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Found 78 results

  1. Hi guys, I have just joined the forum and I was needing some advice. I suffer from severe OCD and intrusive thoughts. After having a major episode this year over the birth of my nephew, (should have been an exciting time, not OCD fuelled) I was having intrusive thoughts about my newborn nephew. I suffered major POCD and in the midst of this I was having thoughts about my ex boyfriends child. This guy has been a major source of pain in my life. Anyway, cut a long story short, I still have images of his daughter every time I have an episode. Question? Can OCD thoughts be obsessions about anything? Like why the fuck would I have thoughts about the child? It is really disturbing and upsetting. Currently on 300mg of Luvox, does jack shit for me as I have been on these meds since I was 24, I am now 42. Can anyone please shed some light? In addition to these thoughts, images of the child are also strange unnatural, sexual acts regarding her. It started off with my nephew and when I had a thought about her, thats when my world turned upside down. Now, it doesnt seem to go away during times of stress.
  2. I've been clean for a week after my slip up. I have no desire of harming myself right now. But my school homecoming is around the corner and I'm scared. All the girls dresses are sleeveless. Long sleeves have been my savior for the few past months. My mom won't let me wear a cardigan or light sweater over a dress. Luckily, I did find some makeup to cover my scars up. But I'm still uncomfortable without having that extra layer of fabric over my arms. Fear wells up inside me, I'm always afraid someone will look. Especially my family. As I said before, several of my friends are aware of my self harm. But three of them aren't (I haven't told them for multiple reasons). I'm alright with two of them finding out, they wouldn't mind at all, but there is one friend in particular. I really don't want her to know. (Again, for multiple reasons) I'm afraid she will see and question me. Any possible help?
  3. Hi, names Hibiki. Ive been struggling for 7+ years with Trichotillomania, Depression, ADD, Anxiety (agoraphobia , panic disorder, disassociation, etc), OCD (obsessive thoughts). im currently on so many meds due to my age (17) (no narcotics due to me being underage.) and my insurance being the shittiest ever. Im currently taking regularly: •Zoloft •Buspar •Effexor •Seroquel ive ran out of all options for medications so they threw me on effexor and although my anxiety has been absolutely crucial this past year and a half (3 attacks lasting 1 month +) ive noticed a strange effect pop up these last few days. So currently I feel like im here but not here. Like everything looks weird, almost like im watching life go by through a screen. Im unable to fully concentrate on anything and i just feel exhausted. I feel like im not here but i know i am. Semi like a zombie,? Its kinda like disassociating but with my eyes. Everyone i know just looks different and everything is just strange,.. i was holding my baby brother and didnt feel like i actually was? I was talking and walking and id just suddenly stop and space out. Everything just feels distant. It also comes in waves, i will feel normal for a bit and then WHAM it attacks me from around the corner just like my panic attacks. I literally cannot explain what i feel but what is this?? Anyone else kinda feel the same?? the thing is a month ago my doctor prescribed me Effexor and she told me it would take a month to get in my system, and i feel like this is a negitive effect from it. Including my memory loss . And all ive heard is negitive reviews. So im starting to panic, like horribly. Im scared im going to feel like this forever and idk what to do? Im an artist and i can no longer draw due to this and its making me worry.
  4. Hey guys, I know this is probably going to sound super bad but I have been so sad tonight and I want to cut deeper but I also want my cuts to not be noticeable. I’ve been cutting around my hip but it’s just not bleeding enough, I’m not happy with it. I don’t want to kill my self or anything, (atleast not right now) and I just want to cut so there can be more blood. Thanks
  5. I've been clean almost three years...That's crazy, I never thought that I would live to see that. But sometimes it's really hard to stay alright with myself. I don't know how to support another person and still support myself and my own needs. Some might say that I just need to leave that relationship, whether it be platonic or otherwise, but this particular relationship has also enriched my life in ways that I never realized existed before I met this person. Spending time with them makes me happier than I've been in a really long time, yet they struggle with their own issues and seeing them in pain makes me feel like I can't do anything to help the people that I love. And that makes me feel like a failure. And that makes me want to self-harm. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Thoughts?
  6. Hello. I self harm. Today at school, I was pointing to a word in a textbook, and one of my friends asked, "what happened to your arm?" A wave of panic ran through my veins, I've been hiding my cuts for a while, no one has taken the time to notice. I do wear long sleeves, but I roll them about two folds up, so my wrists and a semi part of my top forearm are revealed. I pressed my lips together in reply, the rest of my friends staring at me with concerned expressions. Shortly after, two of my friends (not counting the one who asked) went to go talk in the corner and I know they were talking about my cuts. I was sitting in sixth period and my friend (one of the friends who went aside and talked in the corner) asked me if I was alright. I simply answered with a nod. I feel like my friends are texting each other about my issue. I don't need pity, attention, or any sort of that matter. I'm glad they care, that's what friends do, help each other. I'm very grateful to have them in my life, but I'm not comfortable about telling them the fact I self harm. I fear they'll all gonna stare at my forearm tomorrow and question me.
  7. Basically what the title says. Also, how old we you at the time. Obviously looking for responses from teenager years more than anything.
  8. Hello people, I was wondering what life lessons you've learned and wish to convey to someone who has just become bipolar. It has only been 1.5 year since I had my first (hypo)mania where I destroyed my life tremendously. Everything is ok now, but I know it won't be that way forever. I noticed that I still have a long way ahead of me. This isn't only for me, but for the people who have been recently diagnosed or people that need some good advice.
  9. Uhm I was wondering what Panic Attack Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder really are. My therapist said that she thinks I have Panic Attack Disorder and i dont really understand what that means. Of course it has to deal with panic attacks but could you explain exactly what a panic attack is? I don't know if I'm having a Panic attack or something else. If she corresponds to it, I'm 13 years old. Please don't suspect me as a attention seeker. Also, will people think it's weird for me to have a disorder like those? The only disorders some people have at my school are ADD and Adhd. I want to be a detective and will disorders bring me down?
  10. I was on Latuda 20 mgs for awhile and it seemed to be alright. I was bumped up to 40 mgs to just help with mood and the dreaded akathisia started. I want to die when it really kicks in. My Nurse Practitioner prescribed Propranolol and it worked for a week at 10 mgs twice a day, until last night I kept moving around so much I wanted to bash my head in a wall. I called her today and she upped it to 20 mgs twice a day. I see her Monday, but I am also for the weekend only taking 20 mgs again with the Latuda. Has anyone else had this experience with Latuda, and does it stop? Or am I, yet again, going to have to find another medication to rely on? Currently I am on Latuda 40 mgs, Propranolol 20 mgs, Paxil 10 mgs, Buspar 5 mgs.
  11. Day two of a hypomanic episode and idk how much longer I can deal with it. On top of that I got into a fight with a friend that ended with him saying that I'm dead to him. Taking tomorrow off work to see my psych but I'm worried I won't get in. Have any of you called in last minute? I'm worried about that more than anything. I know I'll deeply regret burning another bridge but right now I just want to focus on feeling better.
  12. Hi guys, it has been awhile.... Well, my OCD germaphobe habits are starting to tick badly again. I think it is the result of my actually going over to another person's place. OMG, right? I've been a couple of times and try to be polite, but I can't wait to leave and clean myself like crazy!!! This was before they got a pet. And this is the kicker...the last time I was over their pet made a mess on the floor, and they picked up the mess BUT DID NOT CLEAN THE FLOOR. For a moment I was literally paralyzed because I had to cross over that area to get to another spot. I pretended to shake it off, but for the rest of the visit I kept thinking about all the germs that could be on that carpet from now and before. It was horrible. I wanted to trash all my clothes. Now I am reluctant to visit again, but I can't really ignore this person. So this is the problem. I told them at a previous visit (before the whole mess thing) that I was "a bit of a germaphobe." They were a little incredulous, but now I need to seriously tell them that this is a problem for me, but I'm not sure how. I have offered time and again to give them a pet carpet cleaner, but they decline. And I really don't want to go over there again because in my mind everything is contaminated. It wasn't so bad before the pet (well it was bad) but now.... Any ideas? I'd be glad to hear them. Until then I'll be alienating "dirty" clothes, showering, washing my hands, lysol spraying the doorknobs, and glaring at people who sneeze in public. Poem
  13. hello i dont really know where to post this but im having a sort of breakdown of sorts and i really dont know who i am. at all i feel like i'm all fake and i feel like im faking everything on a subconscious level. ive been struggling for a while with alot of mood swings and anxiety about friends and family and paranoia and i just i feel like im faking everything and i feel like im not me i feel like im just. pieces of other people put together and im so scared that im not real im fake.i dont know what to do im sorry
  14. hello. i also need help with,, bipolar like symptoms i have mood swings at the tiniest things. i'm so happy! i feel so great, im talking alot and being happy but then all of a sudden i cant do something i want to do and i drop super bad and then even five minutes after id be happy again i have bad relationships with people and i. feel like people hate me if they dont laugh loud enough at a joke i tell. i have paranoia that everyone talks about me and how bad i am and that they're all lying. i have bad relationships were i usually obsess over a certain person, and i never really hang out with anyone else but them. if they dont comfort me, then they hate me. id hate them but then after the arguments over they're my favourite person in the world im sorry if i sound incoherent im not great at the moment my ex described me once as "being one way one moment then something else the next" or somethn and whenever i get really happy about stuff i like my brother tells me im being hyper n stuff and it usually brings my mood down because i dont want to be annoying, anyway sorry. any advice would be helpful. i'm 15 and im diagnosed with depression & GAD. ive been trying to get a proper re-diagnosis because i havent been going to school because i just. feel like i cant have healthy relationships with anyone and its just scary. thank you for any help you give me,
  15. So, my friends and family keep mentioning I sleep too much. I nap, A lot. I'll nap and want another nap, i'll sleep in, wake up and then nap like two hours later at times. Etc. Other b.s. I've always thought it was just a lot of my depression problems, since depressed people can sleep a lot. I feel fatigued frequently, usually I know if I wanna go to bed I need to read something. It'll put me to sleep. if I'm slightly drowsy, only though. It's hard for me to concentrate at times, and i've had really bad nightmares that seemed so real that I've woken up in the middle of the night crying/screaming. I took the symptom screener on morethantired from the commercials, and my scores were 5 and 16. This is where I'm confused, on the 16 score it said something about high negative scores? Or something like that? Has anyone else taken it or know what it means? Because 16 isn't negative, but my results said I should see a sleep specialist. I need to know what to do. i'll have to find one that takes Medicaid, there's only one where I live. The others are in the DFW area - not shocking but I can get Medicaid transport to take me or something like they said they could if i'm out of town for an appt. What are your experiences with Narcolepsy? Can you explain for me? I just need to know if I should get tested or not, I don't wanna waste the appt. and Medicaid's time if it's nothing. But people worry that i'm napping from like 3-5 and then 7-9 at night. I sleep MORE than eight hours, I wake up the days my boyfriend works arounf 2ish to make him breakfast and pack his lunch for work. The days he doesn't work, we sleep. Needless to say my schedule is inconsistent. I felt a little better with the structured sleep schedule, sleeping at 9 waking up at 6-7 am. But I'm a night owl, I don't like going out during the day as I don't much like people and their stupid tendency to do things or at least the ones around me. I do my grocery shopping at night, because someone is almost ALWAYS running into me. And I get paid at night sometimes, or my boyfriend does. It's just preferred. Unless it's a store only open certain hours, unlike Walmart. The sunlight kind of pisses me off, and gives me headaches. I'm suppose to wear glasses because I've got an Astigmatism but lost two pairs two years ago, and need to go back and get more and a new test. I like the dark, and doing things in it. So, I rather not be up during the day unless I've got to be. I won't leave me house earlier than 5pm MAYBE,
  16. For the past 2 weeks I have been stuck in a rut. I don't know what caused it, but I can't get myself out. 3 nights ago, I was home and I just felt getting sucked into it deeper and deeper. I called my boyfriend, because I felt like if I were to stay home that night I would've done something bad. So I drove to his house. On my way over, I was overflown with dark thoughts. I kept thinking about driving my car off the highway or runing into a truck. Nobody would know that I did it with my own will. I could've made it look like an accident. I was so close to doing it. But somehow I stopped myself. I still don't know how. Now everytime I get into my car I keep having those thoughts. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I would just scare him. He was already worried about me, because I wasn't reacting to anything. It was like I wasn't there. The next day I woke up, feeling better, but during the day it got worse again. I can't get myself out of this rut. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I'm typing this post. It's not like anyone can really help me. I have no reason to be suicidal - I'm not suicidal, but why did I have those thoughts. I can't believe how close I came to crashing my car. I even scared myself.
  17. Putting ice down my shirt drawing where I want to cut Going straight to bandaging Snapping a rubber band against my skin Biting my lip Squeezing where my scars are Writing in morbid detail where and how I'd like to cut Imagining cutting myself Tracing scars in pen taking a cold shower I do all of these EVERY DAY, yet I still self harm close to 5 times a day. Please tell me your strategies
  18. I have the view signature switch on in settings but still not seeing any...what am I doing wrong?
  19. Hi! I'm new to the board and I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this. I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 but mostly I had depressive episodes. Some years later my episodes changed to light mood swings with hallucinations, delusions and "strange behavior" like wearing wigs and sunglasses to distract the people I thought was chasing me. In the current "episode" I have no mood alterations I just started to feel sure I was going to die soon. Like a hunch. Shortly after that I started seeing angels that visit me because I'm gonna die soon. I also hear a voice that tells me I'm about to die. I'm not depressed or manic I just feel my mind jumbled and confused. I was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but I checked out before they could diagnose (mostly because I needed my cigarrettes. I'm a chain smoker). I don't know if that's possible in America but here you can chek out of psychiatric hospitals pretty much whenever you want. Anyway, is this psychosis? Bipolar? Does my situation has a name?
  20. This is amazing. I've been labled depemding where ive been (prison,jail,psych,rehab,clinics) with borderline bipolar, depression, add, Ptsd and borderline personality. No one can tell me what I am. Prolly the reason for such a fucked life led by myself calling all the shots. I'm fucking broken and need help. I know most here are not Dr's, like 99 percent lol. But, I'd love some sort of feedback. I'm 26 parents both hate me for constant raging outbursts. Just left, more like kicked out, of my son's mothers house. I burn down anything I touch. I feel no empathy twprds other and throw around that I don't feel ever. I don't have feels. This is untrue cus I can easily fall in love and stay this way for months to years. It takes that person to do me wrong, or what I view as wrong for me to unlove them. I resented my son for the first 6 mos of his life and hated myself for it. I'm always always there for him even with the split, altho I get tired of him fast. My current gf has anxiety bad. Like cry yell dominate and take over everyone's attention. But I love her so so much meds or not. I have terrible issues with people looking at questions and not replying to me. I can also lose all happiness at the turn of a switch, for the smallest reason. Anything else anyone's wondering ask away. Looking for 100 percent feedback. Oh shit Dr has me on seroquel for moods currently searching Vyvanse or Adderall to pair. Previouslytaken effexor, lithium, thorzine, zoloft, xanax, valum, Prozac, welbutrin ect......
  21. Hey I am an 19 year old male who has recently began to lose his mind I used to be a witty charming teen starting out until I was bullied into becoming a social outcast. I dated a girl with bi polar disorder and she made me go on an emotional roller coaster with her until I got fed up and left her and then I was made to look like the bad guy I lost all my friends and now live in perpetual fear of losing control over a situation or lose friends. I left High School only with bitter memories, no one wanted to be associated with me and ever talked to me because they felt sorry for me. in college I entered at 17 years old, I was in Army ROTC my grades weren't the best but I had friends finally and a good activity to do. I ended up dating a girl who mentally abused me and even bullied me into feeling inferior she even blamed me for rape when she changed her mind about what we did the night before. I was kicked out of ROTC and lost all my friends again. With nothing left I did what any sane person would do. I joined the Marines shipped out for boot camp and endured almost 3 months of hell until one day I broke both of my legs and parts of my back after a training exercise. I came back home feeling like a failure again. I let all my friends down in my platoon because I couldn't finish I came home back to an overcrowded apartment with 11 people living here with my parents. I've been in and out of work I was academically dismissed from college. No college has even responded to my submitted applications and it's been 3 months I can't live anymore knowing all throughout my teen years everyone else was happy and I wasn't I was always going through something. Recently I've been having thoughts of suicide, my romantic interest joined the marines too and has diverted her attention to someone else who suits her more because I'm a nasty civilian and she's a marine as she puts it dating sucks for me because I don't know what to say or how to act and I always get the awkward silence to kill everything for me I can't afford to move out of my parents overcrowded apartment I've lost all my social life (what was left of it) and so I've come here to ask for help because counseling didn't help recently I've been so depressed and feeling so helpless and worthless like I'm taking up space, I've been eating less and staying holed up in what I call a hell hole with only games and myself to keep me company almost like if I've hit rock bottom and this is the end of the line. Me a grown ass man cries himself to sleep every night while during the day I wear a fake smile and fake emotions just to seem normal
  22. Hi everyone, I edited this post because I decided it would be better to leave particulars out. However, I know someone who I suspect may be on the Schizoid continuum and was wondering if those of you with that diagnoses would be willing to share their experiences with the disorder. Can you be social, even though you don't want to be? Do you absolutely prefer to be alone and shun social contact, or have a few people that you can tolerate in your life? How does it feel inside, or better yet how do you try to express your internal state? Do you feel split? Do you crave a connection with others, but can't act on it? Sorry for all the questions. I just want answers "straight from the horse's mouth" so to speak. Thank you, Poem
  23. I'm scared. I've been taking lamictal and mirapex for about three weeks now. I've been increasing my dose of lamictal each week. I started at .25 mg 2x/day and now I am taking .25mg 3x/day. I started crying in the last 2 days. Once at work and once at a party. Will this get better as my dosage increases? My psychiatrist hasn't gotten back to me and I can't have this happen at work. I have read some posts and noticed others have had similar crying episodes. Why might this be? I also don't feel like going anywhere. I prefer to stay at home. And mirapex...is it doing anything to help with bipolar? I would like to know if there is somebody out there who take both of these medications and if it has helped with bipolar 2. Thank you.
  24. So these past 2.5 days I've had that really panicky feeling where I'm going to cry but then I don't and I can't breath because I'm so scared and then I'm fine and I can't function and suddenly I can. I don't know what's happening, I'm going to be going out with a friend in a few days and I'm out with my granddad tomorrow and I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic or anxiety attack when I am out. I'm so scared, I don't know how to tell my mum about it, and I'm at my grandparents house and they mock me for my anxiety. I've been looking for support on the #AlwaysKeepFighting community but that seems to make me more anxious which is a shame because I love that community so much (check it out, seriously). What's happening? What do I do?
  25. Hey all, So lately I have been having troubles accessing the site. Any time I try to log in, it says my account is locked (presumably due to failed attempts--although that happened some time ago). So, I decided to reset my password to see if that would help ameliorate the issue. It did, temporarily. Now, however, any time I wish to access the site (which in the MI world can be a very, very pressing issue), it still tells me I'm locked out and I have to proceed to "reset my password" any time I wish to log on. It works, again temporarily, and the next attempted login I am once again locked out. Can anyone please help me with this issue? I've attempted talking to a moderator who didn't know much of the technical issues of the site, and a couple of days ago, even sent an e-mail to the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the website but have yet to recieve a response. Can anyone help me? Obviously, I still have access to the site, but its unneccearily time-consuming, and potentially fairly dangerous and frustrating when I'm trying to seek help during an episode. Please help. -Alice