Hermione

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About Hermione

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  1. I had a post about this but it was an argument that i wasn't even a part of but my psychiatrist brought up ECT again...she said it is not as bad as i think but with my job she feels i would probably have to take the time off to do it and she said there are people who improve. i am desperate i am depressed, very much in my eating disorder and just overall mess on the verge of inpatient. so idk if it is the best option i want her to talk to my therapist about it i am too scare dto bring it up.
  2. I did EMDR it didn't work for me but i think because it wasn't my regular therapist and stuff i couldn't trust enough and i wasn't at all talking about one of my bad situations. i am seeing my therapist for lunch on halloween which is good and seeing a medical doctor for my eating disorder so we will see how that goes.i am busy so that is good and i am happy my therapist made the time for me that day we don't usually meet that day so that is great once she sat with me for two hours on my anniversaries even though i only paid for an hour. i am sure it will be helpful. she is super supportive. i am struggling bad with my eating disorder and i think it is in part this month and all the holidays coming up are a trigger and have new issues so should be a fun season.
  3. thanks i upped my remeron i still don't eat more but that is the anorexia and maybe i am hungry but i am ignoring it i have lost weight not gained so we will see if i gain i will want to come off it becuase i hate gaining from meds. i gained from seroquel and it made my eating disorder worse...but i guess to increase my appetitie they had to try something...
  4. I am on 30 mg right now and it doesn't seem to be having that much effect. I will talk to my psychiatrist next week it is also my anti depressant so I don't know...
  5. I am taking remeron and not sure if it is even working I am no less depressed and my appetite well I don't know if it has increased I think that's part of why my psychiatrist put me on it eating disorder stuff but I am not eating more and my sleep well I fell asleep quicker with the trazedone...so I don't know I see her next week and I will discuss it but has anyone taken this medication and it caused weight gain or appetite increase or more sleep ...
  6. Thank you for the support I am trying just so many struggles at this time of year. my anorexia is really acting up i even purged a few times due to eating even a little no binging i don't binge but its a hard time of year with holidays being triggers and my first year with my brother not there which is good i don't miss him due to he also abused me and it just came out last year which is a long story but i had never shared until then Halloween is my other abuser and is a big major one as it was an every year thing and the first time he raped me at 8...i am just a mess right now i even lost time the other day like was in a trance no idea what i did for hours my therapist said it could be from not eating enough which could be but i feel it can also be PTSD related maybe both connected who knows with me. but for Halloween i took the day off from work and am going to hopefully see my therapist and also just go shopping and treat myself to some stuff try to make it a different day then usual...i don't usually plan it or deal well at all not dealing well now with it approaching but it is what it is...
  7. I have some big trauma anniversaries coming up...one is Halloween and I am trying to plan my day to enjoy it as much as I can and not sit in it. I work at a daycare so all the kids dress up and it can be triggering because I was first raped at 8 on Halloween in costume and I have vivid memories of it so I took the day off and am hopefully seeing my therapist for lunch or dinner and going to try to spend the day doing things I enjoy. I have so many anniversaries coming up it's hard to take...and my ptsd is so severe and it's so bad right now
  8. I saw my therapist and it helped a lot I feel a million times better I didn't go to the hospital she let me just talk it out and she was just wonderful and it really did get me feeling better when we talked it made a world of difference and she is a comfort to me I see her again tomorrow so I am happy about that it. She said I just need to get my feelings out they build too much and that's when I might go to far .
  9. yea its hard my family just doesn't get it and society totally doesn't. but my family does love me but we do the act everything is an act its a difficult situation and complicated we are fake and that is what it is...i am scared i see my therapist soon and well we will see what happens. maybe just extra appointments will make a difference. but i dont' know i should just be honest about how i feel and missing work well i can make a lie for taht one if i end up in the hospital...why does it just have to be so complicated...
  10. No they wouldn't but there is such a stigma and my parents never get it when I go in and I almost feel ashamed I am too good at acting fine so it's like some big shock when it happens now someone if I do will have to take care of my cat and I am not all that worried about work though I would make up a story for why I was out but I have 2 weeks sick time built up... just it's my family and I hate telling friends my so happy act really does work too well
  11. I didn't get in contact but I see my therapist tonight I just have to be open and honest she can't hospitalize me on thoughts and feelings but is it where I need to be I don't know I have to ask myself that she will say do you need to be in the hospital...who would really want to say yes I have been many times for this cause and no one understands because I seem fine it's so hard seeming fine when you are not and get judged and just it sucks...
  12. Thanks sorry you are in a bad place too I will try calling my therapist see how that goes I feel pretty desperate...
  13. My therapist cancelled and rescheduled I don't know what to do...I just have to hold on one more day...I hate the hospital more the judgement from my family...
  14. I see my therapist today and am going to try to be honest about how I am feeling even though I am a little scared my text last night said sort of I give up and stuff that usually concerns her and she asks me if I need to be in the hospital I never know how to answer because I feel sometimes I do sometimes I will just get over it and be just fine in a few days like the storm will pass but I never know and I feel really bad right now...
  15. Thanks I texted my therapist tonight just more hopelessness then anything hoping to hint to her I need her she hasn't responded...