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About domovoi

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    quelling thrills with vodka and pills

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  1. It’s never easy to figure out, I know. I myself have dropped out of a PhD eventually. At first I thought it was because i was sick. But then I realized how much happier I’d become after i didn’t have to do the PhD. My illness itself has been reduced and I started being healthier I don’t think it’s that clear-cut in mental illness. In many ways, your illness *is* you. You are everything, all your choices, all your breakdowns, no matter how hard it is to accept. And you are also all your talents, all your skills and beliefs and coping strategies. And I belive that because I feel like the illness is always a response to something bad going on, some insupportable stress, some (perhaps wrong?) choices. It is the interplay between you and your symptoms and your reactions to them and of course sometimes blind chance that what your life consists of. What *you* consist of. i think it’s easier to think of it in terms of symptoms as opposed to this vague, big, generic concept of “illness”. Would your paper be better if you could concentrate at the time of writing it? Yes. Would your career be more successful if you didn’t have depression? The latter is a more vague, all-encompassing, oversimplified question that has no answer.
  2. I’m in the same boat pretty much. I’m functioning (barely, but functioning) but I feel sick. Psychiatrists are trained to respond to symptoms that greatly affect functioning, mostly ignoring subclinical syndromes. It’s hard to find good med combos and tweaking meds is hard work so they want to make sure they REALLY have to do something or you’ll lose your job/die. Tell them it’s starting to impact your daily functioning and you can’t stand it. Your other choice is to stick with it and change your behaviours , CBT, meditate, whatever floats your boat, or just roll with it until you can’t. Prod your pdoc for their opinion. I hope you’ll get better soon. It’s never perfect, but I hope it becomes bearable
  3. hello all, i'm having a lot of trouble with some inattention/hyperactivity and i've been seeing psychiatrists for 16 years+ now but only recently my pdoc started suggesting i have some ADHD symptoms and i was wondering if those of you who have ADHD for sure and have been aware of it for a long time validate some symptoms for me? like do you experience the same kinds of things? - inability to sit in lectures for longer than 10 minutes, feeling like need to move and feeling like "being on fire" and needing to leave? - inability to read for longer than 10-15 minutes, lose thread of thought, feeling almost like emotional pain because can't go on with reading? - same for everything that requires concentration for longer than 15 minutes? - at work doing 1000 things at the same time (write 3 words in an email, then go back to the Word document, then adjust music volume, go back write another 5 words in the email, check another email, forget to add attachments etc etc) - panic while watching movies bc losing track of what's going on have to take a break? the problem is i also have borderline and boredom is a huge thing for me, and i can't escape boredom but is it bc i can't pay attention? or just.. what? WHAT'S GOING ON I'M SO CONFUSED?? could i really have had ADHD for years and decades and never realized it until now that i've stabilized my bipolar on meds? is that a thing? pls help guys thanks i'm not a freak right.
  4. ughhhhhhh

    please stay safe and go to the hospital if you start feeling worse. wishing you feel better.. also are you prone to mixed episodes? sometimes i feel similar when i am mixed, i feel very speedy but depressed at the same time, or switching rapidly. also i feel like controlling sleep is a big part of it, maybe make sure you sleep a decent amount.
  5. omg i used to be the same way, seroquel used to work well for my depression but i was asleep 24/7 and also got diabetes on it. i switched to latuda 80 it's always made me sleepy also but not as much. i have to take concerta to stay awake during the day. but latuda has been amazing for my depression, it works great maybe give it a try and when you're less depressed you tend to be less sleepy also don't stop until you reach at least 80 to try and see if it helps with depression, good luck
  6. i take a combination of cipralex (lexapro) and concerta and man am i wired. which is good because without my meds and when not in mania i tend to sleep for 13 hrs a day minimum.
  7. why did you cross out amitriptyline? i take 10mg (the tiniest dose) and it works for me as migraine prevention.
  8. i've had problems getting modafinil covered by my insurance, the same thing with "pre-approval". unfortunately, the only way is to ask the pdoc to write a letter, or fill-out the pre-approval form, or both. good news is it should be all covered retrospectively, once the pre-approval process is completed and approved by insurance. bad news is in my case, they only covered it for 3 months following approval, asking for more letters after. eventually i got off the med... not necessarily because of this insurance thing, but it definitely was a factor.
  9. umm i'm going to skip the "work with your pdoc" and "don't do abrupt changes" mantras of this forum, since you clearly are determined to do it your way. but please be aware that the withdrawal symptoms may be severe and debilitating, especially since you were on injections. drink lots and lots of water and pay attention to your symptoms, in case you need to go to the ER. which is possible you might need eventually. i don't think there are a lot of super dangerous physical effects of withdrawal (here I mean life-threatening) but do know that your psychiatric symptoms will be back. with a VENGEANCE. please take care of yourself. antipsychotics are widely used for bipolar, you don't have to be on schizo spectrum to use them.
  11. haldol was a lifesaver for me. a low dose, anywhere from .5 to 2 mg evened out the mood irregularity and helped a lot with irritation and anger. unfortunately, like so many medications for so many borderlines, it stopped working eventually. now i am on latuda, because it helps with depression and calms me down like haldol. i have also tried lamictal, which was good, and tegretol, which was even better. unfortunately, they all pooped out on me (except tegretol, but I had to stop taking it for different reasons). in the end, with borderline, meds do a little bit of the work but you gotta work like hell to reach being functional. i wish you luck. ETA: tricyclics, such as amitriptyline, make borderline 10000% more hell for me. i tried also desipramine and nortriptyline, with same results. steer clear.
  12. hello, has anyone here had any success with olanzapine (zyprexa) for depression? be it bipolar, unipolar? or heard about it being used for that? if so, at which dosage? it's a long story but i am not dealing well with maintenance ECT at all and need something to help with maintaining antidepressant effect. i thought i heard something about it being used for depression so decided to ask. i should mention seroquel used to work well for me at 300-400 mg mark but i simply can't tolerate how it feels on my brain. zyprexa i have some for panic attacks for now and it seems to be ok side effect-wise at 5 mg mark. thank you!
  13. this is kind of a difficult question for me too, i mostly get states nearly identical to what you describe in your first post. for that i wouldn't go to the hospital, though i would call my psychiatrist for an emergency appointment. i've been inpatient for (hypo)mania only once... i couldn't sleep for days, heard voices, was convinced i was a reincarnation of Virginia Woolf sent to this world to instill happiness through writing. the 'problem' was that i was very insightful. like even with the V. Woolf stuff I kept thinking that this could not be true even though other times i was absolutely convinced. i knew voices weren't real, either. psychiatrists that treated me were of the opinion that insight means i'm not 'really' psychotic, therefore not bipolar I. i don't know what to believe and don't really care. i've never had anything like that since. but to try and answer your question, hospital is either for when you lose insight and can't control, or in so much pain you can't stand it anymore.
  14. hm, that's actually a good question - yes, they are both stimulants but i would have to have a degree in neuropsychiatry probably to try and explain their differences. since i don't have it, i can only say that for me, adderall is addictive and provigil is not. and it is so for most other people. I think it has to do with how they affect neurotransmitters in the brain. you will not turn into a speed freak on modafinil, promise. it's just simply not a drug of abuse, really. you may get more motivated, however. thanks for the YMMV explanation, @melissaw72. most stimulants are to be taken regularly, but it depends on what they are used to treat.
  15. my 2 cents: throughout my mental patient career, i have discovered that as patients we are responsible to be our own advocates and demand the treatment we deserve, or at least demand attention to our symptoms. so i completely agree with @Gearhead here. believe me, I understand your hesitation - I am sure that all of us here have, at one point or another, dealt with negligence and dismissal. in the end, no matter what the pdoc's preferences in treating specific mental disorders are, s/he is obliged to respond to your requests for help because of the nature of the therapeutic relationship. i would bring up your symptom and attempt to discuss it politely but firmly. i wish you courage.