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About Antecedent

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  1. Some languages are much harder than others to learn, I don't think you should feel annoyed with yourself about not being fluent yet. It's very very hard to take care of a relationship when you are depressed, and the fact you have no friends means there is extra pressure on your relationship, as you need it for everything. My heart goes out to you
  2. You've just moved somewhere where you don't speak the language, I don't think that this is any reflection on you. You have quite the obstacle! Friends are really important for happiness, relationships in general are. I can see why you think there might be a large situational element to this depression! When I was living abroad I went to a language school that had an language exchange partner thing set up, they had loads of people learning English who put down their names and they mostly expected to end up practising with another student. So everybody wanted me, a native (my biggest achievement in life: being born to an English speaking couple ;)) . The teacher sat me down with about 5 forms from people she thought I'd like, and I chose two. A woman my own age, because she was studying psychology, and an older lady.. I can't remember why I picked her.. anyway I got on great with both of them. People with upper intermediate / B2 level and above are well able to talk enough to make friends, even intermediate/ B1 is fine if you are kindred spirits. Anyway that was ideal, but there might be some way for you to do something similar, what about this site. https://www.conversationexchange.com/ People basically post personal ads except they just want a language partner, not romance. You can find someone you are compatible with maybe, and who speaks enough English to actually be a friend. I'll keep thinking about it, gotta go have dinner now.
  3. I'm not planning kids and all my friends are already onto their second, I'm only 31 but I guess in my country we start younger! I hear what you are saying, it is really scary. I also worry a lot about my parents, I'll be so sad to lose them, I love them both so much. It really sucks. All I can do is enjoy the time I have with them now and try notto dwell on that day. Every decade has its own crisis, I thought after the teenage years were over it would be clear sailing! Is there something you can do to meet people who have interests other than their offspring? To make new connections? I know the older you get the harder it is, but there are always people who for one reason or another are looking for new connections, maybe they are recently divorced, they just moved, they switched jobs and left all their friends in the old one, they have grown apart from their friends, their friends are baby-obsessed etc. Let's see.. a night course in something where you have to talk to the other people, like counselling, a language etc. A book club A group that shares buses and goes out places to draw, or paint, or hike, or hill walk A skeptic group (they meet and basically talk about why they think horoscopes are silly for an hour... ha ha!) A humanist group if you're atheist or a church / religious group if you're religious Even group therapy might be great, has anyone here made friends in group?.. I haven't done official group therapy but I'm in something similar now and I am finding when you share intimate information you bond really quickly... I can imagine cults manipulate that.. I'm not in a cult! I can imagine myself becoming completely addicted to group therapy in the future, it's that or join a cult. Volunteering in something that involves working with other people and talking to them (this is most volunteer work, but not all ) I like kids, most of my babied friends live in other cities (I've moved around a lot) but I like kids so babysitting would be a way I could have a part in their lives once the kids got older. So that could be an option if you like kids. Once the kids are older they will want breaks too, friends could come over for DVD nights to your house as a nice child free safe-haven! No jelly on the remote! If you like animals, pets can really really help with the feeling of loneliness too. Anyway, maybe all my ideas were useless but I hope you find what you are looking for.
  4. I'm trying to make myself journal when i'm doing ok and not just when I'm doing awful, so far it's been good. I'm trying to do positive psychology exercises, they seem incredibly fluffy and like something you get in a tween magazine, but when you start doing them they can be really enjoyable and as profound or as light-hearted as you want
  5. You can slow it down a bit with a banana every day, for people in their twenties I've seen this reverse it! I can't remember what it is, but even hereditary grey can be caused by you (and your predecessors) needing more of a specific nutrient that you can get from bananas (no, not potassium) I've heard people say cod liver oil makes their hair grow thicker, but anyway it has loads of health benefits so it would be worth a try. The cheapest way to get it is in a bottle rather than capsules, just have a glass of water ready or the feeling of the oil in your throat will make you gag, don't even take a breath before gulping down the water. If you get a mild fishy burp that's ok, if you get a lot of burps and they taste awful throw it out and don't buy from that company again.
  6. Checked BF's phone :(

    Exactly! I'm such a fool! *we can't go on together... with suspicious minds*
  7. I get so much from literature... first of all, reading good prose is like listening to music, the words flow over you and you might not even understand them, but they affect you emotionally. Just like when you listen to music, sometimes you have to listen 100 times before you notice the lyrics, in the same way you might have to read a paragraph 5 or six times before you can appreciate anything other than the beauty of it. Then of course there are lessons in fiction that are really hammered home in a novel in a way they aren't in a simple sentence. A book allows you a level of empathy that you can't obtain just by reading a blog. A novel teaches opens your mind to ideas that you might willfully ignore in non-fiction... there are so many reasons to read fiction, I read somewhere that if you want the truth, read fiction. Another thing is that reading a lot of fiction can help you write better non-fiction, something everyone needs to do sometimes. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass both jump off the page and come alive like novels, despite being autobiographical. That's can only be because both authors adored fiction. I normally can't STAND autobiographies. I love non-fiction too though, not reading fiction gives you more time to read non-fiction, so in that sense you are not missing out So many books, so little time.
  8. My Biggest Regret in Life

    God, what a traumatic experience! Do not feel guilty, as Distorted Me said, you did the right thing, you told someone. I was almost abducted as a child and I didn't tell anyone till years later, when I was old enough to really understand what had happened I felt so ashamed and guilty that I never reported it, because, as you said, what if my not saying anything meant he was able to go on and hurt another child? But you actually told someone! They knew his details, they could have reported him to the police, and you protected your friend's sister. And we learned from these experiences and now you can bet we tell on these assholes.
  9. Friend lied!

    Jeeze.. Guys, when you offer constructive criticism you can be a little more gentle. I do agree that part of being a friend is taking what your friend says at face value, or with a pinch of salt. Even if your friend is a compulsive liar: if the lies are not harmful to you "I was on biggest loser! I've been to Taiwan 6 times and I even got to meet Buddah! My boyfriend is a millionaire and he takes me around on his yaught!" So, personally, next time just go with it and don't gossip about it, unless of course the lie was a deal breaker. For example, if you will only be friends with people who have been on TV it is important to establish whether or not she was lying.. otherwise, who cares? Anyway, at least you know what you did. I met with someone to catch up a few years ago and she has refused to speak with me since and I have NO IDEA what I said! I can't learn from a mistake if I don't know what it was!
  10. Checked BF's phone :(

    Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel like such a piece of shit. He went out and left his phone. I checked the received and missed calls. There was this number, it rang him a lot, I'd seen it before (when looking at his phone ARGH..) and I didn't know what it was. I looked at all the calls, he received them maybe once a week. They were all so quick..a few seconds each, was it an "I'm outside!" "Come up, baby." type of phone call? so many calls and all so short. I wrote down the number and put the phone down (forgetting to wipe my paw prints off the screen, don't know if he noticed, he tends to keep it clean). I withheld the number on my phone and rang it. Deep breath. It rang out. Then it occurred to me to go back and look at the time on the phone calls, they were all in the evenings WHILE HE WAS WITH ME??? Why's she ringing him while he's with me? What kind of shameless.... !? I put the phone back again and sit and stew in my own guilt and fear. That night he orders a take away for us, his treat. So sweet! We cuddle up to watch TV while we're waiting. His phone rings. Guess who it is.
  11. It's so so hard being in a relationship when you are suffering from MI All we can do is take one day at a time, it's a cliché because it's true. I try to make up for it on the good days. I try to find concrete things I can do for him that are easier and more short-term goals than "don't be anxious" "don't be sad" and "don't be grumpy", which are long term goals and not so helpful. Even tiny little things like going to the door and welcoming him home with a smile on my face, they can mean so much to both of us.
  12. The people that fail as parents are people that don't do their best because they don't care one way or the other. People who have difficulty bonding, but do their best, people who feel depressed, but do their best, people who have to work long hours, but do their best, all these people act with love! They do not fail as parents. You can't make someone Autistic. It's a mixture of genetics and random things that happen in the womb that you can't control. there is loads and loads of evidence for this, and every study has been replicated over and over and over again because it was necessary to try to dispel all the myths around autism. Also, look at all the wonderful Autistic people on this forum, read "Neurotribes" by Steve Silberman - autism is absolutely not synonymous with suffering. Is there any way you can get support? An au pair? A family member? An exchange / play date (e.g. I mind your kid along with mine for free Monday and Tuesday, you mind mine for free Wednesday and Thursday, so we both get two mornings off a week to recharge, and our kids make friends) is there day-care locally? I can relate because it is a worry I have about having children, what if I have to stay in bed for the day? But you know, my mom used to have days she spent in bed and the rest of the time she was so kind and good and loving so it didn't matter. I entertained myself those days, I played with my toys, I read a book (once I was old enough) I watched TV, and she more than made up for it when she was able. Have you seen Infinitely Polar Bear? It might seem facetious to recommend a movie, but this film is different, it was written and directed by the daughter of the main character. It is a love letter to her dad with bi polar. He raised amazing children and despite the days he couldn't get up. You were BRAVE to have a kid and you will raise him with bravery
  13. Maybe "Mary" by Mary Wollstonecraft Oh someone mentioned Attwood! The blind Assassin is a masterpiece.. the two sequels to Oryx and Crake are painfully bad.. painfully painfully bad. How can she write so well and also write so badly. It's like Nathaniel Hawthorne and Dan Brown trapped in one body.
  14. This is so cool! That barrier is such an obstacle for medicine.. though it also saves our life approximately 7 times a year ha ha