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About ShameShameShame

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  1. When I was neither working nor engaged in any social activity, and my depression was accompanied by pronounced derealization, it used to happen to me. I do know a person suffering from psychosis who crosses days on his calendar. I always thought it was because feels held captive in life, that he was crossing them off like a prisoner. But he did say every day is the same, so maybe he crossed them because he was losing time too.
  2. Who summoned me?

    Awe, sorry, I didn't see the comments as i wasn't expecting anyone to comment any more (being humble and all that lol), but thank you for entertaining my dark desperate attempt at jocundy!! MUCH appreciated! Please feel free to consider yourself "summoned" any time, I love "weird", funny, friendly folk!
  3. What was your happy moment today?

    Glad it gave you a laugh, I thought it hysterical too. I am especially amused by the fact it's not just one eccentric pigeon caught doing this, they're frequently spotted spinning. For fun. Why is it so surprising they'd look for opportunities for fun? Of course animals want fun too. I now feel like we should have given them more entertainment options. Put up bird spinners everywhere. What about frogs? Maybe put little water slides in ponds? And stuff like that. Let them party hard.
  4. What was your happy moment today?

    Hahaha! Ah well, I can't help it. The chewy toys look like they belong in a different store to me. The Kong thingy would look good on the kink shelf I bet. Btw I'm googling for gifs of pigeons spinning on turbine filters. I could watch that for hours. But then I've watched the frontloader spin with more attention than I can follow a movie with too.
  5. deep breath

    I think you should keep posting if you can, personally. If it gets long someone will probably kindly move it to a different section. Dunno, I feel like being able to tell one's story, even if it is fragmented and confused and all that at first, is the first step towards being able to face it, accept it, somehow integrate it into the rest of one's life, and so surviving and overcoming. At least I sure hope I'm right. I know what you mean, I feel the same way about my job, and about the difficulty explaining anything when so overwhelmed. And I agree that other people can point out solutions when we are positive that all avenues are closed. I think that there is an app that manages all one's online accounts passwords for those of us who tend to forget them or lock ourselves out of our own profiles. I'll probably be looking into it myself when I have the time and can let you know if I find anything useful. If you decide to post your threads or blog entries or anything i'll gladly drop by also. Cheering you along.
  6. deep breath

    I'll be your friend, if you'd like. I'm also new here and likewise no longer know what's wrong with me, so I settled for "everything, or almost everything". I may not be able to help anyone seeing as I certainly am not helping my own self, but I can listen. I don't judge. At all. And I honestly, wholeheartedly care about every single person suffering from MI, or from anything for that matter. I'm sure there is plenty support here. I find it helpful to just start talking anywhere. It's overwhelming trying to find a beginning to start at, and to organize the enourmous entangled mess of thoughts, or be coherent when EVERYTHING is wrong. Don't worry about that, the rest of us "speak that language too". Perhaps it would help you to talk about the last thing that was intensely painful, the last doctor's visit, the most important problem you're having, or the least important one. You know, just so you start talking somewhere, it'll get the ball rolling. I will be out on errands, and then at work until late evening, but I promise I WILL check in when i'm back if you need an ear, a word, a picture of a dog, or someone to simply share the pain with.
  7. I don't have any experience with typical antipsychotics, but at one point I tried sulpiride, which is an atypical one. From what I understood, unlike antidepressants, it may have immediate effects on depression, anxiety and panic disorders, but they only last a few hours. It was an emergency drug when my panic was unbearable, and the flashbacks and depression too. So I only took it occasionally as needed until prescribed an antidepressant (that wasn't helpful btw). I found sulpiride the only good med I'd ever taken and noticed no bad side effects, although I might have had I been on it longer and taking it daily. It didn't make me feel weird in any way, just incredibly normal, which was terrific. It got me from the most messed up flashbacks and panic and despair to calm and collected in fifteen minutes. None of that uncomfortable druggy, sedated feeling either. If I am not mistaken, it isn't approved everywhere. But perhaps there's something similar where you live that is.
  8. Who summoned me?

    Thank you both
  9. Who summoned me?

    Thank you, I do like the feel of this place very much.
  10. Who summoned me?

    An awkward newbie hello to everyone. Shocker, I have allowed my life to become a calamity of biblical proportions. I do not have my depression and anxiety under control. I suspect there may be other disorders at play but I don't know at this point. I am, and have always been in a constant state of fear and despair, and have coped predominantly through avoidance. Guess how that's been working out. This isn't my first multilayered multifaceted fiasco either, but it's the worst and I understand my only choice is to handle things better this time. I am shame impersonated and it would help if I could for once, speak honestly about why you'll never be half the failure I am. And update about how I am coping, to feel held accountable I suppose. I am too overwhelmed, don't know where to start, so I am presently unable to make a coherent post about any one of my woes and mistakes, so I will probably be turning to the blog section shortly, to start unfurling the ball of yarn somewhere, at least a few lines a day. I hope everyone is doing okay, and wish strength to those who are not.