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About pinkfloydforeverlove

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  1. Hi all, I have a meeting with my pdoc in 2 weeks. But I'm afraid. I owe him an apology after he said he thinks I'm schizophrenic. I was so angry I wanted to punch him in the face. But now, to make a long story short, I believe him. So I have to apologize. But I'm afraid of the demons. What if they get me before I get to my pdoc? What if they're REAL? They live in my house so they don't follow me in public, but the voices are everywhere I go. I am currently being treated with Abilify 30mg. It's very good. I've been much worse before I was on it. But I'm still afraid to go home...
  2. You're not a lost cause:)
  3. It's not fair!

    Oh thank you. I asked him and he said that it happens once every 2 years, as opposed to me who it happens to every day. I'm not AS worried about him any more, but I also recently learned that he's talking to a school counselor and it's partially my fault. He says I stress him out a lot, and when I asked him if there's anything I can do, he said "Don't fuck up". He said that he's worried about what the future may hold for me...
  4. I would like to say that I am NOT here to ask questions on behalf of my brother; he is 18 and can make his own account on this site. But recently he shared with me that he has hallucinations too. I just want to vent. Anyone, please, no, not him. Anything but him. I don't want him to suffer as I do, my pdoc thinks I have SZ. iI'm crying. It's not fair. He's so full of potential and very bright. I ask God why and get no response. Meanwhile the demons are getting stronger....
  5. I think I'm the same as you. I have an OCD diagnosis and my pdoc says that I either have schizophrenia or mood congruent psychosis. I've done the research since I started hallucinating some more and I think I might be schizoaffective because I have mood disturbances as well as psychosis.
  6. I'm scared. I think that there is a demon pursuing me, and I'm worried that only I can see it. That's how it's trying to torture me. By making me think I'm insane to the outside world when I'm really not. Maybe it's purposely making it so only I can see it.
  7. Hello

    My family is not supportive. When I broke the news to my mom she yelled "BULLSHIT". My dad will just insult me if I tell him. My brother understands, and when I told him about what the pdoc said he said "but isn't that what you've been dealing with since childhood?" I don't want to hurt my mom in any way, but her denial hurts me. He said it's either very mild schizophrenia or mood congruent psychosis. I don't know how to cope with this other than immerse myself in the world of books. Are there any books about psychosis/schizophrenia you could recomend, kittyloaf? By the way, thank you, Melliflous. I feel better now kind of...
  8. Hello

    Maybe I'm being selfish by asking all of this. What about my family?
  9. Hi, my name on this website is pinkfloydforeverlove, and my pdoc said he thinks I have either schizophrenia or mood-congruent psychosis. I'm so scared for what that might mean for my future. Will I be locked up for a few years? Go insane again if I go off my meds? He recently added Lamictal for my low mood so now I'm taking Prozac 80mg, Abilify 30mg, Klonopin .5mg as a PRN, and Lamictal every night. But I feel like you don't understand, I AM POURING MY VERY SOUL INTO THIS POST. I'm afraid. I have my own life, my own plans. I'm a college student right now as a sophomore and I desperately want to graduate. What if my mental illness gets in the way of my goal? What if I NEVER graduate?! I'm already terrified of the voices, the cats, and the feelings of unreality that I feel in which I am in a well-known place to me, but it feels like I'm really not there. I guess the point I'm trying to get to is even if I do have psychosis will I still have a rich, fulfilling life? Will I ever reach my goal to happiness? Have any of you fellow schizophrenics found happiness with yourself or am I doomed to a life of misery?
  10. That pretty much sums it up. Well, not really. My therapist says I'm borderline suicidal. I don't really care anymore. I don't care if I live or die. I can't feel much of anything, really. And when I cut for the first time in 7 years, I really felt something that was close to relieving the pain that I feel on the inside. I don't wish this pain on anyone else. And my family CANNOT find out about this. When my dad found out about it, he simply said I cut myself because I'm crazy. And as for my mom.... Idk. I don't care what she would think. I don't care what my dad would think either. His opinion does not matter to me anymore after the years of emotional abuse he's given me. And as for my brother, he'll just take my knife like he owns the place. No, better that my family know nothing. My life is out of control. Last week I was binge drinking all week and now I'm cutting for the first time since I was 15. I don't know what to do. I KNOW I need help but I don't know who to reach out to...
  11. cannabidiol for anxiety?

    The anxiety attacks are back...
  12. I just want the pain to stop...
  13. I would lose my freedom. And I can't lose that. If I die, I die. I think it would help, but I'm not willing to be locked up. I've never been in a partial hospitalization program before. I don't know. I think I'm better off dead.
  14. I went to see my therapist today. He made me promise not to hurt myself after I leave cause then he'll have to admit me to IP. I've never been to IP but I should've. But IDK. It would be so easy, so effortless, to walk into my brother's room while he is not there and just take his knife. Maybe carve my legs for awhile in a locked bathroom while nobody's home. Then I could turn on the shower to wash all the blood down the drain. Nobody would know. It would be so easy to take all three of my medications at once and just end it all. But I have doubts, too. About what it means to pass away. And I really don't want to hurt my mother. Her mother committed suicide too. I just want my pain to end. This feels like too much for me to handle.
  15. Yes, I can see them, but they don't talk. they never do.