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christie

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About christie

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  1. Hey everyone... I haven't posted on a message board in a very long time.... but I just don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I am new to cutting. I didn't realize that what I was doing was actually for real cutting. I started scratching my arms with sharp things whenever I am feeling really really depressed. Then I started doing it every time I got really sad, and it seems to make me feel better. I can't explain it with words. My girlfriend saw my arms and called me a "teenage girl" ( I'm 30) and basically made me feel over dramatic and seeking attention. I really don't want attention. I'm currently deep into a depression that has lasted about 3 weeks. I go off and on with this, and have been for as long as I can remember. Yesterday I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriend over the phone, basically about how I just mope around all of the time and are never happy. I went in the bathroom at work and self harmed my leg. I immediately felt better. Not really better, but like I had validation of my internal pain. Like now I can see what I'm feeling inside. Like a real wound makes it visible to me. But now I'm terrified that someone will see these... and I'm terrified as to what this means? Has my depression reached a new level? Am I actually just super dramatic and should just be normal? Ugh. I'm not sure what I should do, or how to avoid going down this road.
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