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About MusicFreak

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    Girl in a lonely world

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  • Interests
    Music, dance, drawing.
  1. Basically, multiple times a day I will go into a trance, and I just can't focus on anything but my thoughts. And when I snap out of it it can feel like I missed so much while it has been just 5 minutes. Or in reverse, I can feel like no time passed while I was in that trance, and in reality I missed 10 minutes. I sometimes realize that I'm going back in thoughs, and I vaguely realize the outside world, but it feels like a muted tv. Is this dissociating?
  2. I just want a diagnosis.

    Thanks for the replies. @snurli Thank you. I don't know how it wil feel when I know what's wrong with me, but right now it's driving me crazy, so maybe it will help. @IcebergI don't know tbh. And I don't have the energy not skils to find out. I live in the Netherlands. @WinterRosie I'd imagine they would try to help me. BUt I haven't started therapy yet, but when I will I'll talk about it.
  3. What are you afraid of?

    Heights, tight spaces. Deathly illnesses, some people having long coughing fits (don't know where that came from) Vomit and everything assiociated with it. Death, dying alone, losing people I care about, friends hating me, bullying restarting. Failing. My life is just one big shitshow of supressing fears.
  4. I'm getting so fed up. I've been reffered to a psygolochist for help with my self harm and underlying issues. But the frustrating thing is that I feel like I've just lost all control. The only thing I want right now is just to know what's wrong with me. I have so many issues, thoughts of worthlessnes and just overal depressed thoughs. I've had panic attacks just because of my own thoughs. I have self harm tendancies and soo many self harm and suicide thought/imaginations. Anxiety is through the roof. I've lost al self confidence, I constantly overthink, I feel like no one likes me, that I always mess up. I can barely sit still because my head keeps racing. I just want to be okay again, I just want to know why I'm so fucked up inside of my own mind. I want to know what started it all. I feel like I'm going crazy. I need so many answers I feel like I'm never going to get. I'm scared I'm going mad and scaring everyone away by trying to be funny. Sorry for the rambelling and the rant. I just needed to get it out.
  5. hm, I can try. Thanks for the advise.
  6. Homecoming

    unfortinantly, my scars are only on my lower leg. But whenever I walk with shorts, no one seems to notice. I would suggest trying to position your arms so that the scars aren't as visible, maybe look for a dress with long sleeves? Or at last, try to find some excuses like "My cat went wild." "I tripped and fell into the bushes (This one worked well for me)" I hope I am of help.
  7. Problem is, I'll have to comunicate that through my parents, don't I? I'm underaged, so they will have to control my meds, witch means I'll have to tell them, and they are dealing with my sister.
  8. Sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum. Does anyone else have extreme trouble looking people in the eyes? I feel like I physically can not do it for longer than a few seconds. It feels like they will look through my 'I'm fine." Mask, and other things I cannot explain for the life of me. Anyone else?
  9. Thanks. I don't'get them often, only when I'm already having a bad day, stress or suicidal thoughts, and there are lots of people. I don't want to bother my partents with this, and if I go to my mentor at school I'm 99% sure she'll inform them. But I'll look into it. Thanks again for replying @Jupiter7
  10. I think I may have had a panic attack two days ago. I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong forum. Two days ago I was on camp with my school. There was this big bouncy thingy where you could jump and play on. It was dope for the first couple of hours. But then people started pushing each other and there was like 30+ people. One of my friends left the bouncy thing and the others where pushing each other off the thing and I was pushed onto the ground. And then It felt like there where to much people and they where all judging me. Then I ran away and I couldn't control my thoughts and I didn't know where to go and I couldn't breath well and it was terrifying. Was this a panic/anxiety attack?
  11. I can't seem to know when to shut up or when I'm not funny. I constantly get told that I'm not funny or things like that. I don't know how to fix it and it's giving me social anxiety. What do I do wrong? I try to subtly ask for help with my friends, but I make a joke of it, so they don't notice how much it bothers me. But it does, how do I fix this?
  12. What was your happy moment today?

    Had an amazing 3 days of camp with my classmates and made a few new, and very good friends and we came up with the best name for out group. The FantasticFoursome!
  13. The person below me...

    False I can't even remember my own most of the time... The person below me speaks 2 or more languages.
  14. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    I feel.... Meh. My legs hurt like H*ll, because I had 2 hours of gym class, had to cycle 8 km to and back from school with my backpack on my back, and had 1 hour of intense dance class. but I feel kinda alright.