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Found 498 results

  1. How does Loneliness effect you? Any meds that help? All articles suggest that being active in regular social activities, any type of socializing, CBT, therapy, all help - but what if it doesn't for you? What if you have no friends you can depend on or trust? What if socializing with strangers, frequent group meetups, events, hobbies makes you feel worse? What if you are unable to work and have no regular in-person interaction with people? http://theconversation.com/loneliness-on-its-way-to-becoming-britains-most-lethal-condition-94775 "Cacioppo’s key insight was that loneliness is fundamentally a biological problem....And so is its most profound effect – death. Analysis of 300,000 people in 148 studies found that loneliness is associated with a 50% increase in mortality from any cause. This makes it comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and more dangerous than obesity. ....said Cacioppo, we evolved to experience social rejection in the same way as physical pain. Brain scans have shown that “social pain”, such as being shunned by a community, activates the same region – the dorsal anterior cingulate – as bodily trauma."
  2. Hello, amigos. It’s day 3 on Ritalin SR 20 once a day, finally prescribed after « doctor shopping » and faulty antidepressant tryouts. It kicked in right away however I did take a nap today shortly after taking it but that’s probably my body’s usual reaction to fighting off anything new to the system. It worked right away which is a miracle!!!!!! I have the worst job in the world which is dishwashing in my family’s restaurant, basically waiting to die. Well! Let me tell you, the soul crushing agony of a wasted 41 year old woman’s life were momentarily alleviated by focus, order, and execution. I just got on with it. S’ppose it coulda been a Placebo (great band) effect but I’ll take it. Having run the gamut of, oh, every antidepressant to no avail, the last being Trintellix, which after a month left me exhausted, though I’M SURE it would’ve worked after six weeks 🤪 So experienced créatives,my questions to you are: Has adding an antidepressant to your current stimulant (preferably Ritalin) made you exhausted/fried and if so for how long? Is Prozac a lost cause, especially according to Dr Charles Parker ? Ixnay on Celexa, Citalopram, Abilify, Viibryd, Trintellix, Cymbalta, Effexor...those last three were great for a 2 or so months then I slept all day, modalert didnt make a dent..Zoloft I would say I’ve had the most success with but maybe I should do the Ritalin for a couple months before reintroducing? And finally, Wellbutrin was great until the Cicadas in my head....I.E Tinnitus made me want to inpatient myself. Thank you!! tl;dr dx’ed MDD, no bipolar traits and other failed depression treatments include Valdoxan (Agomelatine), Doxepin, Celexa was a goddamn disaster. I aint doin’ no MAOI’s, thanks. Also I live in France and Ritalin was extremely difficult to get prescribed. Thanks, Steph
  3. Lifelong Obesity

    Hello. I can't remember a time when food wasn't THE main focus in my life. Even when I'm so full and can't eat another bite...my thoughts wander to what else I'll eat later. Diets, eating plans, Weight Watchers Summer Camps, gastric bypass, journaling what I eat and/or exercising will START to give results the first few weeks and then my body just basically says "F you" and shuts down. No more weight loss. If I can't get the gratification of weekly seeing measurable change in my efforts...I'm right back to food. Overeating has ruined my life. Whoever I COULD have been when I started out a sweet little girl was squandered when I somehow started using food to placate myself VERY YOUNG. Then it became a horrible guilty, shameful and "what's wrong with me" set of glasses I looked at life through. I was constantly pushed by my mom to stop eating, go on a diet and exercise. She tried EVERYTHING until well into my adult life. She too had weight/eating issues and knew what life would be like for me. She tried to help the only way she knew how but it set up a terrible vicious cycle of sneaking food to make myself feel better and loved and treated special...that's what food feels like to me. When I look at my family dynamics I can see all the ways life in general contributed to this addiction. But breaking out of it has been a constant struggle. Now for the last 2-3 years I've literally given up. I'm 58 now and it feels like, short of a miracle, I'll die fat. My hips, spine and knees are in terrible shape (of course they are). Being fat set up a way of thinking and acting in all relationships with people that I also am exhausted with. I honestly with all my heart and fiber of my being think and feel that pleasing someone else will keep them in my life and they'll pay what little attention to me they are willing to give me. Not all people have been horrible, I've had some great friends over my life...but of course, THEY HAD LIVES and I was never the center of anyone else's life. I would have done anything through my mid forties to make someone else the center of my life in hopes of finally finding someone who wanted to team up and walk through life together. Now? I'm too old. I'm too set in my ways. It's just not as important. I'm past the age of finding someone to "be a couple" with...no I'll never define who I am that way. I'm too old for kids and of course at this point I should've had grandchildren. There will be no one to take care of me as I get older. I literally hope God takes me out while I can still walk and am living on my own. I never want to be institutionalized in an assisted living/nursing home type of situation. Thanks for reading this.
  4. I was curious about Abilify, first off have you personally seen a huge increase in weight after getting on abilify? I hardly have an appetite, even without meds, and it's very hard for me to gain weight. I also exercise pretty modestly, about an hour a day. Would I be safe from weight gain caused by Abilify? The only antipsychotic I've been on long term was Seroquel, helped me a lot and I don't think I gained more than 10 pounds, which could've just been me not being so depressed and having an appetite again. Is the same likely for Abilify? I am just terrified of this because I have gained a large amount of weight, over 20 pounds from one medication which was Remeron. It really messed with my body and I am terrified of that happening again, because honestly, being fat makes me feel ugly and even more depressed. Second, I wanted to talk about something my psych brought up to me. He said that Abilify and it's relative Rexulti, have "pro-cognitive" effects, meaning they help with brain fog, apathy, concentration, motivation, and even energy. Apparently both are used for ADHD, with even the makers of Rexulti trying to get it approved for ADHD. Have any of your experienced this from either of the two? Because I am in need of something that helps with cognition, mainly apathy and low, low motivation and interest. Bottom line, I am very interested in Abilify and its sister Rexulti. They are very interesting pharmacologically, with them being sort of unique antipsychotics... I would be taking Abilify for depression and as an add on to an antidepressant, by the way. I've always been scared of the word "antipsychotic" but knowing how Seroquel basically annihilated my depression in the past, I can't deny their benefits. Please share your experience, and as always, thanks for helping me out.
  5. Hi there, I was just wondering if anyone here has tried Rexulti as an AD adjunct for depression. Please tell me what you thought of it, I know it's very similar to Abilify, but surprisingly Rexulti under my insurance + the manufacturer discount card is cheaper than generic Abilify, so I want to get familiar with it. I have only had one true experience with an AAP, Seroquel, and it was actually really nice but it made me sleep like a rock, so I got off it years ago. I'm not switching to Rexulti at the moment, but my psych let me know it's the next option if Wellbutrin doesn't work out. Again, let me know your experiences with it, and I guess Abilify too since they are similar. The thought of being on an AAP scares me, with all the side effects and such, especially for depression. But I have read Rexulti and Abilify both have "pro-cognitive" effects which is exactly what I need. Also, has it helped with your anxiety at all? Do AAPs generally help with anxiety? Because if I'd be able to get off Klonopin that would be a plus. Thank you all for any replies!
  6. Hi all! I'm mom of adult son who has psychoses episode five month ago. He was under olanzapine for 1,5 month and then decided stop it. Generally, he did OK, he started to work tow month ago and shown good sigh of recovery. But lately his mood starts to be constantly bad and now we have to admit he is in deep depression. If there somebody who made or under recovery after psychotic episode, pleas shear your thoughts, I would really appreciate it. It would help me a lot to understand what is going on with my son. Thank you!
  7. I don’t know where to go from here. My issues seem so endless and treatment-resistant even though I’ve never been told that. I just feel so lost and scared that nothing and no one can help me... my issues consist of severe clinical depression, panic attacks, generalized anxiety, OCD, and depersonalization/derealization. I’m on meds... Anafranil 200 mg, Klonopin 2 mg, and Rexulti 2 mg. I still just feel so blah, hopeless, dead already, etc. Can anyone give me suggestions of where to go from here? What meds to try? I had genetic testing done too for med compatibility of that helps at all... Thank you kindly for your replies 😊
  8. My psych doc has called two times to see if I started on the Latuda. I haven't. I originally wanted to wait until the Seroquel and Pamelor left my system before I started anything new. That was 3 weeks ago. Now experiencing inking in of paranoia, insomnia, fear, anxiety, depression, more migraine and it's preventing me from starting Latuda. I have some key appointments I have to keep between now and the end of the month that I absolutely cannot cancel. I don't want to start Latuda and experience overwhelming side effects that will scare me from leaving my home to make these appointments. However, living in agony with these symptoms is horrible and I know I need to start on the Latuda. After todays appointment, I will have 10 business days until my next appointment, I could take a small sample and see how I react for a few days. I'm also still spending like crazy, have maxed out all my credit cards, applied for more. I know I am doing this to comfort myself. However, I am now sending back more than half what I am buying, but I am in trouble with one credit card. I called my bank and asked for help and they agreed to suspend my credit card until I get it under the credit limit. All this spending started after I watched my neighbor pass away and since then I have not been doing my daily walk because the only path I can use with my rollator is right where she passed away. I just haven't been able to get myself beyond this. I tried starting with a trauma therapist but that ended badly, she wanted me to discuss my past traumas in detail during the first and second meeting and half way thru the second meeting I flew out of her room having a panic attack. I kept warning her I needed to work on grounding and she wouldn't, so won't go back. She hasn't called to see why I haven't been back, so will let that one go. I'm a basket case right now.
  9. This is something I’m thinking about a lot lately. People without a mental illness don’t understand the costs we have: broken relationships, lost jobs, and poor spending episodes (putting it mildly). Add in all the costs of meds, doctor visits, therapy appointments - I didn’t choose this, but it is what it is. Staying on meds, for me, has created some stability after years without any. But now I face homelessness in a couple days unless a miracle occurs. I’m pissed off at myself for HAVING this, although I can’t control that I do. I’ve been depressed for quite a while, but still able to get to work. Over a year ago, when first diagnosed, I was off a few months, a total wreck, and am still crawling out from the financial fallout. Last month the pdoc added a new med. Within a week, I was hearing voices (not something I do) and was terribly depressed and had suicidal ideation. I quit the med and felt better within a week. During that time I took two days off work and hibernated, feeling hopeless and majorly depressed the first day. The next day I went to the pdoc and told her the effects of the new med I’d stopped. I went because my work demands a dr note to return to work. Telling her I felt like crap but have to work because I’m alone and have no back-up for money, I needed the note. She refused and said I’d get no note until I went through IOP. I went and after week 3 I told a dr there I’m ok and can’t continue because I must work. Got the note, no problem. They said they wanted me to stay off at least 2 more weeks, maybe more, but gave me the release. *sigh* Been back at work a couple wks and doing pretty well. The first of the month came and I had no way to pay my rent. A small disability pymt was expected but hadn’t arrived (not enough for rent anyway). The way our pay works, and since I was gone 3 wks, no pay for me until the end of the month. Yesterday I came home to a 3 day notice on my door. The property management is a big corporation and not willing to even give a few days and see from my dr release I’ve been out, doctor’s orders. I’ve asked a couple of people but they can’t help. I’m sad that I’ve failed. Loathing myself and my illness at all right now, I’m just hit in the face how much having this sucks. The costs go way beyond buying something one doesn’t need. Even when doing things the way they’re supposed to be done, it still can bite ya in the butt. Tired. Exhausted. Fed up. Rant over.
  10. I've posted on this topic before, because I'm really wondering why this is happening to me, but not on other people that have been on higher-dose stimulants (without breaks) for MUCH longer.... I re-instated Ritalin (after a 4 month break) due to increase in work focus-cognitive tasks and sustained motivation. My pdoc also increased the dosage because previous dose (only 20mgLA & 10mg IR) was low and wearing off early. Was told I could experiment, but to take weekends off in order to "rest" . In the last 3 weeks, I've noticed drastic improvements in my mood, motivation, ability to focus on intellectual tasks/reading, and a positivity, calmness in general. Problem is, I am psychologically addicted. When I try to break on the weekends, I can't get out of bed, barely prepare food for myself (despite hunger), and shower, basically, these symptoms are MUCH worse than before I was taking it! I'm concerned that I'll need to keep increasing the dose, take it everyday, and eventually, it will make my condition/functioning worse in the long run (exacerbating the problem). I had old pdocs that would not prescribe me stimulants for exactly this reason..... Any ideas guys? I'm very compliant, and have no inclination to abuse the dosage. This is the only thing that's made a dent in my mood and functioning and does not seem like a long-term solution!
  11. So gp gave me this new medication called xifaxan to kill off bad intestinal bacteria. He and the pharmacist said insomnia, anxiety, and depression aren’t side effects of this medication. But I’ve been on it for 6 days and after nearly 2 months of feeling pretty great, I’m suddenly experiencing all three of these symptoms severely. I’m just wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else on this med. it doesn’t show up on the common side effect profiles, but I looked further down at the doc pamphlet at bottom of the page and it does say it can do his. How do I get the doctor to believe me? She wants me to continue it but I woke up today feeling extremely depressed! And my Xanax isn’t even working for the anxiety! This all even being on vyvanse. @mikl_pls or @browri? ps: why would they say this stuff can happen down in the physicians info and not list it in patient info??? shitty thing is, it’s definitely helping my stomach problem.
  12. So I saw my psych doc today and he feels the best reactions I have had to control most all my symptoms are in this class of medications. Where I do not like this "named" class, I will give this one drug one more try. I have been on them all but this one. All the others I can take for short bursts of time. We are trying to find something I can take long-term. Starting tonight with 20 mg of Latuda. I also asked for Cogentin to help with the horrible muscle spasms and rigid muscles. Mail order will eventually get me the Trasadone to help with sleep and Cogentin for muscle issues. I asked for Xanax and he wouldn't allow that since it's too short acting. I tried to convince him I need something for emergency purposes and he still said no. It's been 6 months since I have seen my psych doc and in 40 minutes he went thru all my back history, last 30 years to try to find something to help me. He also wrote to my landlord stating that my new kitten is my therapy cat and can therefore not charge me any pet deposits nor fees. I love him for doing that for me !!! So, after 35 years of treating me I asked... am I BiPolar or what am I? He said basically I suffer under the umbrella of chronic PTSD, tramatic brain injury and childhood abuse. The symptoms I continue to have will not go away, but need to be treated, great, huh? At least he was truthful. Settling in for the long-haul or what's left of my life. Somehow I was magically under the illusion I would be cured, lol.
  13. This is what I go thru every day from the moment I wake up: anxiety throughout the day, uncontrollable anxiety and panic only when I leave my home, dissociation in times of high stress and high anxiety and panic, insomnia every night, daily depression, scary cycling mood swings. My psych doc called me on a Saturday afternoon (now this doc is semi-retired and only works 3 days a week now). I was shocked when I saw his name come up on caller ID. He was calling to suggest I go into the hospital until I become stabilized. Stabilized in one week, no way I say. It's gonna take time for that to happen. He said with the dissociation and everything else I am going thru on a daily basis he is worried I might self harm. I assured him I am not at that point and he knows that I call him when I need to go back in, plus I have a new kitten and don't want anyone in my home anyway. I think I can manage all this at home. I will be seeing him on Tuesday. That was soo out of character for him to call me like that, kinda got my attention and am I worse off then I realize. I have known him for 30+ years and he knows me well, so I have to trust his direction. His concern is that I am in the middle of a perfect storm and anything can happen and he worries that if anything triggers me I might not be able to control what happens to me. Then several neighbors stopped by to see if I was okay as they have not seen me last week, curtains have remained closed, not answering phones nor texts. I know I have been avoiding alot of neighbors now as I am selectively avoiding those that trigger me and those that knocked on my door I call them "the axis of terror" for what they have been known to do to other people here. So, I had their phones on block. I have been protecting myself while I work on medication and mood and it's nobody's business. Had a game of RummyKub set up for this evening and really looked forward to this all week, and everyone just canceled, really bummed about that. I have had no interest in bath, washing my hair, eating. I can't focus on TV, can't read, nor listen to my book tapes. No interest in anything, I am soo flooded with anxiety/panic. My HMO has restricted how many benzos I take, I have been on Klonopin for 30 years and that takes the edge off, but have to stock pile them due to the restrictions and delays in getting the medication to me, so had to cut back and that makes my anxiety worse. So, back to my psych doc. The plan is to keep me on Seroquel (1/2 of a 25 mg) at night for sleep and for mood control for now during the day until I see him next week. It just sedates me too much if I take more than 1/2 of 25 mg in a 24 hour period. But the Seroquel puts the breaks on mood cycling, I just can't tolerate the side effects, they never go away, just increase. So, I am going to suggest to him for sleep (I want to get off Seroquel due to over sedation and muscle rigidity), Ambien or Trazodone. I read up that Trazodone helps with insomnia, panic, migraine. Then I need a mood stabilizer/seizure medication so may go back on Depakote and Xanax for rescue from intense anxiety/panic. I don't want to go back on Lithium. Goal for the day, making my bed and taking a bath, maybe washing my hair.
  14. https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-07-lack-molecule-severe-treatment-resistant-depression.html
  15. I didn't realize this until I was reading another post, but here it is again, the first day of Fall in the US in two days. Already leaves are turning colors, falling, and the light outside is changing. Usually every change in season, I have one or two manic episodes. Last night had what I believe was my first manic episode in a long time. But last evening was scarier, all the typical symptoms of mania along with visual disturbances and sensations I had never experienced before. Left a vmail message on my psych docs line this morning thinking this is the smart thing to do, it usually takes alot for me to bother him in between sessions, but he does encourage this, fortunately. I left him the data and left it up to him if he feels he needs to call me back next week. I see him in two weeks. So, I remember my psych doc telling me once in a mood change, one can take a little extra medicine to help. I only take Seroquel as needed, so took 1/2 of a 25 mg of Seroquel and nothing happened. Thirty minutes took the next 1/2 of the 25 mg and finally sleep arrived. I slept 14 hours straight and when I woke up, I woke up to a totally different person. That scary weird out of control mood was no longer there (thought I was going to have to call 911 for help), the cycling was almost gone and slowly drifted away throughout the day. I am 67 and finding that my brain is functioning differently lately. It's beginning to scare me, of course the aging process is very scary. I have addressed this with my psych doc many times, even my neurologist and they do not seem concerned. I had an MRI and all was normal there for someone my age. These are all new symptoms to me, or maybe the same but more dramatic, I think. I have had more than my share of significant triggers last 9 months. I tried therapy last two weeks and actually ran out of the therapists room last week due to a panic attack. I warned her not to push. I even had it all written out for her to read, but oh no, she wanted me to verbalize it and then she swung into asking me about bodily feelings, that was when I ran out of her room in a blind panic. She wanted me to reveal too much stuff too fast and I kept warning her. Will not go back to her. So, now I have to get up the courage to seek out someone else. My psych doc will not refer me to anyone, as is his way, which makes it harder on me. Okay, will close for now.
  16. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me.
  17. How do you go about most of your days when you're feeling totally ignored, neglected, unloved, lonely, invisible, and useless, like you don't matter to anyone? I can accept that I will always have depression (and the emptiness & struggle that comes with that) that i must (and do) treat, but it is becoming more and more difficult to accept that I don't deeply matter to anyone but the 2 people that gave birth to me (who will soon be gone). No one else gives a damn. No one is really truly there for you (especially when the chips are down). This is where much of my suffering comes from and why life often does not seem worth living. Does having "self-love" make up for this pain & isolation? And if so, how do you "love yourself"? I already do millions of "self-care' activities everyday, regular therapy appointments, read too many self-help books, and I still have this crushing pain, emptiness and self-hatred inside.
  18. Towards the end of August of this year and the beginning of this month, I was a bit manic, and then on 9/5/18, I saw my pdoc, and she put me on divalproex sodium ER (Depakote ER) 500 mg every morning and olanzapine (Zyprexa) 10 mg as needed for mania. Since starting the Depakote, I've already noticed that I am feeling rather flat and unmotivated, and that I'm slowly becoming depressed. It's been about four days into taking the Depakote, not long really, but I'm a little alarmed. A good friend of mine who's very knowledgeable with medications said that this is a very small dose, and I deduced that I would not feel much of anything, but I'm wondering if I'm sensitive to the anti-manic effects of it and that it might be putting me "too far on the other side" of euthymia... Does anyone maybe have any insight on this, or has anyone maybe even experienced this same thing? Could this possibly be the Depakote this quickly into taking it, or is this maybe just "post-manic depression," or what? I've also been taking the olanzapine (Zyprexa) nightly since it was prescribed to me to make sure I get good sleep, as getting good sleep was one of the things my pdoc instructed me to do since the main thing that precipitated my manic episode was lack of sleep. This probably confounds the clinical picture a bit, but I figured I would mention this. Any input would be much appreciated. Thanks!
  19. So, I guess this post is about how I can deal with this issue...My SO is on his iPhone 24/7, even while walking down the street, eating meals with me, and when we are watching TV or a film at home. I cannot get him to get off it! I look over his shoulder and its crap (not important stuff), like stupid memes, Twitter feed, sports scores. I've told him constantly that it really irritates me and makes me feel like I do not matter. I feel ignored. Yet he keeps going back on it. What else can I do??? Then I start going on my iPhone too, and this gets me depressed. I try to go out, and keep myself occupied away from him, but then when we're together he's non-stop digitally connected.
  20. Heyup, I'm taking Vyvanse for my 20+ year treatment-resistant depression and it's working better than anything I've ever tried (the bad news is that the last 3-4 days it's losing its potency and/or taking longer to kick in, but that's another story). I am asking about its variable effectiveness since I also found it to vary even when it was still potent. E.g. Monday my mood would be 6/10 depression (10/10 is best mood) then Tues 4/10 then Weds 7/10. Anyone know why this variability happens? Anyone got any tips? FTR I'm on 150mg Brand Lamictal, Abilify 5mg, 15mg Percocet (for chronic pain), 60mg Vyvanse, 36mg concerta (since the Vyvanse lasts 8 hours max), 20mg Omeprazole (for NERD, GERD's geeky cousin), 100mg trazodone (for sleep), 300 ranitidine (for NERD). I take the meds at the same times every day. Many thanks! Pete
  21. Do any of you here successfully function in an "Open work environment"? Seems it's the norm in the workplace now: no cubicles, no offices or privacy. Only a big open area where you are squished by coworkers along long tables 24/7. It is loud, anxiety producing and distractable, especially for introverts with MI like me. Coworkers hear your phone calls, see your computer screen....and supposedly, this "encourages better communication" whatever.... I used to work at a place set up like this, couldn't hack it. Looking for a new job, but I'm really afraid that all places are like this nowadays and it makes me super anxious. I WISH I could work mainly remote, but it's not a possibility with most roles, or unless you've been at a place for a long time. (I don't do tech/programming work that can be done remote) Would you decline a great job in this environment? Or would you try to negotiate set remote days up front?
  22. Since starting Wellbutrin last august i have felt fairly stable as far as my depression goes. I have felt normal and sometimes almost upbeat in a way that did not slip into euphoria. I started taking Ritalin last year or this year due to insurance issues with my nuvigil for narcolepsy. I also had a......traumatic?? life experience where I learned that my husband had cheated on me and may have gotten this girl knocked up. We are trying to work things out, and I've been dealing, but it is hard. It constantly plays through my mind. She is always between us. That had a big triggering effect on me. Since then, back in April, I have been utilizing my support group and working on building myself back up and redefining my reality. It is a lot of work, but I have managed and I am learning to deal with it better. Lately though, I have felt my anxiety crawling up. I have also been super emotional. Crying for no obvious reason (in that moment, i will be fine and then something as minor as a sigh can trigger tears). I am aware that wellbutrin can cause issues with anxiety. Mine has always been very high though. Can anxiety cause you to cry like depression does? I'm not saying I'm not depressed right now....Just...I don't even know what I am trying to say or ask. I can't think. My thoughts are so disorganized right now. I did have two cups of coffee this morning.. One day I'll be perfectly fine and stable. The next day I may be overly emotional. The next day I may be good again. The next,awful or bad. I started keeping a mood chart about a month ago and it looks like an active seismograph! From day to day I cannot say how I might feel. To my knowledge I have not been diagnosed with rapid cycling anything, but my pdoc is still getting to know me. I was already medicated when I started seeing him with tweaks here and there. I've also learned I do not deal well with change. My husband started a new job and works as a mechanic during the day and a tow truck driver on nights and weekends so it feels like he is always gone. It going to take a lot of adjustment and I have not been handling it well. I've spent the last year applying for jobs and I cannot get hired anywhere. Part of me is thankful because I"m not sure how I would handle working around people, but a part of me is highly disappointed because I want to work. It feels so controversial. I do not want to just bum around and be completely dependent on anyone, but at the same time I am TERRIFIED of getting into the workforce again. I haven't worked in years because I have been home caring for children. Now, they are all in school and I worry, if I find a job then who will be home with them when they are sick? Who will take them to appointments? Things like that. What if I get a job and I can't control my emotions? I break down or have a very irritable day/s? I stay irritable. I always have. I can fake the happy personality, but I won't excel at my job doing that I don't think. I learn slow. I would once again have to adjust to something new. I avoid watching most tv, and listening to a lot of music as well as being around most people because I'm worried I'll be triggered into one emotion or another and not be able to pull myself out of it. People have asked me more than once why have I not applied for SSI? It seems so final I guess. I guess I'm worried that there will be no turning back if I do that. What else am I going to do though? I'm not doing anything currently except for being a money pit. I need to do something to help our household. I feel...what is the word...inept? useless? I'm not sure. I do not even know if my symptoms are uncontrolled enough to qualify if that is a thing. Do you have to be constantly uncontrolled to qualify? I am sorry the post was so long. I apologize again for being all over the place. I needed to get all of that out, but I had no idea how. I tell everyone that "I am fine." /sigh
  23. Tonight, a close friend hurt me very very deeply and it was done with intention and mean-spiritedness. She knew just how to push my button. As a knee-jerk reaction, I cut her off. I also went so far as to deactivate Facebook, Messenger, I blocked her phone, along with many others, to reach me. Then I went outside my door where I have a shelf for plants, and moved all of them inside my apartment, took down my wreath on my front door, no more welcoming messages. I am now officially cut off from everyone, and I don't care. I call this survival. People have been maliciously picking at me all month. Oh and I am keeping my blinds and curtains closed. I truly want to be left alone, to recover from this trauma, I've had enough in my life. I am starting on new medication and will start therapy on Friday. I need to draw into myself and take care of myself to protect me from this onslaught of unbelievably mean tenants where I live who seek out to harm. I will no longer participate in group activities here. I will come and go only at night to do my business when everyone is asleep. I will no longer answer any questions about myself, nor look anyone in the face when I happen to pass by them,n or answer should they reach out to me. I'm done.
  24. I want to try Nortriptyline again, but my psych doc is hesitant. He prescribed me Seroquel and Abilify but my pharmacist refused to fill them, advising not to take them together at my age (67). I used to take Pamelor for 30 years and where it did nothing for depression, it controlled anxiety, panic disorders and managed migraine. Waiting to hear back from my psych doc today if he will approve Nortriptyline. I need to sleep. I need something to help with agoraphobia, terrible anxiety and panic. Everything I take activates anxiety and panic. Leaving my home is a battle with fear. Thank you.
  25. After 2 months A/D-free, I am becoming symptomatic with depression again (crying jags, sad ruminations, feelings of hopelessness), I'm afraid I'll have to go back on something. I'm considering Cymbalta or Prozac, due to the longer half-life (compared to Effexor). Effexor helped, but it seems to have the worst withdrawal syndromes :-( I am heartbroken, I was doing so well the last 2 months without it. And A/Ds are definitely not a slam dunk for me (I've tried them all, they make me flat, anhedonic, lazy, and completely asexual at the therapeutic dosage) and Lamictal alone is not cutting it! What has been your favorite A/D and why?
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