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About water

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    that's as maybe

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    out here somewhere

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  1. Funky Music Videos

  2. Funky Music Videos

  3. Funky Music Videos

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  5. Funky Music Videos

    hahahala. LUV Randy. What The Fuck you guys is right!!!!
  6. Funky Music Videos

  7. YES. Absolutely HATED the immediate release Wellbutrin. Too strong a med to be dumped out all at once in my sensitive body. The SR - sustained release, 12 hour, was also awful. By the time it wore off I was depressed and then going to sleep when I had to take another one! Settled on the extended release. Eventually switched to Aplenzin because...it was only one pill for the same amount as the 450 XL. I never ever took a generic. Always always the brand. Sorry....didn't read all of the posts, apologize if this is all besides the point. :-}
  8. Funky Music Videos

  9. Funky Music Videos

  10. Our fathers......

    This is so true. lol I ALWAYS have to justify. Because...what is the alternative? He really was a monster? My father did unforgivable things and I love him. I learned this is possible and ok. My heart loves and that is a blessing. But to make excuses for him, and worse, to blame myself, that does tremendous harm. My father was.....never a father. He was a flawed arrogant man. Even though there are a few bright moments in my life with him, all the pain and suffering caused by 'that man' wipes it all out.
  11. Our fathers......

    Fathers Day. Watching Sense8. So much about love, about the heart. The heart's strength over them mind. A father visits his daughter in prison. A place she went for him. He tells her that he finally realizes his business, his reputation mean nothing without her. Without her love. What happened to my father? Why was he so....unable to show his love to me? Why did he never tell me how beautiful, how accomplished, how wonderful I was? Why was it always a put down, an absence from my life, a grumpy person complaining I wasted his time? Why do people have kids only to abandon them to the cruelties of the world? Is this something I will ever get over? Ever? Sometimes I wish I had no father at all. Like my friend/boss who has no idea whatsoever who his real dad really was. His mom, his sisters, his stepdads, all lied to him. He will never ever know who his biological dad really was and he grew up with no father at all. But why then do I feel so hurt? At least I had a dad, someone who worked and built a house for us, made money so we had clothes, went to school, had piano lessons, dance classes. Toys and treats. I would give everything up to have one dance with a father who hugged me, who said he loved me, who held me when I cried. Who I would go to when sad, who I would ask those difficult questions. My father is dead. I will never know or understand what prevented him from having a loving relationship with his loving daughter. Was he afraid of sexually abusing me if we got close? That was always my thought. He said as much once when my daughter was born. He sat and cried and apologized for not being there with me as a kid. He said it was because my mother gave me so much attention he thought he needed to give his attention to the other four kids.But that was a BS answer. A BS explanation. But he loved me. He tried. He made doll furniture for my daughter but he never visited my daughter. He never had any relationship with her whatsoever. He never even tried. He was incapable. Is that his fault? Does it ever matter anymore? All I know there is a big damn hole in my being that says "father wanted". My cousins are all descending on Maryland to see their dad. They are coming from all over the country for fathers day. It is unbelievable to me. Something that my family would never do. My sisters come to NYC and skip calling me. My brother does the same. They don't understand and they never will.
  12. Funky Music Videos

  13. Funky Music Videos

  14. The shooting in Texas dissolves me in tears and the Royal Wedding makes me smile. Neither of these events directly touch my life or my reality but my emotions pour out as if I lost my pet turtle.

  15. "If you’re meeting someone for the first time, don’t make a snap decision based upon whether you’re instantly attracted on a physical level."