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Princess Buttercup

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About Princess Buttercup

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  1. Hi Everyone, I'm a returning member, joined years ago to chat about anxiety and other stuff. Now I have returned with more diagnoses! Yay! See that's me. I tend to diffuse tense situations with humor. I'm one of those depressed comedians. Well, not really. I'm actually a middle school teacher, and having a good sense of humor is essential for that kind of job. However, I'm only smiling on the outside. Inside I'm dealing with constant crippling self-doubt and depression. I'm not working at the moment. I had an acute stress reaction about a year and a half ago, was given some anti-anxiety pills, and told to take it easy. I didn't receive any other treatment, no CBT or any other kind of therapy. After a while, I started to feel better and decided I was ready to go back to work. However, after only a few weeks, the symptoms started coming back. I really liked my new job, so I decided to push through them and keep on working. Sure enough, a few months later I had to stop working again. I haven't worked for three months. At this point it's very unlikely that I will return to teaching. I just can't handle the stress since my earlier breakdown. I've dealt with anxiety my entire life so the fact that I worked as a teacher for 16 years is saying something. I've been off work since the end of January and have been waiting for an CBT appointment since then. Recently the lack of attention and treatment has pushed me into a spiral of depression. I'm one of those people who absolutely needs structure and routine in their life. I need to always be doing something or helping others. Idleness makes me feel worthless. So the stress and anxiety caused by work is made worse because of guilt of not being able to work. I talked to my doctor last week and he was appalled that I was still waiting for an appointment. I was feeling really, really low. I hadn't been sleeping, kept awake by my anxious brain which would not stop yelling at me, wondering whether drinking an entire bottle of NyQuil would put me to sleep forever, or maybe if I mixed it with some strong pain killers? Anyway, he asked me to come in right away to discuss medication for depression. Right now I'm taking only hydroxyzine for anxiety and lamotrigine for epilepsy. After talking to the doctor, we decided that I didn't seem depressed enough to need stronger meds. I was laughing, cracking jokes, and pretty much being myself during the appointment. I find my situation to be absurd and that's why I can laugh at it. Anyway, I live in Sweden. where doctors are very reticent to prescribe any kind of addictive medication. He mentioned one non-habit forming drug that could actually increase my anxiety for the first few weeks or months I was taking it. He didn't tell me what it was, but I didn't like the sound of that at all. We agreed that what I really need is therapy. He gave me some paperwork to fill out, to check my depression level, and I came up as "moderately" depressed. I guess that means I'm not a danger to myself or others but I'm impaired enough to not be able to work. Of course I haven't met with the psychiatrist yet, so he or she might have a second opinion about whether I need medication. I'm worried about it, naturally, because that's also me. Worried about everything all the time. What if they say I need medication and then it messes with my brain so much that I lose myself? I'm an artist. What if I lose my creativity? What if I lose my sex drive? What if my marriage breaks down? My mind goes to the worse case scenario immediately. Anyway, I'm not sure what kind of advice I'm asking for. I'm dealing with a lot of issues. It's just nice to be able to write this stuff down.
  2. I know this answer is a bit late, but yes, it's quite normal. I find that asking for some hydrocortizone cream or ointment to be rubbed over the injection site right afterward can be really helpful. I'm getting the big shots now (10cc) every six to eight weeks for birch pollen in one arm and grass pollen in the other arm. A swollen itchy red lump forms under the injection site and it lingers for days afterward. I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it. And it will.
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