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Found 418 results

  1. My new therapist recommended another therapist that deals with PTSD and other issues. PTSD because of loss of many family members. I mentioned to her that I can't recall many memories from my past, let alone a few weeks ago like general conversations. I can't even remember the first time holding either of my daughters. My parents fought a lot when I was younger. I know that it happened, even physical fighting, but can't remember in detail. Willing to pay whatever the cost to find out why I am the way that I am including taking expensive Latuda. Has anyone had a breakthrough with dealing with their bipolar and depression? Anyone ever get some answers from a professional? I'm worried that if I don't tackle these issues now, how can I be a better parent, a better person or even consider marriage? My boyfriend thankfully is very supportive, but doesn't live with me. I'm tired of the days that I wish my life was over when I am truly blessed or times that I feel my life has slipped on by without any progress.
  2. So far this year, I think I've missed 17 days of work. There was a time I missed four days of work in January. I wasn't on medication at the time. I just had a hard time finding a new psych doctor until a few weeks ago (prescribed 20 mg of Latuda). I would just wake up and sometimes if it was raining, just decide I wasn't going to work. I just didn't care if I got fired or not. There were even days that I didn't get paid for. How about coming home with only $200.00? Despite this, I would continue missing work. I would make every excuse in the book. Thankfully I didn't get fired. The depression started around January after having a period of hypomania. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2011. I have these episodes generally in the Spring & Fall for some odd reason. Then I'm good to no one, but behave much better, just depressed, have no motivation to get off the couch. I haven't missed a large amount of time from work since 2016 (out of work for longer than a month twice that year). Since taking Latuda, I felt a difference almost immediately, starting sleeping for the full night. I'm hoping this medication works well especially since my co-pay was $175.00. This month, I haven't missed one day of work (knock on wood) and rarely have been late. Trying to become reliable again at work. Anyone else missed work? What worked for you?
  3. First time posting but I need some help. I am on 800mg of Seroquel and have been for over three years. I went from 110lbs to 200lbs in those years. This is the only medication to help me. I heard that tapering down can improve weight loss but I currently dont have insurance and moved to a new state so no pdoc. Is it really impossible to lose the weight I've gained? I just got a gym membership and a bike. I'm just really miserable with this weight but dont have many options when it comes to changing meds.
  4. Hello again.

    Hello again friends. It has been a few years. I was HaloGirl66. Or IndyMode. I can't remember. But I re-registered because I couldn't recover my old user info. I've had severe insomnia, ADHD, GAD & Migraines for years and am now going through a bipolar diagnosis. So hello again. -Mandy
  5. I've been in therapy for 5 years. Also medicated. I have a good job. I have a supportive husband. I have a home. But years of abuse and insanity still get the better of me sometimes and I feel like I don't deserve anything good, or that people will "find out" that I am a horrible person (I have bad elements and good), and I still have days/weeks. when I am extremely self destructive. The current incarnation is that (a) I am fighting dwindling self consciousnes and social awkwardness, - all part of myregular repertoire - but now (b) for no reason whatsoever I am fighting against the development of an eating disorder, which is a new development in my crazy. I am in my late forties. WTH, brain? WHY? Why do I do this to myself?
  6. I’m back. I think the last time I posted I was just getting adjusted to tegretol. Well, it’s been a trip through hell and back, but I’m here. I landed at a new pdoc last September after I transferred with my company and couldn’t find a pdoc soon enough to refill my klonopin. Yes, klonopin, the worst drug ever. I went to the hospital, got a pdoc appointment the next day & so began the hell of being prescribed the wrong meds and trusting a doctor that seemed more concerned about billing as many patients as possible than helping people recover. I was in a depersonalized state when this started, but I didn’t know what it was. My dr put me on 400 mg tegretol and 1 mg klonopin. I instantly turned into a hungry zombie. Slowly the zombie fog lifted then autoimmune symptoms cropped up. Hair was falling out in clumps and handfuls. Skin was cracking and bleeding. Eczema everywhere. Dermatologist misdiagnosed me with dermatomyositis which scared me to death. I was told I may have lupus. No energy. Legs bleeding from scratching. And my 5 minute a session once a month pdoc kept me on tegretol and added 150mg lithium for depression. He transferred me to his private IOP. That was a cluster. The secretary was screwing up my appointments. I’d go and wait for counseling but the counselor was over booked so three hours later, I’d leave without seeing the counselor. The counselor made everything worse because she kept trying to get me to dig around my past trauma (which FYI every human being has), and it only made my anxiety and depersonalization worse. On all these meds I was rapid cycling, working very scattered and confused, taking on side work, becoming hypomanic and committing to something only to have panic attacks and flee. Finally, after the IOP secretary gave me a card with an appointment date for two weeks later than she actually wrote on the calendar, I had to wait two more weeks to see my pdoc...yeah, that was the last straw. I finally reached out to trusted friends with connections from their nursing jobs to get an appointment with a well respected pdoc. I just saw him. Keep in mind the past two weeks I’ve been rapid cycling and depersonalized and riddled with panic. I stopped taking tegretol and lithium because I just got worse. Oh did I mention last pdoc put me on doxepin for sleep? Wtf. It made me feel like a drugged, dirt hangover crawling out of my skin. Pdocs-stop giving rapid cycling bipolar patients antidepressants!! so here I am. Just saw new pdoc. He prescribed 25mg seroquel to sleep and stop random paranoia when I’m hypo. Gabapebtin at my request to heal my broken brain. Started on lamictal again which actually works for me and kept me on .5mg of klonopin. I’m seeing him once a week until we get me stabilized and ready to wean off klonopin. He instantly said my dizziness, confusion, scattered thinking, and dream like experiences were dissociation caused by severe anxiety and I’m highly sensitive and react paradoxically to medication. also, his office was very calming. I was the only patient there and when I left, another walked in. He saw me for over 30 minutes. my last pdoc literally had over 100 patients in his waiting room at all times. Standing room only. Lines around the corner to pay copays. Then he ran the IOP and would see 50 plus patients a night and also did rounds at a local hospital. Oh and he drove a 150k Mercedes. Hmm. all in all, I’m here. Seroquel knocked me out. I freaked myself out last night because I woke up around 3 am and my leg and arm were stiff in the air. Like I tried to get out of bed and just fell asleep again. I do like gabapebtin so far. Lamictal is fine I just need to titrate up. in all of this I’m concerned about my job. I’m an architect and the pressure cracked me up. Also, I’ve worked hard for years to fix my finances and buy a house. Of course, I finally did it and close on my house in a week. Great time to have a nervous breakdown. Because that’s what happened. My brain and central nervous system are fried and I just want to feel normal.
  7. I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
  8. Hey! Just started Depakote 200 mg 5 days ago. Started getting really depressed and anxious on it right away and it’s only getting worse. Anyone else experienced this? Does it get better with time? Thinking it might be a start-up side effect, but i worry it’s going to continue. A lot of drugs in the same class have made me depressed in the past. Lamotrigine, lyrica, gabapentin, trileptal...
  9. Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun? Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when............... I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that. You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote. Your turn
  10. I mean a whole different personality. I am getting really frustrated in my relationship. I am hyper active by nature or maybe just busy. I dont sit much and have all kinds of things I want to do. I do these things, I finish these things and feel accomplished. Obviously when I am depressed it's a different matter. That does not mean I am hypo. Hypo and Mania are on a whole different level compared to me struggling to sit still. However my hubs does not see it that way. Seems most of my emotions are part of being bipolar in his opinion. Seems he feels like he is the victim of my behaviors. Its a crock of shit. So we are in therapy and this is all showing through to the therapist. She has not done shit except validate that people are different on meds. Like personalities are different. I guess I am different, not who he married. He blames my meds. We have therapy today. I am ready to flip out. I mean what the hell does he want. Me manic, suicidal, depressed. Or me stable. Of course my meds make me different. They are making me well.
  11. After an absolute horrid vacation with my spouse I basically said either you go or we go to counseling.. I also asked him to make the appointment cus her replies on me to do too much. It appears I am different on meds, I am not who I was. I am bipolar so completely nuts at all time. I am not. I am stable and he is an asshole. So my ? is: have you done marriage counseling? did you find it worth while? Any info surrounding this topic is appreciated.
  12. I'm on lamotrigine 300mg and was on quetiapine 100mg but it was making my thoughts worse and my mood still wasn't great, that's an understatement, my moods are vile.. didnt help that it made me put on 5kg in 2 weeks!!! I am mostly depressed nowadays.. anyway I begged him to put me on latuda as that had less side effects and treats bipolar depression. He bluntly refused and put me on sulpiride. I don't understand how blocking my dopamine will make me happy AT ALL! please help and enlighten me.. I'm at my wits end with this medication business and I feel like just quitting it all and allowing myself to be whatever it is I am weather it's dangerous or not -_____- so confused and angry about it !
  13. I am 22 y/o and have filed for SSI twice. The first time I got denied I didn't appeal within 60 days so I had to apply all over again. Now I am going through to extensive appeal process and no lawyer seems to want to help me. They claim since I am young, I almost need to have schizophrenia or an autistic/spectrum disorder to be able to actually be approved and get benefits otherwise it is going to be very hard to get SSI. Now here are some of the facts of my case. I was fired from my job last November due to "no call, no show" because I was in a bipolar depressive episode where I literally didn't leave my room but maybe 5x to make a microwave meal and shower once. This episode lasted a little bit shy of 2 weeks. So for my 3 no call, no shows I was terminated from my job at University. I asked if they would accept a physician's note explaining my circumstances but the manager actually refused documentation, saying "No it's not necessary, I don't need that". She also said that I should have called and at least have told her what was going on so she knew I couldn't come in, but let's be real guys, doing that during a severe bipolar depressive episode is like writing a PhD dissertation in less than a day. So I applied for unemployment and get a denial letter saying I am denied benefits of $50/week because they contacted my former employer and was told I was terminated for misconduct. So that was the end of that. I had applied for SSI last year around August I would say and was denied 1st time. Re-applied December and got denial letter again, this time on Feb. 8th stating "your conditions are not severe enough for you not to work. You are capable of substantial gainful activity". Yet on my listed disabilities I listed epilepsy (reoccurring grand-mal seizures), bipolar disorder NOS, insomnia NOS, ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, manic episodes, social anxiety disorder, delayed sleep phase syndrome, and listed all the medications I was on and how some of them has side effects that were impairing themselves. Has anyone here who is young actually gotten approved for SSI benefits? If so, how many times did it take for you to finally get approved and did you use a lawyer to help you through the process? Also, if you don't mind, what conditions/disabilities did you report to them that you believed qualified you for SSI or SSDI? I can't apply for SSDI because I don't have enough work credits so I can only apply for SSI. This whole process kinda sucks and is difficult especially for people with disabilities. So frustrating.
  14. So ive been on lamictal for almost 3 months aswell as lithhium and ive noticed a huge change. Btw im bipolar 1 with seasonal mood changes like manic in spring and summer and depression in winter so forth.anyway ive been noticing i cant get out of bed lately and my work performance and concentration are terrible rn does anyone else know these feelings or is it just me? I have always used lithium but never expierenced this before.
  15. I started taking latuda about three weeks ago I stopped becasie I was having jaw dystonia. My pdoc suggested that I take Benadryl with the latuda. It helps a little bit, but I still have it during the day. I causes tightness in my jaw to the point I am constantly clinching. It seems to be the only side affect I have. My pdoc told me there is another medicine he can prescribe for dystonia if needed. My question is of anyone has had this side effect and if it goes away after some time? Thank you for any input.
  16. My Dr recommended that I try ketamine for my depression. I have bipolar 1, anxiety and depression. I've heard of this being a street drug so I'm nervous to try it. I wondered about others experiences.
  17. I'm not suicidal, at least I don't think I am at the moment. I do have plans in place for if something goes wrong but i'm fully aware I wont act on them. But if someone were to pull a gun on me or something like that, I would most likely tip him. I'm not actively trying to kill myself, but I would not mind dying. Can anyone else relate or am I going crazy?
  18. Hey all, This place has helped me so much. So, first, thank you all for being here. I'm having trouble because I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing are loud thoughts or hallucinations. My psychiatrist calls them voices and has prescribed an anti psychotic, but I'm just not sure. Could you help? Yesterday I was walking outside, saw a shallow pond and heard "You should kill yourself." This isn't a thought I have a lot, and felt inside my head but not necessarily my own thought, if that makes sense. But it wasn't a separate voice from my normal head voice, and was more annoying than anything else. The more disturbing thing that happened yesterday was a strong feeling/visual that there was a crack at the top of my head and a nail should be hammered into it. Again, I knew it wasn't happening and wasn't afraid of doing that to myself (although I have been afraid of other visuals like this before). Are either of these things hallucinations? Are they psychotic features? Or is it possible that I'm so paranoid that I'm going crazy that I'm amplifying my normal, albeit disturbing, thoughts.
  19. So I met a guy who I really liked. We went on a few dates, then I ended up spending the night last night. Once I got home, he texted me and asked me what medications I took this morning, which I was honest. He said that hasn’t scared him away, but he has been distant and stopped texting me. I know the answer, but it just makes me depressed how stigmatized we are as a community and I wish I never spent the night with him. I’m sorry for the long rant. Anyone else experience anything similar while dating?
  20. I am currently taking Seroquel XR, Vyvanse, and Neurtontin. I haven't had a full blown manic episode since the Seroquel XR but I think I am still having some racing thoughts. I am also experiencing on and off depression. I talked to my pdoc about this last month when I saw her. She wanted to add Wellbutrin XL to the list but I took that in the past and it made me jittery and anxious. She then agreed not to, and said to give it a little while longer with my meds how they currently are. She said either 1.) we can just increase the Seroquel XR to 400 mg, 2.) keep my current meds the same but add Abilify, or 3). Keep my current meds the same but add Latuda. I know everyone's MMV and that no advice is to substitute the advice or decision of my pdoc, but I guess I'm just curious on others' opinions. I am scared to go up on my Seroquel anymore than it is, but I haven't had any bad side effects with 'quel either. It also seems to be working fairly well for me Also scared to try other AP's, especially with Seroquel. Do you think just asking for the Seroquel dose to be increased during my visit next week will be my best bet? Thanks
  21. Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and newly diagnosed bipolar 2 after being misdiagnosed for ten years with anxiety, then major depressive disorder and finally in November, bp2. I'm on Lamictal, which so far I like. This week we increased to 150mg. I'm always itchy after an increase but usually no rash. I do also have eczema on occasion especially when I'm getting sweaty. On these meds I'm still having night sweats and in the creases of my armpits I'm getting what I think is eczema... And I scratched. I know, never scratch so now I have a little patch that's not bumpy but a little purple. Anyone know how to tell the difference between eczema and early signs of Steven's Johnson's Syndrome?
  22. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  23. I live in shitty apartments but will be moving in a month to a really nice place. A girl that lives here is on heroin and asks for money and ativan from me. She knows it take ativan because we had a conversation about my ptsd and I regretfully told her I take ativan. Well she flew off the handle a couple days ago for denying her MY medication I take for MY disorder. What a fucking entitlement mentality. Then I called about getting a kitten yesterday and the girl on the phone asked me to pay 300 for a kitten because her boyfriend is kicking her out and she cant afford methdone. I think I live in the rudest, coldest, most selfish city in the country. I am getting angry at everyone and angry about everything. I cant sleep, im probably mixed mania, and I hope to God nobody bothers me. Im shutting myself in for the next 4 days. Im not talking to anybody. Im just going to try to stay calm and call the landlord or police if these selfish, entitled people try anything. Grrrr
  24. I have been taking my meds like I am supposed to and they do help. But for some reason, the only thing that really does the trick right now is coffee. It ups my mood, makes depression go away. It makes fatigue go away. I read a study that found that bipolar patients that drank coffee had a decreased chance of suicide compared to those that dont drink coffee. Why does coffee make me feel so good but other people it just gives them more energy? I'm ordering a mug off amazon that says "RX: Coffee." Thought it would be fitting,
  25. I think I might be having symptoms of mania and its stressing me out!! I have been buying a lot of stuff in the last 2 weeks I have spent probably $2000, and just now i almost bought a fucking car of $20000 luckily I diden't have the deposit, but at that moment it just dawned on me I might be manic. I'm not sure I don't feel overly happy or sad I don't think I'm delusional. I don't think I'm having strange thoughts I don't know and my doctor is only back later this month
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