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hopelessromantic

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About hopelessromantic

  • Rank
    Tripolar....Manic, Depressed, and Irritable

Profile Information

  • Location
    North Carolina, USA
  • Interests
    music of Delta Goodrem, writing songs, following College Football

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  1. Woke myself up crying this morning - I can't even blame the dreams on Seroquel because I didn't take it - but this one is one of the dreams I have had several times, I just rarely wake up and remember it quickly enough. But it was there vividly this morning. The dream represents fulfillment in a part of my life that is very unfulfilled. I was having a hard time with this part of my life the night before, ruminating on it, getting angry about it, going round and round in my head and again coming up with no clear cut answer. And for some reason a few hours later after I fell asleep I had this dream again where this part of my life was just about perfect. The nicest people helping me and sharing in this area. Familiar friends from dreams before reaching out. I wasn't manic in the dream but I felt euphoric. I woke up and instantly started to cry, knowing that I probably will never have the fulfillment I experienced in the dream. All of this sounds like a great storyline for an episode of THE TWILIGHT ZONE but that's how it is I guess. . . . .
  2. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    I feel pretty good today - excited because Celine Dion released a new song today!
  3. Do you think MI makes you more egoistic or the other way around?

    I like to call it being "self-aware"
  4. Very weird dreams on Seroquel - plus side is, it kept me asleep. Groggy as hell when I woke up, though, on those levels - back then it was 600mg, then 500mg. Now down to a fragment of a 50mg. The restless leg was terrible, had to combo it with benztropine.
  5. What does your anxiety attack look like?

    Heart beating to where I thought people in the room could see it through my shirt. I was trying to do the breathing to get it to slow down (another hope that no one is staring at me). I did not know my heart could pound like that in just a matter of moments when the meeting turned into a "let's go around the room and share ideas". GULP
  6. These replies are full of great advice. There is an upcoming Saturday when my SO is volunteering and it will take up most of the morning and afternoon. I decided to use that time to do something she said she would love to do with me, but I know she would get bored in 20 min. So I am taking a road trip for that day! That way I can experience it, not be rushed or made to feel bad that she is bored, and when we get back home that night we will have stories to share. WIN WIN!
  7. How did you spend your Easter holiday

    Hoping everyone had more fun than stress. I just walked across the street to my neighbors. I made peanut butter eggs (not too hard but very addictive) and as usual let her family do most of the talking since I'm rather introverted. Nice to have someone open up their home and table.
  8. Why does no-one love me? Oh yeah, I'm an arsehole.

    Do you want friendships or a relationship? Sometimes your answer might be "neither one". What about group support, possibly one for MI but another one more socially based, perhaps a church group that goes out for coffee. Anyway, you have to think long and hard and choose wisely. Many of us have our "friends" online. I am one of them. I am socially awkward. Ask yourself what you really want . . . . .start small if you need to. Who knows, you might meet a friend and it turns into a relationship.
  9. I get more mean and irritable - the day before I am downright nasty
  10. Driving on the freeway. Gulp

    Maybe having the radio on a calm station? I use Spa on XM satellite to keep me calm. Let the other cars pass you, and stay in the lane closest to the exit you need. If you keep your eyes focused ahead, it is somewhat less taxing on the nerves than looking in the rearview and seeing all the tailgaters and zippy lane-switchers. Good luck to you, the traffic struggle is real.
  11. Feeling distant from God

    I felt closer to God and more interested in church when I was manic. I was filled with love and joy and all the things that church and a relationship with God is supposed to make you feel. Back then everything was elevated, especially senses. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because I could not get there in a genuine way. I still pray and talk with God but "the shine" is off, I guess is one way to put it. Once this depression and irritability lessens I hope to go back to church and have a better outlook.
  12. I think I hate most of the human race

    I have so little in common with most people that I don't try anymore. We are getting new neighbors but I am wondering about going down the street and introducing myself as I don't believe it's going to turn out to be anything other than - - - - - just that. A neighbor.
  13. Billy Graham

    My coworker mentioned to me "did you see all the people lining up along the roads to see Billy Graham's procession? They didn't even know him - I just don't understand". I told her that, in this world, in this day and time we are living in, having Billy Graham pass away in some way might represent the last bit of humanity left in this world is now gone. I tried to think of who we as a nation would elevate into that position - I could only come up with Joyce Meyer or Joel Osteen. Not even close. That part was even sadder. We really don't have anyone else to look up to in that regard. Sad.
  14. My mom died.

    I am sorry to read of your Mom's passing, Saoirse. I had 48 hours to come to grips with my Mom not able to make it. Wasn't ready for that at age 25. That was over 20 years ago. The pain lessens. But please, do take the time to grieve, and on your own timetable. It is important to tune out others who mean well but may not know what is best for you. Thinking of you.
  15. Please help me someone

    Are you open to trying a similar med? Do you think that is what the doctor has in mind going forward?
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