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About WinterRosie

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    Staring down the spoils of war

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    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
  1. I'm not really sure what to do outside of those either. Sometimes I try journalling or making art to process how I'm feeling about it. It helps a bit at times. Sometimes distractions work, too. Usually I just end up working out because I feel stronger and less dissociated when I'm working out hard.
  2. I've been suicidal since childhood, ever since my trauma; I'm in my 30s now. For me, it's just a part of who I am. It makes sense to me that being triggered can lead to suicidal thoughts, or suicidal feelings. When I look at lists of what being triggered feels like, both suicidal ideation and suicidal acts are on that list. I'm not sure that bipolar is that predictable.
  3. It makes total sense that you need to eat far more than it feels like. It sounds like your body is in starvation mode and is desperate to hold on to whatever it can (and is doing so successfully). I read the rest too. Eating disorders are one of those things where denial is almost as strong a symptom of it as anything else. I'm not sure that I would still fall into the ednos category because I don't b/p anymore, but I used to.
  4. Maybe it doesn't matter where you start, as long as you start somewhere?
  5. Mine was specifically about trauma - so depression wasn't addressed at all. It was a week-long program by design specifically addressing SA.
  6. I was IP to focus directly on trauma. It's possible and I found it helpful.
  7. Congrats on landing an interview! I hope that you can get the new job and that it's a much better fit for you.
  8. So wrap yourself up safe in a blanket and sit somewhere quiet (corner of the kitchen, in an unused room). Make it dim to dark. I can see how Pink Floyd might be too much so go with silence if all the music is too intense. You might like natural sounds, like ocean waves or rain instead.
  9. How are you now? If it isn't too late, try to make things as soothing and comfortable for you. This might mean favourite fun movie, or episodes of a show that you love. It might mean cuddling in a blanket, or drawing, or colouring and listening to chill music or even just sounds. If it gets to be too much, go to bed and remember: it won't be like this for ever. You can even say that out loud to yourself as many times as you need.
  10. One of the things that affects me the most is how much I crave hearing my dad say that he's proud of me - which is obviously never going to happen since he's been dead for over five years. I told my mum about an accomplishment today and she told me that my dad would be proud of me! Usually my mum just insults me or puts me down in some way. It wasn't the same, but it'll do.
  11. It is a common misconception that the American first amendment applies to anything or anyone that isn't Government.
  12. In the country that I live in, which is Not-America, there is a difference codified in law between "free speech" and "hate speech." Where I live, Daily Stormer is hate speech. And so, yes it deserves to be sent into the darkwebs.
  13. Hello Sage, welcome to CB! I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond - I was canoeing through the woods for a few days. We also not only have a dissociative disorders section (my home base) but we also have a trans section, ptsd, eating disorders, etc. You can post in either as you feel comfortable, as well as other places on the boards. I will say, though, that CB uses a lot of adult language, so this is one of those places where it's best to tuck the littles away somewhere safe before posting too much. They don't deserve more exposure to "the bad stuff" as we here call it than they've already received. Also, if you have any questions or concerns now or going forward, please feel free to PM the staff member of your choice. Looking forward to seeing your posts around
  14. Akathesia is more of a risk with the older generation APs, which is one reason why newer AAPs are trialled first. The risk also goes up the higher your dosage, which is why you stop at the lowest dose that works for you.