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Found 504 results

  1. I wish I had never been placed on it adjunctively for depression/anxiety. I was first embarrassed because it is classified as an antipsychotic. I was on the lowest dose for a few months. I gain about 15 pounds. I haven't been able to return to my pre-abilify weight. So frustrating.
  2. Can anyone tell me what you take that has treated bipolar depression. I’m too scared to even touch an antidepressant with my history. I can’t get out of depression. When I think of my life since this illness onset I can only think of a handful of healthy times when I wasn’t at least mildly depressed. I am fighting so dam hard, and this is it. I have time off. I’m about to start getting short term disability and I’ll have at least 6 months to tinker with meds. I’ve already been tinkering with them for over a year and nothing is working for depression. i thought lamictal would do it this time but it’s making me worse. im desperate. I’m going to seriously look into Latuda with my pdoc but yes I am concerned about anxiety. I do have a goal to get off the .5 klonopin over the next several months. Maybe that is unrealistic or impossible.
  3. So far this year, I think I've missed 17 days of work. There was a time I missed four days of work in January. I wasn't on medication at the time. I just had a hard time finding a new psych doctor until a few weeks ago (prescribed 20 mg of Latuda). I would just wake up and sometimes if it was raining, just decide I wasn't going to work. I just didn't care if I got fired or not. There were even days that I didn't get paid for. How about coming home with only $200.00? Despite this, I would continue missing work. I would make every excuse in the book. Thankfully I didn't get fired. The depression started around January after having a period of hypomania. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011. I have these episodes generally in the Spring & Fall for some odd reason. Then I'm good to no one, but behave much better, just depressed, have no motivation to get off the couch. I haven't missed a large amount of time from work since 2016 (out of work for longer than a month twice that year). Since taking Latuda, I felt a difference almost immediately, starting sleeping for the full night. I'm hoping this medication works well especially since my co-pay was $175.00. This month, I haven't missed one day of work (knock on wood) and rarely have been late. Trying to become reliable again at work. Anyone else missed work? What worked for you?
  4. Apologies if this sounds a trivial issue but it's something causing me daily anxiety&blame and also something that puzzles the hell out of me. Why is taking a shower so damned hard? I can do other morning "chores" e.g. make breakfast, get dressed, brush my teeth relatively easily. Plus I know that showering : feels really good is necessary is actually enjoyable only takes minutes etc. I've tried various CBT techniques e.g. rate perceived v.s. actual difficulty, list pro's and con's and so on to no avail. The best I can come up with is "don't think about it, just do it", which a) is lame and b) doesn't alleviate the procrastination or anxiety much. Anyone else? Any tips? Thanks in advance, Pete
  5. I just turned 30 last November. Seems like all life does anymore is pass me by. I've dealt with severe anxiety and depression for the better part of the last 2 decades, and before that, ADHD as a child. I have tried every medicine under the sun, including experimental ones like ketamine and such. I've done ECT treatments, hundreds of therapy sessions and group therapies. The doctors switched my diagnosis from bipolar, to severe GAD, to borderline personality disorder, back to GAD, many times, and I'm not even sure what the current one thinks I am. I mostly sit there staring into space when I'm in his office. I have no hope or will left in me anymore. I haven't truly felt suicidal since 2009, which is when I had two suicide attempts, but I'm beginning to be okay with dying again. 2 years ago, I lost the love of my life and since then this hole inside me has become larger than ever. We were together for 6.5 years, and it was the most fulfilling, joyous years of my life. Now I'm at the point where feeling sad is a relief, because I mostly feel nothing. I rarely feel anything anymore besides resentment and anger because I know I should be feeling but I'm not. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, I remain empty inside. I'm so apathetic and detached from the world and the people in it, including friends and family. I isolate myself, turn my phone off for weeks at a time even. I just don't care anymore. I struggled with this beast before I met the love of my life, but she filled me with something that medicines and doctors never could. LOVE. It was like a breath of fresh air, with the sun on my face. Blissful, peaceful. I love her every moment of every day, and I know without her I won't make it. She's the reason I stopped feeling suicidal in 2009. That's the year we met, coincidentally in ECT therapy. We were both in the same waiting room. It's funny, we wouldn't remember each others' names or that we had started making plans to see each other outside of therapy. We were like kids in the recovery room, sitting on our hospital gurneys kicking our feet, sipping on those juice boxes they give you after they electrocute ya, completely nonjudgmental, embracing each others' company. Our mothers had to help us out hahaha. Our memory and attentions spans at the time were hilariously short. My mother would drive me to go see her, and I would forget who I was going to see on the way there. Her mother would remind her to get ready because she had company coming over but she would always forget who was coming to see her. But we would always remember when we saw each other, and we would embrace each other with the biggest hugs. It was like seeing each other for the first time, every time while we were still having ECT treatments, except we knew each other. Hard to explain. I'm simplifying everything but I truly have not ever felt something so strong and amazing, that attraction that soulmates share, if you believe in such things. I've tried dating (if you can even call it that) and talking to girls since I lost her but nothing makes me care. Sex is meaningless, conversations are meaningless...doesn't matter who's talking to me, or how much they're into me, they aren't her. They'll never be her. I just space out and imagine how comfy my sanctuary is where I can lay back with my feet on my soft carpeting and just rest. That's all I ever want to do anymore, just rest. Be as close to 'at peace' as I can. Life never had much sway over me, and now that I'm without 'her'...I'm so close to the final exit. It sucks because this could have all been avoided. I used to drink alcohol, A LOT. I even went to rehab for it, and stayed clean since then with a few hiccups/reminders not to drink. Alcohol never mixed well with me, and caused more problems than she could put up with. I hate myself for not seeing clearly quicker. For not listening to her. And so here I am, a broken being writing on this forum not because I seek help but because I just feel like I should put a brief summary of my story out there. I apologize if any of you were here looking for answers. I see many other souls in pain here too, which inspired me to share. It's nice knowing we aren't completely alone.
  6. I’m wondering when most people take Prozac. I’ve been taking mine at night before bed and going to sleep but if it would work better in the morning I would like to know. Can you share your experience with Prozac please?
  7. New here. Diagnosed major depression. After my last hospitalization I started to feel anxious around my child and I feel horrible. I'm at an assisted living house and get to visit every weekend. Going to see my son creates so much anxiety and I develop this lump in my throat that won't go away. It's not like my child misbehaves or anything. He is on the spectrum and I don't know how to just simply play with him because as a teacher it has always been somewhat structured. I feel horrible for feeling anxiety over my own son.
  8. I bought a bottle of CBD water soluble solution to help with anxiety, but I think I suffer more with depression currently. Any others out there trying just about anything for help? I'm even considering getting a medical marijuana card and some marijuana for my depression and lack of motivation here in Florida. The process isn't cheap though and I don't want to bother unless I can hear from some trusted folks that it can help. I am first trying the CBD oil since it is legal due to not containing any THC. I would be interested in a discussion on these topics. I am surprised these aren't already topics here. I am at my wits end trying to find a fucking AD that works.
  9. I'm a better person when I'm drunk. I know this isn't a good way to think but it's probably true. The reason is that I can't stand myself when I'm sober, and in order to be able to offer anything to another person you need to believe that you have something to offer. One of the main reasons for hating myself is the depression and the life it's made me lead. Self harm scars and the countless times I've thought about killing myself. It's always been a part of me but it's a part that I don't want to accept. But shutting out a part of yourself makes you feel like you aren't a real person, and you can't just shut out the bad, it's all or nothing and if you shut yourself off from misery then you also shut yourself off from happiness. Self acceptance and self compassion have always sounded like good ideas. Here's a story. When I was very young I started cutting myself and my parents eventually found out. Not the best response from them. Didn't stop cutting but learnt that I'm a freak and no-one will understand or love me for being this way. If your parents won't offer you kindness and compassion then why would anyone else? Oh poor little me. But it set a pattern. It's wrong to feel like this and no-one will love you if you do. I'm older now and I realise how shit my parents were, but I can't say that I've got over this feeling. Release the drunken Kraken! When me and the monster are drunk enough we can get along and I can feel like a complete human being for a while. I'm sure that many people have had much more traumatic lives than me, but there's so much that I don't want to remember.
  10. I’ve been dealing with an episode of anxiety and depression since the beginning of January. Despite having had some similar episodes in the early 2000s, I was anxiety and depression free from 2008 until January. I have increase my Paxil dose to 40mg (I was on 30mg for the last 10 years) and I’ve added Lamictal. Just gotten up to the 100 mg range 3 days ago, so hopefully I will balance out soon! In my quest to feel better and get my life back on track, I started researching additional options and came across TMS. I had a consultation and managed to convince my insurance to cover 36 visits (yay!). I had my first visit to get set up on March 5th and then went on vacation. I felt quite a bit better throughout March so I decided to delay starting TMS. Unfortunately the anxiety and depression has returned. I start TMS on Monday. They only had one appointment for me next week, though they said they’ll probably get some cancellations, but I’d love to hear from anyone who’s done this and who can share their experience. I’m not afraid of the treatment, just that it won’t help. Did you go 5 days a week? My doctor says between 2 and 3 days a week will have the same effect. I’ve read some stories on here, but they’re all a couple years old, so I’m hoping for some more recent accounts. Thank you in advance!!
  11. In January of this year I woke up with a panic attack completely out of the blue. Despite several episodes of anxiety and depression in my 20s, my last episode was back in 2008! At that time I went through a year or so of therapy, committed to staying on 30mg of Paxil, and I never looked back. I honestly would have said I was cured! The panic attack led to a period of anxiety that lasted right through February. I upped the Paxil to 40mg and worked with a psychiatrist who suggested adding Lamictal. We started at 25mg for 2 weeks, 50mg for 2 weeks, and then 75mg. I started noticing a positive difference at about a week on 75mg. A few days later, the anxiety and depression just lifted! It was like I had my life back. For nearly a month I felt great, and believed the Lamictal must have made the difference. Unfortunately, it didn't last. About a week ago something minor triggered anxiety in me, and again it has lasted! My psychiatrist recommended going up to 100mg of Lamictal, so I started that two days ago. My question is, does lamictal work and then wear off if it's not at the right level? Has anyone had success with an SSRI and lamictal for anxiety and depression, not related to bipolar disorder? Can anyone offer advice on how to keep the faith with these medication changes, or how to overcome anxiety? Looking for others who get it, and want to help!
  12. This is my first time writing but I need help from someone I don’t know and doesn’t know me. I feel like giving up on life, I want to cry all the time and just everything is just suffocating me. I’m faking smiles and happiness when I’m struggling to feel any emotions. I feel so god damn empty!! But I’m not suicidal and I never think about it. I’ve never done self harm and I’ve never taken up the offer. I feel like everyone has something in there life that they can love. I don’t. I know this isn’t for everyone but I feel like it. From people having that special someone, that thing they love to do or something that makes them feel safe. For me I don’t have anything like that and I haven’t really enjoyed anything in a long time. I feel so empty. I don’t feel safe anymore and I’m scared of the dark. It makes me jumpy and gives a feeling like I’m being watched. I know it sounds stupid but I’m a teenager and I just... can’t. i haven’t talked to anyone about this and I just don’t want people swarming me about it. I feel like my life’s a mess. I feel like I don’t belong. I feel like where I am isn’t where I should be. I don’t know if I’m depressed. But I know I need help but death will never be something I consider. It scares me. If anyone else feels anything similar please talk to me or if you have any advice. I feel like I’m suffocating.
  13. Bonjour y'all. I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here. So, into the breach of introductions... I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care for my two magnificent children, one of whom is a tri-lingual, fencing super-nerd and the youngest of whom is the closest thing to a literal angel that I will ever know. I know.. Im biased but I don't lie! My youngest (5) is also a soldier in the battle against unwonted, rare disease called Mitochondrial Complex III Deficiency. She is not expected to survive adolescence. I share this information to promote awareness of her affliction and to give some glimpse into the muti-faceted gem of shit luck that contributes greatly to my episodes of mental illness exacerbations. Diagnosed borderline, major depressive disorder, schizoaffectve with just a dash of PTSD and DID to keep it fun. I did not seek help until the peak of my schizoaffective emergence, during which I attempted twice within a year. I've been off and on the pharmacopia and onlythis year did I see a counselor. Now, because I'm swimming in medical bills for prescription meds, supplements (that insurance sure as shit won't cover), shitty cars, doctors appointments, genetic tests....yeah, I'm broke as fuck and I am on Medicaid. The great state of Louisiana is kind of a clusterfuck of bad doctors, limited mental health resources, and waiting lists that last over 6 months....so my mental health options are severly restricted. So I'm finally deciding to say hi to all of you in the hopes that we can aquaint ourselves and, hopefully, I can find some sense of community because no one in Jesus country is really open to talking about mental illness unless its to call MI the side-effect of demonic possession. So howdy y'all!
  14. Anyone here around the age of 40 and feeling totally isolated because everyone else your age has kids/families? My 20's were so different - you have college, parties, going out, other singles at work to meet and it's still considered OK to live with your parents. Your 30's are a time where you still have opportunities to go out, meet new people, socialize in groups, but people begin to disperse... All of the sudden, when I hit about 37, i looked around and realized all of my friends were having the 2nd kid and they stopped going anywhere (away from their home or mommy groups). They moved far away in the suburbs and stopped replying to any of my emails. Does anyone here often worry about being old and alone? Parents getting old & having health issues. Your own declining health and no one around to check on you..to call or see you to make sure you are alive? Even though we spend alot of time at work, often people don't really socialize about anything personal, and then everyone goes home to families....I am starting to panic because my parents are both beginning to have severe health issues. I am very emotionally attached to them (they are the only people I have that really understand me, love me and try to help me right now) My parents are all I have. Who do you talk to other than your spouse? or maybe coworkers? I'm feeling increasingly isolated because everyone I know/meet over the age of 35 is having babies or adding to their tight family unit. And women with families & young kids do not socialize or spend time with people that do not have kids. It's like the "Haves" versus the "Have Nots" I guess I wouldn't care so much if I had a great career or engaging hobbies that I loved. I feel like more than anything I want a few people in my life (in real life) that really know me, understand me and can provide emotional support, maybe some genuine interaction and laughter once in awhile. Who do you have to count on? I can't seem to generate my own happiness for the life of me. Maybe I'm too needy?
  15. Hello, I'm new to the boards and could use some suggestions. 15 years ago I was diagnosed by my PCP with generalized anxiety and depression. Although I've been this way as long as I could remember. My anxiety causes my depression. I originally was started on Paxil, which turned me into a zombie. Then I was on Celexa, for a number of years, as it stopped working, my dosage was upped each time until my Dr said I was at the highest dose. So she changed me to Lexapro w/ Buspar, the Lexapro worked for awhile, but I had to drop the Buspar as it made my bruxism worse when I slept. Eventually the Lexapro stopped working. I switched from my PCP to a Psychiatrist, in hopes of getting more targeted care. The first one misdiagnosed me and was insistent that I was Bipolar and prescribed me Latuda. I took it because I thought, "Well....what If he's right?" Which was a nightmare. Not only was I not able to stay awake during the day, but it put me in a manic state which I had never experienced before. I again, switched psychiatrists, this one prescribed me Wellbutrin + Zoloft. I was on it for a month. And was not feeling any relief. So she tapered me off the Zoloft. So now I'm just on the Wellbutrin. And not only is my anxiety through the roof, it makes me jittery and edgy. And the last three weeks, I've cried every day. Although the crying is over a breakup, I'm positive that my meds are not helping. throughout all of this...all of these drugs have zapped my libido. It's a catch 22. Do I want to feel normal and not have any interest in having sex? Or do I want to be anxious and depressed all the time and not feel like having sex? I've taken the GeneSight test in hopes the results would tell me what would work best...But it just breaks the drugs down by categories of Use as directed, Moderate gene-drug interaction, and Significant gene-drug interaction. In which nothing fell into the last category. I hoped that it would narrow it down so I wouldn't have to keep this trial and error up. I don't want to take anything for anxiety that I could become addicted to (Benzos). And as far as antidepressants, I'm running out of options. I've thought of trying Celexa again to see if it would work. It worked last time for 5 years before I had to increase it. It does fall into the moderate gene-drug interaction column on my report for "Genotype may impact drug mechanism of action and result in reduced efficacy." As far as antidepressants listed as suggested, I've tried Wellbutrin, which clearly isn't working. Then there's Pristiq, Fetzima, Emsam, and Vibryd. Which I have not tried yet. Any suggestions on which one I should try next? Hopefully something that doesn't make me a zombie, cause increased anxiety, or make me cry every day, or zap my entire sex drive? I know. I'm asking a lot. Also noted, I have started DBT in hopes that it will help as well. Hopefully, one day, I can be med free. (A girl can dream.)
  16. Hey there! I've been having a very difficult week. I've been on lexapro and klonopin for depression and anxiety for 3 years and the lexapro has plateaued in the last year or so, so my pdoc decided to put me on Abilify about a week ago and it has SUCKED. I'm not feeling any of the positive effects of the meds yet, which I understand because sometimes it takes a while. BUT i have been feeling a whole bunch of negatives. Theres a general brain slowness, like forming sentences and thoughts takes much longer than usual, like if my train of thought were a real train, there is now a huge parachute on the back slowing it down. The WORST side effect so far has been the derealization. I'm familiar with it as it is a side effect of my anxiety. I can't tell if it is a direct effect of the abilify or if the meds are causing more anxiety which is then causing derealization. The thing is, I haven't been feeling much more anxious than usual recently. It's like the derealization comes over me first and then the anxiety follows. Has anyone experienced this on Abilify? If so, did it go away eventually? Did you switch meds? Nothing seems real and I'm getting very very tired of it.
  17. hey there! I recently started seeing a new psychiatrist since my drug regimen of the last 3 years has plateaued and my old psych was terrible. This new doc seems to know what she's talking about and I like her. Basically my antidepressants have hit a block and feel like they've stopped working. So she suggested adding a little helper on top of what I'm already taking. Her first request was Wellbutrin, BUT when I mentioned that I use an albuterol inhaler for my asthma she said that Wellbutrin and albuterol have a bad interaction and pretty much threw out the idea of trying out Wellbutrin. She put me on 2mg Abilify instead. It's only been a week but I'm not liking the immediate side effects of Abilify that I've been experiencing and hopefully it will even out eventually. BUT in case it doesn't I want to be able to have other options. I've heard so many good things about Wellbutrin. When I tried looking up Albuterol and Wellbutrin interactions I've come up with NOTHING. even on the drug interactions checker. So my question is, has anyone ever heard of this before?? If so, what exactly is the interaction??? If nothing comes of this, I'll ask the new doc about it when I see her again in a month, but for now it's really killing me to know!
  18. I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
  19. Hey! Just started Depakote 200 mg 5 days ago. Started getting really depressed and anxious on it right away and it’s only getting worse. Anyone else experienced this? Does it get better with time? Thinking it might be a start-up side effect, but i worry it’s going to continue. A lot of drugs in the same class have made me depressed in the past. Lamotrigine, lyrica, gabapentin, trileptal...
  20. Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun? Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when............... I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that. You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote. Your turn
  21. Hello everyone. I haven't been here for awhile. I am feeling pretty bad so i am reaching out. I would appreciate any comforting words of wisdom. It'sthe same old thing :strong anxiety, think everyone hates me, feeling completely alone and abandoned, pervasive negative thoughts, certain that I will always feel this way, kind of want to die(I am not at risk for suicide). ANXIETY! I am trying to get connected with the part of me who has some perspective but so far that part does not seem available. I just really fucking hate this!
  22. Hi, I have been diagnosed with Depression and SAD. I've been on Zoloft (75mg) for 3 months now. It's okay for SAD, but it is very "numbing": I've never felt so amotivated, apathetic and indifferent. Zoloft also exacerbates my agitation. Is this normal? Will it become better? Thanks and greetings, Alfed
  23. I'm on lamotrigine 300mg and was on quetiapine 100mg but it was making my thoughts worse and my mood still wasn't great, that's an understatement, my moods are vile.. didnt help that it made me put on 5kg in 2 weeks!!! I am mostly depressed nowadays.. anyway I begged him to put me on latuda as that had less side effects and treats bipolar depression. He bluntly refused and put me on sulpiride. I don't understand how blocking my dopamine will make me happy AT ALL! please help and enlighten me.. I'm at my wits end with this medication business and I feel like just quitting it all and allowing myself to be whatever it is I am weather it's dangerous or not -_____- so confused and angry about it !
  24. My Dr recommended that I try ketamine for my depression. I have bipolar 1, anxiety and depression. I've heard of this being a street drug so I'm nervous to try it. I wondered about others experiences.
  25. I'm not suicidal, at least I don't think I am at the moment. I do have plans in place for if something goes wrong but i'm fully aware I wont act on them. But if someone were to pull a gun on me or something like that, I would most likely tip him. I'm not actively trying to kill myself, but I would not mind dying. Can anyone else relate or am I going crazy?
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