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Found 81 results

  1. Okay so my group of friends got into a huge argument today, I witnessed it over text. But one of my really close friends (one of the best people I've ever known), she got really mad and relapsed after being clean for so long. I feel really bad, I don't know what to do, I want the people I love to be the happiest people in the world. I'm not triggered, I'm just asking for advice. I want my best friend to be happy.
  2. I have tried to stop self harming and it's not working. I have been cutting for a little over 2 years and have tried to stop multiple times, but with no luck. I had stopped for about 3 months and relapsed about an hour ago. I can't control myself when I feel emotions and I absolutely hate it. I can't talk about it in person, or I break down. Any replies would be nice. I would just like to talk to people that don't know me as a person and have never met me, it helps a lot.
  3. Okay my honeys, time to Make It Rain. You're our sugar babies and We need all the moneys to make this place swing, so smack that donate button and blow your wad on... ...oh, hell, I can't keep that crap going. Here's the deal, lovelies. This place is run on half a shoestring and some wishful thinking, along with whatever goodwill members supply to VE in the form of donations. We know that the loon pills and the pdoc appointments set you back, and we don't ask anyone to do anything crazy... but maybe something a little bit fabulous. Even a very few dollars can help keep the lights on here. Without them, one day you may log on to find "404 - Not Found" and then where will we all go to proudly fly our rainbow crazy flags? We've been here for twelve years, but the web's a rough-and-tumble place, and squatting here ain't free. It ain't even cheap. If Crazyboards has helped you through a dark time, please consider helping in return. Please, give what you can, when you can.
  4. The world often doesn't make sense, and we have to make sense of it ourselves. Here's something you can wrap your head around - a simple logical proof: (A) Crazyboards cannot function without donations. (B) The source of those donations is our members. Therefore (C) if members do not donate, Crazyboards will cease to function. We know that the mental health care costs a suitcase full, and we don't expect anyone to drop Benjamins on us (though feel free). But even a very few dollars can help keep the lights on here. Without them, one day you may log on to find "404 - Not Found" and then where will we all go to proudly defy the neurotypicals? We've been here for twelve years, but the web's a rough-and-tumble place, and squatting here ain't free. It ain't even cheap. If Crazyboards has helped you through a dark time, please consider helping in return. Please, give what you can, when you can.
  5. It's that time again, my gloomy ones. The servers don't power themselves. This place is run on half a shoestring and some wishful thinking, along with whatever goodwill members supply to VE in the form of donations - you know, cash. Da moneys. Spondooliks. We know that the loon pills and the pdoc appointments set you back; oh, yes, we know. We won't ask you for the Moon. But even a very few dollars can help keep the lights on here. Without them, one day you may log on to find "404 - Not Found" and then where will we all go to proudly fly our crazy flags? We've been here for twelve years, but the web's a rough-and-tumble place, and squatting here ain't free. It ain't even cheap. If Crazyboards has helped you through a dark time, please consider helping in return. Please, give what you can, when you can.
  6. I need help.im 15 and my birthday is in January.I have a medical Condition that effects my skin and it just cleared up and is getting so much better so I decided to go to a party with my aunt, my 3 cousins and Mum. My mum leaves early so I stay with my aunt and cousin. I had a great time it was my first party in like 2 years I felt like a normal teenager again. So that night everything was fine until the next morning. I decided that maybe I should stay there for one more night because we were still having fun and chilling but my mum didn’t like that. My mum is on medication for her emotions , you can never tell what she is going to do her emotions can switch in a second. Okay back to the story. So I try some of my cousins cream for my face because I don’t have mine and my mum said she wouldn’t bring it to me. My face went all red but I knew how to handle it but we still phoned my mum to ask her to bring up my cream that is medicated. So she brought it up to my aunts and just started shouting at me and wouldn’t stop going on and on at me. I almost felt like crying. As she was about to leave I told her I would phone her later but she told me not to bother and walked out.So when she went home my family was shocked at how angry she was. I let my frustrations out to my family and told them things about my Mum. (Just to let you know I am very depressed and go to a therapist but my Mum doesn’t like me to talk about her to my therapist so I don’t because she’s scary). Me and my cousin were watching a movie after being on our phones for a while so I sat my phone on charge and put it on silent so it wouldn’t disrupt us. The movie is a bout half way through and my mum phones my eldest cousins phone. She gets really mad and asks why I didn’t answer and I told her why but she sounded furious. After the phone call I check my phone and I only had two missed calls surely my mum can’t get mad at that and it’s not like I’m out somewhere dangerous I’m just with my cousins. I didn’t phone her back that night because she told me earlier when she visited not to phone her. Then I got a text saying what time she would pick me up at in the morning. Me and my cousins went to sleep but I kept my phone next to me so I would hear the alarm as I am a very heavy sleeper. So I got up the next day when my alarm went of and put my phone on charge while I got changed in a different room. After I got changed my aunt handed me the phone oh was my mum asking why I didn’t answer my phone so once again I tried to explain but she just got mad and hung up. I found this weird because my mum always moans that I never go out and I’m always in the house so I didn’t understand her paranoia of me being at my aunts. My mum shouted at me as soon as I got on the car. Once we got to the house she started screaming calling me a disappointment and many other hurtful things. I went to my room to get changed and cried a lot bit my mum made me sit in the living room with her. I was still a mess at this point. I couldn’t stop crying. She kept telling me to shut up and stop crying getting really angry. She stared saying things like you’ve embarrassed me and are a disappointment. It was very hurtful. I done nothing bad enough to get this treatment. I kept on saying I was sorry and I won’t do it again. She got angry and told me I’m not staying over at anyone’s again. She was acting like I was a criminal. She was saying things like if I want to act grown up then I can do everything for my self from not on and how she’s giving up on me. This really got to me I’m at the hospital a lot and I am also at therapy for depression and other things. She also kept on mentioning on how she’s my mother other things like that. I’ve tried to apologise loads but not once has she ever took my apologies into consideration. She honestly scares me so much. She always gets mad really easily and I’m always on edge. She has never physically abused me but mentally im almost dead. I’m now still crying and I am having really bad thoughts about how to let the pain out and that’s different to me because I’ve never thought this deeply about something like that before, I’ve never acctually wanted to do damage like this to myself before. I feel so ashamed. I really hate myself right now.What should I do?
  7. Ugh

    Yesterday was my homecoming dance. It wasn't really that happy, though. One of my best friends danced and hung out with the guy I had a crush on for years. Before I convinced myself I was completely over him, but apparently I wasn't. I saw their interactions, how happy they were. I wouldn't say I was jealous, I was just heartbroken. But my other best friends cheered me up. We danced and it was a good time. After we went into the bathroom to talk not including my other best friend who was still hanging out with my crush. My chest felt heavy the whole time, I hid it with a smile. My other best friends knew what I was feeling, we tried comforting each other. When I got home last night, I REALLY wanted to self harm. I held the blade up to my skin, but couldn't do it. I sat there for about an hour trying, it didn't work. So I ended up falling asleep. This morning I woke up, felt like complete crap. The emotions were so strong, as well as the urge to cut myself. Well, now I have twenty more cuts on my arm.
  8. Homecoming

    I've been clean for a week after my slip up. I have no desire of harming myself right now. But my school homecoming is around the corner and I'm scared. All the girls dresses are sleeveless. Long sleeves have been my savior for the few past months. My mom won't let me wear a cardigan or light sweater over a dress. Luckily, I did find some makeup to cover my scars up. But I'm still uncomfortable without having that extra layer of fabric over my arms. Fear wells up inside me, I'm always afraid someone will look. Especially my family. As I said before, several of my friends are aware of my self harm. But three of them aren't (I haven't told them for multiple reasons). I'm alright with two of them finding out, they wouldn't mind at all, but there is one friend in particular. I really don't want her to know. (Again, for multiple reasons) I'm afraid she will see and question me. Any possible help?
  9. Hey guys, I know this is probably going to sound super bad but I have been so sad tonight and I want to cut deeper but I also want my cuts to not be noticeable. I’ve been cutting around my hip but it’s just not bleeding enough, I’m not happy with it. I don’t want to kill my self or anything, (atleast not right now) and I just want to cut so there can be more blood. Thanks
  10. Hi, names Hibiki. Ive been struggling for 7+ years with Trichotillomania, Depression, ADD, Anxiety (agoraphobia , panic disorder, disassociation, etc), OCD (obsessive thoughts). im currently on so many meds due to my age (17) (no narcotics due to me being underage.) and my insurance being the shittiest ever. Im currently taking regularly: •Zoloft •Buspar •Effexor •Seroquel ive ran out of all options for medications so they threw me on effexor and although my anxiety has been absolutely crucial this past year and a half (3 attacks lasting 1 month +) ive noticed a strange effect pop up these last few days. So currently I feel like im here but not here. Like everything looks weird, almost like im watching life go by through a screen. Im unable to fully concentrate on anything and i just feel exhausted. I feel like im not here but i know i am. Semi like a zombie,? Its kinda like disassociating but with my eyes. Everyone i know just looks different and everything is just strange,.. i was holding my baby brother and didnt feel like i actually was? I was talking and walking and id just suddenly stop and space out. Everything just feels distant. It also comes in waves, i will feel normal for a bit and then WHAM it attacks me from around the corner just like my panic attacks. I literally cannot explain what i feel but what is this?? Anyone else kinda feel the same?? the thing is a month ago my doctor prescribed me Effexor and she told me it would take a month to get in my system, and i feel like this is a negitive effect from it. Including my memory loss . And all ive heard is negitive reviews. So im starting to panic, like horribly. Im scared im going to feel like this forever and idk what to do? Im an artist and i can no longer draw due to this and its making me worry.
  11. Hard Work

    I've been clean almost three years...That's crazy, I never thought that I would live to see that. But sometimes it's really hard to stay alright with myself. I don't know how to support another person and still support myself and my own needs. Some might say that I just need to leave that relationship, whether it be platonic or otherwise, but this particular relationship has also enriched my life in ways that I never realized existed before I met this person. Spending time with them makes me happier than I've been in a really long time, yet they struggle with their own issues and seeing them in pain makes me feel like I can't do anything to help the people that I love. And that makes me feel like a failure. And that makes me want to self-harm. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Thoughts?
  12. Hi guys, I have just joined the forum and I was needing some advice. I suffer from severe OCD and intrusive thoughts. After having a major episode this year over the birth of my nephew, (should have been an exciting time, not OCD fuelled) I was having intrusive thoughts about my newborn nephew. I suffered major POCD and in the midst of this I was having thoughts about my ex boyfriends child. This guy has been a major source of pain in my life. Anyway, cut a long story short, I still have images of his daughter every time I have an episode. Question? Can OCD thoughts be obsessions about anything? Like why the fuck would I have thoughts about the child? It is really disturbing and upsetting. Currently on 300mg of Luvox, does jack shit for me as I have been on these meds since I was 24, I am now 42. Can anyone please shed some light? In addition to these thoughts, images of the child are also strange unnatural, sexual acts regarding her. It started off with my nephew and when I had a thought about her, thats when my world turned upside down. Now, it doesnt seem to go away during times of stress.
  13. Hello. I self harm. Today at school, I was pointing to a word in a textbook, and one of my friends asked, "what happened to your arm?" A wave of panic ran through my veins, I've been hiding my cuts for a while, no one has taken the time to notice. I do wear long sleeves, but I roll them about two folds up, so my wrists and a semi part of my top forearm are revealed. I pressed my lips together in reply, the rest of my friends staring at me with concerned expressions. Shortly after, two of my friends (not counting the one who asked) went to go talk in the corner and I know they were talking about my cuts. I was sitting in sixth period and my friend (one of the friends who went aside and talked in the corner) asked me if I was alright. I simply answered with a nod. I feel like my friends are texting each other about my issue. I don't need pity, attention, or any sort of that matter. I'm glad they care, that's what friends do, help each other. I'm very grateful to have them in my life, but I'm not comfortable about telling them the fact I self harm. I fear they'll all gonna stare at my forearm tomorrow and question me.
  14. Uhm I was wondering what Panic Attack Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder really are. My therapist said that she thinks I have Panic Attack Disorder and i dont really understand what that means. Of course it has to deal with panic attacks but could you explain exactly what a panic attack is? I don't know if I'm having a Panic attack or something else. If she corresponds to it, I'm 13 years old. Please don't suspect me as a attention seeker. Also, will people think it's weird for me to have a disorder like those? The only disorders some people have at my school are ADD and Adhd. I want to be a detective and will disorders bring me down?
  15. Day two of a hypomanic episode and idk how much longer I can deal with it. On top of that I got into a fight with a friend that ended with him saying that I'm dead to him. Taking tomorrow off work to see my psych but I'm worried I won't get in. Have any of you called in last minute? I'm worried about that more than anything. I know I'll deeply regret burning another bridge but right now I just want to focus on feeling better.
  16. hello. i also need help with,, bipolar like symptoms i have mood swings at the tiniest things. i'm so happy! i feel so great, im talking alot and being happy but then all of a sudden i cant do something i want to do and i drop super bad and then even five minutes after id be happy again i have bad relationships with people and i. feel like people hate me if they dont laugh loud enough at a joke i tell. i have paranoia that everyone talks about me and how bad i am and that they're all lying. i have bad relationships were i usually obsess over a certain person, and i never really hang out with anyone else but them. if they dont comfort me, then they hate me. id hate them but then after the arguments over they're my favourite person in the world im sorry if i sound incoherent im not great at the moment my ex described me once as "being one way one moment then something else the next" or somethn and whenever i get really happy about stuff i like my brother tells me im being hyper n stuff and it usually brings my mood down because i dont want to be annoying, anyway sorry. any advice would be helpful. i'm 15 and im diagnosed with depression & GAD. ive been trying to get a proper re-diagnosis because i havent been going to school because i just. feel like i cant have healthy relationships with anyone and its just scary. thank you for any help you give me,
  17. hello i dont really know where to post this but im having a sort of breakdown of sorts and i really dont know who i am. at all i feel like i'm all fake and i feel like im faking everything on a subconscious level. ive been struggling for a while with alot of mood swings and anxiety about friends and family and paranoia and i just i feel like im faking everything and i feel like im not me i feel like im just. pieces of other people put together and im so scared that im not real im fake.i dont know what to do im sorry
  18. So, my friends and family keep mentioning I sleep too much. I nap, A lot. I'll nap and want another nap, i'll sleep in, wake up and then nap like two hours later at times. Etc. Other b.s. I've always thought it was just a lot of my depression problems, since depressed people can sleep a lot. I feel fatigued frequently, usually I know if I wanna go to bed I need to read something. It'll put me to sleep. if I'm slightly drowsy, only though. It's hard for me to concentrate at times, and i've had really bad nightmares that seemed so real that I've woken up in the middle of the night crying/screaming. I took the symptom screener on morethantired from the commercials, and my scores were 5 and 16. This is where I'm confused, on the 16 score it said something about high negative scores? Or something like that? Has anyone else taken it or know what it means? Because 16 isn't negative, but my results said I should see a sleep specialist. I need to know what to do. i'll have to find one that takes Medicaid, there's only one where I live. The others are in the DFW area - not shocking but I can get Medicaid transport to take me or something like they said they could if i'm out of town for an appt. What are your experiences with Narcolepsy? Can you explain for me? I just need to know if I should get tested or not, I don't wanna waste the appt. and Medicaid's time if it's nothing. But people worry that i'm napping from like 3-5 and then 7-9 at night. I sleep MORE than eight hours, I wake up the days my boyfriend works arounf 2ish to make him breakfast and pack his lunch for work. The days he doesn't work, we sleep. Needless to say my schedule is inconsistent. I felt a little better with the structured sleep schedule, sleeping at 9 waking up at 6-7 am. But I'm a night owl, I don't like going out during the day as I don't much like people and their stupid tendency to do things or at least the ones around me. I do my grocery shopping at night, because someone is almost ALWAYS running into me. And I get paid at night sometimes, or my boyfriend does. It's just preferred. Unless it's a store only open certain hours, unlike Walmart. The sunlight kind of pisses me off, and gives me headaches. I'm suppose to wear glasses because I've got an Astigmatism but lost two pairs two years ago, and need to go back and get more and a new test. I like the dark, and doing things in it. So, I rather not be up during the day unless I've got to be. I won't leave me house earlier than 5pm MAYBE,
  19. For the past 2 weeks I have been stuck in a rut. I don't know what caused it, but I can't get myself out. 3 nights ago, I was home and I just felt getting sucked into it deeper and deeper. I called my boyfriend, because I felt like if I were to stay home that night I would've done something bad. So I drove to his house. On my way over, I was overflown with dark thoughts. I kept thinking about driving my car off the highway or runing into a truck. Nobody would know that I did it with my own will. I could've made it look like an accident. I was so close to doing it. But somehow I stopped myself. I still don't know how. Now everytime I get into my car I keep having those thoughts. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I would just scare him. He was already worried about me, because I wasn't reacting to anything. It was like I wasn't there. The next day I woke up, feeling better, but during the day it got worse again. I can't get myself out of this rut. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I'm typing this post. It's not like anyone can really help me. I have no reason to be suicidal - I'm not suicidal, but why did I have those thoughts. I can't believe how close I came to crashing my car. I even scared myself.
  20. I have the view signature switch on in settings but still not seeing any...what am I doing wrong?
  21. Hi guys, it has been awhile.... Well, my OCD germaphobe habits are starting to tick badly again. I think it is the result of my actually going over to another person's place. OMG, right? I've been a couple of times and try to be polite, but I can't wait to leave and clean myself like crazy!!! This was before they got a pet. And this is the kicker...the last time I was over their pet made a mess on the floor, and they picked up the mess BUT DID NOT CLEAN THE FLOOR. For a moment I was literally paralyzed because I had to cross over that area to get to another spot. I pretended to shake it off, but for the rest of the visit I kept thinking about all the germs that could be on that carpet from now and before. It was horrible. I wanted to trash all my clothes. Now I am reluctant to visit again, but I can't really ignore this person. So this is the problem. I told them at a previous visit (before the whole mess thing) that I was "a bit of a germaphobe." They were a little incredulous, but now I need to seriously tell them that this is a problem for me, but I'm not sure how. I have offered time and again to give them a pet carpet cleaner, but they decline. And I really don't want to go over there again because in my mind everything is contaminated. It wasn't so bad before the pet (well it was bad) but now.... Any ideas? I'd be glad to hear them. Until then I'll be alienating "dirty" clothes, showering, washing my hands, lysol spraying the doorknobs, and glaring at people who sneeze in public. Poem
  22. Hi! I'm new to the board and I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this. I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 but mostly I had depressive episodes. Some years later my episodes changed to light mood swings with hallucinations, delusions and "strange behavior" like wearing wigs and sunglasses to distract the people I thought was chasing me. In the current "episode" I have no mood alterations I just started to feel sure I was going to die soon. Like a hunch. Shortly after that I started seeing angels that visit me because I'm gonna die soon. I also hear a voice that tells me I'm about to die. I'm not depressed or manic I just feel my mind jumbled and confused. I was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but I checked out before they could diagnose (mostly because I needed my cigarrettes. I'm a chain smoker). I don't know if that's possible in America but here you can chek out of psychiatric hospitals pretty much whenever you want. Anyway, is this psychosis? Bipolar? Does my situation has a name?
  23. This is amazing. I've been labled depemding where ive been (prison,jail,psych,rehab,clinics) with borderline bipolar, depression, add, Ptsd and borderline personality. No one can tell me what I am. Prolly the reason for such a fucked life led by myself calling all the shots. I'm fucking broken and need help. I know most here are not Dr's, like 99 percent lol. But, I'd love some sort of feedback. I'm 26 parents both hate me for constant raging outbursts. Just left, more like kicked out, of my son's mothers house. I burn down anything I touch. I feel no empathy twprds other and throw around that I don't feel ever. I don't have feels. This is untrue cus I can easily fall in love and stay this way for months to years. It takes that person to do me wrong, or what I view as wrong for me to unlove them. I resented my son for the first 6 mos of his life and hated myself for it. I'm always always there for him even with the split, altho I get tired of him fast. My current gf has anxiety bad. Like cry yell dominate and take over everyone's attention. But I love her so so much meds or not. I have terrible issues with people looking at questions and not replying to me. I can also lose all happiness at the turn of a switch, for the smallest reason. Anything else anyone's wondering ask away. Looking for 100 percent feedback. Oh shit Dr has me on seroquel for moods currently searching Vyvanse or Adderall to pair. Previouslytaken effexor, lithium, thorzine, zoloft, xanax, valum, Prozac, welbutrin ect......
  24. Hey I am an 19 year old male who has recently began to lose his mind I used to be a witty charming teen starting out until I was bullied into becoming a social outcast. I dated a girl with bi polar disorder and she made me go on an emotional roller coaster with her until I got fed up and left her and then I was made to look like the bad guy I lost all my friends and now live in perpetual fear of losing control over a situation or lose friends. I left High School only with bitter memories, no one wanted to be associated with me and ever talked to me because they felt sorry for me. in college I entered at 17 years old, I was in Army ROTC my grades weren't the best but I had friends finally and a good activity to do. I ended up dating a girl who mentally abused me and even bullied me into feeling inferior she even blamed me for rape when she changed her mind about what we did the night before. I was kicked out of ROTC and lost all my friends again. With nothing left I did what any sane person would do. I joined the Marines shipped out for boot camp and endured almost 3 months of hell until one day I broke both of my legs and parts of my back after a training exercise. I came back home feeling like a failure again. I let all my friends down in my platoon because I couldn't finish I came home back to an overcrowded apartment with 11 people living here with my parents. I've been in and out of work I was academically dismissed from college. No college has even responded to my submitted applications and it's been 3 months I can't live anymore knowing all throughout my teen years everyone else was happy and I wasn't I was always going through something. Recently I've been having thoughts of suicide, my romantic interest joined the marines too and has diverted her attention to someone else who suits her more because I'm a nasty civilian and she's a marine as she puts it dating sucks for me because I don't know what to say or how to act and I always get the awkward silence to kill everything for me I can't afford to move out of my parents overcrowded apartment I've lost all my social life (what was left of it) and so I've come here to ask for help because counseling didn't help recently I've been so depressed and feeling so helpless and worthless like I'm taking up space, I've been eating less and staying holed up in what I call a hell hole with only games and myself to keep me company almost like if I've hit rock bottom and this is the end of the line. Me a grown ass man cries himself to sleep every night while during the day I wear a fake smile and fake emotions just to seem normal
  25. Putting ice down my shirt drawing where I want to cut Going straight to bandaging Snapping a rubber band against my skin Biting my lip Squeezing where my scars are Writing in morbid detail where and how I'd like to cut Imagining cutting myself Tracing scars in pen taking a cold shower I do all of these EVERY DAY, yet I still self harm close to 5 times a day. Please tell me your strategies
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