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Raspberry

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About Raspberry

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    female
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    UK

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  1. Memes that make you go hmm 🤔

  2. Memes that make you go hmm 🤔

    The brave little toaster popped into my head reading that one.
  3. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Hot water, cider vinegar, honey and lemon. For some reason it helps me more then a lot of the drugs. If you're still on the train, get out your phone and start talking about your job as a lab technician. Throw in a sentence or two about how a couple of the virologists have been off sick all week and you're guessing that there must be something going around the lab. The carriage should empty and you can have a little nap to help you feel better. I was told that lamictal can cause bruxism. The physio I see for my neck, vertigo and headaches does something to the side of my jaw as she said it was adding to my headaches. There may be a youtube video on how to manual adjust yourself and give youself a little bit of relief. I'm sure there is a better way to put that.
  4. What are you listening to right now?

    I hadn't heard of it before so I had to google it.
  5. Decided to block and delete him from my phone so I'm not tempted to call. I never know why I am so desperate to get my parents to notice me. I've had a very different upbringing to my sister (she was raised by my dad, I stayed with my alcoholic mother and we did have another sister born between us her death was pretty much the catalyst for my parents divorce, its all a bit chaotic), so its like she was born in the happy period, I was born in the bad. She has a job, family etc. I have nothing. I wish I hadn't of asked him for help. I feel like an absolute idiot for opening up and saying how bad things have gotten. The worse thing is he visited me in hospital after I overdosed so he knows that last time it was classed as high risk as I didn't seek help and that if I say I'm feeling this way and I can't get help I mean it. I was really hoping he would offer something. He is quite well off so I kind of hoped that with all the things he does for my sister he I was really hoping he would offer something even if it was just to pop round and see me once a week. GP appointment tomorrow for something else but I think I'll ask for my new SSRI's. So today I learnt, don't ask for help, work on your problems by yourself at home, even if you're not sure what the problem is or how to deal with it, and therapy is apparently something you use to much. Its exhausting isn't it? Feeling so desperate and empty. Sometimes I'm literally begging for help and getting nowhere. I'm so glad this forum exists. Even just posting on the random boards gives me a distraction, something to do and seeing people that understand and want to offer one and other advice and support is so comforting. Thank you all for listening to me rant x
  6. My dose is already split but I'm thinking of trying a new med as I'm sure the lamictal is making me more depressed. It just takes so long to adjust to one and if it makes you worse or doesn't help its all for nothing, I get really scared taking a new medication due to bad reactions in the past.
  7. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    I have generalised sleep TC's so lately I'm spending the whole night convulsing. The seizures are causing headaches and migraines so I'm feeling pretty crappy atm and like you said the side effects are so horrible you don't want to take them. I'm not sure about the med related dizziness but I had physio for vertigo and balance issues do you think that would help you?
  8. How Do You Feel THIS MOMENT in Time?

    Regretting asking for help. It was better knowing I didn't ask for help, than reaching out and having someone turn their back on you. I guess at least I know my value now.
  9. Just reattempted the Local NHS service. 'I should take a break from therapy as I'm too dependant on it, being suicidal and self harming is my choice and change needs to come from within, and I can work on my problems at home. They sent me back to my GP and I can be re referred to them in the future when I've tried to engage in my local community as my isolation is a cause of most of my depressions. Even after I pointed out that I have been trying, I joined classes even ones that would mean getting on a bus for an hour to get there, 2 were cancelled and the last group I tried I was so out of place and awkward it was embarrassing. Where do they expect me to go and how am I not trying? They handed me a card for the crisis numbers which are shitload of help. I can't afford to try anymore places. I even contacted my dad to see if he could help. That was a waste of fucking time. The absent father can pay for my sister and her family to go on holidays, decorate her house, fund her wedding nut when I try and reach out for help I get 'things will get better in time'. I'm so fucking tired of going around in circles. Sitting crying in front of 2 women who are supposed to be trained in mental health and just being spoken down to hurts. You shouldn't feel worse for trying to get help. You get more support and useful advice from strangers on the internet then the people who are supposedly meant to be the ones trained to help. I'm sorry I'm ranting but I just feel so abandoned and lost right now.
  10. If you are willing to go back down the self help route again as well as meds there are a few DBT workbooks that you can download for free. https://docs.google.com/file/d/1cyanUui4ZlpL0suxvBoGhgsBQwM5aAsHXKl4U2vdQ7eRPMqcwe-jPuTxqgl2/edit?pli=1# I couldn't find a page here with links to free workbooks and worksheets, but I probably wasn't doing the best job of looking. I like workbooks, I get to use my crayons.
  11. Did the fatigue subside? I was going to ask my neuro about either taking something else and lowering the dose of lamictal or asking for the XR but I'm now not sure about that. I don't want to up the lamictal as its making my depression worse, I feel tired all day everyday and my seizures aren't controlled at all. Its funny haw different meds effect different people, I look at the doses that some of the people here are on and don't know how they are coping.
  12. Cheating on therapist

    Yeah I agree. I think I'm going to have to look for someone else. She is really nice but as she doesn't work for a clinic or an organisation its not really very easy to lead things back to what I hoped for in the start and I think its gone beyond that point anyway. I had a great psychologist about 5 years back but he retired and because of the place that he worked I only got to see him every 2-3 weeks which isn't enough when you need help. Thank you for your input. I will speak with her this week.
  13. The NHS in all it's wonders and weaknesses

    There are a few online CBT courses and one called beating the blues that your GP can prescribe. Also there is a site called getselfhelp that has worksheets for DBT and CBT which are all the same ones that the NHS use in their sessions. May not be of any help but it could be worth a try whilst you are waiting. I've printed a few off and made a sort of self help book aimed at things that may help me. Worryingly to get under secondary services sometimes you have to lie a bit. No self harm and no suicidal thoughts allowed!
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