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About water

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    that's as maybe

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    out here somewhere

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  1. Thank you iceberg. I had a really Seshan Lol. Realization. I am talking on the phone. It is my mind that sees a fat girl visually. Only when I'm watching myself from somewhere else. I feel beautiful. I feel healthy. I have lots of issues I am 60, but I move around pretty well and I'm taking responsibility and seeing doctors for ones that hamper my lifestyle. This may sound obvious but it is my treacherous mind that labels me a fat girl. Not my heart not my spirit that my body
  2. In my mind there is definitely something wrong with being fat. It has all sorts of negative connotations. It is like I have a strain of "I'm fat and ugly" blood running through my veins. Other people who are big, look beautiful to me and do not look "fat". That is reserved for my body. My mind is screaming and "I'm not that I'm not that don't say that don't say that that's mean that's mean"
  3.  Happy is the sound of running cat feet. 

  4. Traveled south to an amazing overnight soltice party this weekend and when I got home and watched a video that included me dancing all I saw was fat fat fat fat fat fat girl. I was in a zone dancing with people I love to a band of women playing the drums. My body is beautiful and big. I have been smaller and I have been bigger. My family has the obesity gene and my parents did not feed the five starving kids with either food or love. But I have been a trained dancer my whole life and have always in some way or another kept myself in shape. All I saw was fat fat fat. The morning after standing bleary eyed in the kitchen a very small scrawny woman told me she sees and FEELS like a fat girl. I can taste this intruder inside. There is someone yelling at me from my MIND saying fat fat fat fat girl. How do you make that go away?
  5. sweet