years - which was a huge mistake. Also a school therapist (PhD) helped me out a lot.. they helped me actually realize I had ADHD and other issues and helped me accountability wise to an extent. TO recap: I'd get Letters of Accomodation, a school therapist, and meds, an Accountability partner, and choose a major I like -- day 1. That's all I can think of. I think you have some of these... There's really no one silver bullet, but maybe meds need to change. I'm not sure. My heart goes out to you.
  4. @melissaw72 "When I started with lamictal, I had a great thick head of hair. And it never fell out unless my thyroid was off (which can cause hair loss) and/or if I experienced severe stress for a prolonged period of time I could count on losing hair (for me, if I am really stressed for awhile about something, 4-6 weeks later my hair will fall out ... not a lot, but noticeable. It does come back though in time). But it wasn't from the lamictal AFAIK. I never connected the 2. I know you've talked to your pdoc about this, but have you thought of the bloating being from something else? It sounds very uncomfortable to be dealing with. **Have you gotten your thyroid checked recently? That can definitely cause hair loss." Hi again Melissa, I keep posting the same things in a sense but worded them differently and had different angles. I've been freaking out a lot lately. I have not had my thyroid checked lately. It was really weird - the terminal at my University's health clinic when you check in, says "treated for conditions" and "thyroid" was selected... But I never had thyroid treatment so I assume it was some record mixup. Honestly, I did go check everything out many years ago bc of all kinds of random stomach and other issues. But came back clear on a lot. It's been a long time though.... It is possible that the diet protocol (its not "really a diet" - just eating hours are different) may be suitable for strength training but not for the drug I'm taking, as in... maybe I need to eat 3-4 meals now or something like that. Anyways, I just don't think it should be this hard. Either something works and doesn't harm me... or I gotta move on. But I know you gotta wait and 1 month isn't long. I'll ask to get my thyroid checked, next time I see my family doctor. I've definitely thought I've had hypo or hyperthyroid at times. I fit more hyperthyroid symptoms but I did have eyebrows shed a lot as well as maybe thinning of eyebrows a bit and hair above my ear. I notice it when on stimulants - it was really scary at first but that was a few years ago.
  5. @Blahblah Yeah... I know it seems erratic, honestly it may be at times. BUT even so I maintain the same average calories as needed for a decrease in weight. So if my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) is 2900, and I want a deficit of 1000 I might eat an average of 1800-2200 (for a short time, not forever! Only when "cutting"). But I always reset. Or if I just want to maintain (soon) I might just eat 2600 one day and 3200 the next. I know what you mean - balance I appreciate it. I guess I've always been erratic in diet and sleep a bit but it balances things out. Like I take my ADHD med in the morning and usually on an empty stomach, and I get my calories in at night, in an eating window. Its hard to explain but I make my macronutrients most the time. It's extreme because of the times where I don't. I have reset my metabolism several times. Like when I was 180lb with no further progress and I realized that I was undereating and doing too much cardio, I eventually came to my senses and fixed that. So for 6-8 weeks I reset and eat 500-700 more than my BMR (basal metabolic rate) to bring my metabolism back up. I did recently go from 192 lb (Which is a bit much for me) to 174 or 172lb which is pretty light and nearing my end result. I don't think about weight, just about progress, but yes I admit I'm obsessive about it. I don't mean to sound combative or argumentative. I don't think my diet is too too erratic right now but your post does remind me that sometimes it does get there. Also I know it sounds erratic. That's why I always take breaks and just eat normally, whatever I want for a week or so. See part of the reason to get the surgery done is cuz all the issues of being formerly obese affect my mental health and erratic ways (diet, sleep, anxiety, depression, etc). I do wholeheartedly agree with you that starting and stopping the medication isn't good. Most my meds were misdiagnosis or they were for ADHD and didn't have the right sides. I think stimulants and mood stabilizers are the only "right meds" so far. And that's more limited because I need a mood stabilizer that works on depression. Those ones, if they work (one does) I do keep "ON" during work or school. I'm hoping to find something for BPII that's as effective and tolerable as what I have for my ADHD. Also: You're probably right that fasting every other day isn't a good long term solution and honestly I look nearly the same without it... Its like eat 2500 calories and 1200 -1400 the next day. It was 700 for a bit but that was hard to sustain - but did give me good results. Mostly I get derailed and so I have to be extreme -- in work, fitness regiments, school. It's like I have to function 1000% to make up for the times where it's 30% or less. I realize I just made myself look far more erratic in this post. I'm inconsistent and use my hyperdrive to sort out things - but yeah its not sustainable. I fully intend to normalize eating more. Part of it is I focus better without breakfast, and I was really intent on getting to 10-12% bodyfat and getting my surgery done this year. Part of it is, I feel smarter and more focused getting the work done in the day, and eating at night.
  6. Hi. Yeah my Pdoc has been mostly amenable to changing the dose and such. He is admittedly not a bipolar expert. I originally saw him for the ADHD I have. The doctor that diagnosed me with BPII gave him notes that suggested trying either Latuda or lamotrigine. I tried the first generic last September and quit in October. Then the brand name in January-February. Then this version in March after being off a couple weeks. I do have salt, but I cycle calories and do alternate day fasting or at least intermittent day fasting. And that's helped metabolism and most other effects from anything I do (lifestyle or medication) wise before this. I didn't eat nearly enough the last 3 days (not good) but for instance there is fluid retention still. I do eat meat and get takeout once every couple days, but try and keep it healthy - meats and vegetables. I am kind of extreme and keep carbs under 100g and even under 40g at times. My doctor (that prescribes the ADHD med and the Lamotrigine) isn't sure what to do. He is going to write the other doctor (Bipolar specialist) to see if there's other options and if such side effects go away. I am very vigilant and despite my disorganization I notice everything... SO maybe I'm sensitive to things and some things woldn't bother others, but because I'm me, I notice it... and I can't commit to it. I've been on maybe 11-12 meds over the past 10 years, most no longer than a couple weeks. Some were SSRI's and SNRI's. The only ones longer than a year would be Effexor (huge mistake!!! considering the bipolar) and Dexedrine. So for me it DOES seem better than nearly everything I've tried. It is my first "bipolar med" or mood stabilizer. I want to like it but damn.
  7. Hi there. I am taking Apo-Lamotrigine on 50mg. I just started it a few days ago, although I was on Mylan-lamotrigine (1 month) and GSK Lamictal (1 month - best results I think, but they were all close). I stopped mylan due to weight gain and water retention. I had a lot of side effects on brand name as well. I think many would go eventually. I had vertigo on both. I definitely had eye twitching on Lamictal and slight rashes (non SJS, I'm pretty sure), bruising, possibly thinner blood, and a lot of water retention again. I felt something in my stomach and was so bloated at times that I looked pregnant (I'm a male!!!). I am actually quite lean and thin. I'm on Apo-lamotrigine now, as I tried it again but chose a variant with no lactose. I KNOW that taking care of depression, bipolar II is a serious issue and I don't condone people going off meds.I just am at odds with the side effects - the fluid retention and hair shedding. My hair thinned out a lot on Adderall of all things (I think I had telogen effluvium + the genetics for hair loss). I never had any major hair loss till then or after though. I had a full head of hair, and still look like I do. If anything its more like "Female pattern" hairloss or diffuse thinning. It thinned out more since September and that's when I started trialling lamotrigine. I have a lot of stress too, but I think its connected. I'm also on finasteride (something I never ever wanted to go on), taking it ever 2 days. Anyways my main concern is Fluid retention..... I look bloated on lamotrigine (possibly all variants to some degree) and that's mostly why I kept quitting it. It was a final effort to try this one, apo-lamotrigine (lactose-free!) I'm going to get a surgery in a couple months most likely, and its related to weight. It's to correct a tiny bit of excess skin I have after losing a significant amount of weight. It's been like 10 years since I considered that or realized the issue and I'm definitely going to get it done this year (unless they tell me for whatever reason I'm not safe to get it). If I look "out of shape" on lamotrigine, I'm definitely not going to continue to take it. At the same time, I am quite fit and my results would show quite well post surgery and recovery - for sure without the med, and possibly even if I take it. Has anyone has water retention for weeks or months on lamotrigine and then it went away? Does hair shedding stop and generally grow back? I am doing the surgery to benefit me and have my hard work and everything show and continue to improve fitness and life... so I don't want to act against that. Same thing with hair.. I'm trying to better my life and keep my hair and make a brighter future..... It seems that even though *I think* lamotrigine works for me, it might just not be for me. I've read conflicting reports and I know there's a lot of trial and error... but maybe someone had similar doubts about this med and stuck it through and all was well?
  8. @nervousbat Thanks! A couple friends told me the same thing. I checked out that link its pretty cool. @JustGotOut Posted Saturday at 10:08 PM ยท Report post " I have very poor handwriting and I'm not sure why I do. To be honest in like 5th grade my handwriting was neater than it is now. I sort of believe that in my condition(schizoaffective) its something that due to epigenics or whatever it begins in childhood and for some people it never becomes a full blown illness in others it slowly progresses and the person slowly loses functioning till they just break down. A teacher when I was in 8th grade showed me a very neat writing I wrote and my writing in even 8th grade compared to 5th grade was like night and day it just got worse and worse. This all happened so gradual along with my illness that it was impossible to know I was even ill. So what connection mental illness has with struggling to write neatly I don't know. But I can only assume a scattered sloppy messy brain leads to scattered sloppy messy writing." This seems true. Do you write more logically/cleanly and think more linearly on meds? I function better on ADHD meds but am still VERY scatter-brained. If I can ride this lamotrigine trial out (for BPII - which I'm not sure that I have), maybe it will improve. I had some side effects that I really hated and I think maybe some were due to the lactose in the pills (albeit miniscule amount). I'm on Apo-lamotrigine at least for now... but I think brand name Lamictal worked better... It's only been 2 days though. I felt nice on mylan, then was "cycling" and it didn't seem to help. I quit that due to fluid retention. Then I tried brand name but it seemed to do the same, though I lost weight quickly at first. I don't have much weight to lose, yet they worsened my appearance (not to hate on meds, they help a lot of others). I may ride it out and get full time work then quit once I know if it will effect a surgery I'm getting but that's another story. Anyone else here have Bipolar and ADHD or similar? Any success just treating ONE medically? Lots of research is out there saying that its best to treat Bipolar first, but really if both are out of control or ADHD affects a person more profoundly, then treating ADHD can help the Bipolar too I think. As long as you sleep and eat and all that. And as long as it doesn't send one into mania. It may have made me more hypomanic at times, but that's nothing compared to my experiences on antidepressants. They give them to everyone and also Seroquel when they don't know what's wrong with a person. I think I presented with anxiety attacks, and that's why I was put on Effexor. If I truly have all these disorders, I'll treat the "worst" ones for me. A better career and catching up to where I should be, will make things like anxiety or obsessive tendencies better I think. Although Bipolar is no joke. My psychologist/therapist (that I've not seen in a year) says its normal for ADHD patients to go to bed late and such, but they "still go to bed." The thing is, until I brought up difficulty I survived with no diagnoses nor "treatment". Although I can say life has improved since being on ADHD meds in many ways. I still fight myself even for that - and go months without meds but I'm sure I'll take those throughout work, especially the grinding work I'll have to do until I'm established. Especially in further school. Like this
  9. You write like a doctor lol @jordansonfleek Haha, yeah. My brother and first cousins and uncles and aunts are doctors (Not in Psyche). Strangely my brother (a surgeon) and my mom write very neatly and are very artistic. My dad and me have horrendous handwriting and organization. I'm probably worse than them in ways. Like my brother may have 30-40% ADHD, but I have like a million % (not all bad). I am surprised I passed courses when I was younger. Luckily I was smart and could read entire books on the way to school (not really read, but skim) as a kid. But later, it was being late, practicing presentations in the washroom, getting physician notes, apologizing for being late, walking into the wrong classroom (and washroom sometimes). I was late to like every science lab, plus had no idea how to do them - I was probably a hinderance to the TA's. After getting in trouble, I said "fuck this" and transferred to Economics. Until I got academic accommodations and meds, life was even more of a mess. @Justnuts Re: worsening handwriting over time. Definitely. I saw some Elementary notes -- it was like pretty ok, even neat but slanted printing. Grade 7 ok. Grade 9, 10, 12... totally jacked up... and University -- even crazier. I filled like 4.5million words of journals from 2009-2014... Jokes, ideas, stories, and ramblings..... Mostly illegible. Probably hypomania - I remember calculating 10000 words a day at times. Journalling, even though I can't read it (except when typed) helped me with anxiety, overthinking, planning, and quitting alcohol, fitness plans also. I was writing 2000 words in junior high easily and handing in 20 page essays when the page limit was 7-10. This became way more of an issue in university where they don't accept that. I got a 67% in English 30 (grade 12) final exam, simply due to horrible handwriting. I got it remarked and got a 97%. So looking back I always had to argue or ask for more time, bend the rules a bit. My academic petitions were very strong (had to argue a lot of my transcript - it was a nightmare and due to the school as well as my executive function problems, and if they're right bipolar as well). My latest ones were extremely verbose and disjointed but they won. I think I sped up mentally and reflex wise as I entered my teens and twenties. I'm always hypervigilant and precise in ways, but over-reactive/sensitive. Like in fighting games, I can destroy my friends, but I press the buttons constantly, even when its loading. I love TEKKEN. It's not limited to handwriting though, my notes for a graduate course were like 80000 words and I needed to shorten essays to 950 words every week. And I screwed myself in that class... I have way worse examples than the ones I posted. @notloki I definitely have considered dysgraphia. I think ALL THE TIME - 24/7. And When I finally get my work done (30-40% the time), its rushed, and its late, trying to shorten it. This class posted below, I was trying to organize the massive readings into the main themes to write articles. Most articles turned out well actually, but were definitely not my best essays. I think ADHD meds worsened this in a way, but without them it'd be 10 fails instead of 1 or 2. I write on walls and my computer too (notes - schedule). The only person I know that similarly wrote on their wall was my cousin. In his math+Finance degrees, his parent's basement walls were covered with Math problems. It was hilarious and disturbing. He's a genius for sure though with 4 degrees including a dual master's from Harvard. So far I've been less efficacious. Lol. I "break down and I rectify" like Larry David. I need a career that works with rapid fire thinking until I can fund my dream careers. Trading, voice acting... I don't know. If its interesting and I can practice it works, when I have to strain - I overprepare and go off into another dimension, and its off tangent and disconnected. I read at a grade 10 level when I was in elementary. How come now I no longer make sense? Is it drugs? Or does ADHD and BPII make you more and more erratic as time goes on?
  10. See, my doctor wants me to get him a pharmacy name and he'll send another prescription but I can't seem to find it at Shopper's Drug Mart nor in a pharmacy inside of a hospital. Maybe I'll ask for Lactaid and just take that with my med. But then I'm adding meds... and I have Digestive Enzyme pills anyways and they may help a bit but don't remove the problem. Maybe Apo-lamotrigine is ok... It has no lactose. -If all brand name's except the ODT (harder to find for me in my city) have Lactose. -And Apo-lamotrigine doesn't, I may need to lift my embargo on generics.
  11. Anyone ever try switching from one medication to a different version because of Lactose or some other filler? I am going to ask my Doctor one more thing, to try a prescription of Lamictal ODT - because like the CD (chewable dispersible's), it has no lactose. -XR and the regular version (and various generics) do. -Maybe that will solve the problem. For a few days I'll try chewing 5 of the 5mg chewable ones. I have a collection of Lamictal variants now.... all because of vanity. But for me, I need that otherwise there's no sanity.
  12. Possible CD tablets (with no lactose) have no water retention? I think I am lactose intolerant and at least partially gluten intolerant (not tested but usually I avoid it). I like cheese but I stopped having it mostly. I bought pizza yesterday and though I threw away most the bread, I felt sick. Took digestive enzymes and I think the cheese, bread, and enzymes all made me swell up a lot. I cut these anyways for fitness reasons - and I barely eat that many carbs usually (though I messed up yesterday!). But they actually make me sick too... This morning, 6am, I took a measly dose of 10mg of Lamictal CD. It has no Lactose in the formulation. I just don't know if its the lactose, estrogen, hyponatremia, or any number of other reasons why I had weight gain and fluid retention on generic and just fluid retention on the brand name. BUT if I don't get it from Lam CD, maybe I could take that.... I'm not sure and am jumping the gun... but I'll see it thru I guess.
  13. @mjs190, oh yes I realize Latuda is an AAP and perhaps you're right I shouldn't discount all of them. It may be a good choice and I'll keep it in mind. @melissaw72, ADHD is not amazing right now... It's not causing too much damage but as soon as I start work, I'll need to take my medication more regularly. I'm frequently lost and confused in the supermarket and Shopper's Drug Mart. I feel like a mad man when shopping because its so irritating and I don't know where anything is. But that's normal for me. Dr. M. (diagnosed me) said "We're having 2 different conversations right now."(No meds, and no ADD meds that day) When he was analyzing me. And my doctor said: "We're having the same conversation right now." When I was on lamictal. So It did make me feel more lucid and make sense to others.... Anyways I'm having the surgery because of a tiny bit of excess skin. I weighed 250lb at 16 and 180lb at 17-18 years old. THis is a decade later, and I'm 173lb or so and 17% bodyfat. I could be ripped, if it wasn't for that excess skin. Once removed, getting to my fitness goals will be easier. It's an abdominoplasty with no muscle repair (not needed, which is good bc that's where most the pain is). I think usually my ADHD is like 99th percentile plus, but I still am smart... did well in school partly, but only because I got 80-99% of my work done in all nighters, or sometimes just skipping class for a week. The problem is these went from 1 night to 2 nights to 4 or 5 sometimes later when it became very difficult and I was taking 4 courses in summers. This isn't sustainable in real life (work), but I had a lot of problems with math and no sample tests in my Economics courses. The averages were like 40% and 20% for some classes... Transferring, arguing against the administration (their fault mostly), I ran into a lot of trouble. I am kind of sleeping all day one day, and then awake 2 nights right now. Since I took lamictal, at times I was "hypomanic" I guess. Giddy, racing around, and feeling "high" (when I adjusted doses - this is in early Feb/ Jan). And I've been so, since I quit at times but not 10 days in a row or anything. With no ADHD meds - I'd have failed out. But I did complete 99% of my first degree with no ADHD meds - but it was brutal. I hated the school, the program, and my situation. Meds made it EASIER, but still no cakewalk. I'm sure for masters or law school or any other such annoyance - I'd need dexedrine. And probably I'd have to sort out this other issue too. Depending on the work maybe I could just treat ADHD. A few days ago I almost got hit by a truck. The walk-light was at 7 seconds but it was a long cross walk (downtown I do this all the time, but traffic is slower). I thought I'd make it, the truck driver had the same idea. I switched from a challenging/special high school to a normal school, and switched majors and then universities, all due to ADHD caused problems in part. I switched universities related to Manic Depression problems too. I thought it was just anxiety attacks, then depression, then brain damage or something (Effexor made me leave the country for a bit - I had to, I was in danger). When thinking straight, I see both caused enormous problems in career, education, relationships, life, etc. Maybe -- Vodka and Effexor and falling down (blacked out) caused ADHD and Bipolar!!! I wanted brain scans since I lived in my current city but never got around to it.... I don't think that's the cause of everything. Probably didn't help, but I was crazy as a little kid too. I get irritable, but enraged - I think that might be bipolar. I can be the nicest person and also a menace (mostly to people that deserved it, but its hard to distinguish at times).
  14. Thanks @melissaw72, yeah that question can be for anyone of course. I figured that's what people mean sometimes on say,,, rxreview, etc. They mention a ton of side effects and then say they had none... or they say "titration was rough..." + "no side effects." So a lot of times people write in that way and mean that there are no persistent side effects. Its just confusing to me at times, but I get it I just don't know or think that water retention/ hair shedding will for sure go away. I had a huge hair scare on Adderall, while I was holed up in a hotel, trying to study for some exams (that I did very badly in) and a few days later I threw those away. I lost like a third of my hair in a couple nights it seemed. And So I put off ADHD treatment after that (this is a few yrs ago, before BP diagnosis). Anyways, I feel stuck because I'm not sure if anything is really real anyways, even though I think it is. BUt, I don't want to mess myself up.... but I'll try and wait a bit if maybe that can work. Otherwise, I'll just get the damn surgery asap, between my birthday and some other familial affair. It's hard because nearly no one "gets it"... parents, family, etc. They act like I have B.D.D. or something and refuse to accept that I lost 80lb and I HAD TO due to their bad habits, and that you can't diet off and exercise off fat cells that multiply in obesity and don't die off from apoptosis. I saw a surgeon consult he wants info from my P.Doc verifying I'm sane (to protect them legally of course, in case if anything unbecoming occurs). And my doctor said : "Write it and I'll sign it."Lol. I should have just lied and said: Just dexedrine... no lamotrigine... they hadn't heard of either drug mostly. Or maybe they couldn't read my writing. I don't blame them...... most outside psyche or neuro don't know what lamictal is.