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About Igoryok

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  1. I guess it's a possibility, but of course I can't say for sure...
  2. Thank you, best wishes to you too for finding a way out. I can totally relate...If you find something (meds or otherwise) that helps, please let me know!
  3. Но, конечно, меня зовут Игорь в конце концов :0) Спасибо, еще раз, и то же самое для вас!
  4. Thank you, I appreciate that. К вашему здоровью, -Igor
  5. Like I said, nothing resolved with the ECT. I used condition in quotation marks because different psychiatrists gave me different diagnoses. Many didn't give me a proper diagnosis at all. Obviously I thought there was something wrong with me if I opted for ECT, don't you think? And naturally I tried various medications beforehand. As for ECT given "unless it is needed," when I voluntarily hospitallized myself before, the leading psychiatrist there would not allow me to have ECT (obviously believing my condition didn't warrant it, and since I wasn't even depressed, to begin with). I wish I listened to the psychiatrists and others who tried to dissuade me from having it done. Now my only hope is that there was no permanent damage done and that G-d willing I can regain my old self and feel pleasure and positive emotions again.
  6. I had no symptoms that resolved with the ECT. Before ECT, I was able to enjoy things, and in my current state I'm suicidal. I was never even close to feeling suicidal prior to the ECT for the entire 4 years of my "condition." The reason I decided to try ECT was because I wanted to feel "normal" again and be able to function like I used to. I was told by my current psychiatrist at the time that it's "safe" and I had nothing to lose but perhaps some short-term memory. You speak Russian, btw?
  7. Like I said, I haven't experienced any such symptoms before I had ECT. And I was in the same mental state for 4 years prior. There is a research study that shows ECT indeed reduces frontal cortical connectivity. I don't know whether or not ECT damaged me - I certainly hope not, although I don't see why it had caused such a dramatic change for the worse. And by the way, ECT does indeed cause brain damage - I've spoken to many people and have read many people's experiences - many suffer long-lasting (perhaps even permanent) cognitive difficulties, memory loss, and even personality changes and flat affect. Some even developed a seizure disorder as a result of ECT. While ECT supposedly helps many, it has also harmed many (perhaps even more than it's helped). Even my psychiatrist (who dx'd me as schizoaffective) was against ECT and believes it can cause damage and sometimes lead to dementia. She's also quite a well-respected psychiatrist here. No, the ECT did not cause any remission of any sort of symptoms. Like I said, I never experienced negative (or depressive - whatever they are) symptoms prior to my 5th session of ECT, and I was in the same mental state for 4 years before that - always had positive emotions and was able to enjoy things. An AAP has made me a "zombie" once, but luckily that wore off in about a week.
  8. I'm not sure, but the bottom line is, I didn't have these symptoms - negatives - before ECT. I've read that ECT reduces prefrontal cortical connectivity, and I think I've read also that this may be responsible for negative symptoms...so now I'm really scared and hoping and praying I can actually recover and my brain can heal and restore connections it may have lost.
  9. I had trouble coping and according to some pdocs I had a "mood disorder with psychotic features." I felt very uncomfortable around people, almost like everybody was a threat - constant fight or flight reactions around people. It may just have been a kind of depersonalization/derealization and high anxiety, but I'm not sure. Anyway, after the 5th bilateral session, as I mentioned, I started to feel "off" and subsequently plunged into a deep depression. On the flipside, I did experience a kind of short "enlightenment" phase when I first battled the depression after the ECT. That only lasted like 2 weeks, though, and then I started feeling really depressed and dissociated again (depersonalized, I think) and then things went downhill from there. Depression seemed to be worsening, and eventually my mind went blank/silent a few months later.
  10. Thanks for your input, Rosie. I'm going to discuss this with my pdoc - my previous one also thinks it's part of my depression, while my current one thinks I have negative symptoms (she thinks i'm schizoaffective). My previous one thinks it's merely depression, however, with perhaps depersonalization. Exactly as you mention btw, it's like I can't "hear" myself think - on point. May I ask how you recovered your sense of self and "hearing" your thoughts again? My current pdoc prescribed me Vraylar, but I'm not sure if that would do anything for depression or/and blank mind.
  11. May I ask how this occurred with you? I was definitely on a seemingly downward spiral of depression (unless it was damage from ECT) prior to my mind going blank, but when my mind did go blank/silent, there was a trigger - it wasn't gradual. One morning I experienced strong negative thoughts and emotions (mostly about myself) and suddenly my mind just went blank/silent. Since then I've felt totally disconnected from myself and others - like I have no self, just a constant "silence" in my brain - like nothing stimulates me. Did you also have a trigger to your blank mind or was it a gradual thing? Also, may I ask how you recovered from it, and whether you regained your sense of self and internal monologue back?
  12. How are you doing now, Savannah? Do you feel like the ECT messed with your emotions and/or personality? If so, did you recover your "self" later? Also, did you do bilateral or unilateral? Thanks for the input, btw.
  13. Anyone else experience this? It's like I have no automatic thoughts at all, nothing "driving" me - complete loss of automatic inner monologue. I feel totally flat and emotionless - except for negative emotions and fear because of this state. Has anyone recovered from this?
  14. Sounds like either depersonalization, derealization, or both. I have this 24/7, along with a "blank mind" - loss of inner monologue.
  15. No, as I never had any negative symptoms prior to ECT. Like I said, I felt "off" after the 5th session, like my positive emotions went away or something, and then the rest occurred, as aforementioned.