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Fluent In Silence

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  1. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Everything's shit and I want to kill myself, but I can't be bothered going through with it. I'm pretty drunk. Guess I should go to bed and stop listening to Gave Up by Nine Inch Nails on repeat.
  2. Guten arbend! I know that same old thing. Some perspective, that always helps, though it can be difficult to find. I don't hate you because I could've said exactly the same things, which makes me recognise how you must feel and like you.
  3. I steal cheese, so sue me!

    Those fucking carrots! No idea what you're talking about but it made me laugh.
  4. Ooh! Been meaning to watch that Leah Rimini programme. Fascinated by Scientology as a modern blood sucking soul destroying cult, starring Tom Cruise. Going Clear, the book and the documentary, are good if you haven't come across them already.
  5. Funky Music Videos

  6. What are you listening to NOW?

  7. pics that make you laugh

    Coolest cat ever!
  8. I imagine that most people, when meeting someone new, must think that the other person should like them. I've always thought more along the lines of "Don't let them get to know you well enough to hate you!" I don't like myself so why would anyone else? Better to be alone than suffer the pain of rejection. Except that it's shit being alone. It's shit that any good thoughts or feelings have nowhere to go because you're alone. It's shit that nothing seems worthwhile because you'll be doing it alone. It's shit that you can't remember the last time you touched another human being, and I'm not even talking about sex - just a simple hug or holding someone's hand. I'm not at all sociable or extroverted. I've sometimes thought that being a lighthouse keeper on some deserted rock would be my ideal job. But "Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you need somebody to love? Wouldn't you love somebody to love? You better find somebody to love." Yes! I'd love someone to love. Somebody save me from myself and my shitty thoughts! But then there's the old Groucho Marx quote about not wanting to belong to a club which will have someone like me as a member. You love me? Why? What's wrong with you? It's probably all bullshit. I've met other people who despise themselves - people who'd rather punch themselves in the face than accidentally step on your toes. Lovely, compassionate, fragile people who deserve to think better of themselves than they do. But I'm not like them, oh no, I deserve it, for some reason that I'm not sure of. Always easier to feel sympathy for others than for yourself. Maybe I'm a nice and reasonably intelligent person. I don't deliberately try to hurt other people and I haven't killed anyone, today (Just joking. I beat a mime artist to death today by miming hitting him with a baseball bat). Oh I don't know. I'm hopefully not racist, homophobic or misogynistic, though I'm probably doing it wrong like I've always done everything wrong. Oh shut up! What was the point of this post again? I have no idea at this point. I really need a girlfriend.
  9. I steal cheese, so sue me!

    I used to steal cheese too. Then I'd go to clubs and sell cheese to all the clubbers, who were mad for the cheeses. Cutting Edam on a toilet seat, happy days! Those ravers loved their camembert. And then we'd all hit the dance floor in a cheese frenzy, riding that parmesan high. They don't make cheese like that these days. Anyway, welcome fellow cheese lover.
  10. Trouble looking people in the eye

    It's harder for men. Oh so much harder for us poor, poor men! But when I'm avoiding eye contact I tend to look downwards. A woman once asked me if I was staring at her tits, and the honest explanation was "No, I'm just trying to avoid looking at your face." Turns out this isn't an appeasing answer. But it wasn't meant like that, was just anxious about looking you in the eyes, not perving over your funbags or calling you ugly. And that's why I'm single!
  11. random thoughts!

    Fore and aft? You're confusing me with your technical jargon. Nah, I understand that much, but I didn't know the difference between a canoe and a kayak so thanks for explaining. Seems like a great thing to do, whether it's a canoe or a kayak. Right up there with other great things to do that I'll probably never do, like archery, snorkling, skydiving and finding love. Must be nice though, paddling along in a kayak, with a long paddle which is faced at both ends, through some beautiful and quiet spot. I mostly just get wasted and play video games. I've wasted my life. Am I sounding too self pitying? Wasn't trying to. Hoping more for self-deprecating, but I sometimes take it too far.
  12. Favorite TV shows and Series...now that it's hibernation season.

    I wasn't sure what the hell it was but I was sure I remembered it from somewhere. Fizgig from the Dark Crystal! That must be who she/he/it is. Looking up The Dark Crystal and I've definity seen some of those creepy looking puppets before. They still haunt my dreams. Not really but I couldn't remember where I'd seen this fluffy whateverthefuckitis before, so thanks for solving that mystery for me.
  13. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in! Trying to escape depression is like having a rubber band tied around your waist. Life can be good and I'm not an awful human being, but then the rubber band snaps me back and I'm a piece of shit and everything is awful and hopeless. Easier in some ways to just live down there in the dark except that that's impossible.
  14. random thoughts!

    Lol. "have spent many happy days on camping trips with my ass sealed into that wondrous piece of Tupperware." And I still don't understand the difference. Kayaks have the stuff on top? What's a gunwale? British people are an island race and we're a seafaring people - Nelson and Sir Francis Drake and all of that. Dunno, water is wet and I don't want to ruin my shoes.