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Hello there, So I'm getting evaluated for Bipolar disorder on Thursday and during this waiting period, I thought I'd do some in depth research on the disorder. I'm 98% sure I'm going to get diagnosed with Bipolar II or Bipolar NOS (due to how rapid my cycles sometimes are), and since I'm on an antidepressant right now, I needed to see what meds Bipolar folk usually take. That's when I found out about mood stabilizers and all the ugly side effects that come along with them. To be honest, I'm scared to try any of them with everything that I've read. I just need an antidepressant to keep me out of the depression I get. The hypomanic episodes I get aren't that bad. I'm not driving recklessly, I can control my shopping sprees and irresponsible flirting if I try, and the hypomanic moods keep me peppy at work. Who wouldn't want that??? ...If it weren't for just how low those depressive episodes of mine get, I'd scrap the idea of meds altogether, but I can't. Without meds, I can't get out of bed (though my current meds hardly help that, now that I think about it), I'm emotionless or sad all of the time, I isolate, and I sometimes start to contemplate whether the world would be better off without me. It's really awful... but with the plethora of mood stabilizer side effects, is it even really worth it to try with those? I guess only my psychiatrist would know the answer to that (I question her judgement sometimes, though, since she tried putting me on an antidepressant again that previously made me suicidal the last time I needed to switch meds), but I thought I'd ask you guys: Do you think you're better off with / without mood stabilizers? And why or why not?
pixiestarr posted a topic in Bipolar Spectrum Disorder - The Pole DanceI hadn't had issues in so long I was convinced it was just a shitty childhood chalked up to not so great parents, and bad choices in friends. Life was so good for so long I honestly believed I was normal. then THIS SHIT hit out of the blue 1.5 yrs ago for no reason. I have 2 little kids. I should be enjoying them. I try, I honestly try my hardest. I really honestly do. But right now, Im sitting in the corner choking back tears that have been on the verge of falling ALL DAY while they watch another episode of ninja turtles. I should be playing in the floor with them, or making all sorts of Christmas crafts with them. I cant help but think Im failing them and becoming another not so great parent myself because of "THIS" I used to be better. I was. I still remember being a better mother. And some days I can be that mom, but not near as much as I wish I could. DAMN THIS. I cant live with this fucking shit every damn day. where the hell did it come from and why the hell did it think it could just walk right in and make itself home here with me? It has come in and robbed me of my love for my husband. Makes me feel like leaving my perfectly good loving husband. Makes me doubt my abilities to be a good mother. Sucks my motivations to do just about anything. Then gives me a brief few day window that things are looking good. to suck it away again. UGHHHH.. Some days im so irritable, im irritated at myself. Im so angry, Im angry at the world. Im so depressed, I dont want to go on(thankfully my babies keep me going) So anxious, i could crawl out of my own skin. Then some days I could sing from the rooftops, I have the patience of a saint, Im super bubbly. Days in between are mostly just blah Unfortunately even on good days i still have lingering feelings in the back of my head of leaving my husband. Not like divorce. I don't want that at all, cause he is an amazing father and husband despite my feelings. Just want to move in with my parents for awhile or something which is weird.... I just wish this all would go away.