Llamperouge3 posted a topic in Depression - Let a WHAT Be My Fucking Umbrella? (Sod You, Perry Como)I'm currently a first year community college student (age 19). I should be out having fun with friends and enjoying life...but instead I'm here. Lately ive come to realize that I am extremely tired of life. Everything about it is boring and I'm no longer able to put much effort into doing fun stuff. I guess I've always been a little off. It feels like it's been since middle school where I just sort of went trough the motions. But I was mainly hating on school. It really began in my first year of high school but I was somehow able to push through it (somehow). But now I'm starting my life, and ive never felt worst. Im in no way suicidal (so pls don't recommend hotlines etc. ). But I'm also not happy with my life. And being overall depressed. I find myself worrying about everything. My mom, grandma, dog dying my grades(they aren't great) my career will I be able to make enough money to be comfortable in life. When will I meet someone It easy to say death is inevitable, work hard and you'll get good grades, career paths take awhile and often change, you will probably make an ok amount of money in life, and there is always someone out there for you. But in reality nobody knows... which is ok, but it's the reason why I can't help but worry and be afraid. I know longer find anything fun. Going to Catalina island with visiting friends? NOPE. Even if I start out slightly excited I loose interest fast. Getting my new car? Yes I love it and it's amazing but now I'm worried about the payments and if it was the right idea(it's a lease tho). Im tired of: trying to crack a smile trying hard in school but still get bad grades trying to keep being friends with high school classmates that don't try or even ones that do trying to work and put on a happy face My mom has depression, but she doesn't know how bad mine is. And I'm not going to be able to tell her anytime soon (I just can't...not yet). I compare myself to other friends one who are working hard, doing good in school, have a boyfriend, and seem overall happy (I'm aware they may not be.. but 80% they are) I know I shouldn't compare myself to them cause I'm my own person. One day I'll have my life together etc. but I can't help it, at least not for awhile, not while I'm still feeling like this. Im going to start seeing a counselor (I hope it helps). I'm tired of not finding anything fun, and feeling that my life won't amount to much. I'm tired of being tired.