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  • Stuff That Makes You Feel Like Crap
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Found 514 results

  1. Hello, I'm new to the boards and could use some suggestions. 15 years ago I was diagnosed by my PCP with generalized anxiety and depression. Although I've been this way as long as I could remember. My anxiety causes my depression. I originally was started on Paxil, which turned me into a zombie. Then I was on Celexa, for a number of years, as it stopped working, my dosage was upped each time until my Dr said I was at the highest dose. So she changed me to Lexapro w/ Buspar, the Lexapro worked for awhile, but I had to drop the Buspar as it made my bruxism worse when I slept. Eventually the Lexapro stopped working. I switched from my PCP to a Psychiatrist, in hopes of getting more targeted care. The first one misdiagnosed me and was insistent that I was Bipolar and prescribed me Latuda. I took it because I thought, "Well....what If he's right?" Which was a nightmare. Not only was I not able to stay awake during the day, but it put me in a manic state which I had never experienced before. I again, switched psychiatrists, this one prescribed me Wellbutrin + Zoloft. I was on it for a month. And was not feeling any relief. So she tapered me off the Zoloft. So now I'm just on the Wellbutrin. And not only is my anxiety through the roof, it makes me jittery and edgy. And the last three weeks, I've cried every day. Although the crying is over a breakup, I'm positive that my meds are not helping. throughout all of this...all of these drugs have zapped my libido. It's a catch 22. Do I want to feel normal and not have any interest in having sex? Or do I want to be anxious and depressed all the time and not feel like having sex? I've taken the GeneSight test in hopes the results would tell me what would work best...But it just breaks the drugs down by categories of Use as directed, Moderate gene-drug interaction, and Significant gene-drug interaction. In which nothing fell into the last category. I hoped that it would narrow it down so I wouldn't have to keep this trial and error up. I don't want to take anything for anxiety that I could become addicted to (Benzos). And as far as antidepressants, I'm running out of options. I've thought of trying Celexa again to see if it would work. It worked last time for 5 years before I had to increase it. It does fall into the moderate gene-drug interaction column on my report for "Genotype may impact drug mechanism of action and result in reduced efficacy." As far as antidepressants listed as suggested, I've tried Wellbutrin, which clearly isn't working. Then there's Pristiq, Fetzima, Emsam, and Vibryd. Which I have not tried yet. Any suggestions on which one I should try next? Hopefully something that doesn't make me a zombie, cause increased anxiety, or make me cry every day, or zap my entire sex drive? I know. I'm asking a lot. Also noted, I have started DBT in hopes that it will help as well. Hopefully, one day, I can be med free. (A girl can dream.)
  2. Hey there! I've been having a very difficult week. I've been on lexapro and klonopin for depression and anxiety for 3 years and the lexapro has plateaued in the last year or so, so my pdoc decided to put me on Abilify about a week ago and it has SUCKED. I'm not feeling any of the positive effects of the meds yet, which I understand because sometimes it takes a while. BUT i have been feeling a whole bunch of negatives. Theres a general brain slowness, like forming sentences and thoughts takes much longer than usual, like if my train of thought were a real train, there is now a huge parachute on the back slowing it down. The WORST side effect so far has been the derealization. I'm familiar with it as it is a side effect of my anxiety. I can't tell if it is a direct effect of the abilify or if the meds are causing more anxiety which is then causing derealization. The thing is, I haven't been feeling much more anxious than usual recently. It's like the derealization comes over me first and then the anxiety follows. Has anyone experienced this on Abilify? If so, did it go away eventually? Did you switch meds? Nothing seems real and I'm getting very very tired of it.
  3. hey there! I recently started seeing a new psychiatrist since my drug regimen of the last 3 years has plateaued and my old psych was terrible. This new doc seems to know what she's talking about and I like her. Basically my antidepressants have hit a block and feel like they've stopped working. So she suggested adding a little helper on top of what I'm already taking. Her first request was Wellbutrin, BUT when I mentioned that I use an albuterol inhaler for my asthma she said that Wellbutrin and albuterol have a bad interaction and pretty much threw out the idea of trying out Wellbutrin. She put me on 2mg Abilify instead. It's only been a week but I'm not liking the immediate side effects of Abilify that I've been experiencing and hopefully it will even out eventually. BUT in case it doesn't I want to be able to have other options. I've heard so many good things about Wellbutrin. When I tried looking up Albuterol and Wellbutrin interactions I've come up with NOTHING. even on the drug interactions checker. So my question is, has anyone ever heard of this before?? If so, what exactly is the interaction??? If nothing comes of this, I'll ask the new doc about it when I see her again in a month, but for now it's really killing me to know!
  4. I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
  5. Hey! Just started Depakote 200 mg 5 days ago. Started getting really depressed and anxious on it right away and it’s only getting worse. Anyone else experienced this? Does it get better with time? Thinking it might be a start-up side effect, but i worry it’s going to continue. A lot of drugs in the same class have made me depressed in the past. Lamotrigine, lyrica, gabapentin, trileptal...
  6. Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun? Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when............... I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that. You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote. Your turn
  7. Hello everyone. I haven't been here for awhile. I am feeling pretty bad so i am reaching out. I would appreciate any comforting words of wisdom. It'sthe same old thing :strong anxiety, think everyone hates me, feeling completely alone and abandoned, pervasive negative thoughts, certain that I will always feel this way, kind of want to die(I am not at risk for suicide). ANXIETY! I am trying to get connected with the part of me who has some perspective but so far that part does not seem available. I just really fucking hate this!
  8. Hi, I have been diagnosed with Depression and SAD. I've been on Zoloft (75mg) for 3 months now. It's okay for SAD, but it is very "numbing": I've never felt so amotivated, apathetic and indifferent. Zoloft also exacerbates my agitation. Is this normal? Will it become better? Thanks and greetings, Alfed
  9. I'm on lamotrigine 300mg and was on quetiapine 100mg but it was making my thoughts worse and my mood still wasn't great, that's an understatement, my moods are vile.. didnt help that it made me put on 5kg in 2 weeks!!! I am mostly depressed nowadays.. anyway I begged him to put me on latuda as that had less side effects and treats bipolar depression. He bluntly refused and put me on sulpiride. I don't understand how blocking my dopamine will make me happy AT ALL! please help and enlighten me.. I'm at my wits end with this medication business and I feel like just quitting it all and allowing myself to be whatever it is I am weather it's dangerous or not -_____- so confused and angry about it !
  10. My Dr recommended that I try ketamine for my depression. I have bipolar 1, anxiety and depression. I've heard of this being a street drug so I'm nervous to try it. I wondered about others experiences.
  11. I'm not suicidal, at least I don't think I am at the moment. I do have plans in place for if something goes wrong but i'm fully aware I wont act on them. But if someone were to pull a gun on me or something like that, I would most likely tip him. I'm not actively trying to kill myself, but I would not mind dying. Can anyone else relate or am I going crazy?
  12. Does anyone else have experience with Rexulti completely destroying their depression? For me, Rexulti almost had a same day anti-depressant effect and controls depressive episodes acutely and astoundingly fast. I literally feel anti-depressant effects in as little as 3 hours after I take it. When I look back to when I was on it, I now realize that I didn't have a single bout of depression during that time, it just was not super effective in controlling mania. I think Rexulti is a hell of an anti-depressant, a way improved drug than abilify with less than half the side effects, no lethargy or cognitive impairment either which is always surprising to find in an antipsychotic. I know it has an indication for adjunctive therapy in adults with MDD but none for bipolar depression... maybe Lundbeck is just waiting for close to the expiration of the patent before the release new clinical trial data and extend their patent after they get the bipolar depression indication approved, but that's just a thought. Anyone else have a similar experience with Rexulti, brexpiprazole? Please let me know about your time on the medication and if it sat well with you or not so much. Interested in if others are also getting this rapid and significant anti-depressant effect from this drug or if it's just me
  13. So I'm going to make this short and sweet for you all. Lately, I've been suffering big time with depression. I find it hard to get out of bed the past week. It's a miracle when I make it to shower. Even then it's only for like 10 minutes. I barely eat, sleep has been uneventful. It's either I wake up every few minutes or I sleep too much. There's no in-between. And I only leave the house for appointments. I know the answer may seem simple... get out of bed. But it's becoming increasingly difficult. Does anyone have any advice? Is this just me?
  14. Hello crazyboards, All of a sudden, I have been depressed over the past couple days. For a while now I have been on a path of personal growth, and trying to improve my life by continuing to make gradual changes and be a more active participant in life. A lot of the positive changes have enriched my life greatly. One of the positive changes I made, was attempting to dump my crazy ex who has proven *impossible* to get rid of. (But that is another story for another thread.) To be honest, some days are difficult. I have been going through a lot of transitions. I recently had a milestone birthday (30), I have out grown a lot of the people in my life (who are actually pretty effed up individuals under the surface), and there has been serious strain on close relationships. To try to help manage some of the stress I saw a healer for some energy work. Afterward, it seemed to help tremendously. For a solid month I was full of energy, taking excellent care of myself, and very productive. Cue two days ago, and the honeymoon phase is over. All of a sudden this silent depression started creeping in. On a surface level I feel that I have nothing to be terribly depressed about. On a deeper level, I know that my life is less than ideal. The difference, is that I am usually filled with a positive "can do" attitude about improving it. Of course, there is also the ever-present struggle with the illness which many of us can sometimes be in denial about. So for whatever reason, it happened. I got depressed. Not-sad, melancholy, hopeless, overcome with emotion,-depressed. Just depressed. I think it started when I tried to do a positive thing for myself, at which I failed. About five days ago I attempted to finally quit nicotine gum for good. I quickly realized that this simply would not be possible for me at this time in my life. Lately, I have little motivation to do anything. For about a week now, I have gone back to taking poor care of myself and eating poorly. Nothing sounds "inviting" to me when I think of fun things I could do. My emotions are dulled, yet on some level I feel this pesky throbbing ache coming from somewhere...Like as if I were getting hit with a hammer...in the heart. I am writing this thread for no other reason than to just say that depression blows....the big one. And if you are reading this and you are depressed, you are not the only one. I am going to fight it though. I am going to continue to do non-depressive things until my attitude follows my life style. In the meantime, it sucks trying to function when you are "running on empty" so to speak.
  15. Hello Comrades, I've been taking Sertraline (50mg daily) for 9 months now. Reason for taking Sertraline: Depression & SAD. Maybe some GAD. So Sertraline treats my baseline anxiety quite well, also got rid of digestion problems, but I am struggling with side effects: Motor restlessness, agitation. I've always been quite "hyperactive", but Sertraline has worsened it by a good amount. I cannot sit still, I feel I have to walk, to pace. I move my fingers and toes to "release" some of the energy. Also lots of fidgeting, rocking back and forth. I have the urge to crawl out of my skin. _ Indifference, amotivation, apathy, lethargy. I get less things done on Sertraline than before Sertraline. Just want to sit around and do nothing. It is really disconcerting, because things would happen like a major car malfunction or someone f*ck*ng me over and I'd be thinking "this SHOULD piss me off, but, meh.. whatever.."! I've been doing some reading & research and there is the hypothesis that SSRI-induced-stimulation of 5HT2C & 5HT2A receptors dampens the dopaminergic transmission in the prefrontal cortex thus causing these specific SSRI side effects. Antagonism / Inverse Agonism of these receptors should theoretically resolve the problem. What medications do antagonize / inverse agonize these receptors? Are there any other reliable theories on what is causing this? And what could help? _ Sleep disturbances, f*ck*d up sleep cycle, crappy sleep. Falling asleep is difficult, shallow sleep, waking up a lot in the night => daytime fatigue. (This week I've been sleeping a lot, maybe because the body wants to compensate for last months's bad sleep?) _ Heat intolerance + hot flashes. My entire life I've been loving warmth and heat. I was the guy who could sit at the top row in the sauna for 20min @ 100°C (212 °F), but right now I cannot even stand a mild summer. And I have been getting hot flashes lasting between 10-15 mins several times a day (I am a 29 year old male, so pretty sure it is not menopause related) _ I also lost quite a bit of weight, partially due to loss of appetite, but also due to increased metabolic rate. My appetite is back to normal, but I am still not gaining any weight. BMI 20 right now. _ Palpitations (BUM BUM BUM BUM. BUM . . . BUM . . . BUM) _ mild headaches and "pressure" in my neck. Nothing bad, but very annoying in the mid and long term. Now I don't know what to do. I need some meds with "less" side effects. I haven't tried any combination of medications yet. To my dismay my doc prefers the SSRI merry go around aka SSRI carousel. I found a new psychiatrist and I will have a first appointment in about a month, but I don't know what to suggest to him. Has anybody some experience with a similar situation? Which antidepressant would be suitable for me? If there is someone who had the same problem and found some solution: please write me. Thank you. Greetings from Germany!
  16. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  17. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  18. I have been taking my meds like I am supposed to and they do help. But for some reason, the only thing that really does the trick right now is coffee. It ups my mood, makes depression go away. It makes fatigue go away. I read a study that found that bipolar patients that drank coffee had a decreased chance of suicide compared to those that dont drink coffee. Why does coffee make me feel so good but other people it just gives them more energy? I'm ordering a mug off amazon that says "RX: Coffee." Thought it would be fitting,
  19. So basically im dead inside. I currently being emotionaly dull, i cant feel any motivation or desire to live, despite that im still doing my everyday things, going to college, working out, doing my usual duties and chores. The thing is that i have an schizoid disorder, and im very paranoid. I posted in addiction because one of the most destructive things is my addction to many things. I smoke, not weed, regular cigarettes, the thing is that my parents think that i quited smoking but i dont, i wanna quit to, i hate it, and i hate it because my parents are well known religious leaders in my town and a lot of people know them and know me, when i smoke outside im always paranoid, i dont wanna live this way, my paranoia is getting worse but i always end up smoking again because my friends smoke and i always fall but i wanna quit. If my parents get to know that i still smoke they probably stop paying my colleges fees, a lot of people know them and can snitch on me. I have this fight, i cant keep going anymore, at the same time smoking helps me cope whit my side effectos made by my antipsychotics, but they dont understand, they always judge merciless even do im an adult in my twenties. Can anyone give advice, all advice is very helpful.
  20. I’ve been dealing with major depressive disorder and anxiety for several years now. I’ve read a lot of books on psychology and neurology. But I’ve only recently started seeing a psychiatrist. I was getting prescriptions from general physicians. Currently I’m on Wellbutrin and it works great for my depression but my anxiety still shows up. I told my doctor that it feels like an under-lying current. The anxiety is constant but I keep it at bay. He prescribed me Seroquel 25mg. Today is my second day on it. I don’t think I really knew how to describe my anxiety before today because today my brain feels silent. It’s like before there was a constant negative voice, my own voice - I guess, that would always repeat any negative thought I ever had. All my doubts were vocalized by this voice. I’ve never described it as a voice before because I always associated it with just thoughts. But today those thoughts are not there. I’m calm and that’s weird. So my question is, is it really anxiety?
  21. I'm almost 30 and I'm severely depressed. I take medication, but that's not always enough. I began hurting myself in June of this year. I don't have many scars, but the ones I have are noticeable. This summer was one of the most stressful of my life. I'm embarrassed, being as old as I am, that I couldn't control my emotions. I don't think particularly highly of myself. I still live with my mom because I'm a walking shit-show. I told my mom I self harm. I cut, scratch and burn myself. I've had two therapists and both know that I do these things to myself. My current therapist thought it would be good to tell my mom...or eventually tell her. I also think about suicide a lot (at least once a day). Mom knows this and so does my therapist. I felt good about myself today, so I told Mom. I felt brave and I it seemed like a good idea at the time. I was disappointed with her reaction. She said it was a cliche thing to do...that she didn't think I was so mainstream. She said she thought my brand of "crazy" was more unique. To be honest, I don't think she believes I have a mental illness. She thinks I'm just a creative type. I am...but I'm also unwell. I don't like to whine and I don't want to have to explain myself. She's depressed too, so I don't know how she doesn't understand. She wants there to be a reason behind my moods. Sometimes there isn't. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed. I've stopped hurting myself. It's been three weeks since my last incident. I feel pretty in control of my urges, which is why I confessed. I knew Mom would think I was stupid for self-harming. She's known other people who did it so I've already heard what she really thinks about people who do it...that it's a way to get attention, it's a sign of weakness, it's unoriginal, it's stupid... Mom said she was disappointed in me, then she said she was scared because she'd missed the signals. She didn't miss them...I'm just very good at hiding things. She kind of made the conversation about her. I found myself apologizing to her and telling her it wasn't her fault. She said our relationship was based on trust and now she isn't sure she should give me my privacy. She made it sound like I took advantage of her trust. She said this was a betrayal. She thinks this means I'm much closer to suicide. I'm not...I just needed to feel something and I needed an emotional release. She said she'd respected my privacy and refrained from "delving" into my psyche. Then she said if she had delved, she'd have found this out sooner. I think she regrets trusting me. She has a tendency to leave me alone when I need help and invade when I need to be alone. Most of the time I just want someone to sit quietly with me. That helps more than anything. I've got a therapist...now I need a friend. Mom said my scars would never go away and asked if I'd considered what it would be like to explain these things to a significant other. I don't date. I haven't had a romantic relationship in almost a decade. I haven't found anyone I like. I'm picky and high maintenance. I fully admit that. I also don't give a damn what people think about my scars. I know what I did to my body. I don't need to be shamed for it. I'm proud I could handle the pain. The scars remind me that I hit some very low points and survived. They remind me I'm real. Mom said we shouldn't tell my brother. He'd panic. I don't want to tell my brother either. I'm used to hiding the worst of my problems from him. Mom is usually in favor of telling him everything. I think she doesn't want him to worry and she doesn't want him to blame her. She kind of made the situation about her and how she'd failed. I don't mean to sound selfish, but it wasn't the conversation I hoped to have. I tried to explain that I needed a little more support. I spoke quietly. I was embarrassed. She told me to stop talking so softly. She didn't want me to act or pretend. I admit I'm mellow dramatic, but I wasn't being dramatic this time. I just felt small. I don't know how to explain it. I'm depersonalized so it was easy to "zone out" after that. In the end she said she was proud of me for telling her. She took back a few of the harsher comments. She went to bed early and said she needed to think. She shut down a bit. I asked if we were ok, if our relationship was ok and she said yes. I have no idea if she meant that. I regret telling her. I promised I'd be honest from here on out, but that's just another lie. I'm done hurting myself. If I hadn't told her, she'd never know and I'd never have to hear the things she said. I love her very much and I don't mean to be ungrateful, but she's not as supportive as she thinks she is. She puts up with a lot from me and I'm tired of making her feel bad. I've got to stop telling her things. I keep thinking I should be honest, but it always backfires and I end up feeling worse. I can't keep my mouth shut. I always think it's better for our relationship to be honest, but it isn't. My scars were mine. Now they're not. I hate that so much. I'm so embarrassed. I need a support system and I hate that I need anything. I wish I had someone in my life I could be honest with. I can't tell my brother these things without breaking his heart. I can't tell my mom without her blaming herself. Telling my therapist is nice, but it's not quite enough. It's not terribly personal. I feel so alone and so stupid and somehow still feel completely blank and empty. I shouldn't have told her. I should have kept my big mouth shut. It was a secret and it was mine. I gave it away for nothing. I don't even know what I wanted or expected. I'm an idiot. I'm ultimately happier alone. I don't know why I long for someone to understand. I'm not terribly gregarious and I don't like talking to other people. I certainly don't want to burden anyone with my problems. Logically, I know I should be able to handle this on my own without someone holding my hand like I'm a child. I'm not helpless. I'm not needy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading.
  22. I started Abilify 2mg on Monday to try as an adjunct treatment to Wellbutrin XL 450mg. Since Monday night, I have had a headache that has not stopped, although it seems to be at it's worst maybe 6-10 hours after I've taken my meds. It only occurred to me today that my headache might be a side effect of Abilify and I wanted to hear if anyone had similar experiences or not, and if you did if it cleared up or not Edit to add: I've also been experiencing intense nausea, with fits of gagging and retching and I did throw up a little on Tuesday night, and a complete lack of appetite as well the last few days.
  23. Hey y’all thanks in advance for the help. So i have bpd and for a strange reason i am absolutely obsessed with getting hurt so i have to go to the hospital. I don’t understand it maybe one of you guys do?
  24. Researching TCA's because it may be something I will bring up to pdoc. I have only tried 1 (Nortryptaline). Does anyone know how to choose a TCA by the "binding profiles?" Like for example if someone wants something less sedating with little potential for weight gain, which TCA would be better?
  25. I need help.im 15 and my birthday is in January.I have a medical Condition that effects my skin and it just cleared up and is getting so much better so I decided to go to a party with my aunt, my 3 cousins and Mum. My mum leaves early so I stay with my aunt and cousin. I had a great time it was my first party in like 2 years I felt like a normal teenager again. So that night everything was fine until the next morning. I decided that maybe I should stay there for one more night because we were still having fun and chilling but my mum didn’t like that. My mum is on medication for her emotions , you can never tell what she is going to do her emotions can switch in a second. Okay back to the story. So I try some of my cousins cream for my face because I don’t have mine and my mum said she wouldn’t bring it to me. My face went all red but I knew how to handle it but we still phoned my mum to ask her to bring up my cream that is medicated. So she brought it up to my aunts and just started shouting at me and wouldn’t stop going on and on at me. I almost felt like crying. As she was about to leave I told her I would phone her later but she told me not to bother and walked out.So when she went home my family was shocked at how angry she was. I let my frustrations out to my family and told them things about my Mum. (Just to let you know I am very depressed and go to a therapist but my Mum doesn’t like me to talk about her to my therapist so I don’t because she’s scary). Me and my cousin were watching a movie after being on our phones for a while so I sat my phone on charge and put it on silent so it wouldn’t disrupt us. The movie is a bout half way through and my mum phones my eldest cousins phone. She gets really mad and asks why I didn’t answer and I told her why but she sounded furious. After the phone call I check my phone and I only had two missed calls surely my mum can’t get mad at that and it’s not like I’m out somewhere dangerous I’m just with my cousins. I didn’t phone her back that night because she told me earlier when she visited not to phone her. Then I got a text saying what time she would pick me up at in the morning. Me and my cousins went to sleep but I kept my phone next to me so I would hear the alarm as I am a very heavy sleeper. So I got up the next day when my alarm went of and put my phone on charge while I got changed in a different room. After I got changed my aunt handed me the phone oh was my mum asking why I didn’t answer my phone so once again I tried to explain but she just got mad and hung up. I found this weird because my mum always moans that I never go out and I’m always in the house so I didn’t understand her paranoia of me being at my aunts. My mum shouted at me as soon as I got on the car. Once we got to the house she started screaming calling me a disappointment and many other hurtful things. I went to my room to get changed and cried a lot bit my mum made me sit in the living room with her. I was still a mess at this point. I couldn’t stop crying. She kept telling me to shut up and stop crying getting really angry. She stared saying things like you’ve embarrassed me and are a disappointment. It was very hurtful. I done nothing bad enough to get this treatment. I kept on saying I was sorry and I won’t do it again. She got angry and told me I’m not staying over at anyone’s again. She was acting like I was a criminal. She was saying things like if I want to act grown up then I can do everything for my self from not on and how she’s giving up on me. This really got to me I’m at the hospital a lot and I am also at therapy for depression and other things. She also kept on mentioning on how she’s my mother other things like that. I’ve tried to apologise loads but not once has she ever took my apologies into consideration. She honestly scares me so much. She always gets mad really easily and I’m always on edge. She has never physically abused me but mentally im almost dead. I’m now still crying and I am having really bad thoughts about how to let the pain out and that’s different to me because I’ve never thought this deeply about something like that before, I’ve never acctually wanted to do damage like this to myself before. I feel so ashamed. I really hate myself right now.What should I do?