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About Antecedent

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  1. I think I'm depressed because: I'm grumpy have much less energy than before often irritable thinking a lot about self-harm crying often (sometimes feel like it but don't) I don't have motivation to do things I used to do and enjoy everything seems pointless i worry about things a lot i seem to have much less of all the positive emotions, love, joy, happiness, hope, excitement, anticipation.. all those and more of the negative emotions like sadness, misery, hatred, anger I deeply despise myself I waste entire weekends in bed then of course feel even worse for the very fact I've done so And this has been going on about 3 and a half years, with occasional breaks of maybe a week or so. Although in the last 3 years there were times when I managed to feel hope or motivation to do things to dig myself out of the rut. Those times haven't lasted. I'll occasionally get very excited and motivated by something for a few hours and then I'm back to this.
  2. Are you going by typical XX weight? Remember that for men of the same height a higher weight is expected and essential for health. How about eating more (minus purge), enough to make doctors happy, but exercising more too (not so much that doctors worry). Healthy amounts of exercise increases testosterone levels (regardless of chromosomes). This
  3. Thinking about it is calming so it's addictive. I am guessing that thinking about cutting or violent forms of death lower my blood pressure in the same way cutting has been shown to in studies, but without that pesky risk of gangrene. I think the thoughts must be coming for this reason, because I think about killing myself in very violent ways, where as in reality if I was ever to do it I would obviously try to do it as peacefully and painlessly as possible, but that's not what I think about, in fact thinking about that has the opposite effect, it is frightening because it's real.
  4. I have to take mental health days so to compensate I don't ever call in sick for anything fun.. but everyone at work does, so it is surely normal.
  5. Dog's saliva is naturally anti-septic. If you were going to get in any way sick from this, it would have happened already. What you did caused harm or suffering to no one, including you. I am not religious, it sounds like you have a nice priest and you can trust him to tell you how to deal with this from a religious perspective. If you feel guilty about something that caused harm that is really hard psychologically, because you can repent but you can't undo the harm, but you didn't do any harm. This doesn't say anything whatsoever about who you are as a person. If anything it will make you a better person, people who have never felt shame in their lives can be very very unsympathetic to other people who make mistakes. Give it this significance. When you see someone publicly shamed you will always remember that all of us, all of us have secret shames. Every time this intrusive thought comes into your head, take it as a reminder to always be forgiving of other people who are sorry for something they will never do again. If you can turn it into something positive and meaningful in this way I hope it will take the pain of it away for you. You have suffered enough with it. [wupps.. this is 2 years old.. goes to show the power of a good title]
  6. Transference is a normal part of the process, right? But what if it goes from being a crush to you falling in love with him, wouldn't that be a pain? I'd much rather talk to women for that reason... who am I kidding.. I should only talk to the elderly... I can fall in love with any intelligent person under 70.
  7. Well if you are here you are probably interested in psychology so you have probably read at least some studies on rats. Sometimes those rats are bought in, bred especially to be lab rats, but sometimes they come from pet stores. Your rat was MUCH MUCH MUCH happier with you than she would have been as a lab rat (she also lived longer). As for her odd nocturnal behaviour, night is when rats are most active, she was probably playing/frolicking. Some people buy rats in pet shops to feed to their other carnivorous pets. You RESCUED her. Okay, did she live out her life in the rat-equivalant of blissful Disneyland heavenly chocolate nirvana, maybe not. But did you give her a much much happier life than most rats can expect? Yes.
  8. I don't think it's asking for a lot. I think you are worth it! See what happens. Whatever happens and however uncomfortable it is for a while, at least you have learned something important about yourself through this experience. If it doesn't work out with this guy in the long run then next time you can be monogamous from the start if that's what you want.
  9. This board is really aimed at first hand experience, it is hard to help you have any idea about someone else's psychology. Anyway, did an ordinary doctor diagnose him with depression, or a proper psychiatrist? It sounds like he might have more than depression, and so treatment for depression alone isn't helping? A lot of antidepressants take a month to start working, I wonder if he wasn't expecting them to work faster. The thing is you can't be responsible for someone else's mental health, that is really really hard even for trained professionals. So don't try to carry all this burden by yourself. And if we try to help you by proxy help him by proxy how can we be sure of helping? The safest thing to do is to try talking to a mind-doctor rather than a body-doctor, whether it is talk therapy or a psychiatrist who specialises in diagnosis and prescriptions. But that is the advice I would give him.. I don't know if it is good advice to say to you to say to him or not, he's not the one asking for help, maybe he doesn't want any...
  10. I'd love to try them but I can't get them without an ADD dx, which I can't get for the reasons mentioned above, whereas they give out antidepressants like candy. Ido, DSM 5 still has "Several inattentive or hyperactive-impulsive symptoms present prior to age 12 years" The infuriating thing is I remember that every single report I had as a child did contain something along the lines of "tends to drift" or "would work better with more concentration" but I haven't got any of them. Thanks so much for the advice and the stories guys. I could try wellbutrin (bupropion)... well there are so many! I just need to pick one, find out what it's called here.. and then remember its name for long enough to ask the doctor for it
  11. Where did you get a copy of my college notes?
  12. Parents! Am I right? You could always delete your history and passwords so they don't know which username is yours, and if they see you using the site say you'd like to study psychology one day and it is interesting to understand what people are going through. Anyway I hope you feel better, don't let worrying how your parents will feel stop you from getting help if you need it, okay?
  13. Every time I read about ADHD it is just yes.. yes.. that's me.. yes.. oh yeah that's me.. that too.. two of those... but in my country you can't get a dx without school reports from your childhood (that was decades ago! who's that organized?) and testimonials from your parents or other people who knew you as a child.. this is not possible. On the other hand I am in the middle of the longest bout of depression I remember having, and I'm tired of waiting it out. I remember reading several times about people here who, for one reason or another, couldn't take regular ADHD stimulants and so were prescribed certain anti-depressants instead. I heard effexor is good for concentration, any more? If the drug is contraindicated for people who have been known to suffer from delusions that would be good to know I tried to talk to a doctor about this before but I really felt like she didn't want to know. She said "you poor thing" in a voice I can only describe as exasperated and even sarcastic. So I'll go to someone else. I get it, she's only a doctor, she hasn't got proper training in this.. but that's who you go to in my country. I figure they'll suggest a drug and they'll be like "I'm going to give you a prescription of paroxetine, lol!" and I'll be like "ummmmm... what about venlafaxine?" or whatever. I can pretend a family member was on it because if I say some lovely people on an internet forum recommended it or i read about it on SexyDoctor4u dot com they probably won't take me seriously.
  14. I started cycling to work. I lost a bunch of weight. I've also fallen like 8 times. I think i have dyspraxia or something . I am covered in bruises. Anyway I lost weight and saved money in transport costs. On acceptance: I would say go on the "Feeling Good" diet. Where you learn about healthy food and eat that, then reward yourself every evening with one chocolate bar or whatever your favourite treat is. If you don't manage to eat well during hte day, have your nightly chocolate bar to make you feel better. No guilt. Much easier to deal with cravings because you can just look forward to that chocolate bar at 9 o clock. You gotta learn about nutrition though. The more you learn about food the easier it is to find nice ways to eat low calorie meals. Nowadays doctors are saying 7 fruit or veg a day. that's 5 veg and 2 fruit. The problem is if we just trust marketing to tell us what is healthy we will be lost, and it has a way of saving over what we learned from school or what we learned from or grandmothers. Fruit and veg don't have aggressive marketing people running campaigns for them. People trying to force their miracle diet on you will lie and omit the truth. No "diet" has ever been proven to work consistently over a long period of time. And a lot of them are just severe and dangerous forms of malnutrition. The old food pyramid diet and the new food pyramid with all the fruit and veg at the bottom and a lot less carbs have been shown to work equally well for the average person, but you will find it depends on you. I know with my body certain carbs make me bloated, so I avoid those ones. Potatos and fries for example. I hate vegetables so much, i blend them all and just drink them as fast as possible like they were cod liver oil. Some vegetables, like carrots, do need to be cooked to get all their vitamins digestible though. Everybody has a set weight that they will be at when they are eating healthy, and that usually doesn't involve looking like Kate Moss or even Marilyn Munroe. I think when you get to a place where you feel healthy it is easier to accept your body, regardless of how it might differ from what the media wants us to want. Yoga is good too. Yoga is meditation + stretching. If you find the right class it can help you accept yourself (no evidence it helps people lose weight on average, but it does seem to help people lose weight indirectly by making them more relaxed and comfortable in their bodies and mindful about what goes into it) but if you find the wrong class it is slow gymnastics and quite competitive and not so nice. It's okay to laugh at yourself, she laughs at herself too. If you are like me you will wobble a lot.. maybe fall over... And there are some fancy poses in this video but it is more important to focus on your breath and pay attention to your body and what it is feeling than to pull yourself into a position. Find what feels good.
  15. Brother of a friend died of cancer recently, wasn't even finished high school. Should have been me. 1 in 2 people born after 1960 will get cancer. So I will probably get my wish. And no one has the right to be offended, we have all lost someone to cancer, it isn't a stranger to anyone. You can't come here like you own a devastating illness and judge us as if we didn't understand what it was we were asking for.