Hi guy's I'm going to cut a long story short here and get to the point and ask the questions I need help with tackling this disease !
6 2" (have worked as male model before , so high aesthetics ?)
Some depression on both sides of the family although hard working and successful.
IQ - 120-125
Highly musical , regarded as gifted by top music teachers in the country won major competitions as a child.
Onset probably about 14 , hyper behavior in school . Behavioral problems at home above normally adolescent type.
First depressive event aged 15 post first state examination. approx 4-5 days in duration
Second depressive event aged 18 duration 1 month
third and forth bout aged 20, final happy(no anxiety) hypo manic period. 3-4 months pre depression .
aged 21 beginning to get messy , break up with first GF and end up in hospital for one night . began lexpro 5 mg .
Lexpro for 2 years , worked but have a feeling was hypomanic during the duration . Engaged in crazy amounts of sex despite less libido ?!
Racked up over 10 road traffic offences and got into a number of crazy bar fights. Including getting split open with a bottle .
post lex no fight no tickets ... ??
Depression returned slight and dose increased . 10 then little depressed 3 months later 15 mg then 20 up to 25 mg .
Started seeing a girl libido was poor. decided a quick taper was needed. Lost the girl(she thought I was taking drugs, mania eh?) and developed pure dysphoric hypo/mania , music sounded like the best mdma high ever. tears flowed. but also felt like shit and burned out, impulsive af \partying constantly even though i didn't want to?!
the next 6 years of my life have basically been a mix of bad to terrible . Constant severe anxiety , mood changing rapidly is this hypermanic ?-music and thoughts racing in my head high anxiety feeling but like I can take on the world, very high libido lots of causal sex but also mixed deep depressive spells. CBT did nothing . Impulsive buying , horrible sexual fantasy's ect. Seriously messed up , Suicidal a lot of the time!
Due to my intelligence I have manged to get by 2 years of collage . But in running at 20% of what I could do . At my wits end earlier this year I tried lamitical at 25 mg . I had some dry month at night ,and bloating . took it for 2 weeks and yes it was working slightly even at just 25mg . But the sides were starting to bug me ,so stupidly I believed that the calming effects were placebo I stopped taking it . The horror show that is my mind returned within 2 weeks. I blamed it on stress.I blame everything on some external event in my life.
Anyway had to defer one of my exams until next year. There is no hope in hell I will get through next year in collage, Unless i get this medicated properly I have finally excepted I have a chemical imbalance and its not going to go away.
I'm hoping to start up the Lamitical again as I noted an improvement in my mood for sure in that brief two weeks. Should I ask my doctor for some benzo's while I titrate up .Do the side effects decease after time?. The bloating was really annoying as I am quite vain about my appearance .
Severe anxiety is the main symptom I have currently does lamitcal work on this for most people or should I add something else for this?
Are ssri's a no no ? The lexapro had an effect on my anxiety but always scared me to start it up again as a mono treatment.
Slightly hpyomanic writing this but maybe it's of some use lol. All help greatly appreciated,