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About pinkfloydforeverlove

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  1. So there is this girl that I used to have a crush on. I mean, I was really, really crushing on her. Eventually that crush morphed into Love. She is the girl who made me realize I was gay, and wanted women. She is the very reason I listen to the music that I do. She changed my patronus. I LOVED her. But eventually she got an over-possesive girlfriend who said that she doesn't want her to hang out with me anymore. She told me that she's in a very awkward position to be in and trying to keep her girlfriend happy. I told her that I don't think this friendship could continue with her girlfriend telling her who she can and can't hang out with and we went our separate ways since then. It should be noted that approximately 1 year ago I told her my true feelings, and she rejected me, saying we were best friends despite not hanging out/talking to each other. Is all this my fault? I shouldn't have told her how I felt. I drove her away. All the while, I'm becoming more depressed.
  2. For me, it was my anxiety. I started getting anxious, OCD, GAD thoughts when I was about 11 years old. I became depressed two years later. Now I'm 21 and struggling with both.
  3. Self harming.

    You can do this. Talk to a professional. Get help. I used to cut and am on the verge of cutting again out of despair, but I'll stay strong if you do
  4. irresistible urges

    I can feel it. I'm slipping again. It's always about my home life and my dad. I made a promise to God that I wouldn't cut anymore, but that tempting voice grows louder and louder. I desperately wish to draw blood and make my wounds scream again. I want to watch my own life substance pour out of me, so that at least I'll feel something. I'm tired of this life. Tired of being here. I'm 6 years clean, and for what? Should I keep my promise to Him? Why should I? I'm so close to cutting again. I don't know how else to handle these intense emotions and time is running on and on, and the more time goes on the closer I get to committing the act...
  5. How are you?

    There's good news, everybody. Christmas is coming. I'm mentally spreading my Christmas cheer to y'all.
  6. I've been sincerely praying to God to give a miracle to people like us... thank you yellowlovesgray. You have strengthened my faith.
  7. I have a LGBT support group on campus but unfortunately I just don't have the time to attend these things. I'm very busy with school and work.
  8. I wish I wasn't a lesbian sometimes. I know that's just how God made me, but the girls in my cell group judge me hard for it. My very good friend thinks that I chose to be this way, and that homosexuality is a choice in general. I know she's just ignorant, but it hurts. I don't want to be gay. It would be much easier if I just liked guys, but I can't. Please. I'm so upset I'm crying right now. Any advice on accepting yourself?
  9. @BrianOCD explain that? I'll try because I'm the same way. You're probably an introvert like me, and your happy place is with yourself, however, you are also your own worst enemy. I know what that's like all too well. Your mind is a terrifying place, but it's also as vibrant and vivid as it is scary. So when there are good times, there is an air of exuberance around the goodness, magnifying it tenfold. Does that explain it?
  10. What should I do?

    They have given me a referral. I just need to act on it and look elsewhere
  11. What should I do?

    Yes, I have accommodations for my MI on campus. They wouldn't give me counseling because they said my problems were long-term. So they won't help me
  12. What should I do?

    I haven't filed for disability or medicaid. my mom says that that's for trash. Disability, that is. Yes I'm on meds look at my signature
  13. Is it ok to hate your dad?

    Thanks, but I'm happy here. At least, contented to be at the state university. I don't want to change that
  14. School and work keep me occupied most of the time. However during that time when there's nothing to do, I take a long walk to the cemetery next to where I live. I always bring along my music and my vape. However, in those times I'm alone, I don't know what to do. But I need to figure out something because when I'm alone I start to get terrible, terrible thoughts...
  15. I can feel it happening again. The stress from school has been piling on and my depression is coming back. I know the signs all too well. I gained a shit-ton of weight, am losing my motivation though I seriously need it, (I am on academic probation), I'm tired all the time, et cetera. I am not seeing a therapist anymore since my dad stopped paying for my therapy because "I'm not paying to have you bitch about me in therapy". I can't afford therapy on my own, at least, I don't think. But I am looking. I'm very lonely, and CB has the only people who genuinely understand what it's like to be mentally ill. I can't be left alone, because if I'm left alone I start to get terrible thoughts and it's unbearable. What should I do? I know I need therapy badly but what else? I CAN'T fail again or else I'll be suspended from school at the least. I CANNOT let my depression come back and take over my life again. I'm totally lost and on my own. What can I do to ensure that my depression doesn't come back full-force?