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Found 15 results

  1. Hi all, it's been awhile. I'm diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, and lately haven't gotten much sleep. My fiance works overnight, and my sleep schedule has switched to his pretty much. Well, the last few days, I've been up 12+ hours. I've not been tired, really, and will end up crashing when I am. I get this luxury since I am home, all day, and keep house while he is gone. Upon looking across the net, BPD, doesn't have manic phases? Only Bipolar Disorder? But, I'm not diagnosed with that BPD, just, Borderline PD, so, what the hell? That's a pretty clear symptom of someone who is Bipolar, so I don't get why this is going on. Haven't really been depressed, am always stressed, though. Still have a bad habit of taking my meds regularly, this hasn't happened before though. I mean, when I was a teen, there were times I'd stay up all day and night, I maybe did it...once? But it's like I'm the energizer bunny, I just keep going and going. I'm not even tired, and my fiance is getting the shit end of this stick, cause I've been keeping him up, because I'm bored. Thoughts?
  2. I recently started a partial hospitalization program, and I see a new psychiatrist while I'm in the program. This pdoc diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, and says I don't have schizoaffective disorder - bipolar type. I can believe the BPD as I read the symptoms and I relate to them a lot, explains a lot, but I'm having a hard time believing I don't have schizoaffective disorder as I've had this diagnosis for 8 years and have had three regular pdocs say I had this disorder. I know you can't diagnose me and I'm not asking you to, but for those of you who have BPD or traits of BPD have you experienced anything similar? Being misdiagnosed for a long time before your BPD diagnosis. Or can I have both disorders?
  3. Sorry if this has been posted before, tried searching and couldn't find anything. ^^; So BPD has been bought up a few times over the years in conversations with GPs, but I've always run away from the diagnosis and strongly denied it (I guess due to a lot of misunderstanding as to what a BPD diagnosis would actually mean, I guess). Recently I was trying to explain what goes on in my head to a housemate, and he bought up that "it sounds a lot like borderline". Turns out he was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, so we had a good talk about it, and I must admit, it makes a lot of sense. The thing is, I'm not sure how to bring this concern up with my psychologist. Do I just tell her I think I might have BPD? Any advice from people with similar experiences would be great ^^;
  4. hello, new here. i found the board by googling two of my meds interactions. went to my psych today and got a new med... read about two of my meds interaction and lowkey i'm terrified lol. list of all drugs/substances i take once a day, all in the morning: 300mg bupropion qd 400mg lamictal qd 10mg generic zyrtec "women's" multivitamin 5000mg biotin birth control pill as needed: 30mg zenzedi OR adderall. i only take half at a time, and not every day, though i do most days 5mg ambien (take ~5x a week) my depression has been terrible for the last year -- tbh since the election. dropped out of Uni fall semester last year and haven't been since. i have been lazy, 100000% unmotivated, reclusive, gained 30lbs in less than 2 years etc etc. i don't want to leave the house to see my friends and family because i am embarrassed about my weight gain (also because of the reclusiveness i mentioned). after talking with my psych, she suggested adding 5mg Trintellix (Brintellix?). she mentioned that the most common side effects were nausea, diarrhea etc etc. she said that if it seemed to be helping i could lower my wellbutrin dose and perhaps stop taking it entirely (trintellix being its replacement). after leaving her office i did what any other millennial would do and googled the medication. there is a LOT of information about the possibility of serotonin syndrome being a side effect - i read somewhere 15%???? that seems low but like google it - it sounds terrifying. combining wellbutrin + trintellix has a "MAJOR" interaction per drugs.com, which states that the risks outweigh the benefits when combined. i immediately left my psych a message telling her basically what i said but less crazy (pfff lol) sounding. she called back and said that she's never seen that, it's very rare, she's met only one prescriber who reported it in a patient, and it's usually at higher doses. i feel a little better but still a bit nervous. not really sure what i'm expecting to get from this post but i'm so annoyed with taking a millions meds and i keep seeing deaths reported by combined meds, often including (not limited to) adderall and ambien. like i'm in my early 30s, i don't want to die in my sleep.... anyway, hi!
  5. So, I am 20 years old and live in philly. I just found out that my insurance is now cut off and out of pocket my medications are too expensive. I'm really worried because I was diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder and I don't want to fall into another manic episode or ruin relationships again. This is so stressful if any of you guys know anything about resources please let me know.
  6. 24601

    ...Yeah, I don't really have a serious answer for that question. I suppose "the sort of person who answers philosophical questions with les mis quotes" is as good a description of who I am as any. Anyway, I've been awake for nearly 48 hours now, and, in a weird pseudo-intoxicated sleepless haze, have decided that joining crazyboards is The Thing To Do. I'm 20, a college student, and have been professionally diagnosed with a whole slew of shit, predominantly borderline personality disorder. Freshman year has been rough, to say the least. I've basically become a hermit out of fear that I'll slip up and people will realize that I'm more then just "a little off." I've always told myself "you may not be able to control what comes out of your mouth, but you're able to control whether or not to open it." The problem with that philosophy is that there's nowhere in the world that's safe for me to talk. I guess that's what I'm hoping to find here.
  7. Hey guys So I started Latuda about 8 weeks ago at 20 mg, (just the starting dose but wasnt able to get into see my doc when I was supposed to) I am definitely feeling some effects, most of them good, but I wanted to know if anyone has experienced or heard of the same? -Weight loss. I've always been about 100 lbs, super "skinny", always get asked if I eat blah blah blah. If you're a naturally skinny girl with "a fast metabolism" you understand... Now I've NEVER been under 100 pounds (even when I never eat) but now I have been consistently eating A LOT more and my weight is dropping quickly. I was 96 pounds about two weeks after starting Latuda and I'm now at 90. Need to ask my doc but anyone experience? -Insomnia. what I've noticed is that even if I get to bed really late, if it is before 5AM, I'll wake up at early 9/10. Usually, if I went to bed that late, I would sleep all day. I know, my sleep routine sucks. *I STARTED TAKING IT IN THE MORNING AND THIS HELPED 100% with sleep* I now sleep like a baby and am naturally tired by the time 10pm rolls around I actually like waking up at a decent time and starting my day, something I've never even thought was possible before this drug. - I am popping up all the time to get things, or move things, or do things for others in my house(like getting my boyfriends a drink from downstairs anytime he asked without whining about it first).. I think this is just me starting to feel better, but am open to different interpretations -On the whole, I am beginning to feel pretty good, but not that "I feel soooooo good," hypomania. But I do get really irritable for about 15 minutes a few times a day. If anyone can relate, knows if this is normal or if anyone thinks something is off, could you please give me your opinion?
  8. This is really a tremendously helpful book written by someone who lost control of her life due to Borderline Personality Disorder and learned to cope via good therapy. In the book she talks about how difficult it is to find the right treatment and how life changing it was for someone to give her a diagnosis and explain it to her frankly. She talks about treatment and her struggles with it. I'm don't meet the criteria for BPD, but there's a lot for me to relate to in this book. My life is a mess because I can't emotionally handle a lot of situations, and it's in a way that runs deeper than anxiety. She calls it "emotional dysregulation," and I definitely identified with that. There's very few books out there written for people *with* BPD, and fewer still that are as hopeful and encouraging as this one. https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471906417&sr=8-1&keywords=buddha+and+the+borderline
  9. I have a working diagnosis of rapid cycling schizoaffective bipolar type and diagnoses of OCPD and severe PTSD. I was told i exhibit signs of BPD (Fear of abandonment, self harm, no sense of or poor perception of self image/identity, strained relational aspects, rapid mood swings that last only days/hours) but no clear diagnosis can be made due to the complexity and overlap of symptoms of what I have PTSD over and the bipolar aspect. I have done extensive research on BPD and have always felt like I recognized with the symptoms, but have no clue if its just purely coincidental due to the nature of what I'm dealing with. What I am wondering is would it be beneficial to keep track of and mark when I have mood shifts and what I think caused them as well as any marked changes in self perception/image and relational aspects and why I feel how I do when I do. Is it worth it to commit this much to something I may not even have because it's explained by other factors, or would this be beneficial in ruling out other factors and closing in on a more firm working diagnosis? I am unsure if I should dedicate my time to something that may be futile in nature, because there just hasn't been enough time yet to work through my PTSD and other factors that are clouding a possible diagnosis. I don't really know what I would do with a diagnosis, I just feel like I'm more in control when I do know for certain because I can work towards getting better with an effective and throughly thought out plan. Any input? Am I out of line with my thinking or do I have legitimate cause to think the way I do? I feel like I'm simply trying to justify a way to feel in control and like im heading somewhere right now, but at the same time, I do truly feel like there is something else, something deeper, going on with me that is just being clouded by what I'm dealing with. Am I just thinking too far into this and grasping at something I think will give me control?
  10. Hey everyone, my name is Matt. I'm 18 years old and from MN. In September 2015 I had a neuropsychiatric evaluation done. The psychologist ended up diagnosing me with PTSD, depression, and generalized anxiety in axis 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder in axis 2. Although I agree with the depression, anxiety and PTSD diagnoses I'm starting to doubt whether or not I actually have BPD. While I do have a few of the symptoms (black and white thinking, self harm and fear of abandonment), I don't really have any of the other symptoms. I've been doing DBT for a little while now and it's helped tremendously with some of the core issues. I'm not sure the BPD diagnosis fits me. I was just wondering your thoughts on this and whether or not I should bring this up to my therapist, or any other thoughts people may have. Thanks in advance for any advice.
  11. Hi, I just posted this interview with Lloyd Ross, an experienced therapist of people labeled BPD, about his opinion on BPD's curability, causes, how to understand the disorder, and the role of medication. https://bpdtransformation.wordpress.com/2015/11/16/29-the-borderline-states-an-essay-by-lloyd-ross-ph-d-therapist-with-40-years-experience-treating-people-labeled-bpd/ Here are some highlights of his thinking: On therapists who don’t want to work with people labeled BPD: Lloyd Ross: “To avoid their own discomfort, poorly trained therapists describe borderline individuals as untreatable. Well trained therapists do not have that opinion. Well trained therapists have done well with these individuals, provided the therapist knows both what to expect and what he is doing.” On good outcomes for people labeled “BPD”: Lloyd Ross: “With proper insight oriented therapy, people labeled as borderline do go out in the world and function quite well in relationships, employment, etc. Like the rest of us, the goal is not to be cured from some non-existent disease, but to simply resolve the issues in our development that stop us from functioning in a relatively comfortable manner.” On BPD as a medical diagnosis: Lloyd Ross: “(As a medical diagnosis) the only “borderline states” that have any validity for me are on the border of Mexico or Canada… In addition, there is absolutely no real science behind any of the DSM/ICD diagnoses.” On how the word borderline can be useful: Lloyd Ross: “To use the term “borderline” from a developmental point of view is very different… Using the term “borderline developmental issues” enables us to go back in time and try to help the individual to undo, modify, and soften development that did not go smoothly the first time around. On the developmental approach to working with people labeled BPD, Lloyd Ross: “Using this model, the therapist works toward a stronger continuum of emotional development so that a person can function in a more whole way. Borderline states are not a disease or medical issue and therefore, nobody is “cured.” People just learn to handle various issues in their lives in a smoother, more comfortable manner for them.” On suicide prevention: Lloyd Ross: “According to Bertram Karon, Ph.D., one of the world’s most prolific researchers on effective psychotherapy with patients labeled schizophrenic, suicidal, and borderline, ‘The best suicide prevention is effective psychotherapy.‘ ” On the value of medication in treating people labeled BPD: Lloyd Ross: “The medication approach (anti-depressants and/or anti-psychotics) is useless in people with borderline, suicidal, and PTSD symptoms. In fact, anti-depressants are probably one of the major causes of iatrogenic (doctor induced) suicide in this country in the past 15 years, especially with individuals labeled borderline.” On trauma as the cause of borderline states: Lloyd Ross: “The cause of “Borderline Personality Disorder” as with all of the “made-up” psychiatric diseases, is trauma at various times and stages in a person’s development… The failure of all-good and all-bad perceptions to fuse is the genesis of all pathologically borderline states.”
  12. This topic is a big one for me. I feel the biggest problem with my BPD is actually not my abandonment issues (as most "professionals" claim that the #1 hallmark problem of a borderline) My biggest problem is actually my empathy. I am so empathic that I absorb all the emotions, feelings, and problems of others, and actually FEEL them as if I'm experiencing them. This is absolutely hell to deal with. It is a complete curse. I live my life for other people. I turn to my self destructive tendencies when the feelings of others, and living for others become too much to handle. If anyone else is familiar with what an "empath" is, I 100% believe I am one. Its not just feelings, its more like a 6th sense. My empathy has gotten so strong and is now controlling my life. I want to be alone all the time. I have lived alone for years until recently. Now that I live with someone else, I constantly absorb all their feelings and problems and make them my own. Since I have started living with my SO, I have started SH again. So, my question is.... why, when I did a google search of "borderline personality disorder empathy", I found all kinds of demonizing articles describing how Borderlines are incapable of feeling empathy??????!! This seriously angered me. My empathy and desire to please other people is ruining me. I am never harmful or violent to others. Most people have no idea I harm myself or am crazy, period. When Im feeling too much, i slip away to another room, outside, etc, and cry alone, or self harm, drink, use, etc. Ok, so my real purpose of this post is to ask if anyone else who is Borderline has a severe problem with empathy? Any other true Empaths here? If you are unsure, here is a link on Empaths and their traits and qualities https://theknowing1.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/at-a-glance-30-traits-of-an-empath I refuse to believe all these demonizing articles that are constantly going around about Borderline Individuals. My childhood best friend is also Borderline (a rare subtype called an Invisible Borderline), and she is also ridiculously empathetic. Her and I can sense anything when together, and are big emotional sponges. She is also ridiculously intelligent (possibly a genius) and told me that she feels that BPD and Empathy go hand in hand. Someone else please speak on their experiences so I feel like Im not crazy(er).
  13. Well.... I found this site by searching "self harm kits", I just wanted to know what other people did, if it was common for people to carry around supplies with them or whatever. So now I'm here, reading about other people and their struggles. Relating and not relating, though still understanding. I think that maybe if I have an actual place to talk, a real place that I can have feedback on, then maybe I'll be able to resist hurting myself. Okay so actual info part: My name is Shane. I'm listed as agender on here but a more accurate term would be agender/transmasculine. I use He/Him pronouns but they/them is also okay. I'm 19, I'll be turning 20 in December. I've been dealing with self harm problems and MI for almost 8 years now. I'm also trans so that doesn't exactly help me in any way... Anyways, from the beginning now. In 6th grade I became friends with someone who is my best friend. At the time, he was self harming and I guess that's where I had gotten the idea to do it to myself but I don't blame him or anything, it's not his fault that I started to do the same thing. Though not as intense as him, he was actually cutting and giving himself eraser burns, I was doing no-bleed scratches with a bent paperclip. At the time, I didn't really understand why it helped, but it did. Sometime in junior high I tried to tell my mother that I was depressed and had been for a few years. I had scoured websites, taken quizzes, doubted I was mentally ill, retook quizzes, looked up symptoms. Everything was the same. I was depressed and I didn't want to feel this way. So I tried to tell my mom, she didn't think the same thing. She didn't think I had any reason to be depressed. Which of course made me feel worse because I knew there was no emotional/situational reason for me to be depressed, I just was and I couldn't stop it. So I continued to self harm. There were a few times when my mom had confronted me about the scratches on my arm and even a time when I had a huge bleeding scratch down my arm. (all in 8th grade). It wasn't until 11th grade that my mom actually took me in to see a doctor. I had to check off a list to see if I was actually depressed and I was prescribed medication (Fluoxetine and Xanax), it helped but not for long. Eventually it stopped working, so I stopped taking it (I know, I know). I again tried to tell my mom that the meds weren't working anymore. She just thought I wasn't taking them, of course I wasn't but they weren't working long before that. This last February (2015), I didn't quite try to kill myself. I was in college by then (second semester). I was in a campus library, downstairs, in an area I knew people didn't walk around a lot. I found myself a spot and had decided to take the bottle. I didn't. I was scared it wouldn't work, so anxiety took over and stopped me. I went home that night and cried in my mom's arms. I told her that I was scared and that I needed to be admitted. She was very hesitant to take me in. So I was in a mental hospital for about 2 weeks.I am now taking duloxetine and klonopin and trazodone. I attempted to kill myself by overdosing on trazodone a few months afterwards. My girlfriend forced me to throw them up. I still self harm. I don't think my meds are working anymore. So anyways. That's my story. Thanks for reading. 12 yrs - 17 yrs: sx- Depression, GAD 17 yrs - 19 yrs: Depression, Anxiety, sx-BPD 19 yrs - now: Depression, Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder Also, on and off anorexia that hasn't be professionally diagnosed.... idk, I go through periods of not eating at all to completely binging myself out on food.
  14. I’m caught up between my boyfriend and my ex. I spent the night with my ex the other night due to some family issues and I just needed out of the house. My ex is caught up into some bad stuff. Drugs, selling, drinking, smoking weed. There’s never really a time he’s TRULY sober. When I spent the night my boyfriend didn’t want us sharing the bed, but we did. His excuse was I don’t want another man in bed with my girlfriend yet his friend laid on the bed when he left so we could watch OITNB together. My ex cuddled me that night, and started to get me in the mood by rubbing my legs….it felt so amazing but I didn’t give in. I even had him meet my boyfriend before that night so he’d know who I was staying the night with. I fantasized about my ex, I still do, I just wanted his hands and lips all over my body…..but he screwed me over in the past when he left me for his ex. Last night, I got into it with my boyfriend. I put everything on the table. He knows I still like my ex and redeveloped feelings for him. I didn’t plan to, no one plans these things. My boyfriend is very shy and reserved. And totally not confrontational, so that’s something that doesn’t make me feel safe….what if something were to happen and I needed him to defend me? He’s so sweet and god to me. He reminds me how beautiful I am. He helps me with my family issues and my anxiety and depression. Etc. Last night when I was upset and crying I was at a friends house, and he was going to walk there when I was upset in the wee hours of the morning so I’d feel better. I wanted him or my ex. No one else… I see my boyfriend and I having a life together, kids, etc. He works, he doesn’t do drugs anymore, and he’s an overall good guy. I got mad at him for not ever getting mad at me for one, last night. Because of what happened with my ex and I. He said it’s because he trusts me, which is great but he can still get mad….I didn’t do anything with my ex. Believe me, I wanted to. But I held off….right now my ex and I are kind of mad at each other, again. We do this every time. We fight, forgive each other and are fine again. And it’s over and over….My BPD makes me attach to people easily, so when one person isn’t giving me attention and someone else is, there I go getting attached. My boyfriend’s roommate won’t let me see him at their place anymore, he’s working when I’m not. Or I’m in school when he’s not working. One of us is in the mood when the other isn’t. He’s the first and only guy I’ve slept with and my first real adult relationship. I’m his first girlfriend since he is so quiet and reserved too./….I don’t wanna give my boyfriend up because I’m pretty sure guys like him are dime a dozen and I don’t think I could find that again. I’m totally comfortable around him too. I’m semi comfortable with my ex since we didn’t last as long….this is also the longest relationship I’ve had. Coming up to a year… What should I do…? I feel like I’m hurting him…
  15. I suffer horrific periods. They cause me a lot of pain. The biggest difficulty however is my mood before and during. I become profoundly depressed. I mean don't-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week depressed. Suicidal depressed. I cannot stand it. My entire life shuts down once a month. Combined with my rapid mood cycling with borderline, it's a hell storm. I have tried every brand of birth control available to me. Every single one has made me go off the rails. My doctor has written me a prescription for the IUD Mirena, claiming that because it releases different types of hormones, it shouldn't mess with my head. She has left the decision in my hands with very little information. The internet isn't that reliable for proper information, but what I have found has not sounded promising. Has anyone else, who is specifically borderline tried any IUD before? Did it make you nuts? Did it make you fat? Is there even such thing as birth control that doesn't ruin your life?
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