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About Rabbity9

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  1. I'm also a full time student who works and has responsibilities, and was in a depressive downswing when the semester started. After a month of serious struggle, I started Bullet Journaling. If you're not familiar, it's essentially a blank journal that you use to build a custom planner/to-do list/diary hybrid. Every day has a new daily list. If you don't get something done one day, you turn the bullet into an arrow to show that you will "migrate" that task to another day. Sometimes I'll be on my way home from work, exhausted, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into bed, but I'll run that goddamn errand I've been putting off, dammit, so I can just check the thing off. This could be frustrating and make me feel defeated, and sometimes it does, just a little, when I look at my list for the day and see that I've only accomplished four things instead of six. But the thing is, I HAVE to do most of those things. They aren't really optional, if I want to pass my classes and keep my jobs. I cannot be delicate with myself and pretend those responsibilities aren't there. Bullet journaling might confront me with harsh realities, but I feel like it also helps me take control of that reality. I also build in "boosters." I like to put something I WANT to do in my task list, especially if it's a self care thing like doing yoga, because if I go home and just start working on projects, I probably won't do any self care. Putting in the list, as something of equal worth along with papers and shit, has been really effective at making me stick to something like a self-care routine. I also keep a daily gratitude log, and it sounds kinda trite, but it fucking works. I'll go through my daily log, and If I feel bummed that I wasn't as productive as I dreamed of, then I have to think about something to be positive about. I also keep a "habit tracker" for healthy habits. Even if I haven't done one other healthy thing, I can take my meds and vitamins, and then I get to check that off. One healthy habit, accomplished. I learned a lot of these from articles like this: https://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/mental-health-bullet-journal?utm_term=.rhNN5qVZB#.valw1QYJj It can basically be whatever you want it to be. Mine is a LOT messier than most of the examples you see online, but it still keeps me organized and I've built in things to force me out of the negativity spirals that might occur if I was just making to do lists and basing my self-worth on them. Sometimes it's just helpful to see all that you have done. Like "oh wow, I'm so tired, I feel like a piece of shit for not wanting to go to the grocery store," but then I can look at my journal and see that "duh, of COURSE you're tired, look at everything you've had to do! Good job, you! You had three projects due last week and you still managed to shower!" I highly recommend for the busy person who also benefits from creative/emotional outlets, because it can really be both a planner and a source of stress relief, even though that sounds counterintuitive.
  2. What you're talking about, the household manager role that involves keeping track of 40 different people, is called "emotional labor" and it falls disproportionately to women in a majority of heterosexual households. Keeping track of the social calendar, appointments, bills, etc. is a huge responsibility. You are not alone in your frustrations, as evidenced by this article: https://www.simplemost.com/womans-essay-sad-reality-women-end-nagging-men-going-viral/ It's sort of an article about another article, but it emphasizes just how common this phenomenon is. How was your husband raised? Was his own father of the mind that childcare is the woman's job, unless they're bad and then the father steps in as the stern disciplinarian? That was not all that uncommon not all that long ago. If you talk to him about it (and you have to at some point, because your frustration is unlikely to magically disappear and he's unlikely to magically change,) focus on "I" statements, and give a reason for why you want him to be more involved. "Because I want you to" might not be enough for him. You could say that you want him to pay more attention to the kids so that you can be more of a "team" when it comes to raising them. Have you brought up the practical aspect, like that you can't be on call 24/7 and he might need to step up from time to time? I personally think it's odd that he seems to have so little interest in his kids. Does he express interest in other ways, such as talking or playing with them, and just doesn't care about their status reports from school?
  3. My worst ones haven't faded. I tried a lot of stuff, like scrubbing them with olive oil and lemon juice, every day, for months, which the internet told me would help them fade. Eh. I've more or less given up now. I'm lucky that my most obvious scars are on my thighs, which means they don't impact me professionally. Personally, I've decided to not give a fuck. I was SO afraid to wear shorts in public, and now I do, and I honestly don't think anyone else even cares. I see so many people with SH scars, and I think the only reason I notice them is because I'm a self harmer, myself. Most people just don't notice or care.
  4. I'm gonna say honestly that, in my experience, people that KNOW that they have mental health issues and address them are better parents than the many people I know with kids who have obvious mental health issues but don't realize it and say "I'm a great parent!" while projecting all their issues onto their kids. The fact that you know you're "crazy" (enough to be on a forum called Crazyboards) and want to give your kid a better life makes you a better parent than many. You're self-aware and you're trying, and that matters.
  5. If my husband took my debit card out of my wallet and didn't put it back (which it sounds like he often doesn't) I'd be annoyed. If he did this on a regular basis, I'd be furious. I'd wind up at the grocery store with a basket full of food for us and find myself unable to pay for it. That's very uncool. If he feels that he should has his own private spaces and private stuff while happily helping himself to your stuff that is NOT OKAY. NOT OKAY. NOT AT ALL OKAY. He is, frankly, being an asshole. A straight up asshole. You must address this with him, because maybe he doesn't realize that he's being an asshole, but if he gets defensive and refuses to change, that's not good. Addiction is a bitch of an illness, but it's an illness that needs treatment. If he isn't getting help, he needs to. If he refuses to get help, you might need to distance yourself from him so you don't get hurt any further, at least until he decides to try to get better.
  6. Dysthymia plus bipolar?

    Since we might re-enter the era where you can be denied insurance for pre-existing conditions, this is pretty pragmatic on your pdoc's part. A bipolar diagnosis technically precludes you from dysthymia as a diagnosis, from a DSM standpoint, but the DSM is limited and that doesn't mean you can't have a long term dysthymic episode.
  7. I also find caffeine to be a really big help. It stimulates and motivates, plus coffee just tastes good. I actually find that, especially with hot coffee, it somehow manages to be both stimulating and relaxing. Maybe it's a placebo effect? I don't know. I do know that coffee, since you can somewhat control your dose, is more predictable and fast acting than most prescription psych meds.
  8. i cut for the first time in years

    I...same. It's only been 3 years for me. It's so superficial and I hope it just goes unnoticed. I am utterly ashamed and I want it to be worse, but I also want to be better. It's just so frustrating, having this urge for violence but being afraid to hurt anyone else.
  9. Oh, so many factors! The decision to get married is already complicated, and mental health can make things further complicated. I'm a newlywed, so none of my advice comes from years of married wisdom. I do have the fresh experience of making this kind of big decision, though. I generally say don't move in with someone unless both of you can see a future for the relationship. Once you've moved in, I think it's important to see what it's really like to live together before you get married. It sounds like you've already checked both boxes, there. I would also consider taking a trip together (which you've done!) to be important. Travel and all its stresses can be a really quick way to learn how you handle things with another person. If it went well, and sharing expenses during the trip felt easy and natural, that's a really good sign. Family is another factor. If family is important to one or both of you, seeing how your partner fits in with them could be an important step. It was for me. My husband and I were together for a little over a year when we decided to get married. During that time, I got diagnosed with Bipolar II. He also has bipolar and was helpful in convincing me that my manic type symptoms were real. Neither of us has seen the other at true heights (or depths) of crazy, but that's okay. Waiting till you've been through every type of episode might mean you're waiting forever. You might never have a serious manic episode again, if you have good meds and other supports. And having a supportive partner can help a lot, with recognizing changes in your behavior and encouraging you to get help if needed. I can also say that a big factor in our decision to get married was very pragmatic things like tax benefits, reduced car insurance rates, and making sure we could visit each other in the hospital. We're gross and in love and all that shit, but we also just recognized that we were building a lifelong partnership and might as well get the benefits that we can. I guess my best advice would be to get married if you have both romantic and unromantic reasons to do so. Time doesn't really matter. By my metrics, you've been together long enough and been through enough to get married if it feels right. But it has to feel right. I've referred back to this article a few times in preparation for marriage. These are all good and important questions to answer. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2016/03/23/fashion/weddings/marriage-questions.html
  10. Two years ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who was very nice to me. He was definitely the best boyfriend I'd ever had at the time. He seemed to really enjoy doting on me, complimenting me, etc., and it was pleasant enough to be around him, but I couldn't help feeling like something was missing. We didn't communicate easily, and humor was part of that. We'd laugh at the same TV shows and stuff, but when it came to our own conversations, something just didn't click. I felt ungrateful because he was really so sweet, and I never quite felt like I deserved the affection. I figured that it takes time to really connect with someone, but it didn't seem to improve. Eventually, I decided that I couldn't keep existing in that relationship, and took the painful step of breaking up with him. Six months later, I met my husband, who I clicked with almost immediately, and we make each other laugh all the time. Now, I'm not saying that you should definitely break up with this guy. He sounds like a genuinely good person, and having someone who knows how to help you during anxiety attacks is a major pro, in my opinion. But if you can't see a future with him, that's also not a great sign. It almost sounds like you feel obligated to stay with him because he's kind to you. That's kind of how I felt with my ex. If that's the case, that's not really fair to either of you.
  11. God Do I Need Help

    One of the first things I told my Pdoc was that I would not do well with a medication that made me gain weight. I have a history of disordered eating, and while I'm mostly okay with my bigger (healthy but not my firm and trim ideal) body now, I would not do well with a medication that made me gain weight. He wanted to start me on depakote, but changed it to lamictal because it's more weight neutral. Make sure your pdoc is on the up and up. Generic lamictal is dirt cheap, so a less scrupulous doc might avoid it. That said, I do also take seroquel. I was immediately worried about my research, which told me that it could lead to muscle weakness and weight gain. I am also athletic (rock climbing and trail running is how I learned to accept my body as muscular and strong, rather than waifishly thin.) My pdoc gave me the scrip and told me "I think this will help dial back your irritability, but if you don't like the side effects, you can just stop taking it. We'll check in at your next appointment.
  12. I haven't found any issues with having bipolar on my medical record. When I meet a new provider and tell them what meds I'm on, they just say "uh huh" and write it down, then ask "and are those working for you?" I've only had my own insurance under Obamacare rules where you can't be discriminated against for preexisting conditions, though. I do genuinely fear what might happen to healthcare in the US. I might lose coverage or have to pay a shitload more if some assholes in DC decide that profits are more important than people like us. I can say that my diagnosis and subsequent medications have made my life so, so much easier. I resisted it for a long time. I was diagnosed with depression at 11, took meds for it on and off, unsuccessfully. For about ten years, I noticed mood swings, but denied that I could have bipolar because they didn't seem "crazy" enough. I started getting more obviously hypomanic episodes when I was about 28. It still took me a year to admit it and go get help. mostly because my now husband, who also has bipolar, told me "you are manic right now and you should call my psychiatrist." I've been taking lamictal and seroquel and I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle my life without them. I couldn't even handle a full time job before.
  13. I think you're right. I also think that it's not an inherently insulting question. I know quite a few people with bipolar diagnoses. They aren't necessarily on these boards, because they just take their meds and live normally and don't feel compelled to spend a lot of time thinking about it, (like some of us, me included, who find it's more of a constant presence) If someone asked them "do you think you're in control of your bipolar disorder" they'd say "uh, yeah, I haven't had an episode for like five years. I take my meds and I feel mostly good. Sad when things are sad, happy when things are happy." Ultimately, I think it's a good question. Therapists ask uncomfortable questions because your response is important. Do you control your illness, or does your illness control you? I couldn't answer it with "yes" or "no," personally.
  14. I think we can find each other. My future husband has bipolar, and helped me get diagnosed. I started reading books about bipolar to learn about him, but wound up recognizing a lot of my own patterns. I had a hypomanic episode shortly after we started dating, and he recognized it and compassionately encouraged me to see a psychiatrist. Since I'd more or less realized that I probably had bipolar at that point, I accepted his assessment. The rest is history. There are things that are good. We both take the same lamictal dose, so we can borrow pills when the other is running low because of dumb insurance plans. Very convenient. We can also pretty easily recognize when the other is kinda raw due to mild mood swings, and hold serious discussions later, when we're both feeling better.
  15. I think you can talk about the meaning of a semicolon tattoo without delving into your personal struggles too much. It's about pausing to think about your situation, what matters, how to react, etc. Most people can relate to that.