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  1. MI and depression specially involves a lot of self-deceit, thats one big part of how it manifests itself. Being empathetic does not just mean pitying and feeling sorry for others. I'm sorry if this is too harsh to understand for you. I think it would be very helpful to OP to brush her teeth and make it into a rutine; there is no pill that will create and sustain one for you. I'm happy for OP if she already survived the most dark part of depression, but there will never be a big motivation behind everyday stuff like brushing your teeth and taking showers.
  2. That sounds like just being lazy, honestly. Brush your damn teeth.
  3. Hi, I don't really know where to start, I guess this will be a little messy post. I started dosing oxycodone every weekend since last month. I'm not proud of it. I started getting cravings and intrusive thoughts after the 4th dose. It seems like this is a mainly psychological issue rather than physical, at least for now. I've been diagnosed bipolar (rapid cycling) and I've never been non-depressed, since I was a kid, but the physical aspect of depression (intense chronic chest pain, chronic mental fog, etc) stopped after I started taking lamotrigine, but I'm still very lost in life. Drugs are a thing in my life since I was 14 y/o, but it only became an habit at 15 when I started smoking a lot of marijuana, drinking at every social ocassion (I have never been really social, so alcohol has never been something I really like), cigarretes, etc. Also dropped acid a few times when I was 17-18. Oxycodone has been the only drug that has actually felt addictive aside from cigarretes. Aside from venting I'm not really sure what I'm trying to make of this post. I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist but they don't answer my calls, but I don't really know how just talking would help stoping the cravings and kicking out addiction. I've always been atractted to drugs, not because of the pleasure some of them give, but the experience. I know I'm a piece of shit for playing around with this garbage, but the oxy has a really quirky effect on my empathy, it made me feel thankful about my friends and family. It makes me a lot more sensitive towards literature and music, the both being two of the things that I'm most passionate about. A lot more sensitive overall, is very emotional. Being depressed all my life has numbed me a lot, I was always a really sensitive child and really cared about "things" and people. Oxycodone opened that block, but I know I have to kick it out of my life. It is crippling me. But it is at the same time the only thing that has made me really desire to become a better person, to care about others. I really don't know what to do. I try to keep myself busy with my studies, working towards my goals, that just know make some sense, and it really helps killing the cravings. Last week I almost didn't feel cravings because I was hardcore studying, but this weekend my sleep got fucked up and I've been sleeping really badly. Neither olanzapine or quetapine work, and it is at night when the cravings really become strong since I have nothing else to focus on because I need to sleep. I guess I'm just venting, sorry if it is against the rules or something. I would really like to read about experiences similar to this with a somewhat happy ending. Please tell me what sort of thing helped you. I've never really belived in psychotherapy but this seems like a situation in which just talking to someone would help because I'm alone in this, no one knows I'm into this, neither I want anyone to know. Please, just post whatever, except if it is some kind of moralistic sermon, sorry but I got enough of that in my internal monologue. Thanks for reading.
  4. same happens to mw with olanzapine, lol why do these meds suck so much just give that sweet sweet ketamine and lets get over with this nah jk
  5. I started taking the olanzapine two days ago and it has not worked, the first time it actually gave me a little anxiety attack and I don't usually get those since like 2 years. Also started seeing flashes when I closed my eyes to sleep. I had tried Seroquel before but not because I had a prescription for it: my mom had some because she doesnt use it anymore. Seroquel worked pretty good but olanzapine just does nothing for me, and the health program doesnt cover Seroquel anymore so I can't get it. This sucks. The box says 5mg lmao
  6. Hi, my new doc told me I should give olanzapine a try because of lack of sleep. Has anyone else tried this med? I don't really dig the idea of taking something that is tagged as "sedative" and "anti-psychotic". Why would I need an "anti-psychotic" for sleeping? What kind of "sedative" effects does this pill create? I don't want to go around all numb'd down. The meds they give me usually don't work, anti-depressants have all been useless. Only lamotrigine has made me feel better. I really don't trust this olanzapine thing, I don't even like it's name, sounds trashy. Also, has anyone felt psychotherapy does help or have any kind of benefit beyond "venting out"? I could get it for free because of the mental health program in my country (just as the meds). I have tried it before and it was really a waste of time and it is frustating to hear someone just turn thoughts upside down and pretend it is some kind of insightful and constructive feedback, life if that wasn't something someone neurotic (as me and I guess some of you are since we share some kind of mental trait*) does all the time. At least that was my experience. To the ones here with good experiences with psychotherapy, how do think it helped you? My old doc once told me psychotherapy made a difference between people with mental problems getting a career and stuff like that. The difference was that the ones who did psychotherapy were 80% more likely to develop some kind of stable career. I think the thing is that 80% of every group of people will most likely be able to develop a career, regardless of psychotherapy or MI, so the stadistics just putted the "psychotherapy made this possible!" watermark to it. idk. *: That made me question if people with bipolar or other mental illness share some traits beyond the diagnosis? Have you guys noticed some kind of pattern? this is not really important, just thought it was interesting Thanks for reading (:
  7. Run out of happy hormones

    Well... thats sort of what bipolar is all about... I'm sure a lot of people here relate, you are normal-weird
  8. Sleepiness is hurting my family

    It may not be related to MI, so you need to get blood checks and all that boring stuff. I have the same problem, it seems to get better once springtime begins, tried wellbutrin for all of winter and it didnt help at all. You shouldnt get so sad about your family caring about you. I know mine also do but everyone in my family has this kind of always-ironic sense of humor (aka reality denial) so I never get the kind of stuff your grandpa did, it seems like a very sincere gesture and thats weird in the times of ironic memes about suicidal depression with tons of likes that you see on instagram. You are not hurting anyone (at least imo, sorry if this is preachy) Some people are able to get modafinil for these kind of problems and it works great for some.
  9. People who say that kind of stuff are just complete idiots.
  10. Same/really similar situation. Tried wellbutrin for 3 months, didnt work, 150mg did nothing and 300mg made me feel sick. Stopped taking it some weeks ago. Randomly took 2 150mg pills I had left. They made me fucking wired all day but not manic (zoloft had me thinking I had openned my third eye first and last time I took it. No bs, that fast, and that was just hypo imo). Tried the same thing like 2 days ago and felt nothing. In my experience wellbutrin is garbage but it seems to work great for other apathic asses like us. It also looks like almost no one goes full mania with this stuff, is not like we were talking cocaine or something like that. Give it a try. There also stuff like modafinil. I think wellbutrin kills the effects of other stimulants like modafinil.
  11. Insomniaaa

    zopiclone works for me, it's an benzo-analog with a mainly hypnotic effect, it works better for sleep than klonopin in my experience. BUT, zopiclone can cause strong visual hallucinations, eyes opened or closed. I actually like them, they are fun, but of course not everyone wants to see their chair's arm behave like a lizard or stuff like that. But that only happens if I ignore the sleepyness and force myself to stay awake, the moment I close my eyes and relax I get into deep sleep. I had forgotten how going to sleep fast and deep felt until I tried zopiclone. 0.5mg of clonazepam is a really small dose (I guees) and clonazepam is more of a long-slow-duration instead of a quick-strong-hit benzo, I never used it like sleep aid. Did it make you sleepy before? You might had also developed a tolerence to it, idk... Lack of sleep fucks everyone's mood, for people with bipolar is the same but worse. Normally I would tell you to stay awake a full night and stay awake the next day too so you get ultra-tired and fall sleep the next night, but that would be a dumb move since you were hypomanic (and not in the fun way it seems) so recently. Maybe do a lot of running until you can see a professional.... idk good luck hope u get some sleep byebye (:
  12. If anything, "being bipolar" makes your feels even more real since emotions on this way of being seem to become much stronger, to the point that "drives us crazy". If you are a person of faith, you probably acknowledge that there is something in life that is always beyond our comprehension, life is irrational. The problems you are facing are bad enough to add the painful and pointless exercise to try to make sense of something irrational. This probably sounds like a bunch of BS but at least in my experience, when I catch myself trying to make sense of the hell this can be sometimes, when I stop doing it, everything becomes paradoxically clearer.
  13. Sleepy...really sleepy

    I have the same problem. I tried wellbutrin for like 3 months or so and it didn't really work. I couldn't really tell at first because I'm not always sure about how I actually feel. But I stopped taking it a week ago and I can say I feel the same as when I was taking it, with the only difference that I've felt desire to smoke again. I had tried atomoxetine (strattera) before while taking wellbutrin and it didn't work well. I tried strattera again now off the wellbutrin and it seems to work, in the sense that I can function a lot more, I still feel sleepy but I'm able to "fight" it while on this. Sadly, it keeps me awake at night. If I don't sleep well, the lack of sleep makes me so tired that strattera doesn't cut it. Maybe ask your doc if you can cut the adderal and change it to atomoxetine or any other stimulant that isn't adderal-related? Is really weird that adderal isn't wiring you up enough, maybe you will need to change other of your meds? This being-sleepy-all-the-time-thing is a pain in the ass, good luck.
  14. People just don't get it. I told too many people about it and some of them look at me in a different way since then. The whole situation will just be awkward and confusing.