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About Dorkpixie

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  • Birthday May 30

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    Reading, many, many, many, many fandoms. Science, math, writing .... just too much stuff, makes me think to much.... Yeah.. that's what I do a LOT ... think too much. Lots and lots of thinking.

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  1. Pardon me while I'm completely unable to focus. Thus unable to learn how to use the site more that the rudimentary understanding I have right now. It'll pass, trust me, if I remain in this energetic state for longer than I expect; the world is ending & you should retreat to your shelters ASAP! If you don't have a shelter, find the nearest paranoid, they will, or will know someone who does; trust me. Whoo! Manic, but everywhere else too. This is quite the roller coaster. Where'd the hypo go? Whoo! Damn!

  2. That's exactly what I need very little to no THC. I bought the Hemp seed oil, "CBD" oil (the stuff legal in all states; made from industrial hemp) and it did very little to nothing for my pain unfortunately.
  3. It's weird; my cycling can be rapid, but when I am depressed it last for months; but I can cycle as mixed states on top of the depression... that is some bizarre shit to me. I guess that's why they NOS me. You're definitely like me; they've guinea pigged me on like 20 some odd meds; some we've even tried more than once. I was pissed when a new doc tried Risperidal a 2nd time; I told him it caused seizures; let's try it anyway; grrr. I digress. We even have similar DX; I used to have psychotic features when I was younger but I was being abused so ... easy to become a little um, psychotic in a very violent way. It took me a long time to be compliant; now I'm compliant most of the time; I'll only half my psych meds so I'm half compliant, but then not take other meds, so not compliant with my other health needs... I chuckle sometimes at our compliance; I shouldn't but I do. As of recently I've been very compliant with all meds; I got very sick and in a lot of FM pain and gained a ton of weight so, want to exercise, so compliance it is. Grrr I hate taking 8 meds or whatever. I'm hypo right now; so babbling. Sorry.
  4. Interesting; that you all have the same internal images but have never had any attempts whether for attention/cry for help or for real. I had many, most were for attention/cry for help, but two were very, very serious; including 2 comas (sorry not bragging or anything) I just find it very interesting. It's kind of strange to me. But not like impossible or anything, you all are very strong, maybe stronger than I, maybe different life circumstances in some ways. This is just wow. I expected completely different answers to that question. Wow. This is very enlightening. Thank you.
  5. New but nothing clever here

    I've been on Provigil before a while ago for just this issue, too many meds were causing me to fall asleep with lit cigarettes & while driving. It didn't cause too many issues. I just have to get a Dr to understand this. Adderall I've taken from other sources but I was on a different cocktail, it caused a feeling like, um, a certain white powder street drug, probably not a good idea for me. But, Idk, different cocktails cause different reactions.
  6. New but nothing clever here

    Thank you for the welcome I fixed my signature based on yours and others... since I'm new; I'm learning. The Trileptal is actually for pain from Fibromyalgia but it of course is going to affect me psychologically; as is the Topamax that is Rx for another reason. Oh Doctors. I'm hoping one will give me something for this extreme fatigue all these drugs are giving me, but with the anxiety idk, Again, ty for the welcome!!! Thank you
  7. wow; so this really isn't so weird. That's pretty much what I do; let it happen and move on. When I'm depressed (which as a BP2 is more often than not) it lingers, longer and I find myself researching how to correctly do things I shouldn't be, but there's never a real desire. It's almost like I'm too depressed to actually do it; which is weird to say, too much effort. It's interesting to find this isn't an oddity. For those of us who have this reaction; have you had prior active attempts? My attempts were when I was younger and had more hypermanic episodes, which I no longer have; they're more hypomanic now.
  8. Well, I guess it's good to know I'm not the only one. I was starting to think this was a bizarre coping mechanism I had created. Thanks. ..... It is an effort isn't it?
  9. Are you feeling suicidal? Always the first question asked. I feel it every day. If I don't feel it I see it. Particularly if I feel stressed, extremely depressed, or overwhelmed. But when trying to explain that I may feel suicidal and see these images i.e. Cutting, hanging whatever, you know it all, I don't necessarily WANT to die. But at the same time I do. Explaining this to a loved one or Dr is tough, I'm lucky with my therapist. These images and thoughts are somehow, how my brain has been wired since I was a kid, a little kid. If things got tough I'd want to hurt others (grew out of that one after spending a couple nights in jail, worse than a hospital) but more so, myself. I don't actually do anything, but, very rarely I may find the need to cut a tiny bit or burn, but that's so rare now. The feelings of wanting to die and thinking about it as like an answer to everything bad, especially physical pain, but even boredom is constant though. This is harder to explain even now than I thought. It's not my meds. I've had people suggest that, it happens whether on or off meds. I'm a med resistant type, so lucky I found any that kinda work. I muddle through obviously, I'm typing this. But does anyone else have this? That the suicidal thoughts are like seriously pervasive in life, where they're almost part of your coping mechanism in life? That sounds so perverse.
  10. Zoloft 50mg depression Lamictal 100mg 2x day mood stabilizer Valium 5mg max 3 prn anxiety, sleep, panic Non psych Topamax 75mg 2x day anti migraine, fibromyalgia, weight loss Trileptal 300mg 2x day fibromyalgia, neuropathic pain Elmiron 300mg per day interstitial cystitis Omeprozole 40mg day esophagitis, gastritis, duodenitis Tramadol 50mg max 2 PRN pain Flexeril 10mg max 3 PRN muscle relaxant Zyrtec 10mg allergies Flonase one spray ea nostril allergies Flovent inhale 2x day cough/asthma/allergies Rescue inhaler as needed asthma usually upon exertion Supplements VitD/K2 deficiency VitB-12 & B-complex deficiency L-lysine immune system Probiotics digestion Dairy enzyme lactose intolerant Digestive enzymes digestive aid Iron anemia VitC immune helps iron absorb & immune Magnesium deficiency Calcium deficiency Chromium picolinate metabolism L-carnitine metabolism Selenium nervous system Chlorophyll cleans Choline brain function L-tyrosine brain function Omega-3 krill oil heart Zinc if getting sick/ immune PRN: zofran (nausea) bentyl (cramping) <IBS>