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About WinterRosie

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    Staring down the spoils of war

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    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
  1. Anxiety is known to be a trigger for dissociation - depersonalization and derealization. The trouble, now that this has happened, is that this could happen again.
  2. I live like this too. I'm pretty sure that it's my job - to follow social norms and to make sure that we all fly under the radar, so to speak. We here also have someone here named Oracle. We just thought that that was a nice co-incidence and worthy of sharing It's really common for trauma to only show itself once it's safe enough for it to show itself, but it requires a stressor to really show itself. So no, I don't think that you're making it up, and I believe you. I also completely understand how crazy-making it feels, particularly at first when no one has been able to explain that yet. As for whether or not it comes from childhood or adulthood, no one here is qualified to tell you that. You'd have to work it out for yourself, and therapy can be a safe place to do that. In the meantime you could start a blog here and chronicle it so that you can keep track of it all, if you like. Or you could use a paper journal, or even just draw or paint if that's more your style. As for whether or not you do anything with the memories, having a safe place to explore those questions sounds pretty key for you right now. But they're each worthy of their own thread, or their own blog post where you'll get more personalized answers. For me, I used self-help books until I hit a plateau and I couldn't help myself anymore. Then I went to therapy. In my experience, though, the difference between a memory and a flashback is that flashbacks aren't metaphors. Memories can be symbolic in a way that a flashback can't.
  3. I've cut out caffeine completely; I rarely drink even tea with it. I don't drink pop, nor coffee, nor energy drinks.
  4. I have/am DID. Flashbacks and people in my head is a part of daily life for me, and has been since childhood. And part of what gave me DID was being hurt, and sometimes I was hurt badly enough that I almost died. For me, it isn't all-consuming because it's a small part of larger events. For most people, for whom it is the worst thing that they've ever experienced, it's a huge life changing event. But it isn't for me because my life had already been changed, and by the time death was near me I wanted it so badly. I'm actually a bit pissed off that I didn't die.
  5. Trauma can work that way. As can anxiety (which can come from trauma). As can all manner of physical ailments. At one point I was diagnosed with asthma; no one believed that I was being sexually abused. Now that I'm believed more, my so-called asthma has gone away. It's worth investigating because breathing is really important!
  6. Control is something that took me years to think about maybe letting go of, a little bit. And it's on an individual basis, too. Our teen still feels the need to control, even though I've relaxed it a little. I understand how counter-intuitive it all feels.
  7. Like San I don't go to the doctor often enough. I've managed to crack my heel (got hit by a lot of force at work) and I walked on it for a while until I got home... and then I couldn't put weight on it for almost a week. I figured that since there was nothing they could do for it, really, that I could just leave it alone. So I did. I cracked my shin once, also at work. I limped for four days but it gradually went away. My shin still feels bumpy and strange to run your fingers down. I tore a structure in my hip. That one sent me to the doctor. I'm too scared to get it fixed though. It aches most of the time and affects my ability to walk. I've dealt with strains and sprains and scratched corneas on my own. I wouldn't recommend screwing with your vision like that. I'm also a torture survivor. I've been electrocuted, and been badly hurt in other ways. I didn't have the opportunity to go to a doctor. Instead, I ended up crazy. Generally speaking, if you have to ask if you should go to a doctor, then generally you should go. I find it helpful to have a healthcare advocate who not only goes with me and who is authorized to speak on my behalf, but who can tell me when I should go in the first place.
  8. How did you make out?
  9. You would need stitches and possibly other medical intervention. So if you're one of those people who struggles with asking for help, this is the opposite of what you're going for.
  10. I felt like a fake even when I was purging multiple times a week, and sometimes multiple times a day. You can bet that now that I've not purged for a few years, that I still do. However, the thing with EDs is that they're measured not so much in behaviours, but in thoughts.
  11. Oh, weird. I have "status" as the top option. Alternatively you can do so from your profile page.
  12. Hi gentlelamb, I think it's awesome and wonderful that you want to support your girlfriend so much! However, we're a first-person support site. That means we're by crazy for crazy. If you girlfriend wants to post here she's more than welcome to. There are a whole lot of sites out there for supporters and loved ones of people with mental health concerns, but we're not it. The thing to know about psych meds and psychiatry is that, regardless of what the label is, the meds work. There is a whole lot of overlap between diagnosis, and the diagnosis doesn't matter very much. What matters is "do the meds work?" And if they do, then great! If not, then it's time to try something else. I'm not sure what kind of therapy she's doing, but there are lots out there that are focused on developing new skills, rather than just changing thought patterns. Maybe she'd benefit from a different modality. Anyway, I'm going to lock this thread because it's something that your girlfriend can ask and you have other options; it's also easier for her to see that she's not a bad person if she is able to ask that for herself.
  13. Poly relationships can be tricky that way, eh? The way that I, personally, go about relationship issues is to talk to them. Maybe this person can give you more attention. Or maybe now you know that you prefer monogamy. Maybe they're willing to do that with you. And maybe they aren't, which frees you to be in a relationship that's more monogamous going forward.
  14. In the header (at the top) on the right side of your screen (to the left of your profile and where you get PMs and alerts) there is something that says +Create - hit that. It'll give you the option to make a status update.
  15. I'm sorry that this is all so dysphoric for you. It's not fair that it's so hard.